


Memini Meminisse

by omega12596



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Ending, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-06 06:18:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 96,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/732387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omega12596/pseuds/omega12596
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Begins as a post-ending remembrance... and becomes something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara give Garrus something Shepard left for him.

Garrus tensed when he heard the door whoosh open. As if the soft whisper of sound was a clarion call, signaling imminent danger, and not the peaceful announcement of his guest.

“Garrus.” Liara’s voice echoed in the large living room of Anderson’s-cum-Shepard’s-now-Garrus’ apartment. 

“Hey, Liara.” Garrus couldn’t offer her more greeting, could not even turn his head to watch her approach.

“I have something for you.” The Asari moved into his peripheral vision, a metal box clutched between her hands. She set the container on the coffee table in front of him, before moving to the automated window blinds. One button press and the blinds closed fully, blocking out the lights and sounds of the Silversun Strip far below.

“Liara, I don’t want or need a gift. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’m fine. Really.”

“To quote our illustrious leader: bullshit, Garrus.” Liara moved back to the short table and knelt. She faced Garrus, looking at him with an expression that at once chastised and comforted.

“Liara, I-“

“It’s not from me. It’s from her.”

Garrus’ mandibles flared and he couldn't prevent his loud gasp. The pain in his chest- a constant, crushing, mind-numbingly agonizing conflagration fueled by unfocused rage and unmitigated grief- threatened to finally do what he himself could not: end his suffering.

“Please, no, I can’t… I can’t…” Part of Garrus writhed, deep in his psyche. The shakiness of his voice, the supplicating tone, showed a clear loss of any pride, of any stoicism, which grated against many millennia of Turian breeding and years of military conditioning.

But the greater part of him didn’t have the energy, or the ability, to give a shit about breeding and military comportment. He couldn't _feel_ anything beyond the overwhelming desolation in his soul, hadn’t _cared_ about anything since she’d left him at the Normandy and made her run toward the beam.

“You can and you will. She made me promise, Garrus, made me swear that I wouldn’t let you slip away. She even told me exactly when to give this to you.” Liara lifted the top of the box, exposing a small holoprojector centered at its heart. “I’ll start the playback, then I’ll go. Call me, when you’re ready. Call any of us, Garrus. We loved her too. We still love you and we’re here for you.” 

The Asari pressed a few buttons on the recessed panel next to the projector and a blue image flickered to life. Liara stood and made her way toward the door, pausing only a moment to press her gloved hand to Garrus’ cowl, before quietly leaving him alone.

With a ghost.

* * *

“How the hell do I work this thing?” Shepard’s short black hair obscured her face from the left as she looked to the right.

 _“I already turned it on, Shepard. It’s recording now.”_ Liara’s voice was clear in the background, though she wasn’t in the image.

“Oh, okay.” Liara chuckled off-camera and Garrus watched the corner of Shepard’s mouth lift. “Hey, I’m an infiltrator. I don’t know shit about tech, beyond overloading it.”

_“When you’re finished, just press the green button.”_

“Thanks, Liara. For everything.”

Garrus heard the sound of the captain’s cabin doors sliding closed, and as Lily Shepard turned back to face the camera, his talons dug deep into the cushions beneath him. 

They stared at each other, this remnant of Shepard and the living Garrus, and the crescendo of pain in his chest exploded throughout every cell in his war-weary flesh. He shuddered as he stared at a face he’d memorized every freckle and scar of, and for a moment he forgot this woman was a shadow.

She looked so perfect, _so real_ , as the image clarified, the light blue fading into the background, allowing the sparkle in her lime-green eyes to flash. Her tongue darted from her mouth, moistening her coral colored lips, and Garrus fought the overwhelming desire to lean forward and press his forehead to hers. _This isn’t real. She isn’t real._

But Spirits how he wished it were. He had nothing, save for memories, her original dog tags, and a single photo. In the month since the final battle against the Reapers, there had been no sign of Shepard. The damage to the Citadel was still being dealt with, hundreds of thousands of tons of debris and destruction continued to be sifted through, removed, more dead and dying every day, fewer and fewer injured survivors with each passing week. But she was never among the numbered.

“Well, I’ve given you about five minutes to look at me. Since I know you won’t be seeing this unless I’m gone, I figured you’d need a bit to deal. Liara says this thing could record for a day, but you know me, Garrus. I’d rather get to the point.”

She tilted her head and grinned, mischief lighting those eyes. Garrus couldn’t help the grating chuckle, the slight flare of his mandibles. His Shepard was definitely straightforward, the only games she engaged in where those where money could be won. Usually from her friends, her crew, her family.

“Anyway, Garrus, there’s some shit I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I just don’t know how to do it. It’s like any opportunity I have is interrupted or,” the image ducked its head and her soft, throaty chuckled filled Garrus’ ears, “more pressing needs take precedent. Goddamn, Vakarian, you are fucking amazing in bed. When I’m in your arms, when I’m so full of you I feel like I’ll burst, every damn time it’s better than the last.

“But being with you is more than that. Garrus, you know I’ve never been, well, free with my favors. Still, no one, no other man has made me feel like you do.” Her face snapped up, her eyes meeting his, unblinking. “And yeah, that includes Kaidan. Garrus, when you look at me, I feel like I’m everything to you. I am the center of your universe. That you will do anything, whether I ask it of you or not, that you’ll never be farther away than a sniper round can travel, that you have my back no matter what.”

Garrus watched, his body aching, emotions threatening to tear him apart, as her eyes began to fill, the moisture sparkling against her dark lashes but not quite spilling over.

“I know you love me; I can feel it in my fucking DNA. And when we’re at that moment, when both of us are balanced on the razor’s edge between agony and ecstasy, the point when you look into my eyes, and whisper, ‘come’… And I do, and I’m trying so hard then to give you back everything you have ever given me, to brand your soul as deeply as you have mine, to show you there really is no Shepard without Vakarian. And I just don’t know if I’ve done that enough, if I’ve showed you enough, told you enough, imprinted myself on you so that, if you’re actually watching this, you know, you can feel the part of me I’ve given to you. Unconditionally and without regret.”

A lone tear cascaded down her right check, and Garrus reached for it, his finger breaking the mirage for a moment. He jerked back as though burned, his breathing choppy, his heart breaking and healing and breaking again.

“I know, Shepard. And it’s fucking killing me.”

The projection, re-solidified, dropped its head, a sharp sniff accompanied the harsh swipe of a palm over a cheek. “We’ve just finished dealing with Henry Lawson. You’re down in the battery, probably talking to Victus. You, me, and Liara need a little time to sort through that fucking mess at Sanctuary, which is why I decided to do this now. Because I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen when we get to the Illusive Man’s base, I don’t know what other horrors we might reveal. 

“After seeing what we’ve done to ourselves, though, I knew I had to tell you things right now, to prove that even though the Reapers are ass-raping the galaxy, their indoctrinated servants making a mockery of things like family, society, loyalty, friendship, there is still hope. We are here, you and me, in this crazy, cross-species liaison that is the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me. And if we can make it work, sandpaper skin and soft lips and all, then by the gods, so can the galaxy.”

“We did, Shepard. You did, Lily, you saved us all.” _But I couldn’t save you._ Even though he knew she couldn’t hear him, that this holo wasn’t really her, Garrus couldn’t say the last part aloud. It was hard enough for him to handle as a whisper in his head, giving voice to it would anchor that failure inexorably in the _real_. And beyond all reason, Garrus couldn’t give up the last, tiny ember of hope he protected in his heart by making the loss of her reality.

“You know, when we first met on the Citadel, almost four years ago now, the very first thing I thought about you was that you were so very young. I know, now, that you weren’t really much younger than I was, but you were so idealistic, so hot-headed and impatient. There was such a passion in you, for justice, to make things right, to punish those that preyed on the weak. I thought you’d be a hell of a soldier, and with a little direction, you would be an exemplary one. Maybe the best the Turian’s ever turned out.

“So I got to know you, realized that while your intense need for justice was righteous, it was also a little too black and white. And I tried to show you that there’s always grey, and that sometimes doing the right thing is harder than doing the just thing. I watched you mature, saw you come into your own, and I was thrilled when you said you were going back to C-Sec, and maybe the Spectres. Because I knew they needed you, even though after Ilos… Garrus, after Ilos, on the way through the Conduit, I looked over at you in the Mako and I knew, right then, I knew that I needed you too.

“But Lily Shepard is never selfish. “No, sir, I can’t do that,’ isn’t part of my vocabulary. And I understood, after I dealt with Saren, the Normandy would go back to being an Alliance ship, and that most of my mixed bag of crew would leave, but I couldn’t. So I kept my thoughts, my feelings to myself, figuring there was no way a Turian would want me anyway. I mean,” she chuckled again, “the First Contact War wasn’t that long ago. And being raised in such a militarily centered society, I figured fraternization was looked on about as highly in the Hierarchy as it was in the Alliance.”

Garrus sat forward, edging closer to the projector. “Not exactly.” His mandibles flared with the Turian equivalent of a smirk.

“Of course, I leaned different, eventually.” It was Shepard’s turn to smirk. “What I was trying to say was I realized a long time ago that you were important to me. And I regret waiting so long to tell you. Although, it wasn’t all my fault. I did die.”

“Coming back from the dead should have made you immortal, Lily. Spirits, why didn’t it?” His voice cracked.

“And then Cerberus woke me up, rebuilt me better than new, I guess. The Illusive Man told me what the Collectors were doing, how the Alliance had stood by, hell continued to stand by, doing nothing. He gave me a goal, and upgraded Normandy. Hell, he gave me Joker, and then he told me to get the job done. I read through his dossiers, on Mordin and Jack and Okeer. 

“But the one I kept returning to, the one I couldn’t file away was Archangel’s. Some sort of merc with a code, that’s what I thought, fighting a losing war against the corruption on Omega. I shit you not, Garrus, when I saw you on that crate, it wasn’t just surprise in my voice when I said your name. It was fucking unadulterated joy. I _knew_ in my heart Archangel was you.”

“I felt the same thing when I saw you through my scope. You were dead, they’d all said you were dead, but part of me never believed it. Thank the Spirits it took you so long to get to me or I’d never have been able to pull off that cool, collected, nonchalance when you walked in. I’d been swiping tears off my face thirty seconds before that.”

“And then we made it off that rock, recruited Zaeed, the crazy goddamn sonofabitch, and picked up Mordin-“ her voice broke. “Fucking Salarian, I loved him. Bastard didn’t need to be a martyr. But I guess someone else-“

“Might have gotten it wrong.” They finished together and Garrus gave a soft sigh. Not just for the quirky doctor, but for everyone they’d lost. Thane, Legion, Anderson, Presley, Ash, all the names on the memorial wall in the Normandy, and all the names yet to be known.

“Fuck, Vakarian, do you realize all the shit we’ve been through. How many un-fucking-believable things we’ve accomplished? Saren, Sovereign, the fucking Collectors, peace between your people and the Krogan, curing the genophage, killing a Reaper on fucking _foot_?” The holo laughed then, really laughed, deep and hard and with exuberance. “Wrex told me after Rannoch, he’d had more than thirty requests for breeding rights – for _me_! Seems being the only person to kill a Thresher Maw on foot since Wrex, coupled with taking out a Reaper face to face, has made me pretty hot stuff to the Krogan.”

Garrus felt a surge of pride, and jealousy, heat his blood. That was his girl, the hottest female in the galaxy, and she was all his. _She was mine, damn it_. The good feelings fizzled away like water off a heat sink, gone faster than the senses could register.

“Don’t worry, big guy, no matter how scarred, no Krogan is gonna take me from you.” The holo paused and looked away for a moment, the image of Shepard’s throat moving visibly. “No, a Krogan won’t take me from you, but the fucking Reapers might. You know I don’t believe that’s what will happen, I refuse to even entertain the idea that I won’t wake up next to your body, your arms around me, the soft trill of your breath stirring against the top of my head, every single day for the rest of my life.

“But determination, and will, can’t guarantee an outcome. I guess I learned that on Thessia. But even then, you were there, to shoulder me, build me up, fill me to overflowing with your love, your acceptance, your unflagging faith in me. Goddamn it, Garrus, it isn’t _fair_! I have given _everything_ to the Alliance, to the Council, to the galaxy. I want one fucking thing, this one _perfect_ thing I have found, with you. Don’t I deserve that? Haven’t I done enough good, worked hard enough, spilled enough blood, for that?” The hologram shuttered as Shepard shattered then, tears pouring down her face, her breaths ragged as she sobbed for what she knew was to come, but fought against regardless. 

Because that was his girl. Chin up and move forward. Get the job done right, heal those who needed healing, save everyone she could, and achieve her purpose. And Garrus would never stop loving her, needing her, feeling her because of it.

“Fuck. I better get my shit together before you come up here. I refuse to let what might be ruin what is, right now. And I know you’ll be here with me, inside me, beside me as we make our way to Pax to take out the Illusive Man and Kai Leng.” She scrubbed her hands over her face and took a deep breath.

“You know, Joker said something the other day. He said in all the years he’s been with me, all the crazy shit we’ve done, he’s never once mutinied. He was talking about Kaidan, I know, but it got me to thinking. Joker, Chakwas, and you, my Turian, are the only ones who have never failed to believe in me. 

“The only people who have had my six, literally or figuratively, from the beginning. I mean, yeah, Tali has always believed in me, but she had her own shit to deal with when we met on Freedom’s Progress. And Liara was busy with revenge. Wrex took control of Tuchanka. And Kaidan, well, I guess I understand, but that doesn’t change the fact that the fucker was a dick on Horizon and pulled a gun on me at the Citadel.”

“I still think you should have let me shoot him, babe. At least in the shoulder.” Garrus rubbed his chest, trying to dispel the tight, shredding pain, but he felt a smile anyway. Maybe he’d shoot Kaidan the next time he saw the human, on principle.

“My point is I love all of them. This crew, old, new, and a mix of the two, are my family. Like Chakwas says, the Normandy is my partner and its crew, my children. Thing is, I want, no, I need a different partner, too. Jacob once accused me of only loving the Normandy, and he had it kind of right. But he was more wrong than he knew. I do love the Normandy, but Garrus Vakarian, I love you more than my own life. And the cold, metal embrace of the Normandy simply would not be enough to keep me going if I ever lost you. I love her, but I need you. You are the other half of my soul, the man I was meant to fight beside, sleep beside, to grow old beside.”

A sound off camera drew Shepard’s gaze and she frowned. “My omnitool just pinged, which means you’re heading up, so I guess I’m out of time.” Her eyes grew cloudy, distant, before she looked back toward the camera. “There’s no Shepard without Vakarian, big guy. I will always love you, I will always be with you. I know, the platitudes are old, but Garrus, promise me if the worst come to pass and you aren’t watching this with me at your side… You give me your fucking word you won’t just give up and die. Do it, Vakarian, right now!” Her eyes flashed angrily and she waited.

“I can’t Shepard. I don’t want to be here without you. Damn you, I gave you an order! Why did you leave me behind?” Garrus felt the first sob break, and he couldn’t stop the entire black, bloody mess of swirling, seething bleakness from coming apart inside him.

He lifted his hands to his face, pressing his mandibles close, trying to smother the sounds of his soul dying, but his actions did little to quiet the agonized howls.

“Garrus, your word.” Shepard’s voice was so soft, he almost didn’t hear it. But when he looked back at the holo, he saw her pain, and her undying love, beaming from those lime green eyes.

His voice choked, but he did his best to give her what she wanted. “I swear to the Spirits, I won’t give up… on you.”

The holo image nodded its head. “I doubt you promised exactly what I asked, but it’s good enough for me. Vakarian, I don’t want to ever be apart from you, but the idea of the life seeping out of you, of watching you turn your back on your passion for justice, of the light in those gorgeous eyes of yours dimming to emptiness… 

“Thinking about that is tearing me apart. You have to live, for me, for us, so the piece of my heart and my soul that lives in you can go on. Through your eyes, I can stand in Tali’s house on Rannoch and see her maskless children grow up. I can grin like a lunatic when EDI and Joker finally get married. It needs to be you, channeling me, that gives Jack a tissue as she watches her students graduate and move on.

“I love you, Garrus, I would be proud to be your wife, or mate, or whatever it is Turian’s call a life partner. I’d be prouder still to have a family with you. But I am so proud of the man you’ve become, the only man I have _ever_ loved, the only one I _will ever love_. And hey,” she grinned, a quick flash of teeth and the curl of her lips, “you said it yourself. The Reapers killed me once and it only pissed me off. This isn’t goodbye, Garrus, it’s a ‘see you later’.”

The holo pressed her fingertips to her lips and lifted them to the camera. Garrus reached for her, holding his talons against the electric outline of her fingers for a moment. And then she was gone. Again.

Garrus collapsed onto the sofa, the turmoil roiling out of him in great, shaking cries. His talons tore through the fragile fabric as he finally broke down and allowed himself to feel everything he’d been fighting against for the past four endless weeks. He didn’t know how long he’d been there, destroying the sofa, when he heard the entrance doors whoosh open. 

If he’d had the energy, he’d have been mortified to have been caught in such a state, but there wasn’t anything left to give at that moment. He barely stirred, didn’t even look to see who had come in, assumed it was Liara, until the sickly sweet scent of blood, underlain with the tang of ozone, tickled his nose. 

“Do we have anything to eat? I’m starving.”

That voice hit Garrus with the power of a thousand Thanix cannons. He vaulted what was left of the sofa and then, there she was, falling, dropping, her armor nearly gone, covered in cuts, blood weeping, tacky where it rimmed burns, into his arms.

“Shep-Shepard? Lily, oh Spirits, tell me it’s really you…”

Her black fringed eyes flickered open. “Garrus. Thought I’d lost you.” Her voice was harsh, guttural, but he didn’t care.

“There’s no Vakarian without Shepard.” Liquid poured from his eyes, but Garrus didn’t give a fuck. He pressed his forehead to hers, felt her flesh against his after knowing he’d never know the sensation again, and gasped as the light, the heat, the exultation of rebirth, redemption, resurrection blasted through his body. He held her tightly but a moment longer, before taking a deep breath. He looked down at her, ran his omnitool over her, seeing how bad she was, but also how strong her heart beat.

“Glyph?”

“I’ve already contacted Dr. T’soni and Admiral Hackett. Rescue personnel will be here in less than thirty seconds.”

“Thanks.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus and his father talk Shepard... and she wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I like the use of ‘legate/legatus’ for Garrus’ position in the hierarchy, so I’m going with it. To clarify a bit, Legate is two steps down from Primarch, with only Lawgivers between the two tiers in the Hierarchy – at least in my interpretation.
> 
> Also, since I couldn’t for the life of me find the in-universe given name of his father, I choose to go with Gaius, mostly because in pondering Garrus and his family, it seems like his father would have liked him to be a ‘junior’, as it were, but I just imagine Garrus’ mother stepping in on that, saying it would be hard enough to follow in his father’s shadow without giving him the same name to boot. So she choose a name very similar, yet distinct, from his father’s.
> 
> The term _Animafer_ is a direct-from-latin compound word – anima meaning soul and ferrere being bearer. I sort of followed the ‘rules’ as applied for ‘Lucifer’ when creating the word. Oh, and the accent is on the second syllable: ah-NEE-mah-fer.
> 
> Finally, I’d like to note that it was DarkAislinn’s comment that spurred me to do this, and I thank her for it. I’m not sure how far I’ll take it, but I hope the readers enjoy it, nonetheless.

“Garrus, you need some real rest.” A frown marred Liara’s azure forehead, her mouth pinched tight at its corners.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Garrus growled the words across Shepard’s still form, giving the Asari the exact same words the woman, who lay so still between them, had once told him.

Liara’s breath came on a heavy sigh, but they’d had this argument every few days for the last two weeks. She knew Garrus wouldn’t change his mind, though it didn’t stop her from trying. “Fine. I’m going to get something to eat. What do you want?”

His mandibles clicked against his jaw. He wanted Shepard to wake the fuck up, barring that, he wanted people to stop coming by to visit, he wanted to rip someone’s face off, anyone’s, if only to quiet the unrelenting tension coiling his muscles into tighter and tauter knots. He also didn’t want anything to eat, but after two weeks, this was one argument he knew he wouldn’t win with the damn blue pain in his ass.

“Something with _louvo_ in it.”

Liara stood and gave him a small nod. “If I can’t find that, will chicken do? I’ll pick up some enzyme tablets on my way back.”

“Fine.” Garrus pulled his gaze from Shepard’s face for a moment to glance at the Asari. “I appreciate it.”

She gave him a brief smile and turned to leave. As she reached the door, to Shepard’s private room at Huerta Memorial, it slid open and revealed one Gaius Vakarian at the threshold.

“It’s good to see you, Gaius.” Liara nodded to distinguished Turian man and stepped back to allow him entrance.

“And you, Dr. T’soni. Anything new?”

“No, Gaius. The doctor’s still don’t know what to do, beyond intravenous fluids and nutrients. They’re afraid anything they might try could interfere with her Reaperized implants. The tech in her is simply so much more advanced than what we have available now.”

The other man’s subharmonics reverberated in the room, signaling both his worry and his frustration at Liara’s statement. “I doubt the Commander is, or would be all that thrilled to know Cerberus filled her with Reaper tech, but if they hadn’t, she’d never had survived what happened in the first place.”

“Oh, she’d have been furious, for about a minute. Then she would have rolled her shoulders, said ‘fuck it, what’s done is done’, and moved on.”

“Pretty much.” Though he’d neither acknowledged his father, nor turned to look at the other Turian, Garrus’ words drew his gaze.

“So she knew?” The elder Vakarian moved from the doorway, taking position at the foot of Shepard’s bed.

“We found out at the Illusive Man’s base. Well, not in so many words, but Shepard’s brilliant, she put two and two together. And she had a moment of doubt, then she said exactly what Liara thought she would. And then, she raised her Mattox and we did what we went there to do.”

Liara glanced between the two males, feeling the tension, but knowing there were things they needed to discuss that she shouldn’t hear directly. “I’ll be back in an hour or so Garrus, unless something changes.” She slipped from the room quietly.

Neither man said anything for several minutes, but his father had even less patience for stalling than even Shepard. When the man moved to settle in the chair Liara had vacated, Garrus looked up from Shepard, taking her hand between his, before leaning back slightly and looking straight into his father’s eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep coming here, Dad. Victus is just a few floors away, in Sparatus’ office. If the Primacy wants to know how Shepard is doing, he can bring his ass down here and ask himself.”

“Legate-“

“Don’t call me that, damn it!”

“It’s your rank in the Hierarchy, Legate. Neither of us has to like it, but it is what it is.”

“I don’t want some Spirits be damned title in the Hierarchy, Dad! I want-“

“Your _Animafer_ , your soul bearer.”

Garrus’ mandibles went slack and when he felt moisture gather in his eyes, he dropped his forehead to rest against Shepard’s hand, unable to look at his father.

“Did you think I wouldn’t know? Did you think to keep it from me?” His father’s subharmonics fairly shouted his distress, and his hurt.

Garrus squeezed his eyes closed, willing the tears back, and took a deep breath. He did not want to have this conversation with his father, especially when he hadn’t even had it with Shepard before the shit hit the fan, as her people were fond of saying.

“I wasn’t trying to keep anything from anyone, Dad. It’s just…” his voice trailed off as he tried to figure out how to explain. Finally, he chose to simply tell the truth. “I didn’t tell her, Dad. I didn’t explain to her, hell, I tried so hard not to do it, but instinct overrode common sense. And when I realized - oh who am I kidding, I knew instantly. But then she woke up, her face so forlorn, so filled with worry and fear, second guessing herself,” he paused meeting his father’s gaze once more, “and instead of going into the details of Turian mating, I told her we’d get through it like we always did. I gave her my support and my faith. I tried to ease her burden. Was that wrong?”

Gaius Vakarian looked at his son and his heart broke. He knew his pain, oh he knew it like very few ever would. _Animafer_ pairing were exceptionally rare in the modern Hierarchy, a remnant of a long distant time when mate selection had been driven by the need for the Turian species to breed the strongest, most adaptable offspring. _Animafer_ pairing ensured monogamy between couples whose genes, when paired, created the strongest and smartest offspring. Soul bearers were usually extremely fertile, producing many fine sons and daughters who thrived in Palaven’s harsh atmosphere. 

As time passed, and the species evolved and increased its numbers, fewer and fewer of these ancient pairings occurred. Some of their scientists theorized millennia of breeding the ‘best’ offspring dimmed the need for permanent bonds, others suggested as the population increased and spread across the face of their home world, it was simply more difficult to find one’s _Animafer_ , and Turian’s began choosing partners on their own. Not that it mattered, either way, in Gaius’ mind. His child was in anguish and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to help him.

“No, son, it wasn’t.” In this moment, Garrus wasn’t Legate of Palaven; he was a son looking for some kind of absolution, some kind of peace, from his father.

Garrus’ Turian vocalizations, at Gaius’ response, echoed in his father’s ears, so full of pain the older man almost missed the tinny, reedy hints of hope fluttering within the sound.

“I just want her to wake up. I know she’s in there, all the machines show her brain is still active, still working, why won’t she wake up?” Garrus once more dropped his forehead to the back of Shepard’s hands and began a slow, controlled rocking motion in his chair.

“Considering all she’s been through, considering her condition-“

All weakness, all pain, vanished from Garrus’ body in an instant. He snapped fully upright a split second before he’d interrupted his father, his gaze a fiery maelstrom that fairly screamed aggressive, violent repercussion if his father continued.“Do not say anymore. It’s hard enough dealing with her coma. I cannot, I will not, entertain thoughts of anything beyond that. Are we clear?” 

“Yes, Legate. I understand.”

“Good. Now, I think it’s time you go. I need to be alone for a little while.” He dismissed his father with a flick of his right mandible before turning his face back toward Shepard.

Gaius sighed softly, but did as he was bid. He left the room, stopping to tell a nearby nurse the Legate was not to be disturbed by anyone until the Asari returned, before he headed to the elevator and Sparatus’ office. At some point, a lot of people were going to have to get their heads out of their asses and deal with Garrus, Shepard, and the whole sordid mess in between. But for now, Gaius would respect his son’s wishes and leave things as they were. And both Sparatus and Victus would just have to suck it up.

* * *

Another six days passed before Garrus was finally able to breathe again. One hundred and forty four hours where he was certain he’d shatter into a million pieces at the slightest touch. 

The light of Sol’s rays had just begun to break across the Presidium when Garrus felt a gentle touch beneath his fringe. He’d lifted his head and lost himself in the bright green on Shepard’s gaze.

“Hey, Garrus.” Her voice was unbelievable soft, so soft he’d later tell himself that’s why he didn’t notice, at first.

“Shepard.” 

He had no restraint. Garrus launched himself from his seat, half-climbing onto the bed with her, and gathered his woman into his arms. Lifting her completely into his hold, he buried his face in Lily’s hair, clutching her warm, conscious, body tighter than he should have, but less fervently than he wished.

“I love you, Lily. I love you so much. I don't know why I waited so long to tell you.” Garrus was barely keeping it together, but he refused to breakdown now, when she'd finally awoke, and miss even a moment of her awareness.

He felt her arms come around his cowl, felt her frail human fingers dig into his flesh. “Fuck, Garrus, I hurt all over, but don’t you dare let me go!” She gripped his as tightly as he knew her weakened state would allow, the soft sound of her tears filling what little space existed between them. “I thought I’d lost you, I knew I was going to die and never see you again. Oh, god, Anderson, he’s gone, I shot him and he’s gone.” Her sobs grew louder, shaking her slight form, and Garrus pulled her closer to him.

“Lily, don’t. Don’t. We’ll deal with all of that later. Just be here, with me, let me hold you, breathe you in. Let me prove to myself you’re really here.”

Her breath hitched and she closed her arms tighter around his neck. “I’m here, Garrus. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere without you, never again.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard learns something interesting... and so does Garrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’ve changed the tags on this, since going forward it’s going to be totally non-canon/AU. Also, for mature content and graphic depictions of sex and violence – I mean, this is Shepard we’re talking about…
> 
> Also, thanks for the kudos’! This is the very first piece of fanfiction I’ve ever done. Being a freelance writer, I don’t generally play in other people’s sandboxes, but you know what – like my Shep says, she’s given everything – even her life once – and that should damn sure be enough to get her a happy f’ing ending, in my book.
> 
> ME and its characters belong to BW/EA. Too bad…

“No, Liara. And that’s final.” 

The dual tones of Garrus’ voice woke Shepard, the subharmonies shuddering and rumbling his distress and anger. That should have been her first clue that yet again, she wasn’t going to be the exact same Shepard she had been… _before_.

“Garrus, she’s going to rip your groin plates off if she finds out on her own.”

“You don’t think I know that? Which is why I had Chakwas put in charge of her care. She’s the only other person Shepard trusts implicitly.” He paused, his mandibles clicking, a soft chuff of amusement escaping his mouth. “Besides Joker, and while it would be hilarious to see him try to explain this to her, I’ll save him the humiliation.”

Liara shook her head, but grinned as well. “The Council knows she’s awake and Hackett wants to see her.”

The Turian and the Asari stood at the far side of the hospital room from Shepard. They spoke in quiet tones, though now that she was awake, Lily had no trouble hearing them. She took a moment to look them over, noting both looked like shit and were in dire need of sleep.

“I know. I’ve delayed Hackett for a couple of days, but everyone needs to know what happened. The Reapers are just holding, in some sort of stasis pattern or something, all over the galaxy. No attacks, all their husks are dead, their indoctrinated slaves free and getting medical attention. But those giant space cuttlefish are still _here_.”

“Mmm, yes. They want her debriefed immediately.”

“They’re waiting for me. The Reapers are waiting for me.” Shepard coughed a little, her throat unused to talking, her mouth dry.

“Shepard!” Liara rushed to the bedside, taking Lily’s hands in her own, gripping them fiercely. “By the Goddess, Shepard, if you don’t stop taking decades off my life, I’m going to put you in a permanent stasis field.”

Lily tugged gently on Liara’s hands, pulling the young Asari close and wrapping her arms around the other woman’s shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re alright, Liara. So very happy to see you.”

Her friend didn’t even hesitate, returning the hug with strength, a slight hitch in her breathing the only sign she was emotionally moved. “You are such a bitch, Lily. Don’t you ever do something so stupid as going into a fight without at least one of us at your back, ever again.”

“I won’t.”

Liara pulled away and quickly dashed the tears from her cheeks. “I’m serious. A piece of all of us died when we couldn’t find you. It was hard enough the first time, this time- I’m not sure any of your crew will be the same.”

Shepard clenched her jaw and swallowed hard. She wasn’t good at the emotional shit, despite the copious amounts of tears she’d cried against Garrus when she’d first woke up. Her inability to deal with the heavy, at least face to face, didn’t stop her from feeling it. She rubbed a gauze-wrapped palm against her chest, trying to ease the tightness.

“I know and I want to see them all, tell them it’s going to be alright, that I don’t blame them.” She cleared her throat and blinked hard. “Especially Joker, I know he must be beating himself to death for leaving me behind a second time.”

Liara glanced at Garrus and Shepard followed her gaze. She knew his face, had learned to read him like a book. He didn’t say anything, but she heard the deep, rolling trill of sorrow, threaded with anger, he emitted from deep in his body.

Without conscious thought, she replied with a very soft, feather-light, non-human tone of forgiveness.

And all three people in the room froze in place.

“What the hell-“

“Did I just make a Turian-“

“Shepard, how did you-“

Shepard searched Garrus’ face for answers, but all she saw there were slack mandibles and widened eyes. Switching to look at Liara’s face revealed a similar Asari expression. She held up both palms and ping-ponged her gaze between her lover and one of her closest friends.

“What did I just do?” She heard it again, a strange harmonizing melody, riding just below her words, conveying her confusion, a spike of fear, and the dip of awe Shepard felt swirling inside her. When neither of the room’s other occupants spoke up, she decided to be more direct. “Tell me what the fuck is going on. Right now.”

Her tone of voice brooked no bullshit. She’d given an order and someone had better start talking, fast. Liara opened her mouth first to reply, but Garrus cut her off.

“We don’t know for sure, Shepard. But Chakwas is leading the medical team overseeing your care and she is doing everything she can to figure it out.” Garrus looked at her for a moment, but when she squinted her eyes, ever so slightly, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

“You should know I can hear that you aren’t telling me everything. And I want to know how I can hear your subharmonics in the first place.”

“Lily, I-“

She waved a hand at him. “You aren’t lying to me, just not being completely honest. And if you aren’t, then whatever it is either has you worried or it’s really bad. Either way, I’ll leave it for the moment. Right now, Garrus, I want you to call Admiral Hackett down here. I want to debrief him on the situation.”

Garrus looked extremely uncomfortable, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, but he nodded his ascent.

“Liara, you better call the Council. And Wrex. They all need to hear what I have to say. I want them all here within the hour, if possible, because I am getting the fuck outta this hospital in two. I’ve spent enough time asleep, it’s time I got back to work.”

“Shepard, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Liara bit her lip nervously and shot a glance Garrus’ way.

“It probably isn’t. But I’m not staying here. I’m going home, to the Normandy.” Her voice grew louder, but she didn’t care. “Unless, gods, don’t tell me she didn’t make it?” Her voice fell to a whisper.

Garrus pushed away from the far wall, coming to her side in three short strides of his long, powerful legs. “She’s fine, just fine. A little banged up, but in one piece.”

The sigh Shepard released was loud and shaky but filled with relief. “Then I’m going home.”

Liara stood from the chair and turned toward the door. “Alright, Shepard, I’ll contact Wrex and the Council. Hackett as well. I’ll let them know you expect them here within the hour.”

As soon as she was gone, Shepard turned to Garrus. “Start talking, Vakarian. Tell me what I don’t fucking know.”

* * *

Garrus looked at her and she could see he was uneasy. “I’m not sure what to tell you.”

“You’re _not sure_ what to tell me? Tell me all of it.” She crossed her arms over her chest, felling her temper spike.

“Lily, I want to, but I can’t. Not everything. Not yet. And it’s not just because I know it’ll be awkward, but because it doesn’t just affect you. I love you, please, trust me.”

Shepard sighed, but her arms loosened a bit. She frowned and growled in an octave no human could possibly replicate. Her tone clearly stated her irritation, but she nodded her head. “Alright, then, tell me what you can.”

“The long and short of it: the Reaper tech the Illusive Man filled you full of? It apparently has the ability to adapt your body to unusual situations. According to Chakwas, you developed a secondary voice-box, which can communicate subharmonics. She also said you can fully digest and process dextro-based food. And then, there’s this-“He leaned down and pulled the blankets away from her lower legs.

Staring back at her, shimmering teasingly in the light streaming in from the windows, was plating.  
“Holy hell? Are those _scales_?”

“Of a sort, uh, yeah.” 

Shepard pulled her legs up, shoving blankets out of the way, to run her fingers over the tiny hexagons that now decorated her from the tops of her toes to her knees. It wasn’t a complete covering, more like protective armor, spilling over the sides of her ankles, and up over her shins, broadening out to completely encompass each knee, front to back. The skin felt denser, stronger than her normal epidermis, but what surprised her most was that it didn’t feel like scales. It was soft, warm, and slightly pliable, much like normal skin.

The color shimmered, like a mother-of-pearl overlay of her natural skin tone. Flushes of soft peach, warm coral, and cool cream danced over the surface of this new flesh. It was alien, strange, and yet so beautiful, so right, Shepard couldn’t help but grin. “Wow, it’s like I’m growing body armor.”

“Exactly. And Chakwas doesn’t exactly know why, or how, just that somehow, your body is becoming more than human.” He shifted, drawing her attention away from her legs. “At some point, your body seems to have collected Turian DNA and used it to augment your own.”

She couldn’t help but smirk. “At some point, huh? Yeah, like when I taught you what kissing was?” Though they’d always been careful about using protection for sex, kissing was something Lily refused to give up, regardless of the potential side effects. 

He smirked. “I didn’t exactly tell her that, but it’s a safe guess. Chakwas said whatever the mechanism is it works like Asari breeding. Your DNA gets randomized, directly incorporating what it deems beneficial and discarding the rest.”

“Ooh-kay. I hear a ‘but’ in there…”

Garrus scrubbed his left hand over the un-scarred side of his face. “Yeah, well, this thing that happens, it causes a very fast, evolution of your physical body. And she isn’t sure what the long term effects of that kind of forced mutation might be. No one knows.”

Shepard rubbed her arms, a chill coursing over her skin. “What else?”

“It looks like, and Karin isn’t positive, but she thinks you may also have randomized some Reaper DNA.”

She exhaled loudly and tipped her head back against the pillow behind her. “Yeah, fuck, Garrus. I already knew that part.”

“What?” The shrill squeaks and clicks of his subharmonics assaulted her newly-sensitive ears.

“Garrus, shit! Tone it down!” She clasped her hands over her ears, hoping to block out the worst of the cacophony.

He growled, a deep growl she felt reverberated through the air, the bed, and into her bones, but he did ratchet down his distress. “Explain.”

“I can’t. Well, at least not until the Council gets here. I won’t do this more than once. But let me assure you, I’m not indoctrinated, nor am I a Reaper.” She reached out to him, taking his three-fingered hands into her own. She squeezed tightly, and looked straight into his eyes, beseeching him to understand. “Trust me.”

His posture tensed for a moment, but he sighed and nodded, returning her grip, and giving her a grin. “Always, Shepard.” 

She laughed, feeling light, buoyed by his faith. “Help me get out of this damn bed, Vakarian, and find me some proper clothes. I refuse to be debriefed in a fucking hospital gown.”

* * *

Chuckling, Garrus helped her from the bed and into the bathroom before finding a nurse and telling him to get Shepard a proper set of off-duty fatigues. He took the clothes inside, laying them at the foot of her bed and setting the boots on the floor, before he stepped outside once more. He told himself it was so he could give her a few minutes to herself, but in truth he was worried what he might do if he saw her in anything less than what she’d been wearing.

Seeing his mark on her shoulder… Garrus shuddered as a wave of desire rolled through him. Yeah, it was definitely a good idea to wait for her to be completely dressed before he went back in. Just thinking about the scar he knew she had on the back curve of her shoulder pushed him to the edge. And the questions he knew she’d have about it, trying to explain _Animafer_ to her, telling her about – No, she didn’t need that shit right now. 

Still, thinking about it reminded him of the conversation he’d had with Chakwas not two days earlier.

_“It’s highly likely the two of you are now compatible breeders, Garrus.”_

_“What? Karin, that’s the last thing on my mind right now.”_

_“I’m sure it is, but I thought you should know anyway.”_

_Garrus was silent for several minutes. “Dr. Chakwas, what kind of baby would it be?”_

_“If you’re worried that somehow whatever is happening to Shepard would cause harm to a fetus, I can’t definitively put your fears to rest. What I can tell you is that whatever the baby is, it would be half-turian and half-Shepard. And based on some of the tests I’ve run on her DNA, it’s likely any child she carries would be born with this strange mutation as well. So they would be infinitely adaptable, to any environment, and likely any mate, with enough exposure.”_

_“Fuck, er, I mean, sorry, Karin.” Garrus felt like someone had sucker punched him in the throat._

_But Chakwas had smiled and taken his reaction in stride. “I’d say that’s a perfectly reasonable response.”_

The sound of Shepard calling his name startled Garrus from his reverie. Pushing thoughts of children from his mind, he activated the door and re-entered her room. Her face was pale, her hands rubbing her arms, those small, white teeth nibbling at her bottom lip.

“I didn’t know where you were.” He heard the flash of fear in her now melodic alto, then saw the gleam of anger in her eyes as her temporary weakness was broadcast aloud. If there was one thing Commander Lily Shepard did _not_ do, it was show weakness.

“I stepped outside for a minute, thought you might like a little time alone.” Garrus quickly moved to her side, wrapping one arm awkwardly around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Garrus, you better teach me real quick how to cover that shit. It is _unacceptable_.”

Yet again, she reminded him why he loved her so much, why he needed her, why she was Commander fucking Shepard. No dwelling on what she couldn’t change, just overcome and adapt, get it done and move forward.

“I will. Now, let’s get your boots on and put this bed to rights. What do you need from me?” He didn’t need to explain his words, she understood him better than anyone.

“Put the bed as upright as it goes and move those chairs to the foot of it. I don’t want those fuckers for a minute thinking I’m sick or feeble in any way. I want Hackett on my left, standing, and you right next to me, on the bed. They can make of it what they want.”

“Understood, Commander.”

“Get ready to rock the galaxy, _Legate_ Vakarian.”

Garrus startled, his gaze jumping to hers in a millisecond. “Where did you hear that?”

“Don’t you know people in comas can still hear, Garrus?”

“What else did you hear?”

She cocked her head at him, eyes narrowing. “Obviously not enough to know what is it you aren’t telling me. I only remember that because I’ve always had a thing for ancient Earth history. The Roman Empire in particular.”

Garrus finished tucking the bed sheets military tight and pressed the button to raise the bed to a nearly ninety degree angle. “I’m not very familiar with that one.”

Shepard snorted. “You should be. The Roman Empire is pretty much the Turian Hierarchy, earth-style. Right down to some of the titles.”

Before he had a chance to reply, the door beeped.

“It’s time. Let’s do this shit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Garrus took his place at her right side and called out permission to enter. Then he settled closer to Shepard and waited to see what kind of crazy ride his incomparable _Animafer_ would take him on next.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part where I go completely non-canonical... just roll with it :D

Shepard looked at Wrex, who’d taken position next to the bed on her right, then over to Hackett, who stood on her left. Liara brought a chair from somewhere and was sitting beside her, between the bed and the Admiral. The three arrived together; some twenty minutes before the Council drug their lazy asses in, giving her a few minutes to hit them with the basics. In doing so, when they heard the complete debrief, they’d be able to cover their shock and provide the united front she felt necessary to show the Council. She was Shepard and that name carried the same power it always had.

Lily was patient as everyone crowded in her room and the sound of several omni-tools beeped to life, readying to make a digital recording of what she was about to reveal. Once all eyes were focused again on her, she cleared her throat and began.

“Everyone needs to hold their questions until I’m finished. I am not going to do this twice. Once I've debriefed you, I’d suggest everyone lock down this information with the highest security any of your nations know. Are we ready?”

Seven heads nodded and Shepard drew a calming breath, pushing away all emotions as she told her tale.

“I assume everyone knows what happened up ‘til I made it into the Citadel’s beam, so I won’t waste time on that. I don’t remember the ride up, but I came to with Anderson’s voice in my ear, asking me where I was, if I’d made it up. I pushed to my feet, and the first wave of pain hit me hard, sending me back to my knees. I took a moment to survey the damage and it was bad. Real fucking bad. My armor was mostly gone, I had severe burns on my arms. I counted five broken ribs, likely a punctured lung, the gods knew what else.

“But Anderson’s voice came over the radio again. I knew I wasn't finished. So I got up, grabbed my sidearm from the ground, and started to make my way down the tunnel I’d landed in.” She paused to rub her unbandaged hand over her face. “I have no idea where I was in the Citadel, but it was a fucking nightmare. There were dead bodies everywhere, all species. And keepers moving around, looked like they were assessing the bodies, harvesting tech, maybe, something else, I don’t know. They didn't pay me any mind, so I kept moving. Wasn't gonna waste bullets on them if they weren't attacking.” A spike of emotion made her subharmonics thrum and Shepard tried to real it back.

Too late. “Did you just use _subharmonics_?” Sparatus’ own Turian speech revealed his immediate shock.

“Sparatus,” Garrus pinned him in place. “Shut up.”

The Turian councilor’s stance immediately straightened, snapping to attention. “Yes, Legate.”

Shepard bit her lip to hold in her grin, but used her new voice box to tell Garrus she approved of his response. Sparatus fairly vibrated with the need to address the issue, but he did indeed keep his mouth shut.

“As I was saying, I made my way through this dark corridor for a few more meters, before Anderson came over the comms again. Said he’d made it to some kind of chamber that led to a walkway. He said he was heading up, figured it might take him to the central chamber. I told him to wait for me, asked him to hold his position, but the comms started to break up. He didn't hear me.

“I came to a door that opened onto that space, I guess, Anderson had talked about. I was pretty sure it was the engine room, or whatever the Citadel has that’s equivalent. Sure enough, there was a walkway that went up. I finally picked up Anderson again, he asked where I was. I told him, and he started to say something, but the comms failed for good then. Not knowing what to expect, I made sure to pop the heat sink in my sidearm, and made my way toward the top of the incline.

“I was bleeding like a stuck pig, felt like I was drowning, it was so hard to breathe. But I tightened my grip on my gun as I made it to the top of the walkway. And I saw Anderson, there, in front of some kind of console. But he seemed paralyzed, though he fought it, his body jerking but not going anywhere. I asked him what the hell was going on, and he says he can’t. Just he can’t.

“And then I hear the Illusive Man. But his words are all distorted, and I felt like I had when the beacon on Eden Prime hit me, like when Harbinger spoke to me on Aratoht, like I did when I confronted Leviathan. That’s when I realized I couldn't move my body. I fought, struggled, but my arms and legs wouldn't obey me. My mind, however, was still my own.

“I asked the Illusive Man what he was doing. He went into some speech about being the pinnacle of evolution, about humanity controlling the Reapers and controlling the galaxy. Anderson yelled at him, told Illusive Man he’s indoctrinated, and the Illusive Man gets pissed off. He does something and next thing I know, I’m pulling the trigger, burying a bullet deep in Anderson’s belly. It’s not good, I know it’s not good, but I couldn't stop myself.”

She stopped speaking, reining in her emotions. With a small shake of her head, Shepard stuffed down the enormous guilt threatening to overtake her. She didn't have the time to deal with it, not with so much more to tell. Garrus leaned closer, pressing against her shoulder, and she drew strength from him.

“At that point, I got pissed. No, enraged. I don’t remember everything I said to the Illusive Man, but his control over me weakened, and I took the shot. As soon as the bullet hit him, I was back in charge of my faculties. He fell to the ground, saying something about how beautiful it was, then nothing. I rushed to Anderson, as fast as I could at that point, helped to lean against this platform in the room. Then I moved to the console and opened the Citadel’s arms. I went back to Anderson and collapsed on the ground next to him. I’m not going to tell you what we said to each other then, it has no bearing on what happened afterward and it’s private.”

Shepard looked up at Hackett, and he gave her a small nod. She didn’t tell him about this, but he understands. He trusts her, and it helps her square her shoulders for what happens later. The part she knew would be difficult for the other people in the room to handle.

“Anderson died. I just sat there, bleeding out of a gut wound I don’t remember getting, looking out this big window at Earth, knowing I’d never get back there, but hoping I’d done enough to make sure she survived. Then I hear static, and Hackett coming over the comms, calling my name, telling me the Crucible isn’t firing, isn’t doing anything. I struggled to my feet, struggled to get back to the console. I couldn’t see anything else to press, didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do. And then I blacked out.

“When I came to there was some kind of construct standing over me, telling me to wake up, to get up. Now, maybe I knew what it was because I shut down project Overlord and saved David Archer. Maybe I knew because I’d been in the Geth Consensus on Rannoch. Hell, maybe I remembered what Leviathan had told me. It doesn’t really matter. But I knew, when I looked at this blue projection, I was looking at an AI.”

Several throats cleared and the Asari councilor looked like she was about to burst with questions, but everyone held their tongues. Liara lifted her hand to the bed, laying it next to Shepard’s, but not touching. Lily gave her a small smile and bulldozed on.

“I’m a little fuzzy here, probably from all the trauma and blood loss. But what I remember was this AI telling me _it_ was the Catalyst. That it lived on the Citadel and that it controlled the Reapers. It said I was the first organic to make it that far and that in doing so, I’d changed the parameters of the code, I guess, and that I now had options.

“I asked for clarification and while it spoke, I realized this was the AI the Leviathan’s had created to solve their problem. And even though it was a conscious, sentient being, a part of my mind seemed to hone in on the fact that at its core, it was still a machine, and machines run on programs. At this point, the AI told me to make a choice. I had to decide how the energy of the Crucible would be used. My response was, ‘are you shitting me?’”

Wrex barked a laugh, as did Hackett and Garrus. None of these men were the least surprised. After all, at no point in her life had Lily Shepard ever been told to make a choice where her response hadn’t been ‘why?’ first, followed by her hammering the bearer of the query with about a thousand questions. After which, she usually tried diplomacy, followed by force when necessary, to resolve the situation. But she did things on her own terms, and not on anyone else’s.

“The AI explained the choices: I could destroy the Reapers by shooting out this tube that had red energy running through it. If I did, I’d end the war, as well as myself and anything else that had Reaper tech or ran off Reaper code. That would mean EDI, the Geth, and all of our technology. The AI said we’d eventually manage to recoup or reinvent our lost tech, but it wouldn’t be quick and it wouldn’t be easy. Well, that tossed that option right out the window. I wasn’t about to throw galactic civilization into the Bronze Age for an indeterminate amount of time. More than that, after all the shit I’d done to secure Geth/Quarian peace, I wasn’t about to commit genocide on an entire species, even if it was for the greater good. If I’d done that, it would have meant all the losses on Rannoch, all the work I’d put in, all the fighting, would have been for absolutely nothing. 

“And Commander Shepard doesn’t do shit for no reason.” Lily looked around the room, met each individuals eyes, wanting to be sure she drove that point home, clear as crystal.

What she saw reflected back in those seven sets of blinking orbs told her they understood, so she continued, “Since I eighty-sixed straight out destruction, I moved on to the next option. Control. The AI said I would take its place, be the new framework directing the Reapers. It said I could do this only because I wasn’t their pawn, like Saren, like the Illusive Man. The Reapers didn’t control me, thus I could control them.

The Salarian Councilor’s antennae quivered. _I just bet that fucker would love that kind of power._ Shepard put her private thoughts aside. She couldn’t be distracted. She had to get this out as clearly, as chronologically as she was capable.

“I won’t lie; I was tempted to take that option. Two things stopped me. The first, I would have to die, my physical body would be destroyed, and this new construct I would become wouldn’t actually be me, but an AI version of me. A synthetic version, lacking emotions, with absolute power over the Reapers. 

“No matter how hard I try to do what’s right, I didn’t know if all of that would really translate into an AI, because my morals, how I feel, is part of what guides my decisions. The second reason, and probably the one that pushed me to reject Control, was my repugnance for doing anything like what Saren and the Illusive Man had tried to do. It didn’t matter that it would have been my choice, I did not spend three years chasing down and killing those bastards just to become them.

“So I asked about the final choice. The AI called it Synthesis, the ultimate evolution of life. I’d jump in this green energy field, and my DNA would be transmuted by the Crucible through all life in the galaxy. Basically, merging synthetic and organic life and fully resolving the conflict that set us down this road in the first place. If I chose Synthesis, I’d finally eliminate all the reasons for synthetics to rise up against organics because Synthesis would bring a little chaos to synthetics and a little order to organics. I didn’t understand the mechanics, and honestly I don’t know that anyone would. It sounded like magic to me. I jump in a beam and miraculously every living thing in the Milky Way becomes some kind of synthetic/organic hybrid? And then we all live happily ever after? Bullshit.

“I didn’t like its choices and I told it so. The AI didn’t care, told me to make up my mind and quick. And that’s when an idea started to form in my aching skull. I laughed, thinking of Mordin, realizing that all the shit I’d been through had led me here. And that it had to be me, because someone else most definitely would have gotten it wrong.” She paused to smile, turning her head to look at Garrus. He didn’t actually smile back, but his expression made it clear he was with her, and nothing she said was going to change it.

“See, it’s because I’ve spent so much time with AI’s, because I’ve been the only one hunting down the Reapers from day one, that I even came up with my harebrained scheme. I didn’t trust the AI, I mean really, I’m just going to trust the synthetic overlord of the synthetic monsters out to destroy all life as I knew it? Not a chance. However, I also knew the AI wasn’t _lying_ to me. It had told me the truth, as it knew it. It just hadn’t given me all the information.

“This AI was built to solve a problem. And when machines are told to solve problems, they do so by finding the best statistical solution possible. That doesn’t mean there aren’t other possible answers to the dilemma, but an intelligent machine picks the solution it thinks will be the most efficient. But I’m not a machine, I’m Commander Shepard, and my entire career has been built on beating the fucking odds.

“So I came up with my own solution. My memory is a little shaky here, but basically, I lifted my omni-tool and disrupted the AI’s physical interface with an overload. And then I started to run for the blue energy pulse, up this ramp to the left. Thanks to my time with David Archer and in the Geth Consensus, I determined that most of what my brain processed as visual stimulus was likely a synthetic construct. What I mean is, looking at each of the energy beams, they didn’t look like control panels or input stations, but I knew that’s exactly what they were.

“After all, here I was in the control center for the Reaper AI, and just like EDI, it had to have a core processing unit, maybe a couple, where I could tap in and force the AI to change its solutions. At least, that’s what I hoped. And if I were an engineer, the way it all turned out might have been a little different. My code writing skills have always been a bit lackluster, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

“I used my omni-tool to find a control panel and sure enough, I found it. I hacked in, not sure what the hell I was going to find, or really what I was going to do. I knew overloading the AI interface wouldn’t last long, so I just focused on brute hacking my way into the code, praying I’d see something that would help me. And that’s when a command prompt line popped up on my readout.

“I blinked at that cursor for I don’t know how long, but I knew time was running out. So I input two commands: cease all aggression and hold position. Then I ran it, unplugged, and turned to jump to over from the Control path onto the Synthesis path, which was below me. I hit a kinetic barrier, bounced off. It seemed the AI had set this up so that once I made a ‘choice’, I’d be locked in. Yeah, not so much. I lifted my sidearm, remember being thankful I’d brought the Eagle and not the Carnifex, and pulled the trigger. Five, six shots, rapid-fire, hit the barrier and it fell.

“I threw myself onto the Synthesis path, scrambled back to where I’d overloaded the AI, and headed toward the Destruction platform. As soon as I reached it, I heard that god awful clangor the Reaper’s make before they attack. I activated my omni-tool again, and while it scanned for an access port, I looked around, expecting to see Harbinger getting ready to blow me up. Again.

“He wasn’t there, but I could see the AI starting to reconfigure. My tool pinged, and like the Control platform, there was another interface. So I repeated my previous attempt, a head-first, brute hack of the code until I got to another command prompt. I input two more commands: eliminate all Reaperized forces and release all indoctrinated slaves. By the time I jacked out and leapt from the Destroy platform and back onto the Synthesis walkway, I heard the AI again. I think it said ‘so be it’, but I wasn’t actually listening. I knew time was up and if I didn’t get to that green beam, we were all fucked.

“As I approached it, I thought about the instructions the AI had given me. It said I needed to physically jump into the beam, to dispense my DNA through the Crucible. I figured that meant the AI determined the most efficient way to ensure success, if I straight up chose Synthesis, was to get as much of my DNA as possible. I also reasoned chances were pretty good that a good sample size would probably work too, without me having to die. My mind made up, I stumbled to a stop before the final beam, and while my omni-tool sought out the interface, I pulled my combat knife from my boot.

“My left arm was pretty much useless, shoulder no doubt dislocated, burned to hell and back from the elbow down. The sleeve of my uniform was gone from the top of my arm, so was the armor. But at that point, I figured if I did somehow manage to survive, missing a big chunk of my upper arm was a fair price to pay. So I dug into my arm, just below the shoulder where the skin wasn’t damaged, and carved out a piece of my own flesh to offer as sacrifice into the green energy field. 

“The fucking pain nearly made me black out, but the Reapers tolled again, just a split second before my readout showed one more command prompt. Here’s where better coding skills might have helped. I only put in one command: Synthesize Reapers/Shepard. What I thought would happen was that my DNA would synthesize the Reapers, making them a hybrid construct, but also freeing them from their AI master. I hoped it would give them back free will, and with their newly organic bits, we’d be able to resolve the war peacefully. Or hell, at worst, they’d end up going completely crazy from the attempt and self-destructing.

“I ran the command, tossed the bloody hunk of arm into the beam, and tried to crab-crawl/run back to the platform I’d started out on. The Reapers cried out again, I saw the AI construct explode, and the whole place started coming down around me. I made it to the platform, collapsed onto my side, and watched the three beams merge into one, immensely hot, unbelievably powerful, ray of pure-white energy. It shot out of the Citadel so fast, with so much power, it blew me back down to Anderson’s body. And that’s the last thing I remember, until I woke up, buried under I don’t know what, somewhere deep in the bowels of that goddamn station.

Hackett looked like he wanted to say something, but Lily held up her hand to stop him. “I’m not quite finished. When I came to, the first thing I thought was if I wasn’t dead, I sure felt like it. The second thing was I wasn’t alone, in my head, I mean.” She stopped, frowning. She wasn’t explaining this right, so she tried again.

“No, that’s not what I mean. There wasn’t another person or being in my head, but I felt a connection. As soon as I realized that, I heard Harbinger’s voice, in my head. It was so loud, so confused, I couldn’t really understand it. So I told it to shut up, give me a minute. And it did, which made my gut roil with dread. I just knew I’d fucked something up. Somehow I thought I’d managed to become the Reaper Overlord.

“Harbinger cut me off. Explained what was going on. I’d synthesized us both, the Reapers and me. I had destroyed the AI and all the Husks, as well as all Reapers ships not of Capital class. But what we’d evolved into created some kind of irrevocable, genetic bond between them and me. I don’t control them, they have free will, but we can all tap into this collective consciousness we share. And apparently, this consciousness includes the Keepers, who were neither indoctrinated slaves, nor Reaperized units.

“I don’t think I reacted to that so well, but Harbinger said he’d asked some Keepers to dig me out, and that he’d contact me once I was ‘recovered’, was how he put it. And that’s what happened. About six Keepers dug me out, humming and clicking the whole time about the mess and how much work putting the Citadel to rights _again_ was going to take. I’ll tell you guys, I didn’t know those fuckers were so chatty.”

Shepard stifled a snicker at the looks of utter astonishment painting the faces of the Councilors. All of this was a lot to swallow, she knew, but she couldn’t help her laughter.

“The Keepers led me to some duct work, told me to follow it. I did and found myself dumped out just south of the Tiberius Towers on the Silversun Strip. I don’t know how I made it to Anderson’s apartment, but I remember there was no one around, and I couldn’t hear anything either. And I almost gave up then, figuring I was gonna end up like those fucking Prothean scientists from Ilos. Trapped on the Citadel, waiting to slowly starve to death. But fuck, I don’t give up, so I managed to push myself on to the apartment. When I got in, I saw Garrus in the thrashed remains of a sofa, and I asked if there was any food. The rest, you know.

“Now you can ask your questions. One at a time, starting with Urdnot Wrex and moving clockwise around the room.” She figured that would work the best, letting her brother-in-arms go first, but leaving her commanding officer for last should assuage the Council of any indignation over the order.

“Shit, Shepard, I don’t know where to start.” The Krogan shifted his bulk and looked at her with eyes that spoke of awe and wariness.

“Just start, Wrex.”

* * *

Garrus had to excuse himself after Sparatus had finished his questions. Of course, the first thing he’d asked had been about Shepard’s secondary voice box, to which Garrus had told him they’d talk about it later, effectively closing down the line of questioning. Now, he just needed a few minutes to himself, to gather his thoughts, to try and put things into perspective.

The fact that his _Animafer_ was part of some Reaper consensus had not escaped his notice. It was, specifically, the one thing he most worried over. Did that mean he was part of it too, or would be once the bond was complete? It was a lot to try and digest. Thinking about this consensus soon sent his mind reeling back, to David Archer, Project Overlord, and the point when things between Shepard and him had finally come to a head.

He felt his mind slipping into the memories, tried to push them away, but surrendered when they refused to be ignored.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein there are graphic depictions of sex, a flashback, and a flashback again. WARNING! WARNING! GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT AHOY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case it was missed: THIS SECTION HAS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF SEX - XENOPHILIC SEX AT THAT - COARSE LANGUAGE AHEAD! If this offends one, then perhaps one should navigate away.
> 
> Also, errors are mine. I do try to get rid of any typos, etc I'm the only one eyeing this stuff. I apologize in advance for any errors.

_Eighteen months earlier_

“Spirits be damned! Shepard!” Garrus pounded on the locked door. Something had happened to Shepard, and when she’d staggered out of the room they’d thought housed the Project Overlord control panel, he and Tali had been sealed inside.

“Shepard!”

“I don’t think she can hear you, Garrus. I think the AI hacked into her cybernetics. She’s inside it now. We’ll just have to hope she makes it out.” The Quarian’s voice was soft, fearful but hopeful too.

“Fuck this! Damn her and her fucking make-a-decision-follow-it-through bullshit! She’s going to get herself killed.” He pressed the top of his head to the door, so sick to his stomach he felt bile in his throat. He couldn’t lose her again, not before he told her all the things he’d been too terrified to say. 

“Garrus.” Tali lifted her hand to his arm, trying to offer comfort, but Garrus gently shrugged her off.

He knew she meant well, hell he knew _she_ knew exactly why he was acting so out of character. Still, he didn’t want her touch. He wanted Shepard’s.

“I’m so fucked, Tali.” His mandibles flared with irritation, subharmonics clashing against his higher tones, bleeding his impotence and fear around the room.

“Yeah, well, maybe you’ll get lucky and get _another_ chance at her. And maybe this time, you won’t chicken out, like the humans say.” 

Tali’s derision eased some of his anxiety. “And maybe I’ll be the next Primarch.”

The Quarian laughed, tittering in the odd way she did. “You never know. How far down the chain are you, Garrus?”

“Far enough I shouldn’t ever have to worry about it.” He sighed and slid down the door panels, setting his sniper rifle next to him. Tali was the only one on the Normandy who even knew he was in line for the Primacy at all. Being the only dextro’s on board, back on the first Normandy, they’d gotten into the habit of taking meals together. They’d become good friends, and for all the secrets she kept of his, he held an equal number of hers.

“I doubt I’ll be able to get us out, but let me give it a try.” Tali turned back to the computer panel and began talking to herself, pushing buttons and scanning the unit with her omni-tool.

Garrus closed his eyes, mind wandering back to a moment a few weeks before coming to this place, when he’d found himself thinking maybe, maybe Shepard might see him as more than her best friend, her ‘big-guy’, her weapons master. She’d come into the battery, to chat, and somehow the conversation had turned to the differences between a Turian ship and a Human ship, in regard to dealing with high stress missions.

_“You mean Turian commanders let their crews **fight** each other before difficult ops?” Shepard’s eyes went wide in surprise, the bright green sparkling._

_“They keep us in check, don’t want anyone being permanently damaged. They can’t have us fucking up a mission because half a platoon is in the med bay. The fights are refereed, and usually go to first blood or a pin or concession is called. I remember before one mission, we were about to hit a Batarian pirate squad. Very risky._

_“This recon scout and I had been at each other’s throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle things in the ring.”_

_“I assume you took her down gently?” Shepard leaned forward to rest her weight on her right knee._

_He shifted his feet. “Actually, she and I were the top ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility.” He turned and walked toward the portside wall of the battery. “It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room. We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”_

_He turned to face Shepard, felt a flush climb his neck, certain she’d see the faint bluish tinge once it cleared the collar of his armor. He glanced at her face, and a bolt of heat raced through him, in the opposite direction. He watched her pink tongue dart out to moisten her lips, saw the faint mar of a blush across her cheekbones, noticed her pupils dilate._

_But she hadn’t said anything beyond a soft ‘uh-huh’. She stood and in less than a second, it was as if he’d imagined it all. She told him she’d see him later and left the battery, Garrus staring at the doors after she was gone, wondering what the hell to do with what he thought he’d seen._

“Well, I’m pretty sure we’re stuck, Garrus.” Tali’s voice pulled Garrus back to the present.

“Yeah, thanks for trying, at least.” He smacked the edge of his fringe against the door, growling under his breath, trying to keep his temper in check.

“I may not be able to get us out of here, but I was able to find Shepard and track her movements. She’s made her way down a couple of floors, it looks like to some sort of central power node. And I think she’s fighting, I’m picking up overloads right and left, and Mattox shots. Looks like she’s trying to stop the AI from uploading itself to… the Normandy! Kee’lah.”

“What?” Garrus lurched to his feet, rifle in hand.

“Get back, Garrus!” Tali ran at him, shoving into the empty corner beside the door a moment before the panel exploded in a shower of metal and sparks.

“You alright?” Garrus helped Tali off him, looking for signs of a suit breach.

“Yeah, fine. I think we can get out of here now, help me manually open the door.”

They’d left the room, following the path Tali had mapped of Shepard’s movements. What they found would scar Garrus for the rest of his life. Project Overlord’s director, a Dr. Gavin Archer, had physically linked his autistic brother, David, into a closed Geth network. According to the monster, Overlord was supposed to find a way for the Illusive Man to control the Geth. All Garrus saw was the most deprived torture he’d ever witnessed, made all the more horrific because it had been perpetrated on a defenseless subject. One who Dr. Archer should have loved and protected, not subjected to this atrocity.

“So you’ll sacrifice you brother’s happiness for you own ambition?”

The thing hooked up to innumerable hoses and wires spoke then. _“Square root of 906.01 equals…”_

“Thirty point one,” Dr. Archer replied. “What I’ve done to David is unethical; if he dies, it’s unforgivable. Let me take care of him, please.” His words beseeched Commander Shepard.

_”Quiet. Please, make it stop.”_

“I’ve seen enough of your cruelty to know he’ll never be free from it here. I’m taking him away.” Shepard turned from the doctor.

“No! Leave him!” Dr. Archer raised a sidearm and shot at Shepard. “He’s too valuable!”

Shepard dodged the bullet and came at Archer before Garrus could react. She punched him hard in the face, then brought up her own pistol, pressing it against the doctor’s temple. “You even think about coming after your brother and this bullet will be waiting for you. Then we’ll see who’s valuable.”

The doctor visibly shrank back. “Where will you take him?”

Shepard stood down. “Grissom Academy. They can help special cases like David, minus the torture.” She hailed Joker and told him to contact the Academy and that they were bringing someone to them. With a look that should have killed Dr. Archer where he stood, Shepard said, “The Illusive Man can fire me if he doesn’t like it.”

Then she put her fist up and made a circular motion, signaling to the rest of them it was time to leave. As they walked out, Garrus heard the boy trapped in the machine reciting more numbers and he hung his head in sorrow, and shame.

On the shuttle ride back to the Normandy, Garrus’ shame and sorrow began to morph into pure rage. He was furious with Shepard for letting herself get caught alone, facing an unknown enemy, without someone on her six. It wasn’t the first time, Spirits knew it wasn’t, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. By the time they docked on the Normandy, Garrus practically threw himself from the shuttle, double-timing it to the elevator. He knew he had to get his ass to the battery and chill the fuck out before he did something he’d probably regret.

He should have known better, and thinking back, he probably did. There was no way Shepard would have missed his emotional state and being Shepard, she would decide to find out what the hell was wrong sooner, rather than later. Garrus had just chucked everything from the top of his weapon’s bench in the main battery, angrily flinging gun parts and tools the length of the canons, when the doors opened and Shepard stepped inside.

“What the fuck, Garrus? You got a problem?”

He whirled on her, grabbed her by her throat and threw her onto the now empty bench. She landed hard, legs splayed, shoulders bouncing off the metal wall behind her. He stepped into her, crowded her space, got close enough to her face to see the tightening around her mouth and the narrowing of her eyes.

“Yeah, Commander, I do have a fucking problem. You are certifiably _insane_! What were you thinking, going out of that room without me or Tali with you?”

Shepard slipped a little, bringing the crux of her pelvis in direct contact with the armor covering his groin plates. She recovered, shoving her forehead against his, a growl coming from the back of her throat. “I was thinking we needed to finish that fucking mission and move on. I was thinking I could take care of myself and that if you two could get out of that room, you’d find me. Now back off.”

For a moment, he nearly obeyed. But too many things were riding him, anger, frustration, red-hot, soul-searing, _hunger_ for the female in front of him. He shoved his head back against hers. “No. I won’t back off until you-“

But Shepard, ever one to throw herself into anything and roll with the punches, cut him off by gripping the long, stiff fringe at the back of his head in a firm hold and jerking him away from her face. If she’d known what that would do to him, maybe she wouldn’t have done it. If she were more familiar with Turians on the whole, she might have at least had an idea what doing that would cause. Looking back, Garrus wasn’t sure her knowing would have changed anything, but he didn’t regret what happened at all and he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

He’d roared, actually roared, at her unintentional sexual challenge. All the anger swirling inside him instantaneously became desire, and not some gentle kind of human need, but a dark, predatory, instinctive need to _claim what was his_. He wrapped on taloned hand behind her neck, curled his other three fingers into the curve of her hip, and jerked her upright against him.

Garrus ground his armor covered groin against her lower body, somewhere in the back of his mind reminded by a vid he’s seen that their sex organs were fairly similar. “Submit.”

He felt the subharmonics of his voice shiver through her flesh. Shepard hadn’t let go of his fringe and he watched her eyes flash. “You’re trippin’ balls, Vakarian.” She pulled hard with her right hand, and brought her left up to plow into the side of his face. His grip slipped and she used it to her advantage, thrusting her hips up to put some distance between them, before she swung her feet up and planted both boots in the middle of his chest with a massive shove.

He fell back, hard, against the calibration station, and she took advantage, slipping from the weapons bench and moving straight to the door.

“If you need to work off some steam, we’ll spar in the cargo bay, not in the battery.” Her hand was almost to the door, a moment longer and she’d escape.

Garrus grabbed her arm, spinning her away from the door and back toward the weapon’s bench. “We aren’t going anywhere.” He heard the animalistic trill in his voice, but there was nothing he could have done to stop it. The second she’d grabbed his fringe, she’d let loose every mating instinct he’d been trying to bury, to ignore, for almost three years. Lily Shepard was leaving the main battery either as his lover or over his unconscious body.

He lifted his omni-tool to the door, hacking the access code and effectively locking them inside. Then he turned back to her and began throwing his armor off, the chest and back pieces first, then his gloves, and finally his greaves. When he was down to the one-piece undersuit, he stalked toward her. But Shepard knew the batter almost as well as he did. She slipped beside the canon and under it, through a gap too small for a Turian to follow.

“Garrus, I’m not fucking around. Get your shit together and open that door.” Her voice was throaty, and there was anger in it, but something else too.

He tilted his head and flared his mandibles, drawing the air deep into his body, hoping to find – that, just there, a darkly sweet scent, so different from what he’d known before, but instinct told him it was comparable. He met her gaze over the barrel of the Thannix. “I can smell you, Shepard.”

Her jaw slackened, briefly. She looked straight into his eyes and the corners of her mouth drew tight. “Fuck.”

His mandibles flared again, in a kind of Turian smirk. “Absolutely.”

He saw her shoulders bunch a split second before she dashed for the door, a last ditch effort. He caught her around the waist feet from her goal, and slammed her down atop the calibration console. Using his superior mass, he pinned her her beneath him, back to front, and grabbed her flailing wrists in his hands, pinning them to the table beneath their bodies. She turned her head to the side, struggled hard to escape, but all she did was manage to bring his cock to full readiness, rock hard and completely free of his plates.

He pressed his forehead to the side of hers, putting his mouth close to her ear. “Mmm, keep doing that and this will be done before I’ve properly started.”

Her ass twitched against him. “Vakarian.” Her tone held reproach, but he heard her own desire in the way she drug the word out on a breathy whisper.

“I can’t be nice, Shepard. I’m too close.” He shifted his grip, taking both her hands into one of his, freeing himself to do what he needed to next. With one extremely sharp talon, Garrus hooked the top of her casual uniform, and proceeded to slice the material all the way down her back. He cut clean through her outer clothes and her underclothes, exposing the smooth expanse of her human back to his gaze.

Shepard lurched beneath him, hips shifting, trying to pull her knees up to the table, but Garrus only pressed himself harder against her backside. She gasped and stilled, her body vibrating with tension. He leaned his torso back, and repeated the gesture with her bottoms, extra careful of her delicate flesh, until the entire posterior of her body was revealed to him.

He purred his appreciation. Her shoulders were strong, muscles defined beneath her lightly tanned skin. He watched the barely visible ridges of her spine shift, perhaps in supplication, as his gaze continued downward. Part of Garrus longed to turn her over, to see her entirely nude, but his patience was at its end. He couldn’t go slower, wait longer, to mark this female, to bind her to him.

_Wait, what?_ Garrus tried to reign himself in. There’d be no marking, no binding. Whatever the hell had come over him, that wasn’t going to happen. Turian’s didn’t mark mates or pair bond like that anymore. No, he just needed to bury his body as deeply inside her as Turianly possible, to finally be as far beneath her skin as she was his.

There were two small indentations at the top of her buttocks and Garrus pressed his free thumb into the right one. A perfect fit. Taking a deep breath, he moved his hips back and tore the undersuit at the waist, before shifting and pulling, tearing the fabric more, until his cock was free, the throbbing length, so dark a blue against her human skin tone, resting against her buttock. 

“Oh, god, I swear if you regret this afterward, Vakarian, I’ll fucking kill you.” She squirmed beneath him, his slick flesh sliding across the rounded globe of her cheek.

“Never.” He pulled back, the tip of his body a bare breath from hers, when common sense stopped him. Shaking his head at what he’d almost done, Garrus pulled out the top draw beneath the console and removed a dual-chirality condom. He hesitated, his ardor cooling for a moment, as he pondered what he was doing. Shame flooded him and he released her wrist.

“Commander, I don’t know –“ He began, but her words stopped him in his tracks.

“Fuck me, Garrus.” She lifted her hands to the steel bar at the top of the console, wrapping her fingers around its girth. “Right fucking now.”

Garrus couldn’t remember putting a rubber on so fast in his life. One minute he stood there wondering how the hell he was going to fix the mess he’d gotten himself into and the next, he wrapped his hands around her waist, his thumbs snug in those two tiny dents, lifting her to him, and –

“Holy fucking Spirits!”

“Shit, Garrus!”

Her body spasmed around his, and he tightened his grip, thought he’d lose his fucking mind. Garrus struggled to assimilate all the new, foreign, sensations. Shepard felt nothing like a Turian. Inside her body was hotter than her skin, so hot, and she was wet, _very_ slick, but not from him. He looked down as he drew back, the sheen of her need glistening against the condom, and he almost came right then.

Then her body tightened around his again, and Garrus grunted, shoving back in deep. His cock swelled, just as it would to fill a Turian partner, but Shepard’s body seemed to adjust, which only made him swell more. His cock was so full, he thought it would split, and the thicker it got, the more of his own lubrication he made, the hotter he became, the more feral.

“What are you doing to me?” He slammed his cock deep, the tip glancing over something firmer, at the end of her. The sensation wasn’t unpleasant, but neither was it great, so he canted her hips up, and felt the tip of his cock slip past the harder area, into a very snug notch at the very depths of Shepard’s body.

“Ah!” She shuddered beneath him, her hands tightening on the rail, and he felt warm fluid slide against his groin plates.

“You okay?” The words were guttural, hard to speak.

“Fuck, yes. More.” She gasped the words.

He drew out, thicker and harder than he’d ever been in his life and thrust back in. His body had reached its limit, but Shepard’s body surrounded him, the perfect fit. He marveled, amazed she could take all of him without pain, yet still be so tight, so close around his cock he could feel every breath she took, the beat of her heart.

He set a hard, deep rhythm, not fast, but forceful, dominant. He drew himself out, nearly free of her body, before plunging back until his plates pressed deep into her ass. His talons curled into her front, and as the pleasure grew, and grew, he fought not to puncture her soft body with his razor sharp claws.

“Garrus, harder, faster.” Shepard’s body shook beneath him, a coral blush flushing up her back, to her neck. She didn’t exactly keen the words, but the tone of her voice had the same effect as if she had. He pulled her tighter against him, shortened his strokes, and truly began to fuck her.

It didn’t take long, maybe two or three minutes, before Lily Shepard destroyed his world and built it back up, herself the soul focus. 

“Garrus!” She screamed his name, her back bowed in absolute submission, and her body began to contract, in a chaotic rhythm, around his cock. 

He’d never felt anything so good, no, so un-fucking-believable in his life and Garrus’ tenuous control snapped like dry tinder beneath a boot. He roared, lunging forward, ramming his cock into her, and clamped his mouth over her shoulder, effectively holding her in place as he power fucked her until he came. 

And came, and came. He orgasmed so hard, with such force, a wave of vertigo crashed over him, nearly taking him to the floor. And just when he thought they were surely done, her body began to contract around his again, he felt a flood of moisture from her body, and she screamed her satisfaction a second time.

“Oh my fucking GOD!” Shepard came apart around him, beneath him, the spasms flashing through her entire body until she shook against the console and Garrus swore he heard her breath catch on a sob.

His body, reacted, sending him into another orgasm, though not as powerful as the first, but still strong enough to stagger him on his already week legs. Garrus collapsed atop Lily, using his palms to try and keep most his weight from her, as they both tried to come down off what, at least for Garrus, was the most amazing sex of his life.

He didn’t know how long they stayed that way, his large body draped over hers, sex still connected.

Eventually, Shepard stirred beneath him. “Can you move?”

Garrus pressed his face into her hair and chuckled. “I honestly don’t know, but I’ll try.” He levered himself up and slipped from her body, senses quivering at the shadowy shiver of pleasure the movement gave him. He stepped back, taking in her body, and that’s when he noticed the wound. 

“Shit, Shepard, I’m sorry.” He spoke those words to Shepard, but in his head it was more like _oh, fuck, oh, fuck, what the fuck have I done, fuck Turians only mark mates, oh, shit, oh, shit_.

She pushed herself up on shaky arms, her left hand going to her right shoulder. She ran her fingers over the bite and pulled them back to see the blood. He watched her shoulders lift, the movement sparse but so smooth, graceful. “No biggie. I’ve had worse. I’ll slap some medi-gel on it in my cabin.”

He should tell her, he needed to tell her, but when she turned around to face him, he couldn’t do it. Her lower lip was bleeding, probably from biting her lip, and he reached for her. She grinned and, holding her clothes together with her hands behind her back, she moved to stand in front of him. 

“I have bigger things to worry about, Vakarian. How am I supposed to get through the mess and up to my cabin without the whole crew knowing what we just did.” She chuckled and Garrus forgot all his worries.

“I think I have an undersuit around here somewhere. It’ll at least cover your ass.”

* * *

“Garrus? Garrus? Garrus Vakarian!” Liara’s voice jolted him awake and Garrus jerked upright.

“Yeah, yeah, Liara. I’m awake.” _And suffering an amazingly painful hard on._

“They’re finished and Shepard is ready to leave. AMA I might add.” The frown on the Asari’s face spoke of her concern.

“Look, it’s what she wants. The Normandy has the best med-bay outside of one of the specialized surgery bays in this very hospital. Chakwas is going with us. She’ll be safe, but more than that, she’ll be comfortable.” He rubbed a hand across Liara’s back, hoping to make her feel better.

She sighed. “I know. I called EDI, told her to expect us. I wasn’t sure what Shepard would want, so I told EDI to tell the crew to maintain their posts. We’ll let Lily decide how she reintroduces herself.”

“Good call.”

The hospital room’s doors slid open and Garrus nodded tightly to each person as they exited. As Wrex stepped out, the big Krogan leader took Garrus’ hand, and pulled the Turian in a semi-hug Garrus had seen human males share. “Take care of her, Vakarian. I’ll come see her privately in a couple of days.”

“Understood, Wrex. See you soon.” He released the Krogan’s hand, watching Wrex move to hook his arm around Liara’s shoulders and shuffle off with her at his side.

“So, Liara, being a quarter Krogan-“

“Oh, no, Wrex, don’t even start.” 

Garrus grinned as their voices faded off. He shook his head, part of him amazed by how close Shepard’s team had grown under her leadership over the years. It simply boggled the mind.

“Hey, big-guy, ready to go home?” She stepped out of the door, her hand held out to him, spread in the odd one-two-one split they’d both found worked perfectly well for holding hands. 

His soul sighed when her palm slid against his own. “Absolutely.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part where Shepard dreams...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strong sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

The door to the Loft slid closed, silent as a mouse, and Shepard actually trembled with relief. _She was home_. Limbs heavy with fatigue, she made her way down the two steps and flopped, unceremoniously, onto her slightly-too-firm bed.

“So good.” She hummed into the mattress, still getting used to the tonal-duality of her voice. She really had to learn to shut that off. It gave away too much she'd never actively reveal.

“Let’s get you more comfortable and tucked in.” Garrus’ heavy footfalls sounded across the floor, muffled but there nonetheless. She felt his three-fingered grasp on her boots, talon-tipped digits carefully unlacing the heavy combat gear and pulling them from her feet.

She wiggled her toes in appreciation, before rolling over and unbuttoning her pants. She shoved them past her hips, and her Turian grabbed the fabric at her ankles, pulling the material free from her body. Shepard had a fleeting moment of regret that this first night back in her own bed, she wouldn’t be able to muster the energy she needed to be with her lover.

“Sorry, Garrus, I’m just beat.” She rolled over, onto her knees, and crawled up the bed, digging the covers back so she could climb in.

He chuffed at her, the sound part laugh, part chagrin. “Please, Shepard. I may be mad for you, but I’m not a bastard. Well, not that big a one, at any rate.”

“Aren’t you getting in?” She unbuttoned the top three buttons on her uniform shirt, and struggled to pull the fabric over her head.

“Here, let me.” He took hold of the sleeves and whipped the top off, tossing it to the floor beside the bed. “Yeah, in a few minutes. I’m just going to be over there, at the terminal. Primarch Victus was supposed to reply to an email by today.”

Garrus pulled the covers up and tucked them around her, before bending down and pressing his forehead to hers. He brushed his fingers over her hair and Lily murmured contentedly, her eyes slipping closed. “’Kay”

She wasn’t awake long enough to hear a reply, if he gave one. Instead she sighed softly and fell immediately to sleep.

* * *

Images flew through her mind, almost as if her dreaming brain was searching through her past, looking for some specific moment to replay while she slept.

She saw her first meeting Nihlus, then a flash forward to seeing his dead body just a few hours later. Color swirled and she stood in front of the Council, hearing them utter the words to make Commander Lily Shepard the first human Spectre. As the pictures churned again, she watched Saren end his own life instead of remaining a tool of the Reapers. 

The images continued to dance through her mind’s eye, kaleidoscopic colors, faces washing past faces, the smell of spent heat sinks, the feel of the Mako careening beneath her as she fought to steer it up the sheer face of one mountain or another, until finally, the whirling reflections of the past slowed, indistinct phantasmagorias becoming defined. She recognized this memory.

She strode toward the battery; she’d just left Legion in the AI Core. They’d recently returned from the Heretic base and she’d wanted to be certain Legion was still on-board with her decision to rewrite them. Legion assured her they were in consensus and the two had begun talking about the Morning War. After bidding Legion goodbye, Lily realized she ought to take her own advice and had headed for the battery.

The walk was short, but she collected her thoughts as she paced the metal walkway. Despite her best efforts, things had been awkward between her and Garrus after their intense connection some weeks ago. Even though she’d wanted him since Ilos, hell maybe before that, she’d never pursued him. It would have been an utterly selfish act; moreover, starting something with Garrus could have jeopardized the balance of the team, the mission.

But she’d done _something_ in the battery to push him, them, over the friend line and into something else. And Shepard was terrified whatever they were now, it had cost her the one person she trusted most. The man she relied on to be her strength when she was weak, the partner who listened and gave the advice she couldn’t always ask for, but needed anyway. After the ‘incident’, she’d done some research, discovering how her actions were interpreted by his species. Her new knowledge left Lily unsure, for the first time in her life, about how to proceed.

Shoulders squared, Shepard decided she’d waited long enough to see if Garrus had a better plan of action. His plan seemed to be avoidance, but after rewriting the heretics and talking to Legion, she refused to put the conversation, or maybe confrontation, off any longer. Avoiding the issue would not resolve it and Shepard wasn’t a procrastinator. Resolute, she pressed the door pad and stepped into the main battery.

She spoke without preamble. “I’m a big girl, Garrus. I can handle it if you don’t want to be with me, that way. I understand how my actions would be interpreted by a Turian. By jerking your crest, I was pretty close to giving you head, in the Turian spectrum of sexual come-ons. It was my fault, I take full responsibility. Hell, when it seemed like you might back off, I told you, graphically, to continue.”

“Shepard-“He shifted on his feet, looking anywhere but at her.

“Let me finish. Like I said, if you want to pretend it never happened, chalk it up to inter-species miscommunication and move on, that’s fine. I can do that. What I can’t do is deal with you avoiding me, with this unbearable awkwardness between us. Let’s bury the hatchet, alright?” She waited, somewhat impatiently, her arms crossed over her chest, fingertips drumming against elbows. But she would give him time to reply, she wasn’t going to rush him into something else, compounding the problem.

"Not sure how slamming a sharp object into a tree stump will help, Shepard." 

She lifted a brow, but remained silent.

Garrus gave a soft sigh, before looking around for the door controls. The access slid closed behind her and Garrus finally looked at her face. “I’d never considered cross species intercourse. Damn, saying it that way doesn’t help. Now I feel dirty and clinical.” He made an exasperated sound and began to pace. "Look, one time, I can chalk it up to the heat of the moment, as you humans say. But Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home. Or at least based on the same basic building blocks.”

In the dream, Shepard could finally understand what all the dual-tones in Garrus’ voice had meant then. She heard his worry, his fear, as well as a thread of hope carrying his words. At the time, though, she’d only felt like she’d made things worse, that she’d made him even more uncomfortable with her.

“I don’t want something ‘closer to home’, Vakarian. I want you. But I’m not trying to pressure you. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable. Fuck, I’m just making things worse, aren’t I? Just… let’s just pretend it never happened. Because honestly, Garrus, I don’t want to lose your friendship, I can’t accept the idea of you not being my go-to when I need advice, when I need to lean on someone. I won’t have it.”

She dropped her arms at her sides, searching his gaze for some hint to what he was thinking.

“Shepard, you’re about the only friend I’ve got left in this fucked up galaxy.” He stepped into her, taking her hands in his. “I’m sorry I let it drag out this long, but I guess neither of us is all that good at approaching things, well, delicately.”

She gave a sharp bark of laughter. “Nah, Garrus, I’m totally fine with you letting me spout off about my _feelings_ there. I feel like a fucking idiot.” A blush bloomed across her cheeks.

“Lily, you don’t ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. You make me nervous, time to time, but I’ve come to expect it.”

“So, Vakarian, what’s it going to be? Should I book a room?”

He huffed a laugh, subharmonics vibrating with humor. “Cut right to the chase, huh, Shepard? Maybe we should make that a standing rule. And yes, definitely book a room. But not just yet. We should try to disrupt the crew as little as possible. You know, find the calm before the storm. Time for us alone, without distractions. You know me; I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink.”

Her face froze, her mind immediately conjuring up a million sordid, lurid interpretations of his comment. It seemed her Turian friend (lover?), realized the same thing, because he dropped her hands and a faint blue stain crept above his collar.

“Wait, that metaphor just went somewhere horrible.”

Shepard snorted, which turned into a giggle, and then a full-belly laugh. “Oh, Garrus, I think you do awkward fine all by your lonesome. I’ll let you get back to work.” 

“Right, ‘cause I’m in a great place to be optimizing firing algorithms right now.” His right mandible flared with a Turian smirk.

“Later.” Shepard gave him a quick wave and left the battery.

The dream danced then, forward to the night before the Omega 4. Lily felt light as she watched them come together slowly, Garrus awkward, not wanting to ruin things with her, between them, by screwing it up. She pressed her palm to his face, soothed his worries away, and he’d gently pressed his forehead to hers for the first time. The gesture had made her heart beat faster, sent warmth to every corner of her resurrected flesh. To know he cared for her, really cared, meant more to her than any silly platitudes or smooth come-ons from all of her previous admirers.

But the dream wouldn’t resolve that moment, instead playing through it beneath a haze of muted tones and hushed words. Lily felt a tug of sadness, she wanted to relive these snatches of the past, so few they numbered. Four, four times they’d come together, from that night in the battery to the last time she’d surrounded by him before they’d assaulted the Illusive Man’s base. Such a small number, by many counts, for her to have given all she had to give to him. But she’d known, from that night before the Omega 4, Garrus Vakarian was the only being she loved more than her duty, more than her crew, more than the Normandy.

Darkness crashed over her mind, wiping away the colors of happy times, bringing with it the horrible echo of the Reapers. The War for Life, she’d called it. It passed in a haze of black, dark grey, drab brown, and deepest, warmest red. So much blood, so much loss, so little time to make sure everyone knew she would do whatever it took to protect them. Not enough moments to strengthen bonds, connections, in the end leaving Lily bereft as much for what she was sure she would have to sacrifice, as for what she feared she failed to say.

A tiny speck of lightest pink pierced the darkness, expanding, spreading to soothing cream and beckoning blues, before her mind allowed her to capture the one memory she held most prized.

“Hey, Shepard, thought you’d be up here.” He strode through the cabin and down the steps. “You know what the best part is, about a battle that decides the whole fate of the galaxy?”

She gave him a small grin. “Winning it?”

“I was thinking it’s a good excuse to remind the ones you care about, that, well, you care about them. Want some company?”

Shepard doesn’t hear what she replies. All her senses are focused on Garrus, the slight flare of his mandibles, the way his warm, dry breath teases across her lips as he leans in and presses his mouth plates against her lips. Kissing him isn’t kissing a human, but it’s hers, all hers, something he’s only ever experienced with her, and Lily feels it’s a fair trade, because she never gave her soul to anyone else. It’s only his, no one else’s, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Their clothes fell away slowly, a piece at a time, both of them thinking if this is the last time, they don’t want to rush. She pushed him onto his back, or as close as a Turian can get to that position, and trailed soft, open mouthed kisses against his firm, strange but never foreign, skin. From the edge of his fringe, down and across his mandibles, Lily paused only to run the tip of her tongue over his lower mouth plate.

He groaned, his body shifting, his breath coming a bit quicker, more shallow. She smiled, but didn’t stop, using her tongue to trace the creases in his chest plates, scraping her teeth against his more rigid structures. Glancing a bit further down his body, it’s evident how much Garrus enjoyed her ministrations. The hard plates covering his groin have retracted, exposing the most beautiful male sex organ Shepard had ever seen. Longer than the average human, and slightly thicker in this state, the blue of Garrus’ cock was like nothing she’d ever seen before. It swirled with different shades, some darker nearing black, some lighter, reminding Shepard of the color of faint clouds against the pure azure sky of Earth. 

She had stopped her venturing then, laying her cheek against his warm, rough thigh as she lifted her hand to delicately trace his shape. He huffed, his subharmonics rumbling beneath her ear and through her bones, his desire becoming fierce beneath her touch. She hummed lightly in response, wrapping her hand tightly around him, slowly stroking from wider base to slightly narrower tip, the arrowed shape of him unusual, but close enough that when he was deep inside her, everything fit _perfectly_.

She sped her movements and tightened her grip, not fast enough to finish him, but just enough to make his hips lift into her hold. She longed, not for the first time, to take him into her mouth, but Garrus refused. With their incompatible biology, he felt it was too dangerous to attempt. Though the logical part of her agreed, the selfish woman in her grieved the loss of the intimate gesture. For both of them, since she wouldn’t allow him to taste her either. A brief exchange of saliva was all they allowed, and even that left a soft, burning sensation in its wake.

“Lily, please.” Garrus’ rough words drew her thoughts from what couldn’t be and back to what was a certainty.

She lifted her head from his leg, slowly dragging her palm against his exceptionally slick skin, before releasing her hold. Secretly, Shepard delighted in the fact that both of them physically showed their arousal through an increase in sensual lubrication. “Garrus, I want you.”

He gripped her shoulders, swiftly rolling her beneath him. He grabbed a pillow, thrusting it beneath her bottom, lifting her toward him and compensating for the differences in their physical forms. With utmost care, Garrus laid one taloned hand against her breast-bone, spreading his taloned fingers against her flesh. Ever aware how dangerous one wrong move could be, her human flesh offering no resistance to a millennia of predatory evolution, he stroked the soft skin, moving ever closer to the tight, aching tips of her breasts.

“Garrus, don’t tease.” She bowed her back, lifting herself to him, and relished his responding growl.

“I think you’re the tease, Shepard.”

She bit her lip to hide her grin. Though they’d been together but a few times, she’d discovered when she moved her body in supplication, the actions ratcheted her lover’s hunger exponentially. True submission would never be in her nature, but in these moments, quiet and intense, when they gave themselves to each other, Shepard knew she and Garrus submitted and conquered in equal measure. Offered a true balance of power, pleasure, passion, and piety to each other, returned with identical fervor.

The fine, sandpaper rasp of the pad of his finger brushed over her nipple and she gasped with delight. He swirled the sensitive bit of flesh, testing her firmness, slowly stoking the fire in her belly with each pass of his skin against hers. She felt his other hand tease her other breast and she rolled her hips, an unmistakable request clear no matter the language, no matter the race.

She felt the bed move, his weight shifting as he reached to the bedside table. The sound of him covering himself, knowing the moment he would meld them together was near, made Shepard quiver, a soft moan slipping out on choppy breath. When he moved closer, took her thighs in his grip, pulling her to him, she signed and slipped her knees into the ever-so-convenient notches of his hips.

He held her still, slowly pressing into her body. She tightened around him, part in anticipation and part in acceptance, his girth –even now- enough to take her breath. The tight thrill of pain as she stretched to accommodate him made her hotter, needier. “Garrus, more. I want all of you.”

He grunted, his hips thrusting at her words. But his grip remained steady, his pace set. He’d never been as forceful as he’d been in the battery. Part of her understood he’d been a bit out of his head, and worried he’d hurt her if he lost all control. Still, she longed for him to _take_ her, to _remind_ her, show her, she was indelibly his. She drew her hands up her body, over her ribs, across her breasts. Her left hand, she used to tease and pull at her left nipple, but her right, she continued to smooth over her skin until she rounded the curve of her shoulder. Her fingers danced along the bumps there, the scars she’d refused to allow Chakwas to remove. Proof of Garrus’ possession.

She lifted her hips, the tip of his body gliding behind her cervix, finally fitting in that last inch of her body. She moved her hips, grew wetter, as she marveled at his body. Inside her, gripped by the powerful walls of her sex, he began to expand, swelling until she felt every ridge of him as it pressed against all the pleasure centers deep inside.

“So good.” She twisted her nipple, the tiny pain echoing the erotic burn of his size.

“You drive me crazy, Lily. I’ve never… Spirits, I’m so... I've never been... I don’t know how it’s possible.”

She couldn’t help a chuckle. “Even the Asari can’t do that.”

His grip tightened on her waist. “Don’t do that, I’ll never last.”

Shepard released her breast and her shoulder, reaching for his hands at her waist. “Touch me.” She watched his face, his expressive cerulean blue eyes, as she pulled his hands to her breasts. She shuddered around him, tiny quivers of passion, when his rough palms finally covered her. “Do what I did, Garrus. Pinch them, pull them, please, Garrus.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Even in his hesitation she sensed the jolt of desire her words sparked in him.

“You won’t.”

Carefully, he took each nipple between a forefinger and thumb, pinching each bud with gentle pressure. She squirmed, tightened her legs around him, pressing the tiny bundle of nerves at the apex of her sex against the unforgiving rigidity of his plates. Lifting her arms above her head, she pressed her palms against the wall. She wanted more leverage, she needed more friction to grind herself against him.

“Spirits, Lily. You’re amazing.” His left hand slid from her breast, down her side, to wrap around her hip once more and he began to move.

At first slowly, drawing himself from her, pushing back in, his enlarged width stretching her, oh so good, with each stroke. She shoved against the wall, felt moisture slip from her body as her arousal grew, and grew. And when Garrus’ fingers tightened, just beyond the edge of pain, against her nipple, she arched her back and whimpered, legs locking around his waist, grinding her clit against his plates as hard as she could.

Garrus stilled. “Did I hurt you?”

“God, Garrus, in the best way. More!” She circled her waist, seeking a repeat.

And he gave it to her. He tweaked, pressed, pulled her nipple, until the sounds coming from her throat lost all coherence and rhythm. His thrusts came harder, faster, as he switched hands, paying attention to her other breast. She dropped her arms, her hands scrabbling against the bed to find purchase on his knees, and she arched her back off the bed, begging without words, for him to end her suffering or take her to the next level.

He growled, a dark, possessive sound, putting both his hands on her waist. She cried out at the loss of his touch, but her Garrus, he didn’t leave her bereft long. She felt his weight shift, the angle of his body changing, and then, _oh thank the gods_ she felt the indescribable feel of his teeth against her nipple.

“Yes!” Her voice broke moments before her first orgasm as he bit down.

Never before had he put his mouth on her body, not like this, too afraid to risk a more severe reaction than she'd already suffered, but Shepard rejoiced in that moment. She’d deal with the inevitable rash later, savoring the welts as she did when she'd broken out around his bite. Right then, she relished the soft tingle of his saliva, the light burning sensation, as he worked the hard bud with his prehensile tongue, trapped between the sharp edges of his menacing teeth.

Her body undulated around him as she came, clasping and releasing in rhythm to their passion. When her cries softened, her hold on his waist and knees easing, Garrus grunted and switched to the other breast, one of his hands slipping beneath her, lifting her closer to his body. His hips moved with more force, his cock demanding her acquiescence, and Lily gave it, gladly.

Her hands came to the back of his head, beneath the long flange of his fringe, and she scraped her nails across the rough skin, knowing it drove him mad. He responded with quickened movements, his teeth tightening against her almost painfully sensitive nipple. Still, it wasn’t enough. She needed more. With a wicked grin, Shepard slipped her fingers along the long projections at the back of his head.

“Harder, Garrus.” She pulled his head roughly from her body, delighting in the sharp ache when his teeth cut into her skin. 

She loved his roar, the guttural intonations of a male pushed beyond his brink. So fast her breath rushed from her lungs, Garrus sat them both more upright, one hand pressing her face to the side, exposing her shoulder, while his other arm wrapped securely around her back. He spread his hips, in turn opening her even wider for his invasion, and began to piston into her body.

She gripped his cowl with her arms, her hands curled around the back edge, nails digging in, anchoring her to him. The electric crackle of pleasure riding a lightning strike of pain ricocheted through Lily’s body as Garrus opened his mouth against her shoulder and bit down, hard.

She didn’t come, the detonation of pleasure through her body so much more powerful, so much deeper than a simple orgasm. Her entire body, every cell, every fiber, was blasted apart, holding in glittering bits like a snow globe frozen in time. Everything stopped, her soul suspended like a spectacular, showering nova of light, heat, pleasure.

And then she collapsed inward, Shepard faintly registering a scream, _her scream_. Between one heartbeat and the next, she was inside herself, a flash of breath, before she erupted again. This time, though, she felt as if she’d transcended herself, she was Garrus, buried deep inside her clutching, grasping, heat. _Her body milked his, and he gave her every drop of his essence, her screams rocking through him, filling him with something so far beyond satisfaction he couldn’t give it a name. He held her tight to him as her hips heaved, as her body came apart around his, and he thanked the Spirits for her._

She came back to herself for only a moment, feeling the last, deep presses of Garrus at the end of her body as he, too, fell from the heavens. She wanted to say something, to tell him how wondrous it had been, but exhaustion stole her away to sleep before his body had completely stilled.

Lily saw the edges of her vision blurring, and wanted to weep. No, no, she didn’t want to leave this place. Part of her mind, though, knew she could have this again. She was home, now, Garrus was with her. The thought soothed her panic, but the dream didn’t end, not then. She watched as the image began to soften, saw Garrus lay her carefully down, his forehead pressed to hers, one of his hands over the mark of his bite.

_”Meus animus est vestri, protego, defendo. Forem.”_ Shepard knew Garrus wasn’t speaking Latin, and surely his words would have been translated by her implants, but as the dream bled away to darkness, those words echoed in her ears. And Lily knew, in her bones, what she’d seen in the dream would change her world and perhaps make everything she’d been through worthwhile.

* * *

Shepard awakened reluctantly, consciousness teasing in, her mind slow to shift from dreams to reality. An echo of words, a phrase, rang in her ears. _”Meus animus est vestri, protego, defendo. Forem.”_

_Latin? In a dream?_ She must have been more tired than she thought. But the words wouldn’t dissipate as her dreams were wont to do. So Lily committed them to wakeful memory, promising herself to look them up. She shifted beneath the covers and realized she was alone in the bed.

Her gaze flitted about, swiftly coming to rest on the sleeping form of Garrus. He was on the small sofa opposite her bunk, his head resting against the glass of a display case. She didn’t imagine it was terribly comfortable, but she was heartened to see him there. Sitting up, she passed her hand over her shoulder and the remains of his bite. Her Turian hadn’t been pleased to see the scar, when she’d accidentally flashed it at him after the party they’d thrown at Anderson’s place. Rather, he hadn’t seemed to _want_ to be pleased by it.

His mandibles flared gently, his even breaths softly sounding in the room. The background hum of the Normandy, so calming, reinforced how good it was to be home. Careful not to wake him, Shepard rose from the bed and headed to the head. She was done sleeping, it was time to work. Her first mission: to see all the faces, touch all the bodies, of the men and women aboard this ship she called family. It was past time to ease their pain, relieve them of their burdens, and find out how many of them still wanted to remain as part of her crew and part of her life. 

As she turned on the taps, she reconciled the truth that everyone might not be able to stay. Like Kelley Chambers, their dedication and faith in Shepard might not be enough to overcome all the horrors they’d seen, all the atrocities of the war. She wouldn’t judge them, she understood. But the Normandy was her boat, her work as a Spectre and with the Alliance too integral to her person for her to ever be content without it. 

As she rinsed her hair and body, finishing her shower, Lily Shepard felt more herself than she had since she’d ran at that goddamn beam. Soon, she’d be completely whole, but crossing that bridge could prove more treacherous than she imagined. She'd never admit it, but she had no idea how to reaffirm her love with Garrus. She wasn't sure jumping his bones was the right idea, she wasn't sure if he was ready to even do that again. She didn't question his love, just how fragile his heart might be. The last she wanted to do was rush him, or hurt him, or downplay how deeply he'd been affected by her presumed death. She acknowledged these feelings, but she refused to allow herself to dwell or worry, acting on those emotions served no one any good. 

What would be, would be, and it was time to get her ass in gear.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wounds begin to heal and Shepard talks with some of the crew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to send out an earnest thank you for the many comments and kudos. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure how well this would be received, but I'm heartened that so many seem to genuinely like it. Thank you, very much, for taking the time to read.
> 
> Oh, there will be plenty of smexy goodness, I promise, but the next few chapters focus more on Shepard reconnecting with the rest of her extended family, getting the relays running, and setting the parameters for her future. I hope you enjoy them as much as the more intimate connections Shepard has experienced!

As quietly as possible, Shepard dressed herself and left the Loft. As she waited for the elevator, she looked at the new, pink skin on her left palm. Seemed like whatever upgrade synthesizing with the Reapers had given her, it included extremely fast healing. She brought her hand closer to her face, then let her gaze move along her arm too. She marveled again at the smooth expanse of flesh. With the exception of her worst wounds, the chunk of her arm she’d carved out and the bullet wound in her gut, the skin healed perfectly, without scars. 

Even those two scars were minimal in comparison to the severity of the wounds. Shepard flexed her hand, feeling no tightness, no ache, and shook her head. No, she wasn’t a Reaper, but she was like Lazarus Project Shepard version 15.0. Lily didn’t, for an instant, think she was somehow indestructible. Stop her heart, still her lungs, put a well-placed bullet between her eyes and she would die, of that she had no doubt.

But being able to heal faster, possibly having the capability to take more damage, those were invaluable to a soldier, especially to the captain of the best Alliance frigate in the navy. Garrus had left before she’d finished with the Council the day before, and she’d meant to fill him in. There hadn’t been time, but if he didn’t already know, he would soon enough. She had a lot of ground to cover today, and little time to do it. 

It was early, the Normandy still in night-cycle, as she rode the elevator down to the crew deck. The people she needed to see there would be awake and Shepard decided she’d visit them as she came to them, and not in any particular order. It had never been her style to play favorites or show preference, not even with Garrus, and though part of her wanted to break her own rules in this, she chose not to.

_To the right, to the left, we will fight, to the death. To the edge, of the earth, it’s a brave new world, from the last to the first._ The lines of an ancient song, one her father had hummed often while he worked their backyard garden on Mindoir echoed through Shepard’s thoughts. The song was about war, what happened during it, and what might happen after, and she’d always found it odd he sang it so joyously. But right now, she understood. Her father had survived the First Contact War and all that entailed, and for a while at least, on that backwater colony, he had found a brave new world, full of hope. Despite how his life, and her mother’s, had ended, Shepard understood her father passed on with no regrets.

As she lifted her palm to the med bay’s door, she let go of the last vestiges of the horrible she’d somehow made it through, again. She took a deep breath, misgivings drifting away like ash on the breeze, determined to make the future she wanted. Determined to bring light back to her crazy collection of family, to assuage their pain, and breathe life back into the Normandy. 

The chair before the console spun slowly as Karin Chakwas turned to face her visitor. Shepard stepped closer, the door closing behind her.

Chakwas stood. “Comma- Captain, I mean… Shepard, oh, Shepard.”

Lily didn’t hesitate, she took the other woman in her arms, holding her tight, hugging her just as close as Chakwas clung to Shepard. “Shit, Karin, at this point, I think I’m going to have to demand you call me Lily.”

“Damn you, you had to go and finally get that raise. Now I can’t even call you Commander.” The older woman shook, sobs mixed with relief and laughter.

“Yeah, well, it’s about time, right? Shit, if saving the galaxy can’t get me promoted, I don’t know what would.”

Chakwas squeezed her closer for a moment, before slowly stepping back, using one hand to push away her tears, but keeping the other clasped tightly around Shepard’s fingers. “Hell, Shepard, you should be an Admiral. I heard Hackett offered.”

Lily grinned. “He did, but there’s no way I’m riding a desk. Being the Captain of the Normandy suits me just fine.”

Karin harrumphed. “Hackett wasn’t the only one waving offers.”

The frown on Chakwas’ face made Shepard chuckle. “No, but being the Human Councilor holds about as much excitement for me as being an Alliance Admiral. I lead from the front lines, Karin. It’s better for them, and for me, if I do what I do best and not what the politicians think I should.”

“True enough, Shepard. Although, I think Liara told me you do have at least one more official title to add to your current list. Was she right?”

Shepard motioned for the doctor to retake her seat as she walked to the closest bed. With a hop, she perched on the edge and pondered for a moment how much to confess. “Yeah, she was. I’m the Reaper Ambassador.”

“Well, damn, Shepard. And here I thought I couldn’t possibly be surprised by you anymore.” Worry creased Dr. Chakwas’ brow, her hands folding over each other in her lap.

Lily sighed, but tackled the subject with her usual forthrightness. “Can’t have people thinking I’m predictable, Doc. Besides, I led the fight to eliminate them. I figure if I’m willing to be their go-between, maybe it’ll help ease tensions.”

“Or have the galaxy believing you’re indoctrinated.”

Shepard shrugged. “Well, there’s that too. You and I know the Reaper’s indoctrinated slaves are no longer under their control, but I don’t know how much of that information has spread across the galaxy.”

“Most of the species here in the Sol system know, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t those that refuse to believe it’s the truth.”

Shepard nodded. “Yeah. Speaking of Sol, I’m going to get the Mass Relays back online today. When I do, I’ll have to contact Harbinger and I’d appreciate your being there. I want you to keep a close eye on me. I have no idea how that’s going to work or what’ll happen to me when I do. But I gotta get those relays open. Gotta get people home.”

“You needn’t ask, Shepard.” The tension eased from the doctors posture and a warm smile turned up the corners of her mouth. “I should have known your first priority would be getting people home.”

Shepard slid off the bed. “I’m going to hop into the AI core. Say hello to EDI, just the two of us.”

“Comma- Captain.” Chakwas turned her chair back toward the console.

“Lily. Just Lily.”

She heard the doctor give a soft chuckle as she approached the door at the far end of the med bay. It slid open even before she’d requested entrance. She shook her head, a grin ghosting over her lips.

“I am the Normandy, Shepard.” 

“How could I forget? How are you, EDI?” Shepard leaned against the edge of the bench that had alternatively held Legion’s still form, as well as the shell of Dr. Eva Core, aka EDI’s mobile platform.

“While I do not have the same ability for emotion as the organic crew, I will tell you that my positive feedback loops are cycling so fast I am barely able to keep them from overriding all other processes.”

Lily laughed. “Aw, EDI, I’m really happy you’re in one piece too.”

“I do not know if you understand, Shepard. I know what you did. You could have destroyed the Reapers, but you did not. You put value on my life, on the Geth, equal to all other life in the Galaxy. I was, overwhelmed, and I do not know how to properly convey the sensation.”

_Damn it._ Shepard felt emotion clog her throat. “Fuck, EDI, are you trying to make me cry?”

“No, though I longed for that release, when we believed you dead.” EDI’s tone, metallic though it was, clearly expressed her sorrow.

Lily cleared her throat. “Well, I’m not dead. And neither are you. Since we’re both alive and kicking, how about we share positive feedback loops?”

“Indeed, Captain. However, I will not forget what you did.”

She should have known the ship would know about her promotion. _Garrus is going to be irked._ ”I couldn’t have the Normandy dying on me, not when she’s the best damn ship in the fleet.”

“You attempt to downplay your actions with humor. But I know you, Shepard. If the only sacrifice asked had been your own life, if the Reapers had offered you a choice where you, and only you, would have had to pay, Commander Shepard would have done so without qualm. That you placed the lives of synthetics even above your own, is an act no one should forget.” The decisiveness of the AI’s statement left Shepard no room to argue.

“Noted. Now, tell me what’s going on with the ship. How much longer will it take to be back at one hundred percent?”

* * *

Shepard looked at the readout on Liara’s bedside table. It read 0615, still early by ship’s standards. The Asari wasn’t in her office, the old XO’s cabin opposite the med bay. Shepard knew the other woman wasn’t even aboard ship, and she’d had time to reconcile with Liara while she’d been in the hospital. She’d stopped in this room simply to collect her thoughts away from the public spaces. Lily wanted to see everyone at once, and each individually, but even the two visits she’d had so far left her emotionally spent.

She needed a few minutes to recharge herself. She had no illusions; she knew this part would be hard. She simply had to tap into her inner reserves because there was no putting this off, not that she would in the first place. She wouldn’t. Running her fingers over the Shadow Broker console, she contemplated who would be awake at six in the morning. 

_Vega?_ No, he’d be asleep for another forty minutes. Tali was on the Citadel, her new position as Ambassador of Rannoch (nee The Quarian Flotilla), coupled with her existing position as Admiral had her practically tied to a terminal in the embassies. The rest of engineering would also likely be abed until the 0700 wake up. _Traynor?_ No, the woman spent twenty minutes just brushing her teeth. That left Joker, who EDI assured Shepard was indeed awake, in their new quarters, Zaeed-cum-Allers’ room on the engineering level. Or Javik. His presence surprised Lily. She expected him to have found the first transport off-planet, since the Prothean made it clear his intent to end his existence at the graves of his lost crew after the war.

_What the hell, let’s see what the Prothean has to say._ Shepard strode from the XO’s office, listening for the stirring of bodies as she headed to the elevator. The trip down a floor was brief, thankfully, and as she stepped onto the engineering deck, Lily took a moment to let the hum of the Tantalus flow through her. She hesitated for a moment, almost taking a right instead of a left, but decided she would give Joker a few more minutes before she approached him, as EDI no doubt told him Shepard was up, about, and making her rounds.

She pivot-turned to the left and marched to Javik’s quarters. The door slid open, revealing the Prothean sitting on the floor near his washing pool. His armor rested beneath the bench that once held his memory shard. Shepard dug into her right hip pocket, fingers glancing off the edge of the small fragment, which contained an entire species’ past. She looked at his still form, surprised how much smaller he looked in the singlet he wore beneath armor.

“Javik.”

The Prothean’s four eyes blinked open. He stirred, but didn’t rise. “Commander.”

She didn’t correct him. “Got a minute?”

He tilted his head, then motioned for her to join him. “Come, mirror me.”

She lifted her left brow, but did as he asked, sitting down in front of him, Indian-style as her mom had called it. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I can come back later… or not at all. I understand, either way.”

Javik leaned forward a bit, his back straightening. “No, Commander. I was pondering all that has happened in the last many weeks. The War is done, it seems, but the Reapers are not gone. I would ask, would you share your knowledge with me, as my people did?”

Shepard shivered, unintentionally. She remembered all too well what exchanging information with Javik was like, and while not unpleasant, it had been disconcerting. Still, she understood what he asked of her and as the last of his kind, as the Avatar of Vengeance, Shepard believed he had the right to know the truth. Let him judge whether vengeance was satisfied.

“Yes.”

He nodded and lifted his hands, palms toward her. “We will see how much you have changed, Commander. Perhaps this time, it will be an equal trade of information.”

Shepard brought her hands up. So, he’d heard at least some rumor of what she’d done. She drew a soft breath and pressed her skin to his.

Her eyes slipped closed, vision obscured by darkness. She felt a familiar tingle, knew Javik was doing his ‘thing’, but nothing more. At least, at first, but slowly, by degrees, images took shape in her mind. A Reaper, its red laser razing a small settlement. The flash of a woman, the look on her face, the fear in her eyes as she looked at Javik, full of fear. _His mother?_ The images faded, the grew bolder, louder, and Shepard tensed.

_You must relax, Commander. Trust your instincts and learn all that I have known._

Javik’s voice was calm, steady in her mind, and Shepard did her best to follow his instructions. She stopped struggling to control the rush of memories, of knowledge, instead ‘stepping back’, in her mind’s eye and allowing herself to open up. And _holy shit_ information rolled over her like a dreadnought. 

Suddenly she knew how to create and modify Prothean weapons, she understood how to selectively access information through this genetic sharing that had been commonplace to Protheans, but was beyond her own cycle’s evolutionary ability. She realized she had thousands of years of military tactics, foreign to her own, circling her brain. Gradually, she recognized Javik’s presence in her own memories and while she allowed everything that flowed from him to file itself away, she turned her focus to his energy. In her mind, she created a place to meet him, like Liara had when she’d merged minds with Shepard in London, where she could ‘see’ him and him, her, while they watched her final battle with the Reapers. 

He grunted in agreement when she shot the Illusive Man but was silent when the AI revealed itself to her. He watched her refuse to accept its choices, watched her square her shoulders and make her own decision. As she leapt from platform to platform, her thoughts echoing around them like a running narrative, he crossed his arms over his chest.

When she dug her knife from her boot and carved at herself like a juicy ham, she heard his sharp intake of breath. And then, in the wake of the Crucible firing, they both shielded their eyes from the explosion of white, which blotted out everything. She watched as she came awake in a pile of rubble, then heard Harbinger’s voice.

Javik growled, low, but otherwise didn’t respond. When the last images danced across her makeshift mental screen, her staggering into Anderson’s apartment and Garrus rushing to her side, Shepard felt Javik pulling back. Slowly, he left her thoughts and they returned to the present, facing each other on the floor of his cabin.

“You are the Avatar of Victory, Shepard. I am not certain what kind of victory you achieved, but it is victory.” His hands slipped from hers and she expected him to stand up and immediately wash them.

“It isn’t pyrrhic, if that’s what you’re worried about. Synthesis worked like the AI said it would, it’s just that me and what’s left of fifty-million years of past civilizations are the only ones it affected. That puts us in a strange position, I won’t deny it, but it also means no more Harvests, no more Cycles.”

She wasn’t sure what possessed her, but her instincts told Shepard she needed to show Javik what she meant, words alone wouldn’t suffice. She grabbed one of his hands between hers. “Trust me.”

Thankfully, the Prothean didn’t pull away as Lily tentatively reached out. She led him, this time, gently, through her mind and to the edge of the collective consciousness she shared with the Reapers, offering herself as a conduit between these two ancient enemies. 

“I do not think this is a good idea.”

“Either you trust me or you don’t, Javik, but I’m giving you the opportunity to get your own answers. Don’t waste it.”

She felt his animosity and his fear, but to his credit, Javik didn’t let those things stop him. Shepard distanced herself, instinct guiding her, teaching Lily how to be the link. Time passed strangely, at once seeming infinite and fractional, but eventually Javik’s presence grew stronger.

_“We may return.”_

Shepard pulled away, from Javik and the Reapers, and unhurriedly came back to herself, thinking for a moment it would have been a good idea to have Chakwas monitor her just them. But spur of the moment was one of her forte's. As her eyes blinked slowly, she made a note to see the doctor once she'd seen Joker. Coming back to herself, Shepard released the Prothean’s hand, then leaned back against her palms and waited.

“Vengeance is satisfied, Commander. The thing that wrought the destruction of so many is dead.” He paused to look at her, his gaze boring into hers. “I am not so sure what the future will bring, with Capital ships free of control, roaming the galaxy, but for now I am confident it will mean peace. I thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I made a choice of my own accord, but it may prove to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

Surprisingly, Javik smiled. “Commander, you have done many ‘crazy’ things, but none of them were stupid.”

Lily laughed. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“You will visit with the Joker pi-with Joker, yes? I believe he may need to see you more than most.”

Shepard pushed off the floor to stand. “Yeah.” Her hand bounced against her hip, reminding her of the keepsake in her pocket. She withdrew the memory shard, understanding now how to stop herself from falling into its memories, and held it out to Javik. “I think you should take this back. Maybe now, you can use it without the pain.”

Something flashed in his eyes, but slowly, he took it from her. “Perhaps so, Commander.”

“I’ll head out, then.”

“I wish you good tidings.” Javik, moved to place the memory shard on its stand.

“I’ll see you later, Javik. And listen, I know you had plans, but if you decide dying can wait a little longer, you’re welcome aboard my ship, as long as you want to stay.” Lily stopped in the open door and looked back at the Prothean.

“Thank you, Commander. I will… consider it.”

“Fair enough.”

* * *

Shepard knocked on the door to Joker’s cabin. 

“It’s open.” The voice was uneven, strained.

The aperture slid open and EDI’s mobile platform stepped out. “I will leave you two alone.”

Shepard took the slim, metallic fingers of one hand in her own. “Thanks, EDI.”

The bot nodded to her before moving on toward the elevator bank.

Lily took a breath and entered, waiting for the door to close before she moved farther inside. Jeff sat at a small bench, his back to her.

“I was _this_ close to mutiny. But I guess since it was Alenko, not you, it doesn’t count against me, right?”

“Joker.” Her voice was soft.

“Damn it, Shepard. I still can’t look at his face without wishing I could break his fucking jaw. But since the only thing breaking would be every bone in my arm, I keep talking myself out of it.”

“Well, I can’t have the galaxy’s best pilot flying one-armed.” With measured steps, she moved to Joker’s side, laying her right hand gently atop his shoulder.

“Best in the galaxy, huh?” He turned his face to her, the silvery streaks of moisture marring his features twisting her heart painfully.

“I don’t blame you, Jeff. You followed orders.”

“Bullshit, Shepard. I left you behind. Twice.” He dropped his chin to his chest and Shepard watched his chest heave, strain and guilt fighting for release. “And because I followed orders, we were stuck in the ass end of nowhere for two and half weeks, limping home on FTL. Seventeen days you were buried in a whole that we could have been here, digging you out!”

Swallowing hard, Shepard bit the bullet. She grabbed the closest object, a small crate, and pulled it up to Joker’s chair. Then, without asking permission, she leaned over and carefully pulled his fragile body onto her lap, and into her arms.

“Let it go, Joker. I’m here, I’m not angry or disappointed.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head close to his clavicle, hugging him as firmly as she dared, and after a ragged growl, Jeff ‘Joker’ Moreau gave in.

She felt his arms awkwardly tighten around her, felt the warm drops of pain slide against her hair, but she just held him. She’d given her forgiveness, now she had to wait for him to forgive himself. It took a while, before the watery breaths and shuddering coughs slowed, but eventually the tension eased and they simply held each other.

With a last, broken breath, Joker’s arms relaxed. “Uh, fucking awkward, Shepard.”

She grinned as she put him back on his chair. Her gaze met his as she wiped away her own tears and rubbed her knuckles under her snotty nose. “If you tell anyone-“

“The only way anybody is hearing this story is if it involves graphic sex and you doing the crying. You know, because I’m just that good.” He sniffed and palmed his face, but the hint of a grin crinkled at the edges of his eyes.

Shepard chuckled. “Agreed.” Silence fell, awkwardness creeping in, but there were still things Lily needed to say. “Joker, I know this is, ah fuck it, things are a clusterfuck. But I have to ask…” She trailed off, trying to find the words.

But Joker, ever observant, didn’t need her to finish. “If you still want me at the helm, I’m all yours. But I’m telling you, there won’t be a third time, Commander. I don’t care if Hackett himself orders me to leave, it’s not happening.”

“Understood. And Joker, it’s Captain.”

He ducked his head, one hand going to adjust the fit of his cap. “Yeah, I know. It’s about fucking time. Hey,” he reached to cover one of her hands with his, “I’m sorry about Anderson. Blowing the Illusive Man to hell and back is a good thing, but losing the Admiral like that… Shit, right now would be a great time for one of my jokes-in-poor-taste.”

She sniffed and shook her head, but smiled despite the pain. “Yeah, something about the Alliance wishing for more Shepard clones there in London, right?”

Joker chuckled. “Nah. There’s only one Shepard. Thank god.”

“Come on, Joker, think about it. Shepard and Shepard 2.0, running roughshod over the galaxy, righting wrongs one backwater planet at a time.”

“Fuck that.”

Shepard grinned harder and though there were a lot of things she still wanted to say, and Joker probably did too, she let them go unspoken. Joker wasn’t good, but at least he was headed in that direction. There’d be time later to tell him about his family and for him to tell her Alenko had to go. But in that moment, they were too very close friends being thankful the other was still alive.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard addressed the crew, reveals their first mission, and finds out that even after a near-apocalypse, some things don't change.

“I don’t know how long the effects will last, Shepard, but it should get you through the crew address.”

“Thanks. It’s going to be hard enough telling them about the mission, without having them asking even more questions about my new, dual-toned voice.”

Chakwas hummed her agreement. “The paralysis of your secondary voice box is temporary. Honestly, I don’t know that you’ll ever be able to control it, physically.”

“I sure as fuck hope that's not the case. Otherwise, I’m screwed. It’s no damn wonder the Turian’s are usually so honest, damn subharmonics give away their emotions.”

“Indeed. Has anyone said anything about it?” Chakwas glanced at her briefly, before turning her attention back to the screen in front of her.

“Joker did, but you know him. Made it into a joke and moved on.” _“What the fuck, Shepard, did you actually_ eat _Garrus?”_ ”And Traynor, but so far, no one freaked out.” _”EDI might have some competition, Captain.”_ Shepard chuckled softly and shook her head. “So, what about the other stuff, Doc?” She sat up on the medical bed and made a promise not to put her ass on one again for a very long time.

“It looks like Liara was right. While you do have Reaper DNA, it’s replicated through your implants.”

“Meaning?" She cocked a brow at Chakwas and crossed her arms over her chest. "Come on, Karin, the suspense is killing me.”

“Meaning whatever synthesis is, or was, it affected the inorganic parts of you, upgrading them well beyond current galactic technology, as well as making them more, hmm, compatible with your biology. The whole thing rather boggles the mind.”

“Uh, okay, but if synthesis only affected my, well, synthetic parts, why do I have Reaper DNA running around in my code?”

Chakwas punched a couple of keys at her terminal, the scrolling information halting before she turned to face Lily. “I’ve had a couple of weeks to look at your genome. The Reaper code fragments don’t act like the Turian DNA in your system. Instead, they seem to be replacing the telomeres in each individual strand. It’s very curious, but your implants produce new telomere chains as needed, to replace those in your genome that are nearing the end of their viability.”

“Could you translate that to Standard, Doc?” Shepard didn’t have a fucking clue what Chakwas was trying to tell her.

“Telomeres are bits of DNA that buffer the ends of each strand, slowing the degradation of the gene. Eventually, though, they wear away, a direct effect of aging. But the Reaper DNA in your system is replacing your telomeres, slowly but surely, and it seems several times more resistant to the effects of cell reproduction.”

“So…?” Shepard rolled her hands round and round each other, universal for ‘get the fuck on with it’.

“So, I don’t know, really. Beyond the fact that, barring a head shot or another equally immediate mortal wound, you’ll likely live as long as an Asari. Maybe longer.”

“What the hell, Karin, couldn’t you have just said that?” It made sense; Harbinger had been around for at least fifty million years. Not that Shepard wanted to live that long, but her extended life span didn’t seem strange, in light of her coding error and subsequent synthesis with the Reapers. “Anything else? Were there any changes in anything, you know, after I used myself as a conduit for Javik?”

“No, nothing new to report there, but I’ll thank you not to do it again without supervision.” Shepard ducked her head at the irritated pinch of Chakwas’ brows. 

_Moving on_ “So synthesis has extended my lifespan, upgraded my implants, and made it so I can digest dextro food. That seems pretty good. I wonder when I’ll start seeing the downside.” Lily hopped from the bed.

“Not exactly. Synthesis has nothing to do with your new dextro-compatible biology. That is one thing I could definitely figure out in this mess.”

“Huh?” Shepard was set to leave the med bay, when the doctor’s response stopped her.

“Your dextro-compatibility? That’s a byproduct of your original Cerberus implants. Aside from enhancing your reflexes and integrating the denser weave of your skin, they were designed to sample random, non-analogous DNA when possible, and then incorporate those pieces into your system.”

“You mean I’ve been gaining Turian traits since, uh, since before the Omega-4?”

Chakwas grinned at her friend’s discomfort. Commander, no Captain, Shepard hadn’t hidden her relationship with Garrus, but neither had she flaunted it. She’d never been anything but professional when she was ‘on the job’. “If that’s the first time you might have come into contact with Turian DNA, then yes, although you probably didn’t notice at the time. The changes manifested exponentially faster after your confrontation with the AI.”

“Are you sure?” Shepard felt a tug in her gut, the feeling she got when she was onto something important.

“Absolutely, Shepard. I’ve spent quite a bit of time carefully analyzing your genome. There is a lot of Turian fragments inside older lengths of your genes. The Reaper changes only affect your telomeres, not the heart of you DNA.”

Lily stood in the front of the door for a few more minutes, pondering this new information. She had other things to get to, though, so she pushed those thoughts aside. “Are you coming down to the cargo bay?”

“The only way I’m leaving this ship is if I die or you kick me off, Shepard. I’m with you, regardless.” Chakwas smiled. “But if you need a drink afterward, I picked up another bottle of brandy at the Citadel.”

Lily laughed, then feigned a pout. “It’s my turn to buy.”

“Ladies prerogative.”

“I’ll see you later, Karin.”

“Captain.” The older woman turned back to her medical screen and Shepard left the room.

Lily shook her head as she headed to the elevator. It was going to take some time to get used to that moniker. Hell, half of her felt like she should wear the bars, but retain her former title. After all, Commander Shepard had a kick-ass reputation. Captain Shepard? Who was that?

_I guess it’s time I show the people who Captain Shepard is._

* * *

The cargo bay was the only place on the ship big enough to get the crew into, together, which was why she’d chosen it. As Shepard shook hands with her people, patted some of them on the back, she made her way to the crate she’d asked Cortez to pull into the middle of the space. As she approached it, she held her hand out to Garrus, who helped her up, then reached over to squeeze Steve’s shoulder before standing up, and turning to face the assembled faces.

She waited a few more minutes, as the last of the bodies made their way in. All eyes were on her, and all it took was her clearing her throat to bring silence to the few voices speaking. She looked out at them, these brave men and women under her command, and felt her throat tighten.

“If you’re going to give us a speech, Captain, I’m recording it. That way, I can prove to those STG bastards that your ‘Hold the Line’ speeches are better than Kirrahe’s.” Joker’s voice rang out, clear and strong, and the crew exploded with laughter. 

She could have kissed the man for easing the tension and giving her a minute to collect herself. “Yeah, yeah, Joker. Funny.” She smiled and relaxed. “No speeches this time. I just wanted to clear up a few things.

“First of all, in case there’s a body aboard that doesn’t know, I’m now officially Captain Shepard, of the Alliance Navy.” The sounds of cheering and clapping the erupted from the group surprised a startled laugh from her. She let them congratulate her for a few moments before putting her hands up. “Thanks, guys. It means a lot. Not sure I’m used to it yet, but it probably is time to get the next bar.

“I’m also Spectre Shepard, and though the Normandy will be staffed by primarily Alliance crew, I’ve got some leeway there. That being the case, I think it’s past time for me to officially state that Garrus Vakarian is my XO.” She looked down at Garrus, grinning when his mandibles fluttered, giving away his surprise. “At least as long as he decides to stick around.”

She watched him swallow. He understood her gesture. Naming him her second-in-command was as close to telling the crew he was her number one as anything could be. “I’m honored, Captain.” His subharmonics conveyed so much more than his words and Shepard warmed all over.

Turning back to the crew, she moved onto her next point. “Our first mission, people, is to get the Mass Relays up and running. It’s been two long months of waiting for all the military and civilian personnel trapped in Sol since the battle for Earth. I’m not sure how long it will take to get them back online, but I expect it to take several months at least, since we won’t just be hopping through Relays and then jumping off to the next. We’ll have to make contact with any inhabited worlds, assess their situation, and transmit that info back to the Alliance and the perspective home worlds or leaders.

“And we’ll be traveling with the remains of the Reapers.” She let that bombshell rock the bay, shoulders squared for her crew’s reactions.

“What’s going on, Captain?” The question came from the back, a voice she recognized.

“I can’t give you all the details, Donnelly, it’s classified, which yeah, I know is bullshit.” Shepard paused, looking at Garrus, not sure if she should blow caution to the wind or not.

He looked out at the people in the cargo hold, then back at her, and nodded. She grinned in response.

“You know what, Ken? Fuck it. But I swear to god, if this shit ends up on Westerland News, I’ll find out who ran their mouth and keel haul them. Are we clear?” Her voice was strong, their commander stood in front of them, gave them an order.

“Aye, aye!” The words ricocheted off the hull, healing a wound Shepard hadn’t known was open.

“I ended the war. I stopped the Reapers. I did it on my terms, not theirs. But my choice caused an unforeseen side effect. Apparently, I have some sort of connection to the remaining Reapers.” Murmurs of disquiet rose, but Shepard lifted her voice, silencing them. “Firing the Crucible destroyed the AI, it destroyed all their fleets and husks, released indoctrinated slaves. But the Reapers out there are the leftovers of fifty million years of Harvests. They are the surviving manifestations of civilizations long forgotten. The capitol ships aren’t just machines anymore, bound to follow a program. They aren’t our enemies, but that isn’t something organic civilization is going to accept at face value.

“Which is why they are accompanying us on this mission. We don’t know how to get the relays working again, but they do. And in an effort to prove they no longer have any hostility toward us, they will help us get it done, get everyone home.”

“Understood, Captain.” Donnelly’s voice was steady, firm. “I don’t trust those bastards, but I’ll follow anywhere you lead.”

Ken looked around at the people beside him, waiting. When no one spoke up, his jaw tightened. “She died for all of us, or nearly so. She went into that fuckin’ beam alone. I’d better hear some more ‘aye, ayes’ or people are gonna get my boot in their daddy bags!”

“Aye, aye.” Gabriella Daniels put her arm through Ken’s, her grin broad. 

Shepard shook her head, thinking the woman had hesitated just to stir her partner up. “Listen, I understand if some of you aren’t comfortable with this. Any of you want off this boat, put in a t-req and I’ll give you a glowing recommendation along with my signature. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“We leave in forty-eight hours. Those of you with me, be ready. Dismissed!”

As one, her crew snapped to attention and saluted. Shepard returned the honor, her muscles tightly flexed to prevent the quiver of her emotions. She stepped off the crate, turning to Cortez. Whipping her first two fingers in a quick circle, she indicated the bay. “Looks like you have this place back to regs.”

“Did my best, ma’am. There’s still a few things we need to pick up, but we’re at ninety-five percent.”

“Speak for yourself, Esteban.” James Vega sauntered toward Shepard, cocky as ever.

“Vega, you in?” Shepard thought for sure the N7 recruit would stay planet side. She didn’t know the state of the training base in Rio, but still, Vega had family on earth and a reason to remain.

“And let you have all the fun, Lola? Not a chance. Besides, I talked to Hackett. He says I’d get better N7 training under you than I could anywhere in the galaxy. Looks like you’re officially my training officer.” He crossed his massive arms over his even more massive chest and waggled his eyebrows.

She grunted. “If you think I’m gonna go easy on you, Vega, you got another thing coming.”

He barked a short laugh. “Since when you ever been easy on me, Lola?”

She grinned and tapped his shoulder. He rocked on his heels, but grinned broader. “Get your shit settled, Vega. Good to have you on board.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.” Vega saluted and pulled a snap turn, heading for the elevator.

Lily turned to Cortez. “What about you, Steve? I understand if you’ve had enough of the crazy that is life on the Normandy.”

The man’s deep blue eyes sparkled with mirth. “And leave Mr. Vega here alone. Not a chance. Besides, I told you I didn’t trust anyone else with your life. I meant it. There’s no way anyone but me is going to get you from the Normandy to the LZ.”

“Good man. I have a meeting with Hackett, but do me a favor, Steve. Tell folks there will be free food at Anderson’s apartment tomorrow night. If they want to eat, 0600.”

“Will do, ma’am. And I want to say, it’s damn good to have you back.”

“Same to you, Steve.” She gave the man a firm pat on the shoulder before striding to the elevator.

Garrus fell into step behind her. “Did you see Chakwas?”

Shepard didn't need him to clarify. “Yeah. It’s not permanent, just a temporary paralysis. One major reveal at a time.”

They stepped into the lift and Garrus pressed the pad for the CIC. Lily leaned against the back of the metal box and closed her eyes. _Meus animus est vestri, protego, defendo. Forem._ The words slipped into her thoughts and she shifted her body toward the Turian next to her.

“Garrus?”

“Hmm?”

“Does _meus animus est vestri, protego, defendo, forem,_ mean anything to you?”

Shepard had always wanted to bring Garrus to his knees, but this wasn’t exactly what she had in mind. “What the fuck, Vakarian? You alright?”

But Garrus seemed frozen in place, kneeling on the floor beside her, one large palm braced against the wall, his face turned up to her with a look she couldn’t decipher, which meant it wasn’t one she’d seen before. If she had to wager a guess, she’d call it shock, mixed with a great deal of fear… and guilt.

Narrowing her eyes, she put her hands on her hips. “I’m waiting.” She slapped her had on the all-stop. They weren't leaving the elevator until he explained himself.

Garrus closed his eyes and turned his face toward the floor. “Just uh, where did you hear that?”

Lily’s eyes rounded. “You understood that? It’s ancient earth Latin. My translator hasn’t been able to make heads or tails of it.”

“Uh, well, mine didn’t. It sounded similar to a dialect spoken on Palaven.” Garrus pulled himself to his feet, his neck tinged a deep blue.

“Are you blushing, Vakarian?” A sliver of Shepard wanted to grin, to give him a hard time, now that she’d somehow managed to get an honest-to-goodness blush out of him. But she wanted answers more, so she frowned at him and began tapping her toe against the ground.

“Fu- Shepard… Lily, I don’t-“

“Captain, you have ten minutes until your meeting with Admiral Hackett at the Embassies.” EDI’s electronic announcement cut Garrus off. “I could contact him and attempt to move the appointment.”

Shepard growled softly. “You’re fuckin’ lucky, Vakarian. This isn’t over.” To EDI, Shepard replied, “no, I’ve got it.” Irritation made her movements jerky as she released the elevator and the lift began to rise again.

The doors opened onto the CIC and Lily stepped out, ignoring Garrus’ presence. Instead, she took a breath to cool her temper and approached Samantha Traynor. “Hey, Sam. I’m heading to the embassies. If something major comes up, comm me. Otherwise, I’ll be back no later than 1800.”

The young woman with the soft, chocolate complexion smiled broadly at her. “Understood, Captain. Would you see if you can get an updated Elkoss Combine catalog? Communication is still sketchy, and they’re the only supplier I don’t have current prices on.”

“Sure thing.” Shepard had spoken with Traynor after she’d left Joker in the early hours of the day. Sam had been heading to the cargo bay to talk to Cortez, but she’d abandoned her trip to enthusiastically hug Lily. They’d spoken for a few moments, long enough for Shepard to make sure the young woman was alright, and to set up a date to play chess on Lily’s recently acquired, physical board.

Without sparing Garrus a glance, Shepard headed for the airlock, planning her time on the Citadel. First Hackett, then Tali’Zorah vas Normandy, Elkoss Combine, and if she had time, a stop at Anderson’s apartment to pick up some of the clothes she left there. Preoccupied with her thoughts, Shepard didn’t notice the Turian follow her into the airlock until the outer doors opened onto the docking bay.

“What are you doing?”

“Going with you.” His mandibles pressed close to his face, the underlying low decibels in his voice whispering discord.

“I think I can make it to the embassies by myself.”

The skin around his eyes tightened. “I’m sure you can, you seem to like running off alone.” Now, the harsh buzz of anger rang in her ears.

Lily pursed her lips. “What are you talking about?” A spark of real fury lit his blue eyes and his mandibles were so tight against his cheeks Shepard wondered if he’d be able to answer her.

“Nothing, Shepard. You’re not leaving me behind again. Period.” That was an order, his tone hard, determined, livid.

“What the fuck -“

“Shepard!” 

Wrex’s voice overrode Shepard and she glared at Vakarian for another moment before turning to greet the Krogan Warlord. “Wrex, what are you doing here?”

“A little guard duty is the least I can do. I owe you my world, my clan, hell, the future of my race.”

“Guard duty? Am I under arrest again?” Shepard stepped onto the docking bay, eyes scanning the immediate area, looking for C-Sec or Alliance.

“Hell, no, Shepard. But the Council and the Alliance thought it would be a good idea to make sure you had some extra protection. They wouldn’t want you to be crushed by the crowds of grateful survivors.” He grunted a short laugh, but a look passed between the Krogan and Garrus that Shepard couldn’t interpret.

“Mm-hmm. Well, I don’t see anyone around.” And she didn’t. There wasn’t another body in sight.

“That’s ‘cause Alenko and I cleared everyone out. He’s waiting at the elevators. He’s supposed to put up a biotic protection field once we get to the embassies. Damn Council said it was impossible to remove all the bodies there without causing a galactic incident.” 

“Kaidan’s here?” Shepard felt a bolt of relief, tinged with a bit of anger, at the mention of her ex-lover’s name.

Wrex motioned for her to follow. “This way.”

She fell into step beside Wrex, but the big Krogan maneuvered himself a pace in front of her, his shotgun barrel partially raised, ready to shoot anything, or anyone, he thought a threat. Grumbling under her breath, she dropped back, ultra aware of Garrus only a half-step behind her, his rifle held loose and ready.

Shepard appreciated the boys having her covered, but she didn’t see the need. And she disliked being made to feel helpless, in need of protection, intensely. It was a brief walk, thankfully. When Wrex’s pace slowed, Lily peered around his massive bulk, her gaze meeting Kaidan Alenko’s directly. She stepped around the big Krogan, holding her right hand out to her fellow Spectre.

“Hey, Kaidan, good to see you in one piece.”

Kaidan took her hand in his, and with a swift tug, brought her into his arms, pulling his close for a tight hug. “Damn you, Shepard. You have to be the baddest bad-ass I know. I’m so glad you came through that hell.”

Feeling a bit awkward, Lily wrapped her arms around the man, curling her left hand over his left shoulder and squeezing hard. “Yeah, well, you know me. Gotta knack for beating the odds.”

“No shit.” He chuckled, arms tightening briefly, before pulling back, his hands slipping down her upper arms to hold her just above her elbows. 

His eyes traced over her face, down her neck, and Shepard tensed a bit. His look wasn’t exactly untoward, but Kaidan had told her he still loved her not so long ago. Though Lily made it clear her feelings for him had changed, she couldn’t help but feel like Kaidan’s appraisal wasn’t completely platonic. 

Still, she gave him a small smile. “So, Wrex says you’re on guard duty, too.”

Alenko’s hands fell away and his gaze flew over her left shoulder. Shepard knew he was looking straight at Garrus. “Yeah. It’s no biggie. I’m glad to do it. Everyone ready?”

_Well that’s a hell of an about face._ Shepard didn’t say anything, but once the four of them stepped onto the elevator, the tension was enough to strangle her. _This is getting the fuck out of hand._ Knowing she was out of the loop, that something was going on involving her, but which she wasn’t privy to, did not sit well with Shepard. However, she wasn’t allowed the time to ponder or stew, pinned as she was with Garrus in front of her, and Wrex and Kaidan at either side. The ride was short, and as the doors slid open to allow them entry to the embassies, Alenko brought up a soft, purple-bubble.

“Shield up. We can disembark.”

Garrus took point, Wrex fell back to bring up the rear, and Kaidan stayed close to her left side. Shepard still thought the whole thing was ridiculous, until the first shout of her name rang through the common area. Followed by another, and another, and then the clang of many, many feet pounding against the floor.

“Fuck, better double time it.” Wrex put his free hand against her lower back, quickening her steps.

“Incoming!” Alenko shouted before the first body bounced off the force field. “Please, if you all will step back and let us through. Please, people, back off!”

Shock reverberated through her system. The horde of people pressing in on them either didn’t listen to, or didn’t hear, Kaidan, too focused on her, too intent. She had no idea what the hell was going on. Some of the people looked in awe, certainly, but there were several faces mottled in rage and others blanched with fear.

The sound of the first shot didn’t so much startle Shepard as it woke her from her shock. Without hesitation, she laid her palm on her hip, reaching for her sidearm. She found nothing. 

“What. The. Fuck!” Her eyes quickly scanned the Turian in front of her, and spied an Eagle at his hip, modded with her favorite light materials and barrel extension. She pulled it free and made sure it was armed.

Garrus grunted, but didn’t look back at her, and in that second, she forgot her anger at him. Whatever the hell was going on between them, her Turian had her back, again. She brought the pistol in close to her chest, not wanting to wave it around, but needing to be ready for whatever was next.

Shepard saw a scuffle off to her left, beyond Kaidan’s shoulder. Several C-Sec officers were shoving a screaming Asari to the floor. Her group didn’t slow and when they reached the stairs to the earth Councilor’s office, Garrus took them two at a time. Bailey’s office door opened and six more C-Sec guards filed out. Lily turned to watch them take position, elbow to elbow, spanning the corridor, effectively creating a well-armed wall behind them.

Commander Bailey followed them out, giving her a two-fingered salute as she passed him by.

“Still feel safer knowing you’re here, Shepard.”

“Thanks, Bailey.” She gave him a crooked smile, her body cruising on adrenaline.

Garrus stopped before the councilor’s office and Shepard lowered her weapon, turning to glance over at the C-Sec leader. “Next time, Bailey, how about we meet for drinks? Somewhere less, uh, crowded.”

“You tell me when and I’m there.” He grinned, then turned away, moving to stand behind his men.

The door opened and Shepard, with entourage, walked inside. The males around her made a quick sweep, despite the fact that Admiral Hackett sat behind Donnel Udina’s old desk, obviously alone.

“We’re clear.” Garrus holstered his rifle at the same time Kaidan dispersed the barrier field.

“I think we may need to find an alternate route back.” Alenko ran a hand through his slightly shaggy, dark hair and released a loud breath.

“Where is Grunt when I need him? He’d take out one of these windows, no problem.” Wrex slid his shotgun against his hip and moved to sit on one of the sofas nearer the desk.

A three-fingered hand lifted toward her. Shepard sighed and blew the black fringe of her bangs out of her face before returning the Eagle to Garrus’ keeping.

“Don’t worry, Shepard. You can have it back when we leave.” Though his voice was still tight with anger, a rumble of humor colored his tone.

“Thanks, Vakarian.”

She stepped down to the Admiral and gave him a quick salute. “Admiral.”

“At ease, Shepard. Let’s get this done.”

She nodded her approval of skipping bullshit. “Look, Admiral, sir, I’m a little confused. What the hell is going on out there?” Lily took a seat when Hackett motioned for her to sit, crossing one leg over the other and trying very hard to patiently wait for his response.

“I won’t lie to you, Shepard. Everyone in the galaxy isn’t necessarily happy with the way the war ended,"he paused, then drew a breath and continued, "maybe that’s disingenuous. Everyone is overwhelmingly thankful the war is over, that they are still alive, that galactic civilization isn’t beyond repair. And most of them are specifically thankful to you, Captain. And to humanity, by extension.”

“But?”

“But, this war united the entire galaxy. It brought a lot of things together that most of us never believed would, or could, ally. And that, Shepard, revealed some factions in our civilizations that aren’t all that interested in peaceful coexistence. Not with what’s left of the Reapers, and not with some of the other races, either.”

“I see.” Shepard pushed deeper into the chair, letting the back of it support her as she digested Hackett’s words.

“Don’t mistake me, Shepard. The vast majority of the galaxy is whole-heartedly grateful for all you’ve done. But for every ten-thousand who call you a hero, there are one or two who believe you are trying to guarantee human dominion, or that you’re in bed with the Reapers.” 

The Admiral’s gaze moved over her companions, pausing briefly on Garrus, before returning to her. The left side of his lip lifted, an infinitesimally small movement, but Shepard recognized it as a grin. She kept her face passive.

“Then I guess it’s a good thing we’re shipping out the day after tomorrow.”

“Indeed. I assume you’ve briefed the crew?” Straight back to business.

“Yes, sir. Anyone who wants out will be released.” She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder in the general direction of the Turian. “I made Vakarian my official XO. Vega, Cortez, Moreau, Traynor, Daniels, and Donnelly are staying. So is Chakwas.”

Hackett nodded. “Good. Is there anyone else you need for this?”

Shepard shifted in her seat, choosing her next words carefully. “There are a few people I’d like to have onboard, though I’m not sure they’re available. Tali’Zorah, for one, and Dr. T’Soni is another. Of course, Major Alenko is welcome, but I think it would be better if he waited to rejoin the crew after we have the relays running again.”

Kaidan shot her a glare, but Shepard ignored him. Yes, the Normandy was a military vessel, and her word was law, but she knew most of the officers still held him responsible for abandoning her on the Citadel. She could order them to stow their shit, but that didn’t mean tempers wouldn’t flare. 

“I agree, Captain. The Council has already assigned the major to Councilor Osoba’s detail and I think it’s a good idea. Dominic is a good man and I want to make sure he’s around long enough to get things back on track here.” The Admiral pinned Kaidan with a glance, silently asking if the other man objected.

“Yes, sir.” Kaidan’s hand flexed against his leg, but he said no more.

“One more thing, Shepard, and I’ll let you go. Are you sure about this?”

Lily sat up in her seat, and made absolutely certain she had the Admiral’s full attention. “Yes, sir. We need the relays open and they know how to get that done. Unless you’d rather leave everyone orbiting earth until our scientists are lucky enough to finally figure out how the relays work?”

The Admiral frowned, probably displeased with her barely concealed sarcasm. “Then it’s up to you. Get it done.”

“Aye, aye, Admiral.” Shepard stood, saluted, then turned on her heel and headed toward the door. She heard three sets of male feet quickly follow. 

Holding her hand out, she ordered, “Gun.” The Eagle was slapped against her palm and she curled her fingers around the grip. “Alenko, take point. Garrus, Wrex, fall in behind me. Let’s go.” She pressed the door and as soon as Kaidan’s bubble came online, she moved into the hall. “I need to see Tali. Lead the way, Major.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard recruits another crew member and Garrus and Wrex blow off steam.

Turned out, Shepard didn’t need to find Tali. The Quarian, riding shotgun in the skycar, with Steve at the helm, had practically appeared out of thin air, just as Kaidan had begun moving them toward the balcony to the left of the earth Councilor’s office.

Alenko had suggested they take the ‘back way’ to Tali’s office, a set of Keeper tunnels off the balcony, but when a skycar had floated into view, the door lifting to reveal Cortez and Tali’Zorah, Shepard hadn’t bothered to hide her relief. It was much too soon, in her opinion, to be visiting the Keepers.

It was a tight fit, with Tali ending up in Alenko’s lap in the front seat, while Shepard found herself perched on Garrus’ right knee and Wrex’s left. After jostling about, she’d finally rested her arms across the back of each male’s armor, their height similar, just so she didn’t keep smacking them in the face with her joints. Of course, this pressed both male faces rather close to her breasts, breasts covered only by the surprisingly thin material of her uniform.

And Wrex, the bastard, had not been able to pass up the opportunity to give her shit. He turned his face into her breast, pressing his giant maw (thankfully closed) against her, squishing her boob nearly flat to sternum. “I think I see the appeal, Shepard. You’re squishy is… nice.” His rumbled chuckle didn’t last long.

_Crack!_ Without hesitation, she’d slammed her forehead against his. “Get off my tit, Wrex.”

His whole body shuddered, a deep chortle rolling from him. “Be careful, Shepard. The Krogan call that foreplay.”

Garrus growled, then, which only made Wrex laugh harder. “Relax, Garrus.”

Shepard felt Garrus’ mandible flare against her breast and then choked back a gasp when she felt the unmistakable sensation of his _teeth_ against the soft curve of her body. She lit up like a nova blast, arousal warming her blood instantly. She had no idea why he was suddenly acting so covetous, but part of her _really_ liked it. Another part of her wanted to head butt the Turian as well.

Before she could, Wrex shifted beneath her and made an odd grunt. It sounded kind of uncomfortable. 

“Not fair, Turian.” The Krogan grumbled, his deep voice making her insides vibrate.

The dark sound that came from Vakarian’s throat wasn’t exactly a laugh, no, it was much too arrogant and possessive. His teeth came away from her body, but he left his face pressed close to her. “Only making a point, Wrex.”

The Krogan shifted again, pulling his knees closer together, trying to put some space between his big body and Shepard’s. However, his movement only served to spread Lily’s thighs further apart. She wiggled, uncomfortable with her rather open position, about to ask Wrex to move. She didn’t get the chance, as her Krogan friend rumbled something before splaying his legs wider once more, effectively closing hers altogether.

“How much longer, Cortez?” Wrex barked his question at the pilot.

“Two minutes, sir. Sorry for the close confines, but I don’t think I could have maneuvered the Kodiak that close.”

“As long as we didn’t have to through the Keeper tunnels, it’s good in my book.” Shepard huffed, counting the seconds until she could get out of that skycar. She’d had about enough of weird shit she didn’t understand for one day. 

The rest of the ride, all ninety seconds of it, passed without incident, and when Cortez slid the skycar into the cargo bay, smooth as silk, Shepard was just glad to be on the Normandy again. Four bodies piled out of the car, Alenko electing to ride back to the Citadel with Steve, who was picking up the last of his requisitioned supplies.

Shepard wanted to talk to Tali in relative privacy, so she motioned for the Quarian to follow her to her cabin. “Come on, Tali’Zorah vas Normandy. I think I have some Turian chocolates in the Loft.”

“Shepard, you say the sweetest things.” 

The two women got in the elevator, but when Shepard turned around to press the call for her floor, she noticed Garrus and Wrex facing off, Garrus’ body tense, aggressive, and Wrex, while the big Krogan didn’t seem as coiled, his posture was clearly anticipatory. She opened her mouth to say something, but Tali hit the door close button, sending them to their destination before Lily could address the issue.

“Occasionally, Shepard, it’s a good idea to let it go.” Tali leaned back against the wall, her arms crossed in front of her.

“You know what that was about?” Shepard felt her brow crinkle with confusion.

“I guess the sensory adaptations haven’t kicked in yet. I’d guess in another two, maybe three days, you’ll be able to figure it out all by yourself. Until then, you had better believe I am going to enjoy every. Single. Second.”

“Bosh’tet.” Lily frowned, narrowing her gaze at her friend.

Tali laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “Totally worth it.”

The elevator door opened and Shepard stalked out, huffing while she waited for her cabin door to open. Whoever thought it a necessity to have two doors into the Loft, when a simple security code could have allowed for the elevator to only have access to approved personnel, was something Lily never understood.

When the door finally opened, she waved Tali in first, motioning for her to take a seat, while she went to the desk where her private terminal sat. She checked the second drawer on the left, pulling out an unopened box of Turian chocolate. She chucked it at her friend, who caught it with a chortle.

“Once you do figure it out, Shepard, you’ll be glad I kept my mouth shut.” 

“Yeah, cryptic comments like that make me feel so reassured.”

Shepard sat down on the sofa and kicked her heels up on the coffee table. Tali had come to visit her in the hospital, and Lily was thankful, both that the heavy emotions of their reunion had been bled, but also because it just felt so good to simply be with her friend. No awkward silences, no snotty noses, no impending doom. Just two girlfriends, bantering, normal. Or as normal as anything with Shepard could be.

She linked her fingers behind her head and leaned back, a sigh escaping her. The soft sound of seals hissing drew her gaze and she watched the Quarian slowly remove her mask. Shepard’s arms slipped to her sides.

“What are you doing?”

Tali set the face mask on the end of the bed and smiled. “I uploaded a Geth program into my suit. I can’t run around without a mask all the time, but it’s safe on the Normandy.”

Shepard had seen Tali take off her mask once before, on Rannoch, after they’d destroyed the Reaper, but the Quarian hadn’t had the mask off long and Shepard hadn’t really looked at her then. Instead, she’d kept her gaze trained on the world spread out before her and allowed the Quarian as much privacy as she could.

Now, looking at the lovely face before her, Shepard felt her mouth drop. “Tali’Zorah, you are _gorgeous_!”

A flush of faint lavender stained Tali’s cheeks. “Shut up, Shepard.”

“I mean, listen, you were always beautiful, but I’m glad to see the outside reflects the inside. And, holy shit, you have _hair_!”

Tali’s mouth opened, flashing small, but sharp looking, white teeth. “Are you hitting on me, Captain?”

Shepard laughed. “If I had eyes for anyone other than a pain in the ass Turian, Tali, I’d be all over you in a heartbeat. Damn, I just can’t get over your hair! No one else in this bloody galaxy has _hair_ except humans.”

“Well, from what I understand, my hair isn’t like yours. It’s much thicker, coarser.”

Lily took a few minutes to really look at her old friend. Tali’s skin was definitely in the purple range, a beautiful, soft lilac. Her eyes, large and almond shaped, glowed like silvery stars, proving the bright shine hadn’t been an effect of her mask. Shepard couldn’t discern a visible pupil, at least not one she recognized. 

There was a large black marking on Tali’s forehead, similar to the ancient Greek symbol for omega, and Tali also had those odd mouth slits like Javik, though only two and not four. Her nose was small, straight, and delicate looking, and her mouth was more human-like than even Liara’s.

“Let me know when you’re done staring. I’d like to eat my chocolates.” Tali’s mouth turned up in a grin and Shepard chuckled.

“Sorry. Go ahead. I don’t suppose I have to tell you why I wanted to see you.”

Tali lifted a chocolate to her mouth and bit down, her small hum of approval floating in the air. “Ancestors, these are so good. And no, you don’t.”

“So, can you join me? This thing between the Reapers and me, it’s weird. And while I know they are willing to share their collective knowledge, it would make me feel better if I had the best tech specialist I know with me, helping to make sense of it all.”

Tali ate the rest of her chocolate before answering. “As it turns out, I can. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to, but the Admiralty Board unanimously voted Captain Kar’Danna to be the Quarian Ambassador to the Citadel. He’ll be here in the morning to take over my duties.”

“Kar’Danna? Your old captain?” The name sounded vaguely familiar and Lily wasn’t on a first name basis with many Quarians.

“Yes. Do you remember that Quarian girl you helped a few years back, the one the Volus accused of stealing his credit chit?”

Shepard scrunched her brow, thinking. “Lia’Vael, right?”

The glow of Tali’s eyes brightened, showing how pleased she was Shepard remembered the girl’s name. “Yes. She’s taking Kar’Danna’s position as captain. During the dreadnought mission, the Neema was hit hard by a Geth attack and Kar’Danna was injured. Lia took control of the ship, and maneuvered it out of the fight, then went above and beyond to save Kar’s life. When Legion shut down the dreadnoughts shields, Lia’Vael also ordered the gunners on her ship to hold fire because we were still aboard.”

“Wow, that took balls.” Shepard nodded her approval.

“Exactly. During the war, me playing Ambassador was a good idea. I had access to the Citadel. But now, I don’t want to be stuck in an office. I have a house to build on Rannoch. And a very good friend, who isn’t the best engineer, could also use some help figuring out what she got herself into this time.” Tali grabbed another chocolate, but smacking her lips around the confection could not hide the laughter sparkling in her metallic eyes.

“Yeah, well, there is that. Speaking of, I don’t know exactly what you’ve been privy to, but have you discovered anything useful? Liara and Chakwas said you were working with them.”

The Quarian nodded. “I figured out how you destroyed the AI.”

Shepard was impressed. “No shit. Tell me. Because I gotta say, I have no idea what I did.”

Tali laughed and the sound was more fluid than the one translated through her mask. “No offense, Shepard, but your sworn statement wasn’t any help. It’s a damn good thing you had an omni-tool. Without its record of what happened, I might never have pieced things together. ‘A command prompt popped up’ is not exactly a clear explanation.” She quoted Shepard, her two fingers flicking in the air.

“Yeah, well, that’s what happened.”

“Actually, what happened was you overloaded the AI’s mainframe, then you used a brute force attack to hack into its database. Through sheer luck, you managed to ram your way down to its core programming, and thanks to your kick ass, Cerberus enhanced omni-tool – which is no doubt filled with Reaper tech – you were able to alter its code.” Another chocolate disappeared from the box.

“Okay, I figured that much out on my own.” 

“Yeah, but what you probably didn’t realize was that each ‘command prompt’ you input further altered the code, causing the AI to have to split its focus as it tried to fix what you’d changed. Again, I’m guessing thanks to that omni-tool, a- how is it you used to put it? Oh, yes, a metric fuck-ton of garbage data was also dropped into the codes. Like what Xen did with her interference weapon we used on the Geth. Anyway, by the time you finally activated the Crucible, it caused a massive feedback loop which wiped the entire AI code.”

“Really?”

Tali nodded. “As an added bonus, one of your ‘orders’ triggered an EM pulse equal in power to that nuclear bomb you set off on Virmire. Even if the AI had been able to recover from you hastily rewritten code, you know by installing a backup, like the Geth do, that EMP fried the fucker. Totally toasty.”

Shepard giggled, then cleared her throat. Lily Shepard did not giggle. “It’s toast, Tali. I toasted it.”

“Right. The EMP also seemed to affect the Reapers, but I can’t say what it did to them. I’d have to have access to one and try to backtrack through its mainframe to the even to find out. That is if they even have a mainframe, now.”

“Anything else?”

“One thing. I’m pretty sure you don’t need an omni-tool anymore.”

“I’m sorry? What do you mean, I don’t need an omni-tool?” Shepard leaned forward to rest her weight on her knees.

“Based on what I’ve read of the machine code your implants put out, I’m pretty sure you can interface with technology directly, probably synthetics too."

"Machine code? Chakwas said the implants manufactured some DNA thing?"

Tali nodded. "They do, but remember their also still synthetic. So, there's also data codes being transferred between them all the time. From what I've seen, I bet you can manifest turrets and drones all by yourself now. Of course, you’ll have to figure out how to do that. I can help, but we’ll have to run some trials while I have you hooked up to scanners, so I can read the code as you work.”

Shepard rubbed her arm, instinctively reaching for her every present tool. “I’m not sure what to make of that, Tali.”

The other woman sighed. “Yeah, it’s a lot to take in, Shepard. But think of it this way, at least you’re not dead. Again.” Tali’s voice thickened.

Shepard stood up and walked over to the bed, leaning her hip against the slighter woman’s shoulder, bringing her arm around to hug her close. “Yeah, there is that.”

Tali lifted her arm to wrap around Lily’s hip. “It’s good to be home, Captain.”

“Yes it is, Tali’Zorah vas Normandy. Yes, it is.”

***

Garrus barely kept himself in check until the elevator closed on Tali and Shepard.

“Don’t you have enough females chasing your quad?”

Wrex had the grace to wince. “Shit, Garrus, you really need to get your head out of your ass. You think Shepard isn’t going to put two and two together? Probably sooner rather than later?”

The Turian curled his hands into fists, battling the urge to punch Urdnot Wrex in the side of the head. “Do. Not. Touch. My. Mate. Again.” His teeth ground against each other, mandibles tight to his face plates.

“You know what your problem is, Garrus? You have, what was it Eve kept telling me after we cured the genophage? Oh, yeah, you have some serious aggression issues, probably because you are refusing to deal with some emotional shit.”

“Maybe.” The Turian’s gaze shifted from his friend to the floor. 

Garrus relaxed a bit, seemed to consider Wrex’s words. But the Krogan, in his own way, figured there were a couple of methods for a male to exorcise pent up bullshit. And he liked Garrus. 

“And if you weren’t such a delicate fucking flower, Vakarian, my guess is you might have hashed this shit out with Shepard already. Probably between her soft, squishy thighs.”

Wrex was impressed. The Turian let out a battle cry any Krogan would be proud of about two milliseconds before his fist slammed into the Krogan’s face. _Damn, forgot how fucking strong Turian’s are._ Wrex grunted, the power of the blow moving him back a half step.

He rubbed his jaw. “That the best you got, Garrus? Tell your old friend Wrex all about it.”

“Fuck you, Wrex.” Garrus’ breath heaved as he stepped back from the Krogan.

“You’re not my type.” He chuckled darkly. The only thing Garrus’ type was the spitfire, badass female who led their ragtag squad. But hell, someone had to do something about Vakarian. He was hanging on by a thread that much was clear. And though not an expert on Turian mating or even Turian customs, in his nearly thousand year life, Wrex had been around plenty of Turians.

He knew what it looked like when one was about to go _ferus_ , a kind of primal state Wrex had seen come over a few of Garrus’ species over the years. Usually, it had happened after the Turian had been badly hurt, lost a lot of blood, but he’d seen two of them fight to the death, once, over a female. It had been one of the most awesomely violent battles Wrex ever witnessed. He’d actually been impressed.

Wrex began removing his armor, limbs loosening up in preparation for what he hoped would be a good fight. “Garrus, buddy, you’re about to crack. And when you do, I’m sure Alenko will be right there to console Shepard.” It was dirty, but Wrex didn’t care. He hit the Turian with a push field, watching the blue-armored body fly across the cargo bay and into a stack of crates.

To his credit, Garrus rebounded in the blink of an eye, talon-tipped hands ripping his armor off, flinging it helter-skelter, before hitting Wrex with an overload that had the Krogan buckling in pain.

“Upgraded to a neural shock. Nice huh?” Wrex heard Vakarian’s comment a moment before his bootless foot landed a solid blow to the Krogan’s belly.

Wrex nailed Garrus right below his keel bone, and followed with a warp slap, knocking the Turian back several feet. “It tickles.”

Urdnot Wrex regained his feet and by unspoken agreement, both males kept the rest of the fight purely physical. At some point, after Garrus had thrown Wrex over his shoulder, momentum tumbling the massive warlord a third the length of the cargo bay, Wrex realized the big human, Vega, and the shuttle pilot were standing by the elevator, watching the brawl.

“Enjoying the show?” He bellowed good-naturedly, while deflecting a scissor kick from Garrus, and returning a solid right-hook to the scarred side of the Turian’s face.

“Son of a bitch, Wrex! Not the bad side.” Garrus ran one hand over the reminder of his rocket to the face.

“You’re almost as hard to kill as Shepard, Vakarian.” Wrex laughed and immediately groaned. The fucking Turian had probably cracked a couple of his ribs.

“Might be a good thing when she finds out what I haven’t told her.” Garrus sighed heavily, right arm going to his own ribs with a moan. 

The impromptu sparring session accomplished what Wrex hoped it would. Vakarian was more relaxed, the painful tension gone from his posture. Nodding his head, the big Krogan made his way toward his armor, carefully leaning down to pick up his greaves. “Why the hell haven’t you?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. Part of it is because I really haven’t had a good opportunity. I mean, really, I don’t think it would have been a good idea right before we landed in London. Then, when that fucking Mako took me out on the beam run, and she ordered me to go, hell Wrex, I couldn’t do it then. I barely had the fucking sense to give her the human words I hadn’t to that point.”

“The ‘l’ word?” When Garrus nodded, Wrex chuffed a laugh. “I guess that’s what happens when a species can’t smell pheromones or hear subtle inflections. The rest of the galaxy doesn’t need to say ‘love’, we can see and smell it on our partners.”

Garrus nodded. “You know what happened next. Hackett, and fucking Kaidan, ordered Joker to the relay, the Normandy got sling shot onto some unmapped planet. It took a couple weeks to get her up and running, another week of pushing the Tantalus as hard as she’d go to get us back to Sol. Then everyone thought she was dead, and I was neck deep in politics and chaos.”

“And in the, what, four days since she really woke up, she’s been doing what Shepard does, right? Getting shit done.”

“Exactly.”

Wrex clapped Garrus on the shoulder. “There’s only one way to get that human to slow down. To stop.”

Garrus laughed. “Yeah, knock her out.”

“Or ignore her in favor of calibrations.”

Garrus glared at Wrex. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

The Krogan nearly fell off the crate, guffaws echoing loudly in the cargo bay, at the look of embarrassment, and the subharmonic whine of dismay, that came from his old pal, Garrus. 

“Shit, Garrus, she asked me once if ‘calibration’ was some sort of Turian code word for ‘not interested’. Don’t worry, I told her it was the bad-boy Archangel’s way of saying, ‘I’m hot for you, but I can’t fuck you right now.’”

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re a pyjack.” Wrex latched his breastplate in place. “And Garrus?”

“Yeah?” Vakarian slipped his foot into a boot and stood, gingerly.

“You should probably think about telling her you’re pissed at her too. For dying, or almost dying, and leaving you behind.” He lifted his hand when Garrus tried to interrupt him. “Look, you aren’t the only one that’s a little angry over her goddamn self-sacrificing, recklessness. I know she does it because it’s her way, but it still stings the pride.”

Garrus closed his eyes, dropped his head back against his cowl. “Yeah. Haven’t had time for that, either.”

“Make time, my friend. It’s a whole new galaxy. No time like the present for starting again.” The flare of subharmonics buzzed in Wrex’s ear.

“Bakara making you soft, Wrex?”

He took the jab in stride. “The females are always going on and on about their _feelings_. Sappy shit is bound to rub off.”

Garrus shot him an expression of feigned horror. “Fuck, I hope not.”

As the pair approached their audience, Vega straightened from the wall. “Damn, you two beat the shit out of each other. If you don’t want to answer questions, I think you should head up to Chakwas. Pronto.”

“Noted, Lieutenant. And I don’t have to tell you to keep your mouths shut, do I?” Garrus flared his mandibles.

“No, sir, First Lieutenant, sir.” Vega snapped a salute.

“What did you call me?” He motioned for James to stand down.

“First Lieutenant, sir. It’s usually the rank of a Captain’s number one, their XO.”

“Well, I’m not in the Alliance, Vega, so Scars will do.”

Vega grinned. “You got it, Scars. Sir.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked him.” Wrex chuckled as he and Garrus boarded the lift. “Let’s go see the doctor before Shepard finds out we were rough housing.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Shadow Broker aboard, the Normandy is ready to depart, but the Captain still has a couple of hurdles to overcome...

Shepard stepped into the Broker’s cabin and rolled her neck with a sigh. The last two days had passed in a blur, filled with authorizing transfer requests, checking out all the Normandy’s systems, and making her last rounds to see each member of the crew individually. 

She’d fallen into her bed late both nights, exhausted and alone. Though each morning, she woke to find Garrus sleeping on the sofa in her cabin, lines of strain and weariness marring his face. She’d wanted to wake him, to deal with the tension between them, but her focus had to be on getting all her t’s crossed and i’s dotted. 

Once the Charon relay was working again, their first destination was the Serpent Nebula and the relay in the Widow system, the relay where the Citadel was before the war. It may not have been a primary relay, but it was the most important secondary relay, connecting to the Krogan DMZ, the Apien Crest, and the Athena Nebula, to each other and the rest of the galaxy. It was paramount to moving the fleets in Sol homeward. Whether or not the Citadel could be moved back was a question Shepard couldn’t answer now, but hoped to in the very near future.

From there, she and Hackett had disagreed, but her tenacity won out. The Admiral wanted all the Primary relays up and functional before Shepard began the much slower trek of activating secondary networks. But with the bulk of the Turian fleet stuck in Sol, Shepard had pushed to hit the relay in the Apien Crest first. The Hierarchy had the largest armada in the galaxy; they had the most people to get home. The fact that she knew Garrus had a strong desire to see Palaven, well, that might have had something to do with her choice as well.

“How many did we lose?” Liara’s voice came from the bedroom of the old XO’s cabin. 

“Only three: the two soldiers who guarded the war room and one of the maintenance staff.” Shepard slumped into the chair at Liara’s small desk, leaning her elbow on its surface so she could rub her forehead against her palm.

“I’d say that’s a pretty damn good retention rate, Shepard.” Liara stepped into view, the ever present Glyph hovering behind her right shoulder.

“Indeed. Captain Shepard has managed to preserve 99.87% of the crew.” The drone chimed in, its tone almost cheery.

“Thanks, Glyph.” Shepard lifted her head from her hand. “You’re sure this isn’t going to put a crimp in your Brokering, Liara?”

The Asari smiled broadly. “It’s not as if I have another ship waiting. My entire network runs from here on the Normandy. Besides, I can be the Shadow Broker anywhere. But you need Dr. T’Soni too.”

“Just making sure.”

“Ah, Shepard. I’m hoping at some point you stop trying to protect everybody, but yourself. It _would_ be nice if you let some of us share the burden.” Liara leaned against the door jamb and crossed her legs at the ankles.

Lily felt a spike of guilt. “I don’t expect this mission to be as potentially lethal as the stuff I’ve been doing for the last four years. But, I guess old habits die hard. I don’t want anyone doing anything because they feel like they have to.”

The Asari sighed and shook her head. “When are you going to learn? None of us are here because we have to be, or we feel like we owe you. We’re here because we love you, we trust you, and we aren’t going to let you run off without a proper team at your six.”

Shepard chuckled. “You know, I can take care of myself.”

“That’s the problem, Lily. You don’t seem to understand you don’t have to.” A flash of anger darkened Liara’s wide, blue gaze.

Lily held her hands up in submission. “Okay, okay. I’ll try to stop second guessing everyone. I make no promises on letting others run into danger for me.”

“At least that’s something.” Liara pushed off from the wall and moved toward her Broker interface.

Lily turned the chair, following her friend’s movements. “Anything interesting?”

“Not really. The Turians are running low on rations, though the Migrant Fleet is trying to help out there. What’s left of the Hegemony has, well, it seems that the majority of the surviving Batarians are far less antagonistic toward humanity, thanks to you, and they’re asking the Systems Alliance for approval to move to Shanxi, if and when that becomes a possibility.”

Shepard’s thoughts flashed to Mindoir, to Balak –the fucking terrorist- and she frowned. “I guess if they aren’t interested in getting back into slavery, that could be a solution.”

“So far, negotiations have been tense, but the Batarians claim they aren’t interested in returning to their former government. And with their home system in ruins, I’d say they should be willing to do anything to prevent becoming the new ‘Migrant Fleet’.”

“I don’t like it, but I agree. Is that all?”

“For now. I take it you convinced Hackett the Apien Crest should be a priority?” Humor filled Liara’s tone.

“Yeah. And with the shortage of dextro food, I’d say I was right.” Shepard tried to glare at her friend, but it came off as more of a smirk.

“Of course.” Sarcasm fairly dripped from the Asari’s words.

“Anything you wanna tell your bestest friend, Liara?” Lily drew her arm from the table, leaning back in the chair and linking her fingers behind her head.

A flash a blue fire, then Liara cocked her hip, one fist planted against the curve. “Oh, no, Shepard. No, no, no.”

“Weren’t you the one who just said I should let my friends take some of my burden?” Shepard cocked an eyebrow, a shit-eating grin pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“Ha!” The barking sound was humorless. “You want to talk about synthesis or where it looks like trouble might break out first in our post-war galaxy, I’ll be glad to give you all the support you need.”

“But you won’t tell me what Garrus is hiding? Even though it obviously has something to do with me?”

“No, I won’t. I refuse to break his trust like that. And,” Liara turned away from Lily, her gaze wandering over her map of the Milky Way.

“And what?” Lily dropped her arms and stood.

“And nothing. I know you hate ‘fucking around’, as you so delicately put it. You don’t like dealing with things you feel are superfluous. Usually, it serves you well.” 

Lily approached the Asari, and Liara spun to face her. Her long, blue fingers taking Shepard’s in a forceful grip. Worry lined her face, and tension pulled her shoulders taut. “Not this time, huh?” Lily smiled, trying to ease the angst so clearly written in her friend’s body language.

“Oh, Lily, I know you love him. Hell, he knows. But you’re lousy; actually you just plain suck, at dealing with your emotions and your heart. You’re always go, go, go, keep moving forward, don’t fret over what you can’t change, just make the best decision you can with what you have, knowing none could have done better. And that works, in the military, when you lead men, and in war. But, it’s not the wisest strategy for approaching more intimate encounters.”

Lily pressed her fingers tight against Liara’s. “It’s worked so far.” She gave her brows a lascivious waggle.

“Oh, Shepard, I’m not talking about sex.” Liara tugged her hands from the humans, an aggravated sigh filling the space between them. She glared at Shepard for a moment before going on. “I gave him the recording.”

_Oh, no, I will not faint._ Her body didn’t necessarily agree, knees locking, her head buzzing like a nest of angry Seekers. Lily felt her stomach tighten to a fist, and a hot flush rushed over her skin. “When?” Her mouth was so dry, and then too wet, as she forced the word from between stiff lips.

“Goddess, Lily, sit down.” Liara helped Shepard back to the desk, disappearing into the bedroom. She returned with a glass of water, which she held out to the other woman.

Lily’s hand shook as she took the glass, forcing herself to swallow two small sips. She’d just placed the glass back in the Asari’s hands when her skull felt like it was going to explode. Shepard bellowed in pain, hands going to her head as she fell from the chair and onto the cabin floor.

“Shepard! Shepard!” Vaguely, Shepard heard the soft click of a comm being activated. “By the Goddess, Dr. Chakwas, I need you in my cabin, STAT!”

Thankfully blessed darkness blotted out her consciousness, ending Lily’s agony.

* * *

“She’s coming around. Are you sure nothing else happened, Liara?” Karin’s soft, cultured tones flitted over Lily’s ears.

“Positive.”

“Well, I see there was a sharp spike in adrenaline, four times the amount I’d expect to see if she were in a firefight.”

“Maybe that was all they needed.” Tali spoke in a hushed tone. “She’s going to be out of sorts, at first. There’s going to be a lot of new information for her to wade through.”

Lily threw her arm across her eyes. “What the hell happened?” Her secondary voice box hummed, and Shepard ground her teeth. “Damn it, Karin, is there any way for you to shut that thing down? Fuck!” Disharmonic tones echoed through the med bay, and Shepard winced at the ugly sound.

“I’ll paralyze it again, Shepard, but I told you I can’t ‘fix’ it unless I remove it. And since the paralysis is less and less effective, I feel safe saying even removing the second larynx won’t be a permanent change. I believe you’d grow another.”

“Fine, whatever. Just do it. I can’t stand the sound of myself.” Lily felt cool hands against her forearms, a moment before she felt the quick sting as Chakwas stuck her in the throat. Growling under her breath, Shepard couldn’t help but be pissed for breaking her own promise. _Here I am, in a fucking hospital bed, **again**_.

“Easy, Lily. Give yourself a minute to get your legs.” The warm press of Liara’s hand against her shoulders soothed some of Shepard’s jangling nerves.

She took a deep breath, but the vulgar odor that filled her lungs made her wretch. “Fuck, what is that smell?” A stomach-cramping scent, so acrid, bitter, sour, like spoiled milk mixed with something metallic, though Lily couldn’t put a name to it, clung to her nose and the inside of her mouth. 

She looked up to see Chakwas and Liara looking at the Quarian. Tali shifted, fingers winding around themselves, obviously uncomfortable. “It’s, uh, it’s you.” The other woman’s voice was very soft.

“Me?!” The sour smell faded under an onslaught of heat and hemoglobin, the smell a fine mix of ash and fresh blood. It was potent, soothing, and eased the churning in her belly.

Tali cleared her throat. “Yes. Fear and panic, but now anger.”

Lily slammed her palms against the bed. “Can someone just cut to the fucking chase!” It wasn’t a question, but an order.

Tali started, which earned Shepard a sharp frown from both Liara and Karin. Taking a careful breath, she tried to ignore a flood of newer scents trying to crowd her olfactory senses.

“Remember when I said some of your implants might not have been fully functional? Well, they are now and they’re enhancing your sense of smell.”

“How much better?” Taking shallow breaths through her mouth helped, a little.

“I don’t know for sure, but my projections suggest fifty thousand times better.”

“Shit.” For fuck’s sake, Shepard was starting to see the downside to her sloppy coding skills.

“What else? C’mon, all of it.”

“You’re hearing is also exponentially better. On the upside, the implants are doing most of the work deciphering the glut of sensory inputs. Within a few hours, you should have fairly normal control. Until then, Chakwas, Liara, and I agreed you should stay in the med bay.”

“Thank all the gods that may have ever existed. So, I’ll be able to function properly in a couple of hours.”

“Well, the information is still going to be translated from the implants to your brain, but you’ll only pick up on things you think are important. Like a normal person doesn’t hear their own heartbeat all the time.”

Shepard almost collapsed in on herself, relief thrummed through her with such force. A niggling doubt tugged at the edges of her thoughts, though, and she asked the next question, even though she really didn’t want an answer.

“So why now?”

Liara pursed her lips and looked at her askance. “Are you actually asking that question?” 

The snark on her barb struck its mark and Shepard winced. “Okay, so I freaked out-“

“Actually, you had a panic attack, which caused your adrenal gland to flare up like a nova blast, overdosing your body with adrenaline.” Karin interjected without so much as batting an eyelash.

“Whatever,” another growl, “do I need to worry about this happening again?”

“The panic attack or the implants?”

“Uh, both.”

“Maybe to the former, no on the latter.” Tali seemed more relaxed and Shepard caught a soft aroma, lightly floral varied with darker shades of molasses.

“Is that you?” Lily motioned to the Quarian. “Kind of like sticky brown sugar and lavender.” The words stirred something in Shepard’s brain. “Concern and… affection?”

Tali nodded. “Thanks to our suits, my people’s sense of smell is more precise than many species. Human, Asari, and Krogan, though the Krogan are pretty close. Turian’s too. The Batarians and the Vorcha have us beat, but I think it’s because they have four nostrils.”

“Shepard, you need to tell me what happened right before you blacked out.” Chakwas stood over her terminal, datapad in hand.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Lily gave a shaky laugh, the sound bouncing off her ears in false pings.

“Liara told me-“ Chakwas started.

“Damn it, Liara!” There was that ashen blood smell again.

“It’s not like I gave her a copy of it to watch. Besides, we wouldn’t have had time, you were only out for twenty minutes.”

Lily squeezed her eyes closed and dropped her chin to her chest. Fuck, it was bad enough Liara knew about her secret message to Garrus, she wasn’t sure she could physically tell anyone else about it.

“The quicker you tell me, the quicker we can move on to something else.” Chakwas leaned a hip against her desk, brows lifted. “I don’t need the fine details, just what happened.”

“Alright, look, after Garrus, Liara, and I got back from Sanctuary, I asked Liara if I could have one of her time capsules. I was pretty shaken up, what I’d seen there got under my skin, bad. I wanted to, no, that’s disingenuous. I _needed_ a way to tell Garrus all the shit I couldn’t, out loud.”

There was a long pause before she spoke again. “After my family was slaughtered on Mindoir, I shut down. It was the only way to get through the trauma. I spent weeks scavenging the colony alone before the Alliance showed up. If I’d let myself feel, there’s no way I could have done it, seeing all the dead bodies, hiding while I watched the Batarians rape men, women, and children, watched them torture some, beat them. Stealing clothes and food and anything I could to survive from the dead would have certainly broken me. 

“So I pushed away all the pain, the fear, I lived on the anger and I pushed forward. I moved on. Nothing I could do to change the past, but plenty I could do to change the future. So, yeah, I’m not exactly good at dealing with my feelings.” She gave a broken, self-derisive chuckle. “I’m not sure any of you know how extremely difficult it’s been to come to you, all of you, and tell you how sorry I am, for what happened, to let you see how much you really mean to me.”

“Lily, we know.” Tali’s lavender and sugar flowed over Shepard as the Quarian stepped to her side, weaving her smaller arm through the crook of the human’s.

The woman the entire galaxy believed to be its savior, and maybe even a god in her own right, seemed very fragile in that singular moment. Still, her core of inner resolve shored her weakened edges and she continued. 

“But after Sanctuary, shit, I had this sick feeling, that maybe my freakish ability to come out on top would desert me. And I refused to leave Garrus alone, wondering if I really loved him, if I ever really needed him. So I made a vid, and I told Liara to give it to him about a month after the dust settled, if I wasn’t here. I figured after a month, he’d find himself on the precipice, that there wouldn’t be something else for him to focus on and that’s when he’d need me, need my truths, the most.”

“You were right. As always.” Liara gave her a small smile, carried on a wave of honeysuckle and night shade. Reassurance and support, in aromas complimentary to the Asari’s disposition.

“It’s not like I didn’t know about the recording, I guess I just assumed I’d found my way to him before he ever saw it.” Lily thought back to those brief, hazy memories of falling into Garrus’ arms, the utterly destroyed sofa in the background. “He hasn’t said anything, I don’t know if he ever will, but in that second, when I realized Garrus… when I was forced to accept he’d seen me at my barest, my rawest, yeah, I panicked.”

“That bosh’tet wouldn’t think less of you, Shepard.” Tali soothed as best she could, her arms tightening around Lily’s arm, her head pressed against the human’s shoulder.

“In case you ladies missed it, the Turian might have more issues with baring his soul than I do. Maybe that explains all the tension between us, maybe he doesn’t feel as strongly, or realized that losing me twice was enough and he just can’t do it again.” She wanted to slap herself, letting her loose mouth spew her insecurities over her companions.

“Well, Captain, I think I can safely say that is _not_ the issue.” Sandalwood and citrus, Karin Chakwas felt affection and a bit of irritation. Her quiet harrumph made her opinion clear. “Now, chin up. And Shepard, I’m also a licensed psychiatrist, if you ever do want to talk.”

“It’s Lily, Karin, and you’ll be the first to know.” 

All the women laughed, and Shepard breathed deep, their combined scents pleasant, relaxing, and heartening to her slightly battered psyche. “Alright, which one of you smells like cotton candy? Is that really what I’m smelling or is it just what my brain tells me the smell is most like?”

“I don’t know what cotton candy is, Shepard, but most likely…”

* * *

“Have we got clearance to disembark, Joker?” Garrus stepped behind the helmsman and rested on hand on the back of Jeff’s chair.

“Affirmative. Proceeding through final checks.”

“What, no ‘sir’, Joker?” Garrus couldn’t help but tease.

Joker maneuvered his chair in an about face, adjusting the bill of his hat as he turned. “Shit, Garrus, I knew you back before you took a rocket to the face or started beating guys to death with that stick in your ass. I’ll start calling you ‘sir’, when you start calling me ‘flight lieutenant’ and we’ll both know we’re insulting the other.”

Garrus laughed. “Fair enough.”

They shared a companionable silence for a few minutes before Joker piped up once more.

“Damn glad Alenko isn’t going with us. If I see the Major again, it might just be too soon. Plus, fucking awkward. I mean, I’ve heard about carrying a torch, but that guy is trying out for the Olympics.”

The Turian shifted uncomfortably and Joker grimaced. “Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon.”

“It’s fine. I mean, I agree, I don’t think I could be as professional around Alenko as I probably should, but he was following orders.”

“Yeah, well, considering how quick he was to pull a gun on the Captain, I kind of hoped his mutinous leanings might branch out. Anyway, it sounds like we still have most of the crew.”

“I know Shepard sent a message to Miranda and Jack, but I didn’t hear the results.”

“Ms. Lawson will be rendezvousing with us in the Widow system. She has her own ship and needed to attend some personal matters. Jack, however, declined. She’s retaken her teaching position with the Grissom Academy students on the Citadel. To quote her reply, ‘the little shits still needed some work’.” 

EDI’s voice held what Garrus thought might be a note of humor. “Thanks, EDI. So, I guess that’s just about everyone.”

“Yeah, well, minus a few of the good ones.” Joker returned his chair to its proper position, the unsaid names heavy in the cockpit.

“Agreed, Joker. I’ll comm Shepard, get her to the CIC. I think it’s time to ship out.”

“Aye, aye… Garrus.”

Both men chuckled as the Turian walked away.

Garrus stopped next to Traynor and activated the comm. “Captain to the CIC.”

Shepard’s voice came over the speakers. “On my way, Vakarian.”

It took less than thirty seconds for the elevator to open and Captain Lily Shepard strode out, head high, shoulders square onto her command deck. “Shipwide comms open, Joker.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am. Should I start recording?”

A tiny quirk of her lips was Shepard’s unheard response. “Crew of the SR-2 Normandy, this is Captain Shepard.” She paused, rolled her neck, then exhaled. “This mission will be long, it’ll take us away from home, but this time we know it won’t be for good. The war is over, we’ve won, now it’s time to start rebuilding. That is all.”

“Aye, aye!”

“Joker, take us to Charon. EDI, I’ll need you, Tali, and Liara in the med bay. Let’s see just how crazy this plan is. I’ll be linking to the Reapers.”

“Yes, Captain.” Both Joker and EDI’s voices filtered through the speakers.

“The XO has the deck.” Lily spared only a moment to meet Garrus’ eyes.

He nodded at her, and Lily almost stumbled when she breathed in his scent. Gunmetal and machine oil, yes, but beneath that, dark, thick chocolate and sweetest heather, rough, wet leather, and something more subtle, but much more sensual.

“Yes, ma’am.” She heard the sounds his words didn’t say, a new range she hadn’t noticed before, and his subvocals claimed he was proud of her… and he wanted her.

Her body responded, jasmine and lotus, laced with warm honey and red chili pepper. As she boarded the elevator, the incident in the skycar flashed to mind, and Lily Shepard knew she turned a bright, deep, shade of pink.

Garrus’ mandibles flared, his eyes widening at such an obvious sign of her embarrassment. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to kill Wrex,” she fumed as the doors slid closed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard steps into the dark unknown.

“Everyone ready?”

Chakwas checked the last of her diagnostic equipment and Tali nodded.

“I’ve never done anything like this before, Shepard.” Liara sounded nervous, a faint wisp of lime tickling Lily’s nose.

“I have, well sort of, with Javik. I just need you there to watch my back, just in case Harby tries something shady.”

“Do you think it, he, will?” Tali asked from her terminal.

“No, no I don’t. But I guess I’ve got some reservations too. Better safe than sorry.”

“Agreed, Captain. Here, take my chair.” Chakwas pushed her seat against the back of Lily’s knees and she sank into its curves.

“Do your thing, Shadow Broker.” 

Liara had pulled another chair in front of hers. She lifted her hands to Shepard’s face, bringing their foreheads together. “Relax, Captain, and embrace eternity.”

The fugue between present and shared head space was much more fluid this time. The med bay disappeared beneath a peaceful wave of darkness, warmth and safety cocooning Shepard and Liara in a place only the Asari knew so well.

In her mind’s eye, Lily saw her form and her friend’s become solid, their hands linked as the turned, shoulder to shoulder to face a rapidly growing swell of green. Shepard looked at Liara.

“I want you to hang back, don’t let yourself be drawn into whatever this is. Let me know if anything you see or experience makes you wary.”

“This is amazing, Shepard. It’s like I can feel fifty million years of knowledge, of life, rolling towards us.” The look of awe on Liara’s face made her seem younger, freer.

“Well, that’s kind of what it is. But I need you to focus.”

The Asari blinked, schooling her features. “Yes, Captain.”

The green surge slowed and spread, its span covering all Shepard saw. On closer inspection, it resembled grass, and Lily felt some of her anxiety dissipate. She stepped alone into the green, Liara’s presence at her back, and let the image resolve as she moved farther forward. In the distance, a tall oak rose toward the sky, its leaves full, its trunk large.

As she drew nearer, she noticed a body there, and the closer she got, the more defined the being. Lily stumbled. 

“Mordin?”

“Surprise understandable. Would likely react in same way. Still, good to see you, Shepard.”

Lily looked around, her recently relaxed body tense, ready for an attack. “Mordin, you’re dead. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Death of physical body, yes, but energy, life force, soul not extinguished.”

“What the fuck? You weren’t here before.”

“No, but you had no need of us before, Shepard.” A low, rumbling baritone rose behind her and Shepard’s head whipped around so fast, she thought she’d break something. The voice belonged to Thane. “Warrior angel, indeed. Only you could have held your ground and saved the galaxy by you own means.”

“Fuck, I think I need to sit down.”

“Yes, much to assimilate. Alright, we have time.”

Shepard sank to the ground, the thick tree braced against her back. “This isn’t exactly what I thought would happen.”

“You brought the Prothean here, did he not tell you what occurred?” Thane’s large, inky eyes blinked slowly.

“Well, no. I mean, I didn’t ask.” Shepard struggled to adapt to her situation, but seeing Thane and Mordin again had her emotions tangled in knots.

“I see. Think of this place, this collective conscious you share with the Reapers, like a massive Prothean beacon.”

“Okay…” Her voice trailed off.

Mordin’s hands began to dance, animating his words. “All life, all experiences, stored. Ready to be shared, exchanged. You are part of it, thus we are part of it.”

“Yeah, Mordin, still don’t get it.” Lily watched Thane stride closer, her eyes taking in every inch, noticing his body was whole, no remnant of a sword to the chest evident.

Mordin’s voice brought her attention back to him. “Every being you touched, touched you, in soul, part of us lives on. In you, in your DNA.” 

Lily’s throat grew tight, but she ignored it. “You mean, because you were important to me.”

“Yes, exactly. Javik told you, all experience embedded in cells. Includes emotional attachments.”

Lily was dumbstruck, she didn’t know what to say, what to think, how to react.

“None were more surprised than Mordin and I when we met here. Though I don’t believe either of us thought you unfeeling, that we are here shows how very deeply you held us. It is an honor, Shepard.” Thane’s palms pressed against each other, close to his chest, as he dipped his waist in a deep bow. 

Lily bit her lip as a tear rolled down her cheek, his reverence and Mordin’s quick fire dialogue making her heart squeeze. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried, I wanted to-“ She slapped a hand over her mouth, damning her weakness. These men had given themselves to save others and she felt like her apologies diminished their worth.

“Know, Shepard. And appreciate it. But no regrets.” Mordin took a seat beside her, humming a soft tune while she gathered herself.

“So are you two figments of my imagination or what?”

“Not exactly. We are something more than memories, but less than substance.” His body, decorated with black and flashes of red, lowered next to hers. Thane took one of her hands in his. “Like an eidetic echo, we are who we were, for you, in this place. Our souls are across the sea, perhaps, but we are still with you, a part of you. It is now that you need us, Shepard, to guide you through this, as you guided us in the final hours of our physical lives.”

“Does Harbinger know you’re here?” Lily couldn’t help the tightening of her shoulders. Even she had trouble believing her greatest enemy wouldn’t use any advantage it had against her.

“The Reapers are aware, but we are not theirs to share. We could be, but they cannot take our knowledge, our spirits, from you by force. That is not how this place works.” The peace rolling off the Drell soothed Lily as few things could. 

Mordin patted her hand and Lily sniffed. “Heady thing, to have chance to see all one cared for, to make up for past. But that is not possible. You cannot linger here, Shepard. Dangerous, lose self. Will always be here, when needed, but cannot make us excuse.” 

Lamenting what was gone wasn’t her style, but she wouldn’t lie to herself. She gently pulled her hand from Thane’s, wiping the tears from her face. The idea she could see her mother and father, her sister, her friends from Mindoir. Ashley and Anderson. She understood what Mordin said, if she gave herself up to this place, she might not ever find her way back. And she still had things to do, a mission to accomplish. A Turian to figure out.

“I hear you, Mordin. Don’t get trapped in what might have been.”

“Precisely. Others will come, in time, when you are ready. For now, seek out Harbinger, activate relays. Has to be you, someone else might get it wrong.” The Salarian grinned and Shepard gripped his had tightly, smiling back.

“Arashu, goddess of motherhood and protection, bear her guidance in this strange new world. Offer this one your blessing. Let she who bears your light be the protector of her brothers and sisters.” Thane’s lyric voice invoked the deity he’d once told Shepard she must have been an avatar of, in hushed, reverent tones.

A bit overwhelmed, Lily reached out to the Drell as well, grasped both their hands in hers, so warm and real. “I think I understand what this is, what you mean, Mordin. Thank you, both. It eases me to know you’re alright. It’s time for me to get this show on the road.” She stood, brushed her pants, and shook out her limbs.

“I’ll see you again?” She wasn’t sure, but she sure hoped so.

“Will be here, Captain.”

“Of course, Shepard.” 

In the distance, a building took shape. Lily walked toward it, calm, peaceful, ready.

* * *

The med bay slid open to allow Garrus entrance. He looked around, at the monitors chirping away, grinning when he heard Tali talking to herself. Shepard and Liara sat facing each other, their heads pressed together, their breathing slow and even.

“How goes it, Doc?” 

Karin looked up from her console and gave him a smile. “So far we’ve had no unexpected surprises. There was a jump in her adrenaline production, a small one, but that smoothed out. In fact, right now, I’m seeing a bump in endorphins, so whatever is going on, she’s feels good about it.”

“Tali?” Garrus moved deeper into the room, but not far enough to be forced to skirt Shepard and T’Soni.

“I’m seeing a lot of data tripping through the implants, but nothing that worries me. If I were to make a guess, I’d say she’s getting the lay of the land. I don’t think she’s actually made contact yet.” The Quarian tapped a finger against the vocal processor of her mask. “Okay, she made contact with something, but it isn’t Harbinger. The information she received didn’t cause any defense or attack protocols to fire, so whatever it is, Shepard doesn’t perceive it as a threat.”

Unsettled, but willing to accept the Quarian’s assessment, Garrus looked at the two seated women once more. “And Liara, how’s she doing?”

“Her vitals are within normal parameters, gamma waves up, as they should be. Whatever is going on, like I said, so far so good.” Chakwas gave him a reassuring pat on the arm before shifting back to her desk.

“I’m detecting a combat program queuing up. It’s not running, just waiting.”

“She’s still calm, steady, though she’s producing slightly more norepinephrine, indicating she’s alert for possible hostile activity. Her heart rate remains even, though, so it seems Shepard’s iron-clad control hasn’t been impinged by synthesis.”

“Garrus, two minutes to Charon Relay.” Joker’s voice beckoned the Turian back to the bridge.

“Understood. On my way.” Garrus turned back to the door. “Let me know immediately if anything changes.”

“Of course.” Chakwas nodded but didn’t look up from her screens.

* * *

Shepard pushed the door open and it creaked on its hinges. She laid her palm against the wood and marveled. She hadn’t seen a real door outside of a vid or picture in a book.

“Please, sit, Captain.”

Her eyes tracked the sound of the voice, scanning the softly lit interior of the room. A table with two chairs sat in the middle, a small sofa pushed close to an empty fireplace off to her left.

The voice was Harbinger’s, but the form was not. A human man who looked to be in his mid-forties sat at the table. His dark hair was streaked with grey at the temples, his skin a light caramel tone. His face was pleasing, but not overly handsome, his jaw strong, the shadow of hair defining the shape. He seemed familiar without being known, but when Shepard looked at his eyes, she knew this man was not a man. Completely black, his eyes devoid of white or iris, she watched him blink before lifting his hand, asking her to sit across from him.

“Harbinger?”

The figure nodded. “I thought it best if we were to meet as equals, as we are.”

Lily pulled the chair out and sat, leaving her room to maneuver should she need it. “Alright.” She wasn’t about to tell the human-Harbinger his chosen form unnerved her. Instead, she plowed ahead. “So, how does this work. I sort of imagined a giant library, where I’d ask a VI for the information and they’d bring me back a book.”

Instantly, the room changed, became the library of Shepard’s mind. Vast and massive, row after row, column after column, filled with books. Her head spun, the change of scenery so abrupt she was dizzied by it.

“Did you do that?” She and Harbinger still sat at a table, in a sea of tables.

“No, Shepard. You did. This place is malleable, becoming whatever best suits the needs of we who seek it.”

She watched him ease his chair back a few inches, and realized he was a wary of her as she was of him. _Interesting._ Still, she didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot. With a small smile, she apologized. “I’ll try not to do that again, then. It’s unsettling.”

Harbinger’s only response was the cocking of his head. “The Leviathan was correct. You are an anomaly. Perhaps this was the best solution.”

Lily leaned back in her chair, feeling more relaxed in the knowledge that Harbinger wasn’t. “How so?”

“Neither of us is easy with this, this _exchange_ synthesis has wrought. Yet you remain willing to offer an olive branch, and you considered my comfort when your energy changed the venue. You do not trust me, but you are open to trusting me. And because it is you, because your code is that which rewrote the Reaper code, I am willing to trust as well.”

Shepard nodded. “'Kay. Next time you give me an answer, though, could you try using less words?”

His all-black gaze met hers. “Do you not understand my meaning?”

Crazy as it was, Shepard felt the urge to jab at the being opposite her good-naturedly. _Fucking insane_ , but maybe worth a try. “Yeah, I got it. It’s just that was a longwinded way of saying I offer peace before my pistol.”

Harbinger didn’t miss a beat. “Yes, well, perhaps in time your directness will manifest itself in us.”

She grinned, surprising both herself and, from the widening of those fathomless black orbs, her companion as well. “That’s the spirit, Harby. So, we need to get the relays rolling. The Alliance already tried to reactivate Charon, like we did way back before First Contact, but it didn’t work. Plus, the gyroscopic rings and the eezo core are gone. So, what’s the trick?”

Harbinger lifted his hand and a thick tome appeared above his palm. His fingers gripped the book, pulling it to the table. His gaze met hers as he opened the cover and flipped pages, stopping on a diagram of a relay. “The rings are easy enough to repair or replace. My Keepers are finishing those as we speak.”

“Your _Keepers_? Explain.”

The human-like Harbinger looked up, the edge of anger in her tone tensing his shoulders. “Every Reaper hosts a significant population of Keepers, as the Citadel does. How did you imagine our cores would be maintained, our bodies kept healthy?”

“I don’t have a fucking clue, but I didn’t think it would be Keepers. I know the ones on the Citadel survived, but I assumed it was because they weren’t a thrall race, like the Collectors. Now you’re telling me they are?”

“No, though we did try to indoctrinate them, the Keeper species is immune. They were the first race to rise after the initial Harvest, but they were an unusual organic civilization. Though sentient, they lacked the ability to evolve technologically.” Harbinger’s brows came together, as if he were trying to find a way to explain. 

After a few moments, his pinched look faded and he met her gaze. “They are like the cockroaches of your earth, though more intelligent. They were a purely scavenger race, feeding off the dead, dying, and decayed of their host planet. We believed they would make good servants, and learned early they could be directed through electrical signals, and that they were efficient. This is why they were put in place on the Citadel.”

Bile rose in Shepard’s throat as she flashed back to the tunnel she’d landed in after the beam. Now she knew what the Keepers were doing. “So, they repair damage, keep the Reapers and the Citadel in top condition, and in return, they, what? They gained protection from predation and a never ending supply of carnage to live on?” The harsh, acid taste of her repulsion filled her mouth.

“Yes. Over the cycles we tried to change much of their genetics, but unlike the Protheans, the Keepers adapted only what served the best interests of our symbiotic relationship, quickly eliminating genetic mutations which did not.”

Shepard shuddered. A scary thought flitted through her mind that it was a damn good thing the Keepers weren’t independently intelligent.

“We concur.” 

She cocked a brow at his comment, since she knew she hadn’t spoken aloud. “Try to keep comments to things I actually say. At least until I’m more comfortable.”

“As you wish, Shepard.” His face looked curious, but he returned to the topic at hand. “Their adaptations were an irritation, but as our symbiosis benefitted both species, we were willing to discard plans to overcome their adaptability.” 

“I see.”

Harbinger turned his gaze back to the book. “As I said, the gyroscopes are not a fundamental difficulty to restarting the relays. And the element zero cores are not gone, merely obscured by dark energy.”

“You mean blocked?” Shepard pulled a corner of the book toward her, hoping to get a better understanding of the mass relays.

“No, I mean obscured. Dark energy particles have in fact obscured the element zero, their quantity blanketing the element zero core. In order to free the element zero, the dark energy must be eliminated.”

Shepard slapped her hand over Harbinger’s atop the book. “You can’t eliminate energy. It can be transmuted, but not destroyed. That’s a fundamental law of physics, bud.”

His gaze seemed to burn a whole in her skin, so focused was he on her flesh touching his. Harbinger turned his wrist beneath hers, effectively cupping her palm in his before he replied. “We were created to solve a problem, but the synthetic-organic dilemma was only our primary objective. Over the many cycles, we observed the expansion of dark energy throughout the galaxy.”

_Dark energy?_ Shepard remembered Tali talking about it on Haestrom. “That affects stars, or something like that, making them go dark faster than they should, right?”

He didn’t move his eyes from the place where their skin met. “It is one effect, yes. Dark energy pushes mass away from itself, expanding space before its growth. If this is allowed to continue, unchecked, eventually the universe will tear itself apart.” His fingers twitched beneath hers, and Shepard tried to pull away, uncomfortable.

“No.” His other hand left the book, fingers encircling her wrist, holding her immobile in a near-painful grip.

“Hey, Harby, I’m not fond of the grabby. What’s your fascination?” She tugged against his grip, but he didn’t release her. He wasn’t hurting her, so Shepard quelled the urge to use violence, but she struggled to sit still when his free hand pressed her fingers open, the pads of his fingertips slowly tracing her palm.

“Your flesh is hard, but soft. We do not know touch, the sensation is unique, pleasant. This form I take, the information it provides, is unlike anything I have experienced.”

“Maybe you should touch your own hand then.” Agitation growing, Lily felt a growl tickle her throat.  
Finally, his fingers stopped moving and his gaze returned to hers. “It is not the same. I feel warm, now, and the thing in my chest beats harder.”

_Now you’re gonna be direct?_ Part of Shepard wanted to laugh at the absolute ludicrousness of the situation she was in, a Reaper hitting on her? But something stopped her from chuckling. “Harbinger, what has changed with you and the Reapers because of me, besides being willing to not Harvest organics on sight?”

He stared at her, and she noticed tiny dances of light in the depths of his eyes, like stars flashing in the abyss of space. Unnerved, but refusing to show it, Shepard held his regard.

“There is chaos where once was order. Emotions, I believe you call them. This chaos touches all things, but it does not always create discord. These emotions seem to create a harmony between logic and illogic, though not always.”

She barked a short laugh. “No shit. Emotions are the bane of organic existence. They’re also its greatest redemption. They connect us to others and allow others to connect to us. Emotions are integral to life as organics know it.”

“Organics have had thousands of years to adapt to this chaos. We have not. I am confused, I think that is the correct word, by emotions. In this moment I want to touch more of you, the need,” his voice lifted in question, as if he wasn’t sure he chose the right word, “has almost taken all precedent in my thoughts. But it is an illogical drive, and so I am conflicted, thus causing agitation. I do not understand.”

Lily felt unbelievably awkward. She huffed at her bangs, wishing to hell she’d brought Liara along. The Asari would be able to explain what was going on much more diplomatically than Shepard figured she was about to. 

“I don’t know for certain what you’re feeling, but I’d guess it’s safe to call it attraction. Maybe sexual, maybe not, because humans at least have a need to be touched in non-sexual ways. It’s totally normal, for an organic, but from a purely synthetic standpoint, I can understand how you’d feel… discordant about the situation. Here,” she pulled free of him. “I’ll remove my hand and the sensations should fade.”

He folded is hands together and pulled back. “You seem unsettled.”

“I’m trying to be polite, not my forte, Harby. Just so we’re clear, I am not an option if and or when the Reapers decide they want to try sex. I’m attached.”

Harbinger frowned, but in confusion, not anger. “I am aware. You are mated to the Turian, Garrus Vakarian.”

“Yeah, I’m, wait, what? No, we aren’t exactly mated. We’re in a relationship, fucked up though it may be right now. I would like to get married, or whatever it is Turian’s call it, but we haven’t really gotten to that part yet.”

“Then I am confused. You are his _Animafer_ , his soul bearer. Though you have not completed the bond, The Turian has completed his part of the link. You are his mate.” There was no malice, no insincerity in Harbinger’s voice. He was telling her the truth.

“What? Oh, no, oh hell no. Soul bearer? I am going to… to… What the hell does that even mean?” Shepard jumped up from the table and began pacing, furious. She knew, she _knew_ this was what Garrus had been hiding, but hearing it from a fucking Reaper only made it all the worse.

“I did not mean to cause you distress. I assumed you knew, it was in your code when we were synthesized, we have all your memories, know all you are. Your body has adapted to the Turian, ready to receive him and bring forth new organic life. How can you not know this?”

“I’m ready to do what? Are you shitting me? Karin, goddamn it!” It was too much too process. Shepard shoved both hands into her hair, fisting the dark strands with force, and fought the urge to scream.

“How can we ever hope to master emotions when you, who has been designed to cope with them, cannot?” The worrisome sound of despair colored Harbinger’s words and suddenly, all of Lily’s personal bullshit to a backseat to the _now_.

With a sigh, she retook her seat. “Yeah, I told you, bane of our existence. But we adapt, or try to, and so will you. Hopefully, your long lives as synthetics will give you an edge processing emotions.” She tapped the book and took a deep breath. “Listen, how about we get back to the relays and worry about drama in our next visit.”

Relief visibly flowed over her companion. “Yes, that would be preferable.”

“Good. So, dark energy obscuring eezo cores.”

“Yes, over the cycles the capital ships adapted themselves to collect dark energy and transport it. Dark energy is not like energy as you understand it, Shepard. It is negative energy, and though it cannot be necessarily destroyed, we have found a way to re-purpose it.”

“Okay, how?

“By expelling it into the mass of a black hole. Once critical energy has reached a zero apex, the black hole dissipates. All energy and mass inside it in balance, prepared to become new incarnations of an endless incarnation of celestial objects. So you see, our Harvests served two purposes: to maintain organic life and slow the increase of dark energy, which is necessarily brought to imbalance through the use of mass effect fields.”

“Holy fuck, Harby, I think I’m gonna need a picture book for that one. But never mind me, basically once we reach Charon, you’re going to eat up the dark energy, which should reveal the eezo core. At that point, a jolt of electricity will get the relay working again.”

“That is a close amalgamation of what will occur, Shepard. I can only contain the dark energy for so long, though, as the negative energy pushes against my own cellular masses. I will need to dispel it at the closest black hole as quickly as possible. As we arrive at each relay, the process will be repeated. There are only thirty-two of my kind remaining, however, so you will need to choose the relays we activate carefully.”

“Are there even thirty-two relays that were active before the war?”

“I am the only capital ship capable of clearing a relay alone. It takes four of my brethren to absorb the energy I can obtain.”

“So that means I can open seven relays relatively quickly, but then I have to wait for anymore.”

Harbinger nodded, but didn’t comment. Instead, he closed the book and stood. “We have arrived. It is time.”

Shepard sighed. “Yeah. Um, is this how it’ll always be, us sharing information?”

“If that is how you prefer. If not, then no.”

“Maybe next time, I’ll imagine myself as a Reaper and we’ll try things from your comfort zone.” She held out her right hand.

“That would be interesting, Lily Shepard.”

Slowly, he mimicked her gesture. She wrapped her fingers around his palm and pumped his arm once, twice, before pulling away. “Thanks.”

He gave her a long look before turning from her, his form shimmering and disappearing. Looking around the library, Shepard’s curiosity rose. How she would love to stay here, just picking through the shelves, but knowing she could return any time helped her get her ass in gear.

“Well, if I created it, then I can un-create it.” It took the space between heart beats for Shepard to find herself back at the edge of the green expanse, where she and Liara had arrived. 

The Asari stood there, patient but alert. She smiled when she spotted Lily. “There you are! I was starting to worry.”

“Have I really been gone that long?” Anxiety tingled along her nerves.

“Not in the real world. Here, though, time passes differently. Did you find what we needed?”

Everything she and Harbinger talked about bounced around her head. She narrowed her eyes at Liara.   
“And then some. _Animafer_ , right? I did say it correctly, didn’t I?”

“Goddess, I didn’t think,” Liara swallowed hard before shooting a glare back at Lily. “You did. And that’s between you and Garrus.”

“Oh, yeah, the Turian and I are definitely gonna need to chat. I want you to clear the cargo bay, Liara. I’m gonna want it empty of bodies.”

Liara blanched. “Shepard, is that really necessary?”

Lily cocked a hip. “Yes, it is. I have a feeling there might be a lot of steam and the Loft isn’t big enough.” She relaxed her stance at the look of horror filling the Asari’s eyes. “But I promise to leave my guns outside.”

The fact that her concession didn’t seem to make Liara feel any better didn’t escape Shepard’s notice. _Too bad._ Shepard was willing to cut Vakarian some slack, things had been hectic the last few days. But there had been time. He could have found time to tell her something as important as her being _mated_ to him. _Don’t forget being ready to propagate too,_ her bitchy inner-self chimed up.

“Let’s go. I have a Reaper vacuum to turn on and a relay to open.” Without further ado, Shepard pulled them both out of her shared headspace and back into the med bay.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reach and flexibility by any other name... is an ass-kicking? Harbinger prepares the relay, then Shepard and Garrus hash a few things out.

Shepard and Liara slowly separated, both taking a few breaths to adjust to their own individual minds. Irritation burned in Lily’s nose, orange peels and cayenne, but thankfully, the smell dissipated quickly. Either her implants were adjusting, or she was doing a better job controlling her body’s non-verbal responses than she thought.

“Lily, don’t be angry.” Liara stood and offered Shepard a hand up. 

She didn’t need the help, but she accepted the gesture for what it was. The Asari seeking some reassurance Shepard wasn’t pissed off at her, specifically.

“I’m not angry, Liara. I’m hurt, which makes me irascible. But I’ll deal with it later. Right now, I need to get up to the bridge. Tali, did you get anything useful?”

“I did, Shepard. You uploaded a program that should amp up our electrical output. What we’d use it for, though, I can’t say. There’s also a lot of information about the relays, reams of data about how they’re constructed and put in place. With that data, the Council races might be able to create more.”

“We’ll need a lot of electricity to get Charon running, once Harbinger clears the dark energy. As far as the relay data goes, well, I looked at a tome on them while I was in there. I can’t tell you how any of the info was downloaded, since I didn’t actually read it. I’ll look into the how’s next time I chat with Harby. Right now, I’m not worried about it.”

“Okay. I’ll collate the data; see what I can make of it all. Shepard, one more thing. It looks like once we have a relay open, travelling through it should open the relay on the other side. But it’s only good one way.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning once we get through, we won’t just be able to jump to the next relay. We’ll have to use FTL to the next destination, then we can jump from there to another relay, then FTL to the next one and so on.” Tali inclined her head to Shepard.

Lily thought about that for a minute. “So the relays are acting like primary relays right now, not secondary ones?”

“That’s a good way to think of it.”

“Understood. EDI?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“I want you to scan Harbinger while he does whatever he’s going to do. See if you can figure out the process of collecting and storing dark energy. I want to see if it’s possible to alter Alliance ships to do the same.”

“Of course.”

“Liara, you have my orders.”

The Asari looked guilty for a second, but she blanked her face quickly. “Affirmative, Shepard.”

“All right people, let’s get busy.”

Dr. Chakwas looked like she wanted to say something, but the woman knew her Captain well. Shepard had things to do and she wasn’t going to put them on hold to chat with the doctor. Instead of asking the questions she wanted, Karin lifted a brow at Shepard.

“Make time to see me before you turn in for the night.”

“Will do, Karin. I’ll be on the bridge.”

Lily strode from the med bay, pausing briefly to say hello to Daniels in the mess.

“Everything good, Gabby?”

The lively woman grinned up at her. “Yes, ma’am. You wouldn’t ever know we crashed on an uncharted planet, it’s all in tip top shape and orderly. Thank god you got those GX12’s, though, might have been ugly without them.”

Shepard smiled. “You let me know if you guys need anything down there. And tell Donnelly I’m setting up a weekly game of poker. I expect him there.”

Gabriella laughed, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Aye, aye, Captain.”

Lily chuckled to herself as she boarded the elevator and selected the CIC. When the doors opened, Traynor was there with a datapad.

“Harbinger has begun removing the dark energy. EDI asked me to give this to you.”

Shepard glanced at the pad, noting the markers EDI placed referring to dark energy collection and what her scans revealed about where it was going. “Hmm, looks like there’s some sort of micro-black hole near Harbinger’s core, kept in check with a biotic barrier that makes our shields seem like child’s play.” Lily turned her gaze back to Samantha. “Make sure Tali gets a copy of this. Between the two of them, they should be able to figure out how it works.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Traynor took the proffered pad and took position in front of her console.

“Garrus in the cockpit?”

“He is.”

Lily took a minute to glance at the galaxy map. There spun the Milky Way, so many dark spots where relays once lit the thing like fireflies on a summer night. _Soon, they’ll be blinking again._  
She spoke with the bridge crew as she made her way to the front of the ship, small moments to reconnect, reassure, and reassert her place aboard the Normandy. She might not be exactly the same Shepard, the bits and pieces, but she was still their Shepard in all the ways that counted.

Lily didn’t exactly ignore Garrus, but she skirted him, stepping to the right of his perch next to Joker. “ETA to completion?”

“Uh, the giant space cuttlefish says ten minutes.” He looked up at her from his seat, not even trying to cover his sarcasm or his distrust.

“Look, I know this shit is strange. But let’s give them a chance to fuck up first, alright?”

“Affirmative, Captain. Tali just called up. She didn’t have any problem inserting the program you picked up. The drive core will be ready to discharge at your command.”

“Did she explain how it works?”

“Kinda. She said the program compounds the amperage, or something like that. It has to, in order to get enough juice to charge the relay. And there’s nothing at all scary about discharging several billion volts of static at full power. If that goes bad, better hope your new implants have an electro-shock warranty.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at Joker’s way with words. “I assume this program gives us a little control?”

Joker pulled up some screens, bringing up schematics of the ship. “Yeah, the electricity will basically roll over our shields and onto the discharge conduit on the nose of the Normandy. Once it’s reached critical charge, I’ll hit this button here,” his fingers glanced by a small key, “and let it loose, right at the relay. Tali said the program’s code is amazingly simple, but still far beyond anything our engineers could have thought up.”

“Like the Crucible, I’m sure. Time to discharge?” She glanced at Garrus, her gaze holding his, and bit her tongue. 

“Four minutes, twenty-two seconds.”

The Turian reached for her, behind Joker’s chair, and Lily surprised herself by growling. When his mandibles flared and his eyes widened, she upped the ante by barring her teeth.

“Uh, Captain, might want to ease back, I can hear your subharmonics.” Just like that, Joker eased the tension and made her want to slap him at the same time.

Switching focus, she zeroed in on her helmsman. “Guess you’ll have to get used to it. Chakwas says they’re here to stay.”

“Well, it is kind of sexy.” Joker laughed as he turned back to his readouts.

Lily took a deep breath, picked up the unmistakable scent of heather, smoky chocolate, and leather. Seemed her show of teeth aroused her Turian. Cherry blossoms and pine, subtle but there, tickled her senses. Joker hadn’t been teasing.

“So I gather. But cherry blossoms and pine, Joker? Not unappealing, but a little overwhelming, I imagine, if you’re really hot. Good thing EDI doesn’t smell like we do.”

Something tart, tangy wafted from her pilot and Shepard didn’t even bother to hide her laugh. This could be fun, making Joker uncomfortable.

“Yeah, laugh it up, Captain. ‘We’ can’t smell pheromones. Only you overly-upgraded bastards can do that.” His retort held no heat, no judgment. “Thirty seconds to discharge.”

Through the window, Lily watched Harbinger’s massive body glide back from the relay. And to her delight, the Reaper had told the truth. Gyroscopic rings gleamed around a tight ball of eezo, it’s blue glow soft against the empty backdrop of space. But she was about to change that.

“Fire static discharge.” 

Joker’s finger pressed the button before she finished her sentence. The Normandy rocked slightly as the core was discharged, and Lily watched awestruck as the static electricity danced over the hull of the ship, funneling ever downward, coalescing out of her sight a moment before the entire ship shuddered and the energy was released.

The arc bolt that hit the eezo what brighter than anything Shepard had ever seen. She had to shield her eyes from the painful light. Without looking, she lifted her right arm, fingers finding the shutter control and slamming the button before someone was blinded. “Shit, next time, lets close those puppies first.” She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the flash burn from her vision.

“Aye, aye. Damn, it’s a good thing I was sitting down here and not standing with my face to the glass.” Joker shifted in his chair, rubbing his palms against his eyes.

Thankfully, the bright stain in her line of sight cleared in seconds. “Status, Joker.”

“Holy shit, Shepard, the fucking relay’s open!” 

Lily grinned, fisting her hand and bouncing it off Joker’s seat. “Fuck yeah. Hail the rest of the fleet and set course for Widow. We’ll follow the Reapers through. Tali said the relays will open one way, one at a time. Once most of us are through, set course for the Apien Crest. We’ve got a Primarch to take home.”

“Will do, Shepard. Hey, maybe we should play the old Russian national anthem, now?”

Lily grinned. “In this case, how about you just go open a channel and tell everyone it worked?”

Joker nodded and hit the comms. “All Systems Alliance ships and allied vessels, this is the SR-2 Normandy. The relay is a go, repeat the Charon Relay is active.”

The sound of millions of voices rising up in cheer filled Lily with jubilation. It spilled out of her in hearty laughter. _Damn, it feels so good to give people hope again._

“Nice job, Captain.” Garrus’ hand curved around her shoulder, his face fairly beaming.

Despite what she knew she had to do, she refused to let anything less than joy into this moment. “Damn straight. Once we’re through, Harbinger will lead some of the Reaper ships onto our destination. When they have the relay clear, he’ll signal us.”

“You sure, Shepard.”

Though she hadn’t actually discussed the logistics with the Reapers, she nodded. “It’s the most logical choice. The Reapers can sustain FTL far longer than any of our ships. And I’m pretty sure they move faster, too. It took them little more than three years to get from dark space and into every major star system. We couldn’t make the trip from Widow to the Krogan DMZ in three years at current FTL speeds.”

“Alright.”

Lily turned away from Joker, walking out of Garrus’ touch and out of the cockpit. “Vakarian, with me. We’ll be in the cargo bay if you need us, Joker.” Despite her best efforts, agitation vibrated in her throat. The sound might not have been audible to the human, but the Turian read her loud and clear.

“Yes, ma’am.” Both males chimed at once.

She didn’t need her enhanced hearing to catch her helmsman’s barely concealed chuckle as she walked away. Lily didn’t say anything as she passed through the CIC. She moved straight to the elevator. 

She activated her personal comm. “Liara, is it done?” 

“Yes, Captain.”

The elevator slid open and Shepard stepped aboard, pivoting on her heel to press the call for the cargo bay. She watched Garrus step on, noted the tension in his body.

“Want to tell me what’s going on, Shepard?”

“Soon enough.”

The ride down was tense, no words spoken. Shepard was off the lift before the doors had fully opened, stripping off her over shirt as she marched into the empty bay.

“Shepard?” She head Garrus behind her, close, and as they passed Steve’s requisitions console, she didn’t hesitate.

Whirling on heel, she cold cocked him, a full-on right cross to the good side of his face. He staggered back and she followed with a quick jab of her left between his mandibles, forcing him back another step. Keeping on her toes, she withdrew a few paces, form ready, waiting.

He touched his fingers to his mouth and came away with a smear of cerulean. “What the fuck was _that_?”

“There are a lot of things I’ll tolerate, Vakarian, finding out we’re _mated_ from a **fucking Reaper** is not one of them.”

Garrus rubbed a hand along his jaw, grimacing in pain. “Fuck. Lily, I didn’t want-“

“Stow it, Garrus. I don’t want excuses, I want the truth.” She growled and danced closer.

Quick as a blink, the Turian grabbed her right wrist, intent to bring her into the circle of his arms, she was sure. But this wasn’t going down his way. With reflexes hones by a thousand battles, and responses backed by Reaper-synthesized implants, she wrapped her free hand around his occupied one, sliding beneath his arm and flipping his tall, blue ass onto his back.

“ _Meus animus est vestri, protego, defendo, forem._ What’s it mean, Garrus?” Her voice was a melody of anger and hurt, confusion and, damn it, love. 

She watched the words roll over his prone form, his eyes closing, his hands clenching, as if she’d struck him again. “What does it mean!”

“My soul is yours, to protect, to defend, forever!” He bellowed back a split second before rolling to his feet. 

The Turian exploded from the floor and charged straight for her. But his anger made him clumsy. She glided back a pace, hooking his right ankle and tugging, sending him sprawling several feet away, his mass propelling him without the need for her to expend energy in the act.

Garrus didn’t stay down long. Pushing back to his feet, she heard the sound of clasps releasing, catches popping, as he shed his bulky armor. Spinning to face her, his mandibles flared, his chest heaving, only the pants of his under armor protecting his plated hide, Shepard felt a moment of hesitation. Steeling herself, she refused to allow back down, issuing yet another growl, this one all menace.

“And you didn’t think it was important to mention that you’d _married_ me?” Lily huffed her bangs away, maintaining her lithe form on the balls of her feet.

Garrus stalked closer, skating in to grab her, but two short, hard punches just below his keel bone gained Shepard the space to keep out of his grasp.

“Spirits, fuck this! We aren’t married! We’re mated, get the difference. And _we_ aren’t even mated. I am!” His sub vocals were so jumbled; so many emotions fighting for supremacy, Shepard couldn’t make them out. Distracted, she let him step into her, sweeping her left leg.

Lily went down with a grunt, but immediately rolled out of reach, before flipping herself upright. “Give me a clue, Vakarian. How can only you be mated?”

“Because I was stupid enough to bond to you, to give my worthless fucking soul to a woman who’d rather sacrifice herself and leave me alone to _wither and die_ without her, than to let me protect and defend her too!”

She was so shocked by his words, by the ragged, ravaged pain in his voice, she lost her focus and Garrus capitalized, seizing both her upper arms a savage grip and throwing her to the floor. The pain was minimal, he hadn’t been trying to hurt her, only gain the upper hand.

But as he followed her down, Shepard had a split second to make a decision and she went with her gut. She thrust her palm upward, catching him under the chin, and used the reverberated energy of the blow to propel her onto her side, away from him. Rolling into a crouch, on toes and fingers, she met his vivid, blue gaze.

Seized by an unholy instinct, Shepard launched herself at him, left arm going around his neck, inside the large cowl. Her other arm, she wrapped tight against his upper arm, nails digging into his back for purchase. She locked the limb against his side, between her body and his. With strength that surprised even Lily, she pulled his head toward his right shoulder, exposing one of the only unplated parts of his anatomy. 

The soft skin above what would be his clavicle, were he human, a soft blue, beckoned her and without hesitation, she opened her mouth and took his flesh between her teeth. She bit him hard, sank her pearly-whites deep, tasted the alien tang of his blood on her tongue.

His entire body shook, the sound coming from his throat like an angelic chorus. Garrus’ knees gave way as his free hand came to her head, clawed digits fisting painfully in her hair, and he pressed her face harder to his flesh.

She hummed, a sound of possession and need, tightening the hold of her teeth for another endless second before pulling back and putting her lips close to his ear. “My soul is yours, to protect, to defend. Forever.”

Like electricity held at bay too long, energy exploded between them, a fury of fire and light and power. Lily felt something snap inside her, something she’d been missing but didn’t know she’d lost, locking inside her soul and then all she knew was him.

_The feel of her hair against his palm, the feel of her hot breath against his neck, the smell of her skin, the sting from her bite and where her fingers tore at his back._ Lily wasn’t experiencing this herself, but from inside Garrus. Images flashed behind her closed lids. _The first time they met, his anguish when she’d been lost over Alchera, realizing he didn’t have a fetish for humans but he seemed to have a fetish for Shepard. Relief, relief so profound when she’d strode across that bridge on Omega, the emotions expanded a thousand-fold when she’d stumbled into Anderson’s apartment._

She shuddered in his arms as Garrus was revealed to her, thoughts, emotions, desires, fantasies and she knew, could sense him inside her, all she tried to hide exposed, her vulnerabilities, weaknesses, losses she knew stained her soul but refused to share with another.

As quickly as it came, the roll of power ebbed, leaving her utterly spent, disoriented, terrified. She released him and shoved away, flopping to her side, using the last of her strength to pull herself further away. _Spirits, what have I done?_

“Completed the bond. We are _Animafer_ , Lily. One soul, two bodies, perfectly matched to produce the strongest, the smartest offspring. There’s no going back, no reversing it.”

“You’re in my head.” The words sounded strangled, even to her ears, and Lily curled in on herself. 

_And you’re in mine, mate._

She wasn’t, she didn’t know how to deal with this. How could he possibly want to be paired with her, after he’d seen all the things she worked so hard to hide, all her failures. _Oh, fuck, he knew how cold, depraved she’d been, digging through the corpses on Mindoir, ignoring the bloody, ragged screams for help from those the Batarian’s took as slaves…_

So caught up in her own turmoil, she didn’t notice Garrus move toward her on palms and knees, barely stirred when he gathered her in his arms and pulled her into his embrace. “Lily, I love you. Nothing can change that.” His arms tightened around her and soothed her with sounds she would never have heard were she strictly human.

Warmth burrowed into her cold limbs, thrusting deep into her tissues, blanketing her with his love, his respect, his devotion. Slowly, her fingers unfurled and she moved her palms to his chest, pressing hard against his plates.

“Garrus, I didn’t – I’m so sorry. I didn’t leave you behind because I thought you'd slow me down or because I felt like I had to 'go it alone'. I did it to protect you, to protect me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish the mission if you died. I had to save you because I knew I couldn’t save myself.” She bit her lip, barely holding back the torrent of fluid, hovering but a sigh from spilling down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry I was so angry, sorry I didn’t explain this to you. I was a coward. I wouldn't have survived if you turned away from me.”

“You’ll never be alone. Never.” She whispered the words against his bicep.

His hold tightened. “It’ll get easier, this bond. At first, we’ll be in and out of each other’s heads, have moments where we’ll see memories not our own. But from what I could find out, eventually we’ll adapt, be able to give each other space, but we’ll be in perfect harmony.”

“You know I’m not going to like the adjustment period. I'm bound to get pissy.”

A rumbling purr lifted from his chest. “I’m not exactly keen on the idea, myself. But we’ll get through this, we always do.”

“Take me to bed, Garrus. I need you.”

Dark chocolate and soft, grey heather enveloped her. She sighed as his muscles flexed, her body lifting through the air. He shifted her in his arms, bringing her head to rest above the mark she’d given. Satisfaction rumbled through her and she drew her tongue over the drying blood, committing the taste of him to memory. Garrus growled, hunger vibrating from him and into her, as he made his way to the elevator.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reach and flexibility we all know and love, plus Shepard and Co. reach Palaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Graphic sexual content. Reader discretion advised.

Somewhere around engineering, Lily shifted in the Turian’s hold, forcing him to palm her ass as she wound her legs around his waist and began licking, kissing, and biting every inch of skin she could.   
In response, Garrus spun them, pushing her back against the wall of the lift, talons digging into her soft flesh, neck craned to give her all the access she needed, a constant trill of hunger rolling from the depths of his chest.

“We’ll never make it to your cabin if you keep that up.” He’d growled the words, gripping her hard enough to bruise.

She bit the side of his neck, a sharp, quick press of skin between teeth, and relished the strained hiss of his reply. “I could give a fuck.” Lifting her hands from his cowl, Lily slid her palms upward, over the back of his neck, to the erotically sensitive skin beneath his fringe. She teased, at first, scraping her nails against his hide, whimpering softly when he pressed himself against her harder.

Tightening her hold, she held his head still and brought her lips to his mouth plates, pressing them together, using her tongue to tease his jaw open so she could sweep inside to taste him. With the first plunge of her body into his, she dug her nails into the back of his head, moaning loudly when he slammed his hips between hers.

He pulled back from her mouth, lifting his head to press them forehead to forehead. “Fuck, Lily, if we don’t ease off, this isn’t going to last long.”

The doors opened behind him and she tightened her legs. “We’re here.”

He chuffed, the feel of his breath against her face a caress. Shifting his hold so her bottom rested on one forearm, freeing the other to slide up her back to sink into her hair, he disembarked and activated the door to the captain’s cabin.

The barely made it in the door before he had her pinned between the wall and his unforgiving body once more. This time it was his tongue that delved between her lips, her moans he captured with his mouth, as he slowly rotated his pelvis against her, the plates there open, the press of his long, thick cock driving Shepard slowly made with desire.

“Garrus,” she moaned, “we’ve waited long enough. _Take me, please_. I need you.”

The guttural sound he made told her all she needed to know. Her head spun as he moved them to the bed. She unhooked her legs as he tossed her onto the mattress, groaning when his fingers found the catch of her bottoms, removing them in a flurry of motion before tearing off his own clothing. She whipped her shirt off, flinging it away, uncaring where it landed, and then slid up the bed and opened her arms to Garrus, beckoning him home. His deep purr of pleasure preceded him, making her body quiver with anticipation. He paused, his knees drawn together between hers, the cerulean stalk of him bouncing with every shift of his muscles, drawing her gaze as a flame does a moth.

She bent her legs, opening herself to him, watched his eyes track the movement, saw the flaring of his mandibles as her sex bloomed under his gaze. She breathed deep, the scent of their combined arousal a heady thing, exotic flowers and warm skin, chocolate and spice. 

“You smell so good.” Her voice was husky, subharmonics threaded with yearning making her sound sultrier, more provocative, than she remembered ever being.

He bent at the waist, his face hovering above the apex of her thighs. “So do you.”

He looked up at her and suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to feel his tongue, teeth, the harsh rasp of his plates against her softest flesh. “Taste me.”

She threw her head back, moaning loudly, when his teeth sank into her inner thigh. Not hard enough to break the skin, but just hard enough to tease her with the hot tingle of almost-pain. “Yes.”

Garrus settled on his belly, and slid his hands beneath her hips, pulling her with him as he eased his lower half into a kneeling position on the floor. When her buttocks rested at the edge of the bed, he glided his palms from beneath her pelvis to curl around her thighs. She shuddered at the feel of each warm exhale, shifting in his hold, trying to lift her body those last, few inches.

Her jerked her closer, his fingers edging toward her center, the rough pads beneath his talons slipping through the close-cut patch of hair at the top of her mons. She held her breath, waiting on a razor’s edge, as he slowly moved past the soft, black curls onto the smooth shaven skin of her labia. With exquisite care, he opened her, exposing her throbbing clit. 

The first touch of his tongue was tentative, gentle, the second less so, as Garrus learned her body. His tongue was different than a humans, slightly rough, drier, harder. He licked her slowly, circling her clit, teasing the edges of her opening, heightening her desire until she dug her own fingers into the backs of his hands and levered herself up to watch him.

“Harder, Garrus, Spirits, give me more.”

He rumbled a laugh against her, vibrating so close to where she needed him and she whimpered, bringing her elbows to rest behind her, supporting her torso so she could continue to see everything he did.

Eyes heavily lidded, the dark grey-blue of his tongue danced over her clit and she gasped, hips thrusting upward, begging for more. She quickly learned the benefits of a prehensile tongue, as she watched her lover curl that wondrously agile muscle around her clitoris. He pulled back, the coarseness of his flesh pushing her yet another inch toward orgasm as it rubbed, prodded, and flicked against the heart of her need.

She dropped her body back to the bed, allowing her hands the freedom to roam. Lily took her pebble-hard nipples between her own fingers, rolling the buds, shooting streaks of pleasure through her body. Her pussy contracted and she felt moisture pool. “More, Garrus.”

He grunted, his tongue slipping through her folds to dip into her. She whimpered and he thrust deeper. The length of his tongue was a magical thing. Thicker, harder, it was better than anything she’d ever felt beneath a human lover. His nubile flesh pressed hard against the upper wall of her sex, its flexibility complimented by its thickness as he, literally, licked the inside of her body until she came, screaming his name, grinding her hips against his hard mouth plates, body clasping his tongue as it would a cock, liquid desire leaving her more wet, more ready than she thought possible.

“Spirits, Shepard, I’m a breath from coming myself. You’re so beautiful when you scream for me.”

She shuddered, her body replete, but her hunger far from sated. “Come up here.” She tugged at his hands, pulling him onto the bed, over her. With firm urging, she managed to get him in a semi-reclined position, and turned toward him, pressing soft kissed first to his mouth, then his throat. She took her time, savoring the flavor of his skin, smiling at his soft grunts of pleasure as she teased the softer connections between the plates of his body. 

As she neared his groin, she bared her teeth, nipping his flesh, making him tremble beneath her. With deliberate intent, she approached her goal, slipping her palm around the thick base of him, feeling his cock swell against her grip, as it did inside her body. She relaxed her fingers, just enough to make sure the blood would continue to pool beneath the taut, slick surface, until it could expand no more.

Looking up, she made sure she had his attention when she touched her mouth to him, a closed mouth kiss that bussed against the very end of him. He hissed, fingers curling against the blankets beneath them. She smiled, parting her lips, and breathed out, letting him feel her heat. His subharmonics relayed how tightly he held his control, anticipating her next move.

She didn’t disappoint, flicking her own pink, tongue out to dance against the slippery skin of his cock. He tasted like candied orange, bright and tart, surprising her. Opening her mouth wider, she laid the flat of her tongue against him and licked a broader, firmer path from the middle of his shaft up to the head. Citrus flooded her mouth, making her saliva glands tingle, but beneath the tangy flavor, she noticed something like mulled cider, warm and spicy.

Squeezing him in her hand, she paused over him. “If your come tastes as good as your cock, I might just be the luckiest woman in the galaxy.” Then she wrapped her lips around him, and with precise undulations of her tongue, worked as much of the thick organ into her mouth as she could.

“Fuck!” 

She heard the sound of cloth tearing, watched as every muscle in his body tensed as he fought the urge to thrust into her mouth. Humming her approval, and relishing the harsh expulsion of his breath at the pleasure, she slid back up his length, swirling her flesh around the end of him, before taking him as deep as she could, until her jaw reached its maximum stretch. 

Lily settled herself against his thigh, freeing her other hand to join in the exploration. As large as he was, she would never be able to deep throat him, except perhaps when his length first emerged from his plates, but she would adapt. Using both hands and her mouth, she worked his cock, sucking, licking, saliva slipping from between her lips and mixing with his natural lubrication, easing the twisting, gliding motion of her fists.

“Lily, Lily, yes, shit!” His moans were loud, echoing in the cabin. Garrus’ hips lifted, hands clawing at anything in reach, as he lost himself in the throes of an agony so great, pleasure so intense he thrashed in her hold.

Knowing he was close, Shepard drew her mouth to the end of him and using the width of her tongue to push against him, she began to slip-suck only the head of him, in and out of the tightened ring of her lips, while gripping his shaft firmly with one hand. She stroked up and down, from her lips to his base, slowly, then faster, and faster, her palm twisting around him, until his entire body seized beneath her.

“Lily!” Garrus bellowed the word, hips heaved from the bed, as the first rush of his orgasm hit the back of her throat.

She swallowed greedily, feeling her own body pulse in sympathetic response. Sweet and thick, his second shot coated her tongue and had her groaning around him, but Shepard knew her Turian could come and come, so she sucked harder, stroked him rougher, and nearly exploded herself when he keened, one hand finding the back of her head, fingers twining into the dark strands, as he gave her another mouthful of heaven.

After that, she lost count of the throbs of his orgasm, feasting until she thought she’d burst. When his hold on her hair eased, she carefully released him, licking his tip one last time before easing away from his cock, moving up to lay beside him.

She laid her palm against his chest, brushing her fingertips over him as he came back to himself. It took a few minutes, but eventually his hand came up to cover hers and she looked up to see those perfect, blue eyes staring back at her. What she saw in them made her smile, awe making them glitter in the light.

“I guess you liked your first blow job.”

He laughed and rolled onto his side. “If you’d asked me yesterday what I thought of humanity’s preoccupation with oral sex, I’d have said it was terrifying. Teeth, near my cock? No thanks.”

“And now?”

“I barely have enough brain cells firing to speak. I think I get it.”

“You’re no slouch, either. Where’d you learn how to do that?”

“Uh…”

Shepard laughed, leaning up to press her mouth to his. “Remind me to tell Joker thanks.”

Garrus brought his arm around her, pulling her beneath him as he rose above her. “I need to be inside you, Lily.”

She reached for his cowl, pulling him down until their foreheads touched. “Yes.”

He settled between her thighs, his weight held up by his palms on either side of her shoulders. His mandibles flared as he leaned close to trace her lips with his tongue, before moving lower, across her clavicle, and finally circling her left nipple.

“Mmm.” She murmured her approval, secondary voice box humming pleasurable notes.

Garrus gave each breast its turn, nipping the tight, pink buds, flicking the tips with knowing movements, until she was gasping, pressing her slick flesh to his, needing more. Easing back, guiding her knees around his hips, he spanned her waist with his hands and lifted her to him.

The head of him breached her and Lily sighed in wonder, in delight. He felt so good, so thick, so slick, so perfect. And he was, made just for her, to be hers and she, his. When he was fully seated within the tight confines of her sex, he grasped her hands and lifted her back from the bed, pulling them face to face. His hips shifted, pushing him that last, blessed inch, before skimmed his palms up her back, to brace her shoulders.

“Take me, Lily.”

She moaned, relaxing into the strength of his grip, and lifted her body from his. She felt him swell, felt the fire as her body stretched to accommodate, and groaned when she took him back, deep. Curling her fingers around the edges of his shoulders, she moved languidly, letting the slow friction of give and take move them both toward their ultimate destination. He hummed his approval, his passion, and she reciprocated, a breathy growl tumbling from her lips as she sped her strokes.

She felt one of his hands trace her spine, sharp tips of his talons scraping erotically against her sensitive skin. She shuddered, rotating her hips in a circular fashion, grinding against him. “Deeper, fuck, I want you deeper.”

He grunted, tipping their bodies, letting her shoulders fall back to the mattress as he took over the rhythm, powerful muscles drawing back before bringing himself home, again and again, as deeply as he could. One of his hands slipped across her belly, thumb sliding between them, pressing hard against her clit.

Her body tightened, so close, and she hooked her ankles behind his back. “Please!”

Harder he thrust, faster, every pass of his sandpaper thumb drawing her muscles tauter, tighter. She panted, moaned, begging him in every way she knew to end her suffering or prolong it, she didn’t know.

The sound of their bodies coming together filled her ears, an erotic symphony of physical need and blood-born passion. She cried out, so close, so painfully close.

Garrus shifted again, bringing her knees over his elbows, curling her body against itself. She felt his head against hers and fought to open her eyes. Lime green met summer blue.

“Come.”

She shattered in his arms, the crashing wave of ecstasy dashing her soul from its moorings, sending it straight into Garrus. From far away, she heard him shout her name, and then they were two made one. She felt her body rippling around him, knew the white-hot fury of pleasure as he came deep inside her heat. Lily reveled in the salty musk of her skin as her body beckoned every drop of his seed, then convulsed and gripped and demanded more. To experience his pleasure, to be wrapped so tightly in the all-encompassing truth of his love – nothing compared, would ever compare, to this divine gift.

When it was over, neither of them spoke, moved beyond words at the power of their mating. He simply rolled until they lay on their sides, arms locked around each other, bodies still bound flesh in flesh. 

_My soul is yours, to protect, to defend. Forever._

_As mine is yours, Garrus. Forever._

* * *

_Three weeks later_

“This is the Normandy to the Turian Fleet. We have Palaven in sight. I say again, we have Palaven in sight.”

“Roger that, Normandy. Preparing to land. By the Spirits, it’s good to be home.” The voice of Primarch Victus came over the loudspeaker, his relief almost palpable.

“We’ll wait for Palaven Control to send us docking permission, Joker. I’m not sure what the state of their space port is.” Shepard looked out the window of the cockpit and prayed the planet hadn’t been left in ruin.

“Harbinger is hailing, Captain.” Joker’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Put him through. This is Shepard, go ahead Harbinger.”

“What is your next destination, Captain?”

“Krogan DMZ. From there, we’ll FTL to the Athena Cluster.”

“A logical choice. We will remain here until you ascertain the status of the Turian home world. If you have need of us, we are here.”

“Affirmative. Shepard out.” Lily motioned for Joker to cut the comms.

“So, Captain, you seem to be in an exceptionally good mood lately.” Joker was about as far from subtle as a human could get.

“Yeah, well, getting regular orgasms will do that to a girl, Jeff.” She gave as good as she got and didn’t bother to hide her laugh when Joker harrumphed.

“And that’s just TMI, Captain. Anyway, EDI says you’re going down to the surface. Gonna meet the in-laws?”

Shepard narrowed her eyes. “Liara was right, your girlfriend is a blabbermouth.”

It was Joker’s turn to chuckle at her discomfort. “Kind of hard to keep secrets from the ship, Shepard. So, are you nervous?”

Nervous didn’t really do justice to the churning in her gut, but Lily wasn’t about to tell her pain in the ass pilot as much. “Eh, if I can take down a Reaper on foot, I figure Garrus’ family should be a walk in the park.”

“Ri-i-ight, because you’ll totally be able to call in an orbital strike if things go bad.” He didn’t even try to conceal the sarcasm in his tone.

“Fuck you, Joker.”

“Ah, ha, ha, no thanks, ma’am. I mean, your hot and all, but I’d rather not have my leg ripped off.”

“And then used to beat you to death.” Garrus growled without malice as he joined them in the cockpit. “Damn, it’s good to see the place in one piece, at least.”

“Any word from Palaven Command? How’s it look on the surface? Any infrastructure in immediate need of repair? Satellite and communications? The Reapers will stay in system until we have things at least back online.”

Garrus nodded. As they had when the Normandy had entered the Boltzmann system of the Serpent Nebula, the Reapers offered support, helping to get the survivors on Bekenstein shelter, power, and communications back online. A contingent of Geth also landed, planet side, the synthetics able to put up temporary housing and get tech up and running more efficiently than organics could.

“I haven’t heard much, but I’m sure there’s plenty that needs fixing. Not sure how thrilled the people will be to see Reapers repairing comm towers or infrastructure, but I suppose we’ll have to hope for the best.”

Lily reached her hand out to him, squeezing lightly when he threaded their fingers together. “This won’t be easy, we knew that going in. But then again, nothing worth having ever is, and I believe peace is worth having.”

“So do I.” He tugged her with him as he turned away. “The Captain and I are heading down to the cargo bay. Cortez should have the Kodiak ready. Let us know when we’ve been cleared to land.”

“Will do, Garrus.” Joker lifted a hand in a quick wave, before focusing his efforts on the readouts in front of him.

“So,” Garrus spoke close to her head, “I heard from my father. He expects us to be at the family home for dinner tonight. I can tell him no, make it another time, or hell, not at all.”

She pressed her cheek to his shoulder. “No, it’s fine. I should be done with the Primarch, getting the assessments of what Palaven needs, by late this afternoon. I hope.” She pulled back a bit to look at his face. “Is there anything I should know? Any vulgar taboos I might stumble over with my human-ness?”

He huffed, shaking his head. “I don’t think so, but then again, I don’t usually notice if you do something a Turian might be offended by until _after_ you’ve already done it.”

She rolled her eyes and swallowed a groan. “So reassuring, Vakarian.”

He shrugged, but his mandibles spread with a grin. “I do my best, Shepard.”

Samantha looked up as they passed, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “Captain, Admiral Hackett would like a word with you on vid-com. And Garrus, there’s a message for you from Palaven Command. I had it routed to the private terminal in the Loft.”

With a sigh, Shepard released his hand. “Go on. I’ll see what Hackett wants and meet you in the cargo bay.”

“See you in a bit.” 

She watched him board the elevator before making her way to what was once the war room, but was now rarely used. Shepard had talked to Cortez and Traynor about possibly getting a tech lab back in place. So far, they’d come up with a few ideas, but had yet to put anything into action.

She strode past her war asset terminal, of no use now, and into the QEC. The flashing light on the panel beckoned her fingers and she pressed it, waiting for Hackett’s image to resolve itself.

“Captain, you’ve arrived at Palaven?”

“We have, sir. It’ll take us a few weeks to scout all the systems in the Apien Crest, but we’ll be on our way to the Athena Cluster by month’s end.”

“Excellent news. I understand the Reapers and the Geth are helping rebuilding efforts.”

Shepard cocked her hip and crossed her arms over her chest. “Affirmative. The Geth are much more effective at setting up and repairing infrastructure than organic teams. And the Reapers are uniquely capable of getting satellites back in geo-synchronous orbit. Plus, their Keepers seem to be able to manufacture just about anything, which has been a real blessing.”

“So long as you keep a close eye on things, Shepard, I trust you to handle this.” The Admiral paused, as if considering his next words. “I won’t lie, Captain, the majority of the galaxy trusts you to take care of things. I’m getting a lot of pressure here, to coerce you into being the next human Councilor. You’re a natural leader, a hell of a diplomat. You know when to lean on people and when to offer concessions.”

Lily sighed. “I’m honored, Admiral, but my answer is no. I’m a soldier and I’m doing what I need to be doing. If I took a council position, I couldn’t be the Shepard everyone relies on. I’d be spending all my time talking about what needs to be done instead of doing it.”

Hackett actually smiled, a brief flash of teeth. “I suppose I can’t argue with that, and I’ll pass the word along. But Shepard, you’re still a Spectre, and if the Council demands you join them, there won’t be much I can do.”

“Thankfully, the Council can’t demand anyone join, not even a Spectre. So until they change that rule, I’ll suffer their grumbling and let Mr. Osoba prove he can be a better councilor than I ever would.”

“Noted. Keep me updated.”

“Will do, sir. Shepard out.” She cut the connection before rubbing her fingers over her forehead. Just thinking about the Council was enough to bring on the hard edge of a headache.

She strolled back to the CIC, taking a few minutes to look over the unused ex-tech lab. Mordin Solus was gone, but she was sure there had to be someone in the galaxy she could recruit to try and fill his shoes. Oh, it wasn’t that easy, those were some mighty big shoes. But she needed a scientist, someone versed in xenobiology and weaponry who could use the data she was slowly gleaning from the Reapers. 

Shepard wasn’t sure how she’d feel with a Salarian taking Mordin’s place, but perhaps she could contact Councilor Valern, ask him for suggestions. Tucking the thought away for later, she left the room, glad the damn scanners had been disabled and she wouldn’t have to wait for them to do their thing.

“Traynor?”

Samantha turned to look at Lily over her shoulder. “Yes, Captain?”

“Send a message to Councilor Valern. Tell him I’m looking for a new xenobiologist, with an emphasis on military upgrades and weaponry. Ask him for some suggestions, or hell, ask him if he knows any Salarians who might be interested in the position.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You and Cortez narrow down what you’d need to get the tech lab back in operating condition?”

“Pretty much. There are a few things we’ll need to procure, or maybe see if Harbinger or another Reaper can produce, but I think we can make it happen. What about the war room, Captain?”

They’d discussed what to do with the communications hub from the war. All intel, data, everything had been funneled into the systems there. Shepard may not have been coordinating a war anymore, but she was still coordinating.

“I want you to take it over, Traynor. Put those systems to good use coordinating repair teams, data transfers, whatever the hell people need as we get the relays online. Let’s use what we’ve got to make this mission as effective as possible. If you need to, I’ll get you clearance on the QEC, so you can contact the Council or whoever you need to make sure things get done.”

Traynor’s mouth gaped, her large, brown eyes luminous. “Captain, I don’t know what to say.”

Lily smiled. “Say ‘yes, ma’am’ and get to work. Pull whoever you need to help, and if we don’t have the right people, tell me who they are, and I’ll see what I can do to get them on board.”

“Aye, aye, Captain. Thank you.” The younger woman clasped her hands close to her chest, her exuberance spilling from her every pore.

“You earned it, Traynor.” Shepard gave her a brief salute, then turned to the elevator.

When she spun back to face the open doors and the CIC after stepping aboard, she caught sight of Traynor doing a little happy dance, pumping her fists and bouncing from foot to foot. Shaking her head with a laugh, she selected the cargo bay and leaned back against the wall for the short ride down.

Steeling herself for the rest of the day, wishing it would go as well as it had so far, but knowing in her gut it likely wouldn’t, Shepard sighed. She didn’t expect any galactic incidents, but somehow she didn’t think her time on Palaven would go as smoothly as she hoped.

As the doors to the cargo bay opened, she shrugged her shoulders. “As long as there are no bullets flying or bloodshed, I’ll call it a win.” Grinning to herself, she headed for the Kodiak.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the love of all that's holy, talk about interspecies awkwardness, and Shepard really hates politics.

Shepard was at the end of her diplomacy and if the Turian encroaching on her personal space had half the sense of a space-cow, he’d back the fuck up.

“I want answers, Commander! Why are there Reapers in orbit?”

Alright, that was it. To this point, Lily hadn’t said anything, she’d let the group of Turian leaders go at each other and insult her without opening her mouth. But enough was enough.

“If you don’t get the fuck out of my face, right now, I will tear off that flailing arm and beat you to death with it.”

Shepard wasn’t sure who was more surprised by her softly delivered threat. The Turian who’d be screaming at her, who stumbled over himself trying to get away, or Primarch Victus, whose head whipped in her direction so fast she was sure he had to be dizzy.

The low, rumbling violence of her dual-vocals, however, made her point. She was livid and would indeed visit physical pain on the next person who started talking shit. “If the lot of you will shut up and sit down, I’d like to move this meeting along.” Power, authority, and a demand to be obeyed shivered from her secondary larynx, the hard tones blending with her soft alto to create the music of command.

Chairs squawked against the floor as the Turian’s took their seats, silent, all eyes on her. The Primarch, Garrus, and Lily remained standing, though whether they showed a unified front or whether the Primarch simply refused to follow her directive, Shepard didn’t know or care.

“I know, for a fact, that the Primarch contacted Palaven Command and informed you of the unexpected companions to the Fleet. So I won’t waste my time explaining why the Reapers are here. I will say since they aren’t being hostile in any way, it’s safe to presume they aren’t going to be doing any Harvesting. With that in mind, I need to know the tactical state of this fucking planet, and I need to know two hours ago. Where are communications at, what state are the hospitals in, what supplies do you need, and so forth.

“The next person that speaks had better be giving me answers. There are still several other species who would like to get home before their resources are gone.” Shepard heard the distinct rumbling of the collected Turians, the united sound of their flanged vocals varying from embarrassment to irritation to respect, though the tension in the room was thick.

_Good enough._ Turning to the Primarch, she arched a brow. “Well, someone must have something for me.”

An older Turian, seated at the far end of the long table taking up most of the room cleared his throat. “We haven’t been able to get the satellites realigned, yet, and communication, even from city to city, is unreliable at best. We need some of the transmission relays replaced or repaired. We also need more engineers working on the main server arrays at central Command.”

Shepard pressed the comm in her ear. “Tali?”

“What’s up, Shepard?” The Quarian’s voice came slightly tinny to her ear.

“The Turians need some engineers on the surface. Could you, Donnelly, Daniels, and Adams come down? And anyone else on a short list that’s good with communications and mainframes.”

“Absolutely. I’ll put a call into Xen, get her to deliver help and supplies.”

“Contact Geth Prime 0001, ask him if he can spare a squad of platforms.”

“Yes, Captain.” 

Tali disconnected and Shepard looked out at the many faces. “Done. What else?”

“The hospitals are running low on medi-gel, antibiotics, and we don’t have enough surgical units to take care of everyone. We’ve triaged the worst cases, of course, but there are still a lot of men and women who need attention.” A female with bright red markings, three bold bands bisecting her face, spoke up.

Shepard nodded. The Keepers, surprisingly, could create endless supplies of medi-gel and were a wonder with surgery. So was Chakwas, for that matter. “I’ll have the Reapers set up several mobile suites.” The collective gasp had her holding back an exasperated sigh. “They’ll be staffed by Keepers. Also, the Normandy’s med bay is the best outside of the Citadel. I’ll notify our doctor to expect patients. She can’t treat more than a few at a time, but once she gets them stabilized, we’ll have them transported back to your hospitals or the MASH units.”

“What about antibiotics?” The woman looked hopeful.

“I’ll see what I can do. It’s possible the Quarians may be able to help there. How are the food supplies? Other infrastructure, buildings, water and power?”

“This is our _native_ planet, Captain Shepard. We have food.” Indignation colored the words of the male who’d earlier been screaming at her.

“Is it easy to get to? Does everyone have access? Last time I checked, the only civilization further removed from their hunter/gatherer pasts than the Turians were the Asari.”

“We were _never_ gatherers. We are apex predators.” His mandibles flared, the note of challenge in his voice unmistakable.

She moved before anyone could stop her, launching herself at the man, stopping just short of meeting him, her body looming over his where he sat in the chair. She gripped the back of the seat, caging him between the unrelenting lines of her armor and the material beneath him. 

“So am I.” She growled, low, hard, subharmonics rolling over the man until he turned his head, exposing his neck, submission in every line of his body. “The next time you think to challenge me, it’d be a good idea to remember that.” She stepped back from him, jerking his chair, spinning it back against the table, the resulting crack of sound suddenly very loud in her ears.

Shepard felt a moment of surprise, unsure exactly what had come over her, though she wasn’t about to show the room her momentary apprehension. She sent silent thanks, yet again, for having Tali modify her armor with tech similar to the Quarians suit barrier adaptations. The mods effectively kept any and all pheromones she might produce locked inside the suit.

She spun away from the sniveling Turian, and found herself within an inch of Garrus. She looked up, managing to keep her features blank, and found a very strange expression on her Turian’s face. He didn’t say a word, merely stepped back from her to resume his previous position, but she had the feeling she hadn’t heard the end of this, good or ill.

Primarch Victus, too, studied her with a look similar to Vakarian’s, but he didn’t speak either. _No help there, then._ Crossing her arms over her chest, she tapped a foot against the floor. “Anyone else have something productive to add?”

A man at the far end of the room stood up and Shepard shifted to face him. He was tall for a Turian, his body slightly thicker, suggesting he was older, though by no means elderly. But when she really looked at his face, her curiosity piqued. His clan markings were identical to Garrus’.

“Though Praetorian Lithieron would have you believe the food supply will take care of itself, it will not. We need dextro rations, but truth be told, we could use able bodies to hunt for food as well. Once the technology is in working condition, we’ll be able to produce sustenance en masse again. Until then, any help would be appreciated. The power grids are still hit and miss, but if your crew and maybe some of the soldiers from the few Alliance dreadnoughts accompanying you could help, we should be able to stabilize electricity.”

“What about water?”

The man with Garrus’ markings placed his palms on the table, leaning against it. “Thankfully, the water supply wasn’t significantly damaged. We have plenty of clean water, planet wide.”

“Good news, then. If there are no other pressing issues, I think we all have plenty to do.” Shepard pointed at the Turian female with the red face. “Get me a suggestion for the best places for the MASH units ASAP. Also, contact Dr. Chakwas on the Normandy and get her the information she needs on the patients incoming to our med-bay.”

Shepard looked at the Primarch. “Anything you need from the surface teams, don’t hesitate to let them know. Tali will be here shortly with her engineers; you’ll want someone to debrief her on the sitrep when she lands.”

“If you’ll spare me a moment more, Captain.” She nodded. Victus shifted his gaze to the rest of the room. “The meeting is adjourned.”

The room emptied fairly quickly, anyone filing out past Shepard cutting her a clear berth. She couldn’t help feeling good about that, though she supposed having a bunch of Turian politicians wary of her might not be the best thing. She watched the last one go, the male who’d given her such guff, and bit her tongue to keep her smirk in check.

“You’re very… efficient, Captain.” The Primarch stepped closer to her and Shepard caught of whiff of cinnamon, but her brain couldn’t pinpoint what that might mean.

“Time is short and there’s work to be done. I don’t have time for posturing or pettiness.”

Victus stepped closer, near enough she had to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact. “Agreed, Shepard. I asked you to stay because I’m curious. When did you develop a flange?”

Lily looked at Garrus, who shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, exactly, but my secondary voice box was working when I was in Huerta. I thought you’d been informed.”

“I heard a rumor, but since I hadn’t seen, or rather heard, evidence of it, I believed it false.” His subvocals rippled with curiosity and caution.

“As you can hear, it wasn’t.” Lily’s voice flared, a clear note of back off in her tone as the Primarch stepped close enough his cloth-covered keel bone pressed against her chest plate.

The smell of cinnamon was almost over-powering, rolling off Victus in waves. “You have no idea what you’ve done, do you? You sound like a Turian, act like a Turian, but I wonder how much Turian instinct you have, Shepard.” 

His brown eyes bored into hers, but she refused to look away.The Primarch’s words carried a threat, and somewhere in the back of her mind she heard something else. His subvocals demanded she show him proper respect, submission.

_Like hell._ “Are you trying to piss me off, Primarch? I’d think you, better than most Turians, might understand how bad that could be.” Shepard had no idea what this sudden pissing match was about, the normally calm and controlled Turian leader acting so unlike himself.

“Primarch. Adrian.” Garrus’ voice cut through the air, projecting respect but warning too. Vakarian was not pleased with the turn of events.

But Victus held up a hand, silencing any further objections. Still, his gaze clashed with hers, the low vibration of a growl thrumming over her skin, tickling her ears.

She reciprocated, her patience wearing exceptionally thin. “I don’t want to cause a diplomatic incident, but if you don’t stop trying to intimidate me, I’m afraid I’ll have no choice.”

In her peripheral vision, she watched his hand curl into a fist, but he dropped the arm to his side and eased back, a bare fraction of an inch. Lily relaxed a bit and that’s when he moved. Like lightning, his claws wrapped around her shoulders and he lifted her bodily into the air, a heartbeat before slamming her onto the table.

Lily was surprised, but that didn’t stop her from bringing her right arm between them. Her fist slammed into the underside of Primarch Victus’ shin a moment before her back hit the surface beneath her. He stumbled back and she rolled to the right, shoving herself off the table before he’d had time to react.

She coughed, that damn cinnamon smell acrid in her mouth and nose. She looked at Victus’ face, saw the trickle of blue from the corner of his mouth and relaxed her guard. “First blood is mine, Victus. I’d say we’re done.”

His mandibles flared and she swore he smirked. “Indeed, Captain. For now. Vakarian, why don’t you show Shepard to her office. I took the liberty of making space for you to coordinate with your ship and the ground teams.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Thanks, I think. I’ll be in touch.”

_”Feminam, vos attonitus me.”_ Victus shook his head, but the look on his face spoke of surprise or maybe… awe?

“What?” Goddamn translator couldn’t make heads or tails of the Primarch’s comment.

“Come on, Shepard.” Garrus’ hand on her forearm beckoned and Lily allowed herself to be guided to the door, her eyes never leaving the Primarch’s.

Once outside the meeting room, Lily shirked Garrus hand. Not because she didn’t want his touch, she did. He calmed her, grounded her. But she had a sneaking suspicion other Turians wouldn’t approve. And when he said nothing, didn’t attempt to reinitiate contact, she knew she was right. 

The pair of them moved efficiently down hallway after hallway before Garrus stopped before a door and punched in a series of keys on the omni-pad in the wall. The panel emitted a soft beep before the aperture parted so they could step inside.

The office was decent sized, almost as big as the Earth Councilor’s space on the Citadel. Rolling her neck and shoulders, Shepard stepped to the desk and removed her gauntlets. With a sigh, she turned around to face Garrus, leaning her hip against the furniture.

“Alright, tell me. How badly did I fuck up in there? I broke some vulgar taboo, didn’t I?”

Garrus settled himself into the chair in front of the desk, dropping his head back with a great expulsion of air. “I don’t even know where to begin, Shepard.” Then, to her great consternation, he began to laugh. Soft at first, then harder and harder, deeper and louder, until he struggled to breath past his mirth.

“I fail to see what’s so damn funny, Vakarian.” She seethed as she watched him struggle to rein himself in.

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I am. But your little display affected me just as strongly as it did everyone else. Spirits, where to start.”

“The beginning is usually good.” She shifted her weight, scooting back on the desk so she was fully sitting atop it.

After a couple more chuckles, Garrus sat upright and looked at her. “Okay, first, you put on a dominance display most civilized Turians only see in vids. I mean, sure, they occasionally happen in the military, recruits getting cocky, but it’s not something most of us will see up close and in person.”

“Dominance display? Are you talking about that whiny prick who wouldn’t stop bitching at me?”

“That whiny prick is, or well, no I’ll wait for that, the Turian in question is the leader of Cipritine.”

“Like the mayor or something?” Cipritine being the capital of Palaven, the very city they were currently in.

“Like the Primarch of Cipritine.”

“Okay, so, yeah, I guess making him cower like a beat dog might not be good for his political career, but not my problem. I told him to shut up once.”

“Oh, Lily. No, don’t interrupt, or I’ll start laughing again. Anyway, a dominance display, it’s something that happens when one Turian challenges another, usually for position. In the old days, skirmishes like that would have determined who led a clan, a city-state, a colony. Of course, in modern times we elect leaders, but those leaders are chosen from the strongest, smartest, you get the picture.”

“The most dominant, right, I get it, apex predators, blah, blah, blah.” She waved him on. “Get to the point, Vakarian, fuck.”

“Okay, okay. But that wasn’t even the first thing you did. You know that little flange you rolled out, the one where you told everyone to sit the fuck down? Right, again a dominance display. And just about everyone obeyed. It’s an instinct, Turians are born and bred to follow the orders of their superiors and everyone but the Primarch and I clearly stated they believe you to be their superior. And the only reason I stayed upright is because I knew you weren’t directing your comment, your order, at me. It’s why everybody was so tense, afterward.”

“Why do I have the feeling this could be a problem?” She dropped her face into her palms, a groan slipping out.

“That’d be because the only person all those politicians and representatives should be deferring to, in that situation, is the Primarch. And then you practically had the Praetorian of Cipritine pissing himself in submission. So, for not being a Turian, you worked that room like a pro. Which explains why the Primarch made such an aggressive pass at you.”

“He did what-the-fuck are you talking about?” Her head snapped up, mouth gaping.

“He tried to get you to back down, to accede his position, but my girl isn’t about to flash her throat. Again, it’s instinctive, the drive to mate with the best available partner. And you, my _Animafer_ , just proved to a roomful of the most powerful Turians in the Hierarchy that you’re the apex female, period.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. You know, I’m getting really tired of everyone hitting on me! What the hell, did I wake up with a magic pussy or something? Shit, I’m starting to feel like a Mary Sue, here.”

“Mary Sue?”

“It’s an ancient earth literary term. It’s a female character who’s the best of the best, smartest, strongest, she just blows everyone away with her awesomeness and usually everyone wants to bang her.” She snickered to herself, expecting Garrus to join in.

When he didn’t, she glared at him. “I wasn’t serious, Vakarian!”

He shrugged. “Well, let’s see… survived a Batarian slaver attack on Mindoir at sixteen. Then you held off an entire Batarian platoon single-handedly on Elysium. Stole the Normandy then used it to take out Saren, his Geth, and Sovereign. Got spaced, died, then were resurrected to take out the Collectors, who resided beyond the Omega-4 Relay, a place no one ever came back from, well, except you after you destroyed the Collector base. Hmm, then there was the whole brokering Turian-Krogan peace, curing the genophage, taking out a fucking Reaper on foot, securing peace between the Geth and the Quarians. Oh, yeah, and ending the Reaper war, and surviving that too.”

Lily flopped back on the desk. “I didn’t do any of it alone.”

“No, you didn’t, because you also managed to put together the most loyal, dedicated squad made up of just about every species in the galaxy, who would have, and still will, follow you through the void and back. Come on, Shepard, it was mostly you.”

“Fuck, I am a Mary Sue.” She groaned again before taking a deep breath. “Okay, fine, maybe it looks like I am, but that doesn’t mean I want all sentient beings panting after me.” She sat up and pointed her finger at him. “Besides, I’m fucking taken. I’m not interested.”

“Trust me, I know. But honestly, this thing with my people doesn’t have anything to do with your Mary Sue-ness. It’s all about how you acted in the meeting. It’s biology and instinct.”

“I asked you to tell me if there was anything I shouldn’t do before we landed.”

“And I believe I told you I don’t usually know when you’re going to do something to cause interspecies-awkwardness until _after_ you’ve already done it.”

“Shit. Between you and me, I don’t know what came over me.”

“I guess Victus was right to be curious, hell I’m curious, just how Turian you might become.”

“According to Chakwas, I won’t be getting mandibles and fringe or any more body armor beyond what I have now. But, she thinks I’m going to be cutting teeth, probably while we’re down here. My outer incisors and canines, both top and bottom. They’ll be all pointy and sharp, similar to a Turians, but adapted to a human mouth.”

Thinking of her knew skin had Lily pushing up her sleeves to flash the iridescent shimmer of thickened dermis decorating the previously tender skin of her lower forearms. The patterned flesh continued up over her triceps and across her shoulders, before merging beneath her hairline, flowing down over her spine, stopping just above her ass. 

“Beautiful.” Garrus fairly purred as he admired her exposed skin.

“Behave, we have things to do, and Spirits knows what a commotion fucking in this office would cause. One major faux-pas a day, thanks.” She teased and his mandibles fluttered in response.

They were quiet for a few moments before a thought tickled her mind. “The male who debriefed me about food, please tell me that wasn’t your father.”

The Turian shifted uncomfortably and Shepard wanted to eat her foot. Her mate’s agitation told her all she didn’t want to know.

“Well shit, guess that’s two faux-pas’ already. When are we supposed to meet your family?”

Garrus chuffed. “Oh, no, Shepard. Your little display will have my father practically beating his chest, as you humans say, just as soon as we reveal our mating. His son will have paired with the most desirable female around, even if she is at least part human.”

“You are not making me feel better, Vakarian.” Grinding her teeth, she shoved off the desk, grabbing her greaves. “Come on. I want to get a look at this place with my own two eyes. See if there’s anything else we can do to help.”

Garrus stood, moving close and pressing their foreheads together. “Right behind you, Lily.”

“Just out of curiosity, is there some sort of protocol for mated males, you know, letting other males know they should back off.”

Vakarian pulled back. “Yeah and I was hard pressed not let instinct override sense when Adrian threw you on the table. But yet again, my girl tends to roll with it, go with her gut. Thankfully, you haven’t been wrong yet.”

“So punching him in the face got the point across.”

Garrus laughed and released her arms. “No, not exactly. You refused to submit, so you pretty much hung a bulls eye on your back there. But, the next time we see Victus, I expect you’ll be wearing something less protective and you’ll definitely be covered in my scent. If he doesn’t get the hint then, well…” His voice trailed off.

“You’ll kick his ass?”

He grinned. “Or I’ll stand back and watch you do it. Primarch Shepard, has quite the ring, don’t you think?”

“What are you talking about?” She walked to the door, signaling it to open.

“Oh, right, you know what I was saying about dominance displays and position?”

“Yes?” They stepped out into the hall.

“So, when Praetorian Lithieron gave you his throat, well by Turian law, that would mean he ceded his position to you.”

“Oh, hell no.”

 

***Feminam, vos attonitus me: loosely, from latin, 'female, you amaze me'***


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may be able to see into each other's minds, feel each other's emotions, but it takes a long time for _Animafer_ to become a seamless, harmonious match. In other words, Shepard and Garrus still have a lot to learn. 
> 
> A bit of reciprocity - oh, and long chapter is long.

By the time Garrus led Shepard to his family home, late in the afternoon, she was pretty sure she wasn’t fit company. It had taken all her patience (which everyone knew was a shallow pool in the first place) to deal with the fallout from her meeting. Hearing Turian after Turian tentatively calling her Praetorian as they’d made their way through the command center, then listening to Garrus stifle laughter, until she told him to ‘deal with this shit before I do’, didn’t put Shepard in a good mood. She wasn’t sure what her Turian had said, but the others had at least stopped calling her by that bloody moniker.

Lily had managed to rendezvous with Tali and her team, looked over their plan and agreed with Tali's suggestions. She’d also made contact, briefly, with Harbinger and sent him coordinates for the mobile surgical units, which had been deployed, put up, and were currently taking care of patients. One thing she’d gladly credit synthetics with was efficiency. There was no bickering, no back-biting, no bullshit. They assessed a situation, made a decision at light speed, and put a plan in motion. She admired it.

All the tension aside, the worst part of the afternoon had been spitting her teeth out in the middle of a conversation with a Geth Prime unit working to restore the power grids in Cipritine. The flare of its head lamp guards showed the AI’s surprise, but the ‘eww’ look she’d seen on Garrus’ face was worse. 

“Really? You’ve seen me disembowel enemies, but losing teeth is gross?”

He’d shuddered as she’d spat blood on the ground. “Yeah, doesn’t have to make sense.”

“Damn it!” She run her tongue over the gaps, as any human who ever lived did when they lost a tooth, only to cut her tongue on the sharp edges of her new fangs.

“What? Are you all right?”

“I cuchth my thongue.” She waved his worry off, then turned back to the Prime and asked it to continue its sitrep.

After that, she’d wrapped up things, and asked Garrus if there was a chance in hell that they could make it to his family home before everyone showed up. 

“I want a bath and I should probably wash the blood off my face and from my mouth. Don’t imagine blood breath is considered polite.”

Garrus shook his head, a smile spreading his mandibles. “Whatever you need, _Praetorian_.”

“Don’t start, _Legate_.” She smirked maliciously when he frowned. “Yeah, thought that’d shut you up. Come on, take me to your home, Vakarian.” She glanced around the nearly empty docking bay where they’d ended up and seeing no one, she lifted onto her toes to brush her mouth against his throat.

“Shepard.” Desire warring with caution, Garrus hands came to settle on her waist.

“If we hurry, I bet we can work off some steam too.” 

His hands tightened their hold, and Lily almost giggled at the look of strain on her mate’s face. “You are trouble.” He bumped her forehead with his.

“And you love it.”

It didn’t take long to secure transportation and arrive at the Vakarian estate. At least, that’s what Shepard thought it was, a massive pillared home flanked by acres and acres of land. “Holy shit, Vakarian, you never said you were rich.”

Garrus actually looked like he might blush. “I never said we weren’t. And really, the house and property have more to do with status and less to do with wealth.” They stepped out of the shuttle and onto the paved path leading to the front door.

Shepard cocked her head at him, mulling his words. Something from the past blipped onto her internal radar and she pulled the information to the foreground of her thoughts. She remembered now, the data files from the Shadow Broker’s ship. There’d be dossiers on just about everyone Shepard was close to, including Garrus, and in his file there were communiqués between the Turian and his sister, Solana, about his mother’s ill health and the cost of treatments. 

Lily knew his mother had passed, but not exactly when. She wondered if he’d had time to see her, before she’d gone from this world. As soon as the thought materialized, a wave of vertigo hit Shepard between the eyes, as the present slipped away and she fell into a memory not her own.

* * *

_He looks down at the fragile form of one of the most important women in his life and he struggles not to cry, not to be weak when she’s being so strong. Taking a breath, he sits down on the bed beside her, taking her hand in his._

_“Hi, Mom. How are you feeling today?”_

_The woman, her skin pale and pealing, gives him a smile despite her obvious pain. “Better now that you’re here, my son.”_

_“Mom, we can move you to Sur’kesh, get you the best treatments. Please, let us, let me help you.”_

_His mother’s fingers flex against his palm. “Garrus, it’s alright. I’ve accepted what’s to come. I don’t want to languish,_ corculum _, I’d rather have quality now, than quantity. Now, come, put those dire thoughts aside and tell me of your Commander.”_

_Garrus does his best to do as she asks. “She isn’t my Commander, Mom.”_

_His mother gives a weak laugh. “Ah, Garrus, I know the look of a man in love. I’ve seen it every day for the last sixty years.”_

_“You aren’t disappointed? Shepard’s human, hell right now she’s semi-incarcerated and on trial for war crimes against the Batarians.”_

_“No matter what the gossips say, I’ve followed your Shepard. I believe she did the best she could. I believe she would have saved Aratoht if it had been possible.”_

_Garrus’ mandibles flare with surprise. “How do you know that? No one is supposed to know about what happened. Not the details.”_

_“You went to your father and told him everything, from Sovereign to the Collectors. Did you think he didn’t tell me? Please, we are_ Animafer _, we have no secrets.”_

_He ducks his head. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t thinking. I forget, sometimes, how close you and Dad are. Two hearts, one soul.” Garrus paused, and despite the differences between him and his father, he was filled with sorrow. “Will he be able to go on, once you’re gone?” The thought of becoming an orphan, with the galaxy quite possibly ending, terrified Garrus._

_His mother sighs and lifts her hand to his face. “It will be hard for him,_ corculum _and he may choose to follow me. But so long as you or Solana are in danger, he will stay. He won’t leave you two alone when so much is in chaos.”_

_A shudder of relief washes over Garrus and he’s ashamed by it. “I know it’s selfish of me.”_

_She shushes him, crooning in a way only a mother can to a son, easing his burden. “I love you, Garrus. I’m so very proud of you, my son. I only wish I could have met your Shepard. I think I’d have liked her.”_

_Tears well in his eyes. “You’d have loved her, Mom. And she’d have loved you. She lost her mother a long time ago. Batarian slavers wiped out her whole family and most of her colony.”_

_“Then she needs you, Garrus. To fill her with all the love she lost. Promise me something?”_

_“Anything, Mom, anything.”_

_“When the time comes, and I know it will, and you claim her as your own, I want you to remember something. I gave my blessing. I approve of your choice and accept Lily Shepard as your mate.”_

_The first drop of moisture spills down Garrus’ cheek. What his mother is saying, to a Turian, it’s a big deal. It means regardless of what his father, his superiors in command, hell even what the Primarch said, are irrelevant, because with her blessing his mother is giving the full power of her familial line to Shepard. And Ilithia Vakarian’s line stretches back to the first Primarch. Approval like that carried weight, prestige._

_“I love you too, Mom. I’m honored.”_

_His mother hums softly. “You do what you need to do until she’s with you again, Garrus. Then you protect her and support her with all you are,_ corculum _. As long as you do that, you’ll have no regrets and neither will she.”_

_They don’t speak again. His mother slips into a sleep from which she does not awaken. Gaius, Solana, and Garrus had lay her to rest in the family plot, a small ceremony, but a few days later. Only a month afterward, the Reapers came, and Garrus was separated from his remaining family, sent to Manae, and finally reunited with Shepard._

_His eyes find her as though trained to seek out her form and he nearly falls to his knees. Lily, his Lily, on Manae. Alive, thank the Spirits, she was alive. He strides toward her, has to physically stop himself from running._

_“… to get me the Turian forces I need.”_

_“I’m on it Shepard.” Up the steps he moves, his legs stopping only when her hand was in his, proof she wasn’t a fantasy._

* * *

“Shepard, you alright?” Garrus’ voice sounded fuzzy, distorted.

“I have no idea.” Her emotions churned, whirling from grief to joy, feelings not necessarily her own, born from foreign memories. She blinked rapidly and shook her head, trying to clear the fog and slow her aching heart. “I think I just had one of those things, where I was in your head.”

Garrus brushed her bangs from her face. “Yeah. I didn’t see what you saw, but I could feel you, inside me. What was it?”

She looked into his eyes, so blue, so emotive. “You have her eyes. Your mother’s. I was wondering whether, I mean, I realized I hadn’t, ah fuck. I should have asked, Garrus. I should have asked when she died. Damn it, I should have been here for you.”

He swallowed hard, slipping his fingers from the top of her head, over her cheek, to curl behind her neck and pull her close. “You were locked down on Earth, Lily. There was nothing you could have done anyway.”

“Doesn’t matter, Garrus. I feel like I let you down. Hell, come to think of it, sometimes I can’t figure out why the hell we’re even a pair. I’ve hardly ever taken the time to just talk to you, to get to know you.”

He rumbled something nonsensical against her temple. “We did have a lot on our plates. And in the last few months, I’d say you’ve done your best to make up for it.”

Lily lifted a hand to grasp his upper arm. “I’m trying, Vakarian. I’m sorry, for your loss, regardless.” Still a bit wobbly on her feet, she let Garrus lift her upright, noting that while her legs must have given when she’d slipped into his mind, she didn’t feel like she’d hit the ground. “Did you catch me?”

“Of course.”

“My hero.” She smiled.

So many things chased across Garrus’ beloved visage at those two, small words. So many things spoken in a language far more suited to the saying than petty vocalizations could ever be. She tightened her hold on him, love pulsing from her, into him. 

“Let’s get you inside before I take you on the lawn.” He tried to deflect, but she wouldn’t have it.

“I mean it, Garrus. You’re my hero. Always have been.”

A rumble of a purr danced in the air. “I love you.”

They managed to get in the front door, at which point, Shepard could only gawk. The entrance opened onto a grand foyer, dual staircases curving up and back to the second floor, flanking the open wall beneath their joined landing. The elegant risers were at least thirty feet apart, the grandness of the space breathtaking. 

The floors looked marble, though Lily was pretty sure Palaven didn’t have marble. The foyer was long, spilling into the great room beyond. “Holy shit, Garrus. It doesn’t look like the Reapers touched this place. It’s amazing.”

Garrus closed the door and stepped to her side. “Dad said most of the damage is to south wing. A good thing, since we haven’t really used that part of the house in forty generations.”

“Why not?”

“Before Cipritine was civilized, each clan basically lived in one compound, surrounded by their land and properties.”

“Mini city-states?” She followed him up the right-hand stair case.

“Kind of, yeah. But once Cipritine became the capital, and the clans began to expand outward, mingle with each other, become more enlightened, more urbane, the need to house entire clans in one place was less and less necessary. Mom kept the south wing clean and repaired, and we used it occasionally to house visiting diplomats, things like that.”

At the top of the stairs, he turned right and started down a long corridor. Lily counted ten doors, five staggered along each side, before the hallway ended at a large window. Garrus paused halfway down the hall, his hand reaching for the omni-panel. “This is my suite. Solana’s on the other side.”

“Your _suite_?” The flange of her voice blended with her own chuckle.

“Come on.” He grumbled, but there wasn’t any real heat in his tone.

He pushed the door opened and Lily had to grab the jamb. His suite opened onto a sitting room that was an absolute **disaster**. Parts and pieces to every kind of armament, weapon, and tech gizmo she could imagine were strewn over, atop of, or on what seemed, to her untrained eye, to be antique furniture.

She stumbled into the room and her control cracked, the first giggle exploding from her lips before she could swallow it. Giggles became chuckles, which became guffaws of the first order, until she was laughing so hard her vision blurred from tears. “Ho-holy fuck, Garrus! This place is a pig sty!” Bent double at the waist, she fought for breath, tried to reign in her mirth, but one look at his face, all disapproving and snarly, only sent her into another fit. 

“There are no feces in this room, Shepard.”

“Oh. My. Gods. Pig sty, meaning a mess, not literally!” She howled, tripping to what might have been a sofa beneath the mess of conduits, wires, and metal covering it and leaned against the solid piece to catch her breath. “Thank the Spirits you keep the battery in better shape.”

He glared at her before turning on heel and marching, stiffer backed than usual, to another door. He went in, but failed to return after several minutes, so after shrugging her armor, Lily followed.

His bedroom was very Garrus. Sharp lines and deep blues painted the room, from the desk in the corner to the low-slung chair facing a pair of Turian-style French doors. The trim and accents in were a shimmering silver and navy, reflected in the tidily made bed, which was large enough for at least two full-grown male Turians.

There were two other doors on the far side of the large room. One stood slightly ajar and she could hear the sound of running water. Lily smiled, thinking if his bathroom was as big as the rest of the house, they might actually be able to try shower sex. She peeled out of her under armor, pausing to fold it over the back of the chair at the desk. 

The terminal there caught her eye. She wanted to get clean desperately, but with the chance staring her in the face, she really should send a message to Chakwas and get an update on her patients, as well as one to Traynor, to check on the woman’s progress with the war room. There was no reason to comm the women, whose reply wasn’t urgently needed, so with a bit of regret, she dropped into the chair and turned the terminal on.

An image of Garrus popped up and Lily realized it was a digital recording. She didn’t recognize the background, though, but his face was unscarred. Glancing at the bathroom door, and feeling a bit guilty, she couldn’t stop herself from playing the recording.

“I am absolutely fucking crazy. ‘Archangel’, the people here call me. I looked up the word, some kind of divine warrior from Earth Christian mythology. Thing is, every time I hear it, all I can think of is Shepard.” Vid-Garrus made a growling sound and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know why the hell I’m talking to a fucking omni-tool, not like this thing can talk back. But I have to tell someone, some _thing_ , about all this shit churning inside me. After Sidonis, after losing my men, she’s all that’s keeping me going, and she isn’t even here.

“I had some damn fine men on my team, but they wouldn’t have understood about Shepard. Not why I can’t stop thinking about her, not why I feel so strongly about her. I know everyone says she’s dead, but it’s like I can feel her, out there somewhere. 

“And it’s slowly driving me insane. I keep thinking back to Saren, the Geth, taking out Saleon, watching her make the choice between Ash and Kaidan on Virmire, that strange look on her face in the Mako, right before we hit the Conduit. I cannot stop thinking about one tiny, human spitfire. And Spirits, I know it’s unbelievable, but Shepard is a small woman, she barely stands past the mid-point of my keel. Her presence, though, well she takes up more space than Wrex. And she has such power, such passion, and her fury… you do not want to piss that human off.” He chuckled.

Shepard was completely poleaxed. She’d forgotten all about the shower, all about sending messages to her crew. She was absolutely absorbed, unable to tear her gaze away as she watched Garrus talk about her with such… freedom. Now that they were mated, she knew how he felt, hell she’d known before, and maybe she didn’t need to watch this reflection of the past. But she couldn’t shut it off.

“I know about Alchera. Liara was nice enough to send me a note, while I was still on the Citadel. Damn Asari always was more intuitive than I gave her credit for. Fuck, I was a wreck for about a week, drank myself stupid every day. Finally took Sidonis, the fucking bastard, to bring me around, but I couldn’t tell him why I was in such a state. I really am not a very good Turian because I’m pretty damn sure whatever it is I feel for Shepard, it’s probably _not_ a good idea. And maybe I should try to forget her, but…

“I heard the craziest thing from Preitor Gavorn a couple of days ago. It seems a little human woman led a team into the plague zone, cleared the entire place out of Suns and Vorcha, all to get to that Salarian doctor, Solus. He also said, while she was there, she cured the damn plague to boot. I asked him what she looked like. ‘Jet black hair, cut close to her chin, framing her face. Nice color, for a human, but her eyes, those were real breath stealers. The brightest, lightest green I’ve ever seen,’ he said. I know Preitor isn’t into females, so that’s big praise.” The Garrus in the video paused, looking over his shoulder, before returning his attention to the camera.

“I can’t shake the feeling that human is Shepard and my heart is beating triple time in my chest because I have the sensation that she’s coming for me. I’m stuck in my hideout, the Big Three have finally teamed up to take me out, but I’m going to do everything I can to stay alive long enough for Shepard to get here.” 

The screen went dark and Lily heard movement behind her. She turned her head slowly to find Garrus silhouetted by the light from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Garrus, I shouldn’t have – I was going to send a couple of messages to the Normandy, but this was open and I couldn’t stop myself. Damnable curiosity.”

He cleared his throat and shifted his feet. “I suppose it’s only fair. Although you weren’t actually there when I watched yours. If this somewhat nauseous, light-headed sensation I’m feeling is what you felt when Liara spilled the beans, I think I can empathize with you blacking out.”

“Fuck, I didn’t know they told you about that.”

“Kind of hard to miss a comm for the doctor to Liara’s cabin over the ship wide. They made me promise not to say anything.” Garrus walked toward her and she stood up, intending to move past him and into the bathroom. His fingers curling around her wrist stopped her.

“There’s more. Videos, I mean.” One of his fingers brushed over her pulse point. “I know we’re bound in a way that goes deeper than flesh, but there’s a difference between knowing and seeing. You know I love you, I know you love me, we’ve bared our souls to each other, but mostly in emotions and flashes of memory. I want you to see this, see me, the way I saw you. Raw and open.”

He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. She curled against him, resting her arm on his shoulder and watched him pull up another video. This one was later, and she recognized where he was: the battery on the Normandy. His bandaged face looked strained and his voice was guttural when he spoke.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. If there was anyone I could talk to on this ship, I’d be shit faced spilling my guts right now instead of talking to myself on camera. Thane stopped by a few minutes ago, and I thought about just blurting everything out to the Drell, but then I couldn’t. Even though I know he’d keep his mouth shut, I can’t say anything that might come back on Shepard.

“I’m wound so tight, I feel like I’m going to explode.” He grunted, his head dipping down, a shaky breath drawn. “In more ways than one. I can smell her all the time and I’m so hard I’ve seriously thought about getting a larger cod-piece because every time I’m with her I’m about two centimeters shy of pain. This is fucking insane. I’m like some crazy teenager. The other morning I actually cried out her name in the shower. I came so hard my knees gave out. At least I was alone.” The image laughed and shook his head, then ground his teeth in frustration.

“It’s not just this demonic attraction, though. It’s how she takes care of all of us, how she throws her whole self at whatever comes at her, especially if that something is aimed at one of her squad. She’d die for all of us, any of us, even those Cerberus prats, and the only thing anyone caught in her sphere of loyalty can do is give as good as we get. She’s even earned the damn merc’s respect and admiration, despite choosing to save the workers at that refinery instead of getting him his revenge. That woman is un-fucking-believable.

“And I know, at least I don’t think, she thinks of me as anything but a friend. I say that like it’s a little thing. It isn’t. It’s crazy, I think it’s insane, but I can feel how much she counts on me. To have her six, to give it to her straight. I think she actually cares about me, beyond what she feels for the others. Well, except maybe for Joker. And he says I’m Shepard’s best friend, maybe the best friend she’s ever had. Period.

“He knows I understand what he means. Shepard gets everyone to open up to her, she listens without judgment, a strong shoulder and a stronger will. She’s fixes what’s broken so long as it’s within her considerable power to do it. So far, there hasn’t been a problem she couldn’t handle.

“Even when she refused to get out of the shot when we finally tracked down Sidonis, when I was so furious with her I could have choked her, she did it to protect me, to guide me the way she always has, with firm but gentle encouragement. In the end, I could have taken the shot, but I realized it wasn’t worth it. Whether he suffered enough wasn’t the point. It was whether I had, whether I could forgive myself for a mistake, a betrayal, not of my own making.”

Garrus shifted beneath her, and Lily clamped her lips tight, moved and unsure what to say, unsure if she wanted to keep watching. One of his big hands smoothed down her spine and she felt his face against the top of her head. “I have forgiven myself.”

“I know.” She moved her left hand across his chest, reassuring them both as they continued to watch Garrus spill his heart on screen.

“But for all she gives of herself, Shepard doesn’t let people close. She let Alenko in, but that sonofabitch threw that in her face on Horizon. If I’d thought it would help, I’d have beaten the shit out of him then. But I knew it wouldn’t, so instead I did what needed to be done. Made it clear that I believe in her, that I’ll follow wherever she leads because that’s what the hell anyone who knows Shepard like Alenko did, especially like he did, should do.

“Fuck him, if he can’t see that Shepard is the only thing standing between the Reapers and the rest of the galaxy. Ah, and that’s maybe the biggest part of what’s got me tied up in knots. I don’t know how much longer I can handle her penchant for going in solo. She did a mission for Hackett, just got back yesterday. I don’t know the details, but from what she would say, she had to sacrifice an entire Batarian colony on Aratoht to keep the Reapers at bay. She fucking flew an asteroid into the Alpha relay and barely made if off the rock in time for Joker to get the Normandy to her and out of the system before the shit hit the fan.

“I had to make an excuse about calibrations and get her out of the battery. I was beyond furious. Why the fuck didn’t she take someone with her, even if it wasn’t me, someone to have her back? It’s like she’s so overprotective of everyone, but doesn’t give a shit about herself. The next time, ‘cause Spirits knows there will be a next time, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my shit together.”

The video stopped and Lily made to get up, but his hand at her waist stopped her. “Not quite finished.”

“I don’t have to watch them now. You father and sister will be here soon, surely, and I need to shower and change.”

One of his long fingers caught her beneath the chin, tilting her face up to his. “We have time and this is important.”

“Alright.”

His hand fluttered at the terminal and the next video loaded.

The Garrus in this video looked… Shepard wasn’t sure what to think. He looked, well, frazzled was the best word she could come up with and when he opened his mouth and started to talk, she thought that was a fairly accurate description.

“I… I just… Spirits, I am going to hell, whatever that is, for what I’ve done. Shepard and I, I just… bent over the bench… I am going to have to run the scrubbers overtime to get the smell of sex out of the battery. Holy shit, I just fucked Shepard, right there, barely kept a leash on myself, I’m pretty sure I should just jump out the airlock…

“She grabbed my fringe! Fuck, what was I supposed to – I was pissed off and keyed up. She did it again, just like I knew she would, went charging off without backup. I tried to avoid it, practically ran out of the shuttle bay when we got back, and Turians do not run, trying to put space between her and I, so I could cool off. But Shepard, damn the woman, she just can’t leave well enough alone. Has to get to the heart of a thing as fast as possible. Take care of it and move on.”

Garrus laughed, in the video and beside her. She turned to look at him, but he gently pushed her chin back toward the screen. “Watch.”

“Right now, I think I wish I had hair. If I did, I could rip it out in frustration.” The recorded Vakarian groaned into his palms, burying his face there for a moment, only to rip his hands away and shudder. “Shit, I smell like her. Honey and lotus, I think that’s what the flower is called. Kasumi has a perfume that smells like it. And holy shit, I have never, ever had sex that good in my life. The way her body shivers and moves, made my eyes roll back in my head. And her… her pussy – there has to be a better word for that little slice of the afterlife. So hot, so unbelievably wet, and tight. I have to stop thinking about it before I do something stupid and go after her for more.

“Maybe I should say do something ‘more’ stupid. Fuck, I bit her. No, didn’t just bite her, I _marked_ her, as my mate. I couldn’t stop myself, instinct overrode any sense. How the hell am I supposed to explain that to a human? Worse, the urge to do more than that is still riding me hard. I think, fuck I know, I’m pretty sure, she’s my soul bearer. Now how the hell is that supposed to work out? I have no fucking idea, we can’t even breed! My father will be apoplectic. Ugh, shit, shit, shit.” Garrus paced out of the video, returning a few seconds later.

“She didn’t seem angry when she left. I feel safe in assuming it was as good for her. But… I can’t stand the thought of this being all that I have of her. I’m sick just thinking this will change things between us. Spirits, if you’ve ever been inclined to listen, I’d be eternally grateful if this doesn’t cost me the one thing I can’t bear to lose.”

The feed faded to black but the timer showed more yet to play. Though it was only a few seconds on the screen, the Garrus that reappeared was no longer bandaged and the background was the very room where they sat.

“Damn her. Damn her. I know why she turned herself in to the Alliance. Ironclad sense of duty and honor. If I wasn’t so bloody proud of her, I’d choke her. She’s a goddamn hero and they’ve got her locked up just to appease the Batarians. The same shit sucking species that slaughtered her family. Unbelievable. I’m back on Palaven. I might not be able to get her out, but I could damn well make someone listen. The Reapers are coming, maybe in three months, maybe a year, and if we don’t do something now, it’ll be too late then.

“Told my dad everything, well not everything, but everything he needed to know. And he listened. Then he acted. Got the Primarch to give me a token title and a token force, and maybe it won’t be worth shit, but I’m going to do my best to make it worth something. Plus, I need to keep busy, we buried Mom last week and none of us are doing well. Spirits, I miss her, but seeing what Dad is going through, I’ll never survive losing Lily and we aren’t as tightly bound, yet, as my parents are, shit, were. 

“Just being this far away from her, not knowing how she is- I can’t talk to her or even get mail to her, and it’s a rock in my gut. If I’m this shaky now, I’ll be worthless once she’s my soul bearer. And that’s inevitable. I asked Sol about it and she says it’s instinctive, there won’t be any way to stop it, not if it’s like I told her. I can see pity in her eyes, but also hope, like she knows being with Shepard won’t be easy, but she thinks it’s worth it.

“There’s no Vakarian without Shepard. She makes me the best Turian I could ever be, makes me want to be better than I am, for her, for myself. I’m whole when I’m with her, half myself when we’re apart. I will tear the galaxy apart to keep her safe. I would die for her without hesitation. Spirits, if you’re listening, bring her back to me.”

The video quit and Lily shifted in Garrus’ lap, slipping to sit astride him in the chair. She leaned forward, pressing her head to his, her hands gripping the back of his head. She didn’t bother to hide the moisture on her face and he didn’t comment. Instead, they sat that way for a while, just being with each other, truly accepting how long they’d loved each other, how strongly they’d been bound long before their bodies were ever introduced. 

When she finally pulled away, Lily took a moment to look at Garrus. In his emotive blue eyes, she saw the future, and she realized he’d been right. Something about seeing his face, watching him struggle to figure out what was growing between them soothed a part of her she hadn’t wanted to admit was sore.

He’d been just as ragged as she, just as hard pressed to find a way to show her, to tell her, how much she meant to him. Garrus’, her cocky, smart-assed right hand, had been as conflicted about her as she’d been about him, but like her, in the end he simply couldn’t bear the thought of life without her.

“I’m going to get in the shower. Join me?”

She rose from his lap, pulling her tank top off as she moved toward the bathroom. She heard the sound of his towel hitting the floor and smiled. 

“Let me.” His large body eased between her and the shower, pressing buttons and adjusting the temperature. The tub was quite large and deep, coming nearly to her hip. With a sigh, she stepped in, letting the water run over her, the heat a pleasure after the stresses of the day.

She turned her back to him as he closed them inside the steamy enclosure. “Garrus?”

“Hmm?” 

The feel of his strong hands caressing her slick skin, over her shoulders, down her sides, to settle over her waist kindled the desire ever simmering for him, and only him, in her blood. She leaned back against him, the proof of his arousal pressing hot against her lower back. With measured movements, she took his fingers from her waist, bringing them up over her stomach, the muscles fluttering beneath their combined caress, to envelop her breasts.

“I would really love to fuck you in this shower.”

His hands tightened around her, contact narrowing until he pinched both aching nipples between his forefingers and thumbs. “I think I can make that happen.” He pulled the flesh in his grip, twisting before he released her, the edge of pain making her press her thighs together and moan softly.

Garrus turned her in his arms and bent slightly to lift her up. Despite the differences in their species, when he pressed her back against the wall and nudged against the wet lips of her sex, there was no strangeness. They had been made to fit, her diminutive stature paired with his strength and height, the way her legs perfectly slipped into the grooves of his hips, the slimness of his own waist spreading her body enough to allow them both access without strain.

She flexed her calves, pulling him into her and they both groaned as his thick, blue shaft pierced her body with erotic precision. “Yes, fuck Garrus, I can’t get enough of you.” She dug her nails into his cowl, biceps flexing as she pulled her chest closer to his, allowing her head to fall back and expose her throat and the slightly marred skin of her shoulder.

“That’s what I want to hear.” His hot breath caressed the sensitive skin over her collarbone as he took her scent deep into his lungs. He shifted his hold, moving both hands to cup her ass, bringing her sex tight to his groin plates.

The water poured over the bodies as he moved, slow at first, his long, dexterous tongue licking her from ear to hollow of throat, making her rock her hips into him, and shiver as desire morphed into all-consuming need.

She opened her eyes, looked straight into his, and licked her dry lips. “Harder.”

She gasped when his fingers tightened against her flesh, talons piercing her skin. He responded with a harsh grunt, an almost violent thrust and she cried out her approval, subharmonics asking for more, telling him how good he felt, so deep, so thick inside her.

Their rhythm changed, a hunger all-encompassing, rushing through her blood, pouring from her body and into his. Ragged breaths and trebled tone echoed in the room, broken voices calling out to each other as bodies clung, fused, exploded.

“Garrus!” Lily’s entire body contracted, her orgasm so strong, her body clamping around his cock so tightly it almost hurt. She heaved against him, but he only tilted her hips, and filled her, over and over, hard, deep, possessive.

“You are mine.” The words came on a growl, low, and as she keened her release, Lily struggled to open her eyes, to watch him as he came undone inside her.

His mandibles flared, then pressed hard to his face, his lip plates slightly open, a flash of wicked teeth in a wash of shale blue. Their eyes locked, twining their souls, as he joined with her in ecstasy.

Possessed by the need to taste him, Lily tightened her arms, the last delicious contractions of her sex making her moan and pant, as she pulled her face to the edge of his cowl, opening her mouth, biting down. The precise edges of her newly grown teeth penetrated his thickened skin and he bellowed his pleasure.

Locked together, both of them piercing the other, refusing to let go, to be separated by even the wisps of steam, they drifted, in each other’s minds, out again, until the last fission of reactions slowlyfaded away.

Shepard licked at the tiny pricks of blue blood, humming contentedly, as Garrus eased from her, and lowered her to the floor.

His breathless chuckle tickled her ears, drawing an exceptionally satisfied curve to her mouth. “Damn, woman, I don’t know if I can make it out of the bathroom, let alone be coherent through dinner.”

“So worth it, though.” She stood on tiptoe to press her mouth to his.

“Absolutely.”

They finished showering quickly and dressed with little chatter, beyond Shepard asking Garrus who he let pick out her clothes. When he responded Traynor had sent the change of clothes, Lily laughed to herself as she slipped the black leather pants on, followed by a torso hugging top in soft, pale lime.

“You look… hot. Damn.” Garrus was dressed in the casual clothing she usually saw him in.

“Yeah, well, you forget Traynor thinks I’m hot to. Next time, maybe you should pick out the clothes.” She grinned as she pulled on the heavy combat boots and quickly tied them.

“Nah, I’m good with Sam’s choices.” He teased, though probably only half in jest.

“How inappropriate would it be to wear the Carnifex to dinner?” Shepard eyed the sidearm as she sifted through the bag on the bed, looking for a thigh holster.

“After this afternoon? I don’t know.”

She quirked a brow, less tickled than Garrus over her predicament. “I’d rather not insult your family, but you know how I feel without at least one gun.”

“Yeah, you feel all vulnerable and exposed. Which makes you edgy. Better wear it.” He wasn’t quite laughing aloud, but it was a near thing.

“You’re lucky, Vakarian. I don’t have any family to make you suffer some reciprocity,” she quipped as she strapped the gun to her leg. She meant the comment to be light-hearted, but immediately felt a stab of pain, from Garrus, at the comment. 

His mirth died in his throat, but Lily was quick to assuage the ache she’d inadvertently caused. “Hey, it’s alright. I was teasing you, I wasn’t trying to jab. Anyway, I may not have parents to rake you over the coals, but I do know some badass Krogans who could probably do their best imitation.”

She felt the band of pressure ease as he moved to stand in front of her. “Hell, Shepard, Wrex already did.”

She laughed. “Did he?”

They turned, hands palm to palm, and made their way out of his suite and down the hall.

“Yeah. Told me to get my head out of my ass. Said something about sharing my feelings, too.”

“Oh, now that’s a story I have _got_ to hear!” Lily was happy and relaxed as they wandered from the upstairs and down, eventually stopping outside a set of large, dark wood doors. At least they looked like wood to Shepard.

Garrus pushed into the room. “What is it James always says? Oh, if you want to hear that story, I’m going to need to be really drunk.”

She couldn’t stop the snicker, though as she turned to look at the dining room they’d entered she thought maybe she could use a drink, herself.

At the large oblong table sat three Turians. Garrus’ father, a female she presumed to be his sister. And Primarch Adrien Victus.

“Spirits, please get me through this without bloodshed.” Lily whispered the words, low enough for Garrus to hear, but not to carry.

“You and me both, Shepard,” was his hushed reply.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the parent, Shepard style, which of course means everything goes splendidly!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter, but I really felt like I had to separate it from the next part, though they are closely tied. Also, sorry for the 'delay' in getting it posted. I've a ton of tests this week and it's been pretty hectic.

“Captain Shepard, I’m very glad Garrus talked you in to joining us. I’m Gaius Vakarian.” The Turian she’d addressed earlier rose from his chair and walked toward her, hand out in offering.

She met his greeting, curling her fingers firmly around the male’s hand, pumping a brisk up/down before releasing him. “It’s my pleasure, Mr. Vakarian.”

“Please, call me Gaius. This way.”

Lily felt Garrus trying to subtly pull his hand from hers, but she glanced over her shoulder and tightened her grip. Here, in his home, Turian rules could fuck off as far as she was concerned. If his family couldn’t handle her very human need to touch, and be touched, by her partner in a private setting, well… they’d better learn to deal. 

Gaius pulled the seat next to Garrus’ sister out, motioning for Shepard to sit. She smiled at him before releasing Garrus to maneuver around the arms of the seat. Expecting Garrus to take the seat next to her, she lifted a brow in surprise when he instead made his way to the opposite side of the table, placing himself to the right of the Primarch, across from Lily’s chair.

Though her Turian said not a word, she noted the tightening of his mandibles. There was an undercurrent of tension, and while Shepard had a couple of ideas as to what stirred the pot, she chose to employ diplomacy in this case. Better to play this out, in the hopes that the tension wouldn’t manifest, than to tackle things head-on and risk an incident.

Her course firmly in mind, Lily turned to the woman next to her. Solana’s face markings matched her father and brother’s, bold blue proudly naming her Vakarian. She also shared a similar skin tone, though slightly more silver, a fairer shade than her brother’s. But her face was almost delicate, in Shepard’s opinion. Her fringe molded to her scalp, as all female fringe seemed to, and her cheeks were more narrow. She had large eyes, their blue more cornflower than cerulean. Her chin was narrow, reminding Lily of a pixie, and her mandibles were small and close to her face. 

A face that practically beamed, if Shepard’s interpretation was correct, at Lily.

“I’m Solana, Garrus’ sister. I’m so happy to finally meet you, Captain. Please, call me Sol, everyone else does.” Solana extended her hand and Lily grasped it warmly, grinning in return.

“Same here. Garrus hasn’t ever been chatty about his family, but I’ve heard a few stories about you. How’s the leg?” Shepard knew her leg had been damaged when Solana and Gaius escaped Palaven during the war.

“Good as new, but it was a close call. If we hadn’t managed to get picked up by the _Indomitable_ , I’d have probably lost it.”

“I’m glad everything worked out. Garrus was worried about you and your father during the war. I was almost as relieved as he to hear you’d gotten off-planet relatively unscathed.”

There was a sharp clearing of a throat, and Shepard looked up abruptly to find Gaius curling his talons into his palms. She shifted her gaze to Solana, who had ducked her head, and sighed. “Let me guess, Turian faux-pas?”

She heard a barely audible trill of humor in a higher, more musical tone than she was used to, and gave Solana a small push on her shoulder. “Not supposed to talk about emotions, huh, even with family?”

Solana looked up, trying very hard not to smile. “Not usually.”

“Ah, well, I’d say I was sorry, but that’d be a lie. Humans don’t generally stand on formality with close friends and family. I’ll try not to over share… too much.” Her own harmonies, humorous with a touch of ‘deal with it’, drew a chuckle from Garrus.

Turning back to the table, Lily gave him a wink, before turning her attention to the Primarch. “So what brings you to dinner, Victus? I’d have thought you’d seen enough of me for a bit.”

A flash of surprise swept over Adrien’s face, gone almost faster than she registered it. “Actually, that’s why I’m here.”

“Oh? It couldn’t wait?” She struggled to keep her subvocals in check and was pleased when her tone held no emotional undercurrent. Despite having practiced and practiced over the last several weeks, Shepard was still frustrated with her hit and miss control.

“No. Order is slowly being reestablished, but it’s tenuous at best, with so many lost during the war. As I’m sure _Legate_ Vakarian informed you, what happened in the meeting this afternoon changed the balance of Cipritine. I spent most of the afternoon assessing the situation and frankly, Captain, the majority of the city’s leaders are more than happy to have you as _Praetorian_.”

“I’m not Turian.” She stated it plainly, casting a quick glance at Garrus. His face was remarkably impassive, which aggravated her. _Fuck, throw me a bone here, Vakarian_ , she thought the words at him, but all she got in response was a fractional lift of his brow.

“Apparently, the people don’t care. Perhaps, what I should say is you are Turian enough. You made quite an impression. Of course, I could appoint another _Praetor_ , certainly, but the city needs a strong, stable leader now. Someone they can rally behind, whose orders they’ll follow without question. I don’t believe I could choose someone better suited than you for exactly that task.”

“Thanks, Primarch, but I’m an Alliance Captain and a Council Spectre. Both of those jobs require me to spend the majority of my time in space. I can’t very well run a city from the far reaches of the galaxy and stepping down from either of those positions is not an option.”

“I understand, Shepard, which is why I asked Gaius if I might join you for the evening. I believe I may have a compromise suitable to us both. I won’t mince words, I need your expertise, your leadership right now. I won’t lie and pretend I’m thrilled with a human gaining a position of such influence in my government, but facts are facts.”

“Might we might table this conversation, until after the meal?” The senior Vakarian interjected with force, surprising Lily. She jerked her gaze to him, but like his son, his visage told her nothing of his thoughts.

“Certainly.” Victus sat back in his chair, but the tension in his shoulders said he wasn’t thrilled to acquiesce.

“Papa said you can eat our food, Captain, but I thought you might like something more familiar, so we decided to offer a bit of both.”

Shepard pinned the Primarch with a cool glare, before shifting to look at Solana. She grinned and patted the younger woman on the hand. “Call me Lily. I swear, over the last four years, I started to think my name was Commander, or just Shepard. And you didn’t need to go out of your way. I can eat dextro food, though I’ll admit all I’ve had is rations and those taste like sh… not good.”

Sol chuckled. “You don’t have to be circumspect. We all know Turian rations taste like ass.”

The resounding echoes of “Sol!” from her father and brother made the woman laugh out loud, the sweet chime of her voice soon joined by Lily’s own contralto and the Primarch’s lower tenor. 

“I think I really like you, Sol.”

“Same to you, Lily. Would you like to come with me to the kitchen? We can help Frika with the food.”

Shepard rose from her seat. “Sure. Who’s Frika?”

“She’s our cook. We have other employees, but Papa gave them the evening off.”

Lily felt a boost of respect for Garrus’ father. Despite never having hired help in her life, she knew how much people, of any species, loved to gossip. Without their presence, whatever went on this evening could be kept private.

As she and Solana moved away from the table, Lily just couldn’t help herself. “Now you boys behave until we get back. No talking about me behind my back.” There was no way anyone missed the authoritarian tone in her dual-tuned voice.

The trio of outraged Turian males had Solana nearly turning back to the table, but Shepard caught her arm at the elbow. “Oh, no, just keep walking. We’ll let them stew for a bit. Can’t have those males thinking they are running the show.”

“You are going to be a very bad Turian, Lily.” Solana sounded like she didn’t know whether to be shocked or awed.

Lily tossed her head back and laughed. “Sol, I learned from the best.”

* * *

“Is she _insane_ or are her balls just that big?”

Both Garrus and his father looked at Victus with matching stunned expressions, but the Primarch didn’t miss a beat.

“I’m half inclined to show her _my_ throat, if it means having that power in arms reach.”

Garrus face morphed from shock to rage. “She _is_ mine.”

The Primarch chuffed his comment away. “I smell you on her, Garrus. And I can’t blame you for rutting with her; she’s magnificent, for a human. But she isn’t yours.”

Garrus abruptly stood, overturning his chair. “I didn’t _rut_ with her, Victus. We’re mated. She’s my _Animafer_.” Curling his hands in on themselves, the younger Vakarian struggled to overcome his baser nature and simply tear out the throat of the male challenging him for his mate.

Victus jumped up as well, his own body drawn tight. “Is this true, Gaius?” The Primarch’s tone bordered on feral, his aggression palpable.

Gaius Vakarian took in the strain of his son’s body and the equally tight frame of the Primarch and cursed himself for the umpteenth time for agreeing to Victus’ request. “Yes, Primarch. I saw the scar on Shepard when she was still in the hospital and my son informed me Shepard completed the bond aboard the Normandy.”

Garrus jerked the cloth of his shirt away from his neck, growling and glaring as he bared Shepard’s mark for the Primarch’s scrutiny.

Adrien Victus drew a deep breath, fighting to control himself. The proof of the mating gleamed at him from Vakarian’s flesh. He understood what the scar meant, but it didn’t seem to matter. Something about Shepard drew him beyond his sense. Eons of civilization barely managed to hold back the deeper, animal instincts thrumming through the Turian leader’s blood.

He struggled to speak, to pull back his darker inclinations. “Part of me doesn’t really care about your bond, Garrus. _Animafer_ are a rare thing, but not so long ago we fought to the death over mates. And that side of me thinks killing you for Shepard might be a good thing.”

The sound of a gun at the ready startled all three men.

“Bet I can kill you first.” 

Everyone else in the room exploded into motion, but Lily held her ground, eyes only on the Primarch. She heard Garrus roar a ‘no’, saw him grab Victus’ arm, talons biting deep. But he was at a disadvantage, his body caged between the overturned chair and the wall. Victus used Garrus’ lack of maneuverability to slam the younger Turian into the wall with deafening force. 

Gaius rushed around the table, placing his body between the Primarch and Lily, but when Victus threw himself over the tabletop, his tall, powerful body connected with the elder Vakarian’s with a resounding crash, momentum knocking the older male to the floor.

Easily throwing off Gaius’ attempt to slow him down, the Turian leader bore down on Shepard with violent intent. Lily didn’t flinch; shifting her stance slightly to the right, she hoped a shot in the shoulder might clear the Primarch’s head and stop this before it went any further.

But to her eternal shock, it was Solana that ended the confrontation. She jumped in front of Shepard and Adrien stopped short. The female capitalized on his hesitation, backhanding him hard enough to make the big male stagger.

“Control yourself, Adrien!”

_Well holy fuck. I think she was putting me on with all that soft spoken shit._ Shepard gaped, she knew she did, but she was absolutely impressed with Solana Vakarian. Brass balls and all, she and Garrus’ sister were going to be very good friends. Holstering her sidearm, Lily moved to the right enough to step free of Solana’s protection, but not enough to get in the woman’s way.

The Primarch shook his head, as if to clear it, and straightened. The look on his face almost made Shepard snort. He was a male absolutely stunned and unsure what to do with the feeling. His gaze traveled Solana, from tip of crest to her bare feet, like he’d never seen her before… but was interested in seeing her again.

Lily gave the woman ultimate props. She didn’t even deign to acknowledge Adrien’s notice, simply turning around to face Shepard. “Maybe we should eat in the kitchen with Frika.”

Lily clapped Sol on the shoulders. “Oh, hell, no. We are going to sit at the table and enjoy every single second of this. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.”

Solana grinned. “You’re right. Frika,” Sol raised her voice, “it’s safe to come out now. The situation has been dealt with.”

“Come on, let’s grab some of those dishes. I can’t wait to try that Turian pizza.”

Eyeing the three men, disheveled to varying degrees, both females strode back to the kitchen. “And fix the table. Spirits!” Sol’s order came out strong, followed by Lily’s hearty laughter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard ponders… has Turian coffee with Gaius… and gets things ready head to Tuchanka.

By the time Solana, Lily, and Frika managed to carry the serving dishes back to the dining room, the three males had managed to make it look like nothing had ever happened. Well, mostly, since Shepard doubted the imprint of Garrus body in the wall could be erased without plaster and a deft hand.

And the meal did go smoothly, though Lily had to bite the inside of her cheek several times, since Adrien couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Solana and the woman couldn’t be bothered to give him notice. As soon as Garrus’ sister realized Shepard wasn’t interested in the woman being anything but herself, she’d stopped worrying about making a bad impression, and was herself. 

Solana was smart, her wit sharp and clever, and she took no shit. As the chatter had moved onto the post-war galaxy, specifically the Krogan and their bid for expansion, the female had shot down both her father and her Primarch when they began making noises about corralling the now-fertile species.

“Enough is enough. If it hadn’t been for them, there’d be nothing left of Palaven for us to even worry about. You need to back Urdnot Wrex, if for no other reason than the honor-debt the Turians owe him!” She’d slammed her fist against the table and Lily’d had to fight not to sound a loud ‘hoo rah!’ in response.

Gaius and Victus had shut up then, having been given food for thought and a sharp reprimand. Afterward, they’d retired to a nearby parlor, and Victus had laid out his suggested compromise to the _Praetor_ issue, that Lily had agreed, with one stipulation.

“I’ll agree to this, only if Solana is my _Aedile_. That’s non-negotiable.” 

“She has no standing –“

“I could give a good fuck, Adrien. I can’t be here with any regularity; I’ve already told you that. As the _Aedile_ , she’d be my direct subordinate. My XO, in other words. And if my ‘leadership abilities’ are what you’ve spent the last two hours claiming they are, then the people of Cipritine will accept her because I’ve _declared it so_. Solana is a brilliant woman and she’s full-blooded Turian. She’s smart enough to know what she can handle on her own and what she needs to bring to my attention. She also understands nuances of your society I don’t. And if she can knock you back on your heels, then I’m more than confidant she will know when I’d expect her to hit first, ask questions later.”

The emotions chasing on the Primarch’s face ranged from irritation, to aggravation, and finally settled on acceptance. “Fine.”

“Wait, do I not get a say in this?” Solana stood across the room, near a pair of floor to ceiling windows, hands on her hips.

“You object?” Lily’s mouth pinched in a frown, realizing she might have offended the woman. So many years spent making the decisions, being expected to do so, made it difficult to adjust in a situation where another might not actually feel the need to follow her orders.

“Well, no. Actually, I think it’s an excellent idea. But we only just met, how can you possibly have that much faith in me?”

Shepard opened her mouth to answer, but Garrus beat her to the punch.

“Shepard has a gift.”

Lily turned to look at him, a bit confused, but he just shrugged that Turian shrug and went on.

“She just _knows_ who the best person for a job is, always and without fail. You all know about the Collector base. But what you don’t know is that all the way through that suicide mission, Shepard had to split us up, she had to decide who was going to do what, and making the wrong decision would have meant all the difference.

“But she never did. She could have sent any of us with tech skill into those ducts, but she chose Tali – not because she was the best engineer or because she had the most Reaper knowledge. She didn’t. Legion would have been able to better interpret the ship. Shepard sent Tali because she _knew_ the Quarian was the best choice.

“She could have put Lawson or Zaeed in charge of the fire teams, but she didn’t. She gave me the lead. Hell, she could have used Jack to give her cover when she made her way toward the heart of the base through a corridor overrun with swarmers. Jack’s biotics are off the charts, but she chose Samara. The calm, cool, ever-in-control Justicar protected them and they made it out without a scratch. 

“That wasn’t the first time I’ve known Shepard to do something like that, and it won’t be the last, but I am telling you, this woman _knows_ what someone can or cannot do and she’s smart enough to put them where they will be the most effective.”

Lily felt warmth in her chest and would have sworn she was a hairsbreadth from blushing. She smiled at Garrus, then turned back to Solana. “Well?”

“Yes, I accept.”

“Good. Now, if there’s nothing else that needs my immediate attention, I would really like to get some sleep. It’s been a very long, very interesting day.” She rose from the chair, stretching a bit to unwind her back muscles, before motioning to Garrus. 

He stood and moved to her side and didn’t try to pull away when she reached for his hand. “Good night.” With her free hand she gave a small wave before leaving the other Turians in the room behind.

As they made their way up the stairs to Garrus’ rooms, Lily leaned her head against his arm. “What the hell have I gotten myself into this time, Garrus?”

Her beloved Turian chuckled softly. “You know how I said if you managed to get rid of the Reaper threat, after everything else you’d done, the galaxy would make you a saint?”

Lily laughed. “You also said I could pull a Javik and come back in fifty-thousand years to be legendary, instead of just famous.”

“I did say that, didn’t I? At any rate, I think we might need to think up a new word for what people are going to start calling you. On the upside, with you as _Praetorian_ at least I’ll know anything you bring to my attention is something I really need to see.”

“Bring to your attention?”

He opened the door to his rooms and she stepped through first. 

“Uh, yeah, well as _Legate_ , technically, I’m your superior.” His mandibles flared as she turned to face him.

“Is that right?” The saucy curve of her mouth, the flash of mischief in her eyes, had his cock at near-painful fullness in less than a second. “Well, then, _Legate_ how about you come show me just how superior you _think_ you are.” With a wink, she spun on her heels and charged for the bedroom.

He raced after her, the sound of her delighted laughter echoing from bedroom.

* * * 

The next several weeks passed in a blur, and finally Shepard was satisfied with the state of Cipritine and Palaven as a whole. The Reapers had moved on a week before, and the Geth were wrapping up the last of the mobile housing and finishing the final repairs to the power grids. The Planet was by no means tip top, hell event the city still needed a lot of work, but Lily was confident the _Normandy_ could move on.

Besides, if she got one more ‘hurry your ass up’ from Wrex, she was afraid she’d have to challenge the Krogan to a fight.

As she descended the stairs from the room she shared with Garrus, Shepard felt a pang of melancholy. It would be so easy to stay here, to spend time with Garrus’ family, to take up her ‘job’ as _Praetorian_ full time. To raise a family, to grow old, or at least see how old she could grow, here on this hot, somewhat dry, but beautiful world. 

There was a sigh on her lips as she entered the kitchen, the early morning light barely creeping through the window, dawn still several minutes away. She was surprised to see Gaius at the long island in the middle of the room, slowly stirring a cup of… coffee?

“Is that coffee, Gaius?”

The older Turian looked up, his mandibles lifted in greeting. “It is. This is a specialty, a Turian coffee that I haven’t been able to get since the Reapers attacked.” He motioned to a small box behind him. “This arrived yesterday and I couldn’t wait any longer to have some. Join me?”

“If you have coffee, absolutely.” She grinned, taking the cup he held out to her and filling it to the brim. Lily lifted the steaming liquid to her nose, inhaling deep. It smelled nothing like Earth coffee, but neither did it smell unappealing. 

The dark liquid was more purple in hue, than brown, and the aroma of it held hints of spice, rick Turian chocolate, and something faintly nutty. She held the mug to her mouth, blowing softly before sipping carefully. “Mmm, this is delicious.”

“It is. Follow me.” 

She nodded and fell into step behind Gaius as he made his way from the kitchen, down a narrow hall, toward a small door. He opened it and motioned her through, turning to close the door while she took in the view laid out before them. 

A path of bright stone curved across the landscape, bordered by fields beginning to waken with the sun’s rays. Colors slowly emerged, vibrant greens, deep blues, dazzling orange, as the fauna stirred to life.

“Beautiful.”

“This home has been in my wife’s family since before Cipritine was ever settled. And this path has been walked for nearly as long. It was Ilithia’s favorite past time, to wander this road and simply _be_.”  
Shepard took another sip from her cup. “I’m sorry for your loss. I should have been here.”

“Thank you, but there’s nothing to forgive. Tell me, Shepard, I’ve heard your lifespan has been greatly lengthened thanks to this synthesis you underwent with the Reapers. Is that true?” Garrus’ father began to walk down the path, and she followed, content to let him lead.

“Yes, as far as I understand things. Why?”

“Ilithia was my _Animafer_. When she died, part of me died with her. But part of her still lives, in me. I could have followed her, Spirits I wanted to, but I couldn’t leave our children, not with the Reapers coming.” Gaius paused and turned to her. “The bond you share with my son goes beyond even what you likely understand. You share a bit of him, and vice versa.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.” Her brow furrowed with confusion.

“It isn’t always easy for a Turian to be as blunt as you humans can be.” The other man chuckled as he began to walk again. “What I’m getting at is that, in my way, I am hoping neither my son nor you have to suffer the pain of being apart from each other the way I have.”

“Turians live a little longer than humans, right? But not as long as the Asari. Honestly, I try not to think there might be a time when Garrus will be at the bar without me. It makes my chest hurt like a Mako’s on it.”

“Barring any unforeseen disasters, you likely won’t. He’ll live as long as you, age as slow as you, now that you’re mated.”

Shepard stumbled, righting herself quickly. “What?”

Gaius nodded. “Outliving ones _Animafer_ doesn’t usually happen. In truth, when Ilithia passed, I felt my own heart stop and I could have simply drifted off with her. It was only my determination, and the promise I made to her, not to leave our children alone that started this damned organ beating again.”

Over the last month, Shepard had learned a lot about Turian culture, so the weight of the conversation she now had with Gaius Vakarian wasn’t lost on her. Her mate’s people didn’t share their emotions, they didn’t expose their vulnerabilities, and the fact that Gaius was being so open clearly spoke of his trust and affection for Lily.

Knowing it usually wasn’t done, but needing to offer the older man her compassion, Shepard placed her palm on his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know I’m very grateful you chose to stay.”

His mandibles fluttered and he cleared his throat. They didn’t say much else, just shared company and coffee, as he led her down the path. It was the best morning she’d spent on Palaven.  
Later that afternoon, Lily stopped into the Primarch’s office. She nodded at the secretary who addressed her as _Praetorian_ and waited as patiently as possible for Victus to find time to see her. Thankfully, the Turian leader didn’t leave her waiting long.

“ _Praetorian_ , please, come in.”

She closed the door behind her, turning to Adrien without preamble. “The _Normandy_ is departing at 0700 tomorrow. Just thought I’d stop by and let you know personally.”

“Thank you, Shepard. I have to say, Garrus was right about you.”

“Oh?”

“Solana Vakarian has proven herself more than capable as _Aedile_. And your own orders have been exceptionally well chosen. In a matter of weeks, you have commerce flowing, business and municipal leaders working together without bickering. Frankly, even knowing what you can accomplish, I’m still astounded by how effective you are.”

“Thanks, I suppose. You know the only reason I seem this good is because I only have the best at my back. It takes a solid team to get shit done.”

“I agree, but Shepard, you underestimate yourself. Still, it’s of little importance. I understand you’re headed to the Krogan DMZ.”

Though she wasn’t sure she liked him saying she sold herself short, Lily ignored the flare of irritation, instead nodding in agreement with the Primarch’s last statement. “Tuchanka is first on the list. I have three Alliance cruisers full up with pregnant females and offspring. Those captains, and the Krogan, would really like to land planet side before everyone starts being born.”

Adrien chuckled. “No doubt. How long do you think your mission will last?”

“Getting the relays open? Several months at least, maybe a year. Once we have the main relays working again, I’ll split up the vessels that remain with my fleet and send smaller units to work the lesser trafficked conduits.”

“Understood. Then I suppose I’ll see you in a year.”

“That would be a fair guess.” She turned to leave, but hesitated. “And Victus?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Keep in mind Solana Vakarian is my family now too. And I protect my own. If you want her, you better damn well earn her. Am I clear?”

Adrien narrowed his gaze, but it seemed after nearly a month in her presence, he’d finally stopped being shocked by her actions. “Crystal.”

“Good.” Smiling broadly, Lily opened the office door and headed out.

Feeling good, Shepard decided to exploit her position just a little and spring Solana from work early. As she’d thought, she and Garrus’ sister were fast friends, Shepard appreciating Sol’s more subtle, witty humor and the Turian female absolutely delighted in Lily’s ‘humanness’, as she called it. 

Nodding to Sol’s secretary as she passed, she rapped her knuckles on her sister-in-law’s, so to speak, door before passing her hand over the omni-pad and strolling in.

“Lily! I didn’t expect to see you until tonight.”

“Yeah, well, I decided it’s past time I introduced you to a long-held human custom called playing hooky.”

“Playing hooky? Does this have something to do with selling sex?”

Shepard burst out laughing, still finding it hilarious how so few human idioms managed to translate properly. “Spirits, no! Shit, Sol, your brother would kill me. No, it means we’re leaving, right now. You are skipping out on the rest of the day’s work because I order you to.”

“But Lily, I have several-“

“Anything life or death?”

“Excuse me?”

“Anything in that list of to-do’s that’s a life or death decision?”

“Well, no.”

“Then they’ll keep ‘til morning. Your brother and I are leaving at 0700 and I find myself selfishly wanting to spend more than dinner with you. On this last afternoon in Cipritine, I want you to show me your favorite places, Sol. Let’s do something fun.”

Sol’s brow plate lifted and her mandibles flared, a sure sign of a grin. “Alright. I’ll do it, I’ll play hooker.”

“ _Hook-Y_ , Solana, hooky.” Chuckling and shaking her head, she waited for Sol to gather her things. Then the two of them left Sol’s office, hoping for a little adventure before they parted company.

They spent most of the afternoon at Cipritine’s Arsenal, playing laser tag with several units of the Turian military who’d reserved the armory’s virtual simulators for training. Shepard had been surprised at Sol’s efficiency with an AR and a shotgun, though she probably shouldn’t have been. Sol had been equally impressed with Lily’s tech and biotic skills, not to mention the way she made a sniper rifle dance.

“Damn, Lily, I think you’re better than Garrus, and he’s the best crack shot in the military. Held the top sniper position until he left to join C-Sec.” Solana took aim over a large ‘boulder’ in the playing field, the quick triple rat-tat-tat of her gun getting an answering shrill of alarm from their enemies. “Four more down.”

Shepard laughed to herself, as she looked down her sniper scope, taking out five soldiers who’d though to try and flank their position with equal efficiency. She thought back to a date on the Presidium with Garrus. Missing that shot had been truly worth it. “Maybe.”

After the two, lone females had wiped the floor with six different units, they’d decided to go shopping. Despite the face Shepard hated to shop, she enjoyed being with Solana enough to suffer in silence.

As they sat at a small café eating something Lily likened to Turian ice cream, she decided it was time to steer the conversation to slightly more weighty topics.

“Alright, Sol, I’m sure I’m about to do something completely human, and may possibly cause you some discomfort, but there’s something I think we need to discuss before I leave.”

Solana lowered her spoon, her gaze meeting Shepard’s. “Victus.”

Lily flashed a grin. “Smart girl. I don’t suppose I need to tell you to watch yourself. I kind of feel bad, you know, he might never have noticed you if I hadn’t pulled a gun on him.”

Sol laughed, subharmonics rich with humor. “You’re probably right. With that in mind, I guess I should really be thanking you.”

Lily sat back, surprised. “Thanking me?”

“I’ve known Adrien Victus since I was a little girl. His son, Tarquin, and I were the best of friends and we’d likely have been eventually mated for political reasons. And I loved Tarquin, but it was the love of a friend, a sister, not the love of a mate. And he felt the same.”

Sadness clouded Sol’s eyes for a moment before the woman cleared her throat and pressed on. “Adrien and his wife were mated the same way. And though the Primarch loved his wife, and she loved him, it was a political match that grew to be more.”

“Are you about to tell me that you’re _in love_ with,” Shepard lowered her voice and took a moment to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard, “the Primarch?”

If a Turian could blush, Solana Vakarian did. “Yeah, hopelessly. Have been for years. I remember, the year after I joined the military, there’d been a military ball and I’d seen General Victus with his wife. He’d been holding her close, dancing her around the floor, and I’d been overcome with jealousy. I’d had to excuse myself from the gala before I did something crazy, like attack the woman in public. I called my mother, frantic, so confused about what I was going through.

“She soothed me, calmed me down, explained that whatever I was going through was normal and that I needed to do my best to stay calm. And to try and avoid future interactions with Adrien or his wife. So I did. I don’t think he’s my _Animafer_ and neither did my mom. But that doesn’t matter to me.”

“Would Adrien even consider mating again?”

Solana shrugged. “I don’t know, though politically the rest of the Hierarchy will put pressure on him to at least deliver another heir.”

Lily slipped a spoonful of delicious confection between her lips. “I didn’t realize the Primacy was hereditary.”

“It is and it isn’t. There’s no guarantee of ascension, but a Primarch’s heir, if he or she proves themselves, will be given favored position and usually, they take over when their parent dies or steps down.”

“Solana, promise me you’ll be careful. Victus is a powerful man, in more ways than one. I’m not going to sugar coat it. And it’s not that I think you aren’t grown up enough to make up your own mind. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

Sol surprised Lily again when she reached across the table and covered Shepard’s hand with her own. “I promise. And thanks, Lily, for caring. Thank you more for loving my brother enough to come through hell and back to be with him.”

Lily sniffed. “Fuck, Sol, you’re gonna make me cry. I seem to be so damn sensitive of late.” 

Solana grinned and gave Shepard’s fingers a squeeze. “You know, I’m kind of getting used to all your emotional stuff. Keeps life interesting.”

A watery chuckle slipped from Lily’s lips. “Then no worries, I’m sure to keep life anything but dull for a long time.”

“I’m counting on it.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuchanka, Wrex, and Krogan fertility= BABIES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for reading, rating, and commenting! It does a body good to know I'm creating something so many find enjoyment in!
> 
> Also, I'm in the last two weeks of the term, which is why the updates have slowed. For the next couple of weeks, I doubt I'll be able to get more than a chapter in a piece. However, once classes are over, I'll have sixteen weeks full of nothing but time, so the updates will pick back up then.

As Shepard stepped through the final set of doors before reaching Wrex’s throne, for lack of a better word, she thought back to the last time she’d been on Tuchanka. Watching a Reaper get pounded into the ground by the Mother of all thresher maws was probably one of the baddest motherfucking things she’d ever witnessed. 

And that was saying something.

But for all the awesomeness of seeing a Reaper taken down by a giant worm, she’d also suffered a terrible loss that day. Mordin Solus had been a good man, a brilliant scientist, and a very dear friend. Watching as he’d sacrificed himself, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop it, had been the singular hardest thing she’d ever done. 

And she’d had to do it twice.

“ _Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong._ ”

Her mouth turned with a sad smile. Even after seeing Mordin in the strange place where Shepard and the Reapers were one, her heart still ached for the loss of him in her life. As she strode toward the dais where Wrex was waiting, she accepted the pain she suffered was a small price to pay for all the hope Mordin’s death had planted on this once dead planet and amidst its once dying people.

“Shepard! Sister, it’s about time you showed up!”

Real happiness swallowed the ache in her chest as she sought and found Wrex’s massive body. He was covered, almost every inch of him, in tiny, wriggling, squirming, tiny Krogan bodies.

“I have babies!”

Lily choked on a laugh, coughed, and gaped. She’d seen Urdnot Wrex smirk, grin, chuckle, smart-assed, and pissed. She’d never seen him _beaming_. It was quite a sight.

“That you do, my friend. That you do.”

“Get up here and say hello, Urdnot Shepard. I want to introduce you to your nieces and nephews.”

“Urdnot Shepard?” Garrus strode up the steps, coming to a halt at her side. His mandibles flared, a bit of a smile and a bit of confusion.

“Hell, Shepard, it was only a formality. You already killed a maw on foot, and a Reaper. You didn’t think I’d make you go through the rite all over again did you? I told you, when you cured the genophage, you were one of mine. I meant it.”

“Then I’m honored, Urdnot Wrex.” Shepard stepped closer to the big Krogan, clasping her forearms to his as children, five, six, seven of them, clamored over his body. A sharp sting in her calf had her pulling back to look down.

“What do I have here, hmm?” Lily picked up the scrappy little one, hefting him from beneath his arms to look into his face. At least, she thought it was a ‘he’.

“That’s Vakarian. Mouthy little shit.”

Shepard shot a glance at her own Vakarian, laughing at the irked look on his face. “Well, if he takes after his namesake, Wrex, he’ll only get mouthier.”

“Hey, hey, now, I have more class than to bite your leg.”

Shepard shifted the bundle in her hands, pulling the little guy close to her chest. He wriggled a bit at first, but soon settled into the crook of her arm, content to nibble her fingers as he stroked his face and took in his tiny hands and feet. 

“How old are they?”

“About six months. Krogan are more agile than humans, we grow faster too. They don’t talk yet, but Bakara says they will be soon.”

She looked up from the precious proof of all the good that had come from so much pain and suffering. “How many children do you have?”

“Me, personally? I’m not sure. I think I stopped counting at four hundred and seventy something. Bakara would know, though.” Wrex pulled off one particularly tenacious youngster who was bent on chewing the points off his crest. He set the child on the ground and gave it a gentle tap on the bottom, sending it off toward one of the many guards surrounding the dais.

“Holy shit, Wrex. Aren’t you worried about inbreeding?”

The Krogan chortled. “Hell, Shepard, at last count there were something like four thousand new babies. I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

“Four thousand. Fuck, you weren’t shitting us when you said Krogan breed fast.” Garrus looked around as if trying to figure out where the hell Wrex was hiding four thousand baby Krogan.

“Most of the women and children have settled in the Kelphic Valley. But when you commed and said you were headed to the surface, Bakara and I decided to bring a few of the younglings with us to meet you.”

The child in her arms bit her finger hard enough to draw blood and Shepard hissed at the small pain. “Watch it there, Vakarian. I bite back.” She chucked the boy beneath his chin and he made a strange, choking sound. Worried, her gaze flashed to Wrex, but the big male gave her a soft smile. Another first.

“He likes it. That’s a laugh.”

It was Shepard’s turn to beam as she scrabbled her fingers against the youngsters throat, drawing more of those delightful sounds, laughing herself as he squirmed in her hold. Finally, she relented and the small one burrowed closer to her body, sighing contentedly, his eyes drifting closed.

“I knew you’d be a natural, Shepard.” Bakara appeared from behind the large chair on the dais, her arms also full of babies.

Lily felt her cheeks warm as she tried to shirk the compliment. “It’s easy enough to wear a baby out. It’s all the other stuff I don’t know I’d be so good at.”

“You humans have an ancient saying, ‘with love all things are possible’. That’s almost all it takes. Well, love and lots of patience.”

Shepard grinned at the other woman. “I think that’s ‘with God all things are possible.”

“What is Mother, but the name for God on the lips and tongues of all children?”

Lily took a moment to let those words sink in. Something tight clogged her throat and she gave a gentle cough, careful not to wake the babe, before responding. “You’re a very wise woman, Urdnot Bakara. I am lucky to call you friend.”

“You may call me sister, Urdnot Shepard. Now, what do you say we travel to the Valley. I want you to see what the united Krogan have accomplished.”

Shepard nodded. “Sounds good. Wrex, I’d like an assessment of the Tuchanka. What immediate concerns you have, what you and your people need. I have every asset in the galaxy ready and willing to assist.”

“Thank you, sister. Thankfully, Tuchanka missed the brunt of the war, after you took out that Reaper. It isn’t really in any worse shape than it was to begin with.”

“Shepard is here to help, whatever that means. You need water recycling plants put up, you need infrastructure designed and laid out, anything, Wrex.” Garrus pressed his body against Lily’s, his deep blue eyes soft with pride and love, as he looked down at her and the small being in her grip.

“Then let’s get our asses in gear. People, we’re rolling in fifteen!” Wrex gave an order and a hundred heavily armored Krogan jumped to do his bidding.

The Warlord led Shepard and company toward a waiting Tomkah and when they reached the vehicle and Wrex made to remove Lily of her ‘burden’, she shooed him away and climbed inside, more than content to hold onto this new life as long as she could.

* * *

“Siha, it is good to see you again.”

Shepard looked up from her seat in the ‘library’ of her synthesized consciousness. “Thane, what are you doing here? I expected Harbinger.”

“I am here because you need me.”

She grinned. “I see even metaphysics hasn’t made you less a poet. You know, back on the SR-2, I would visit you sometimes just to hear your voice. It soothed me. The cadence of your speech was often as important as the words themselves. You always seemed wise, certain, even when you were unsure, your confidence and steadfast belief in me was much needed. I am so very grateful I was able to know you.”

Thane gave her a small bow. “You honor me with your words. That I was a comfort pleases me greatly.” 

She motioned for him to sit and he obliged. “So, you said I needed you, but I’m at a loss. I was just learning about a ground radiation purifier used about two million years ago, by the Sashononin people. They were the dominant race of their cycle, but they spent several thousand years waging nuclear wars all over the galaxy. Once they finally stopped fighting each other, they learned how to clean up the messes they made. I think their knowledge could be used to help the Krogan rebuild Tuchanka.”

“Indeed. Will you have the Reapers create the machines you need?”

Lily nodded. “With them doing the manufacturing and the Geth and Quarians engineering the deployments, we should have things up and running in no time. According to this ‘book’,” she ran her fingers over the open page before her, “the ground will be clean and ready to live again in a matter of months.”

“So what is bothering you?” Thane leaned forward, laying his forearms against the table.

She blew at her bangs and chuckled softly. “Hmm, I guess I should have known you’d notice.”

“Perfect memory is a blessing and a curse.”

Lily shook her head. “Yeah. Damn it, Thane. Part of me feels like I’m using Harbinger, using all the Reapers, for nothing more than what they can do for me. And part of me feels like maybe that’s okay, they owe the galaxy. But then, this other voice keeps telling me the Reapers were as much victims as they were perpetrators. They had no free will.”

“Hmm, a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it? On the one hand, it is righteous that they be punished, but for whose sins? Their creators’, their overlord’s, or their own?”

“Exactly. Plus, if I’m just using them, if this synthesis between us means they are compelled to help me, does that make me any better than the Catalyst?”

Thane reached for her hand. “Have you asked Harbinger about this?”

She dropped her chin, ashamed. “No. I haven’t and it’s not because I haven’t had an opportunity. It’s because I’m afraid to hear the answer.”

“This, then, is what you needed me for. Do you remember when I first called you _siha_?”

Lily looked deep into his dark eyes. “Yes.”

“Do you remember what I said to you when you first came here?”

Shepard thought back, struggling to recall Thane’s words. “Something about a warrior angel, I think.”

“Yes. I told you once a siha is a warrior-angel of the Goddess Arashu. They are fierce in their wrath. Tenacious protectors of all they call their own. Most Drell are lucky to meet a single siha in their lifetime, but I was lucky enough to have met two.”

“Two?”

“Irikah, my wife. And you, Shepard. You were my siha, a driven, divine warrior of redemption, who came to wake me from my battle-sleep, who gave me back my son, and gave freely of herself in order to heal a dying man. Siha is another name for beloved, but I never told you that, never explained.”

“Thane, I – I don’t know what to say.” 

The Drell’s hand tightened over hers. “Perhaps it isn’t what you should say, but what I should have said. I loved you, Shepard. But I was afraid to tell you, not only because I knew how you felt for Garrus, but because I was uncertain whether you would do as you always do, and try to be for me what you felt I needed you to be, instead of doing what your own heart told you was right.”

Lily felt her eyes begin to water. “Thane. I cared for you deeply, hell I love you. You were, are, my family.”

The Drell smiled softly. “I know, siha. You see, though, don’t you? I died with only one regret, and it was that I never told you how I felt and let you decide for _yourself_ what to do with the knowledge. I don’t believe you would have been able to return my desire, but I do know you wouldn’t have shut me out. You would have given me all the love you could, and there would have been no hiding, no shame.”

Lily swiped away her tears and gripped Thane’s hand hard. “Thank you, Thane. I know what to do.”

“Then I am pleased. I must go, Shepard.”

“Leave your regret, Thane, and know I love you and am grateful you were in my life.”

“Ah, siha, you take away the last of my pain. You must be a Goddess in your own right, to grant me forgiveness without reservation.” 

“You’re one of mine. And I will do anything for what’s mine.”

“I love you, Shepard. Be well.”

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand as he stood, sniffing softly as more tears slipped onto her cheeks. She watched him walk away, knowing in her heart she wouldn’t see him again. He was truly at peace. “Goodbye.”

Shepard sat at the table for a long time, heart aching with grief, but also full of light. She thought about how easing Thane had soothed something tattered in herself as well. As she dried her face and turned her attention back to the book, she felt another presence.

“Captain. You wished to speak to me?”

“Not to you, Harbinger. With you. I want to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me when you answer.”

Harbinger, in his now familiar human shape took the seat Thane vacated. Lily took in his dark hair, with just the hint of grey at the temples, his strong face. He really was nice looking, not jaw-dropping, but attractive. 

“It is futile to lie to you, Shepard. You would know it the instant the untruth left our thoughts.”

She cocked her head to the side. That was information she should definitely know. “Alright. I’ll get straight to it, then. Do you want to help me? I mean, are you working with me because it’s what you, and the Reapers, want to do or because you think you have to do it?”

“We want what you want, Shepard. We are of one mind.”

Lily sighed. “That’s not exactly what I hoped to hear. You’re not opening the relays and getting the races of this cycle back on their feet because you feel like it’s the right thing to do, or because you want to do this for them, but because it’s what I want done.”

“No. I mean, yes. I am confused. We do this because it must be done. You lead and we, I, follow.”

“Oh, Harby.” Shepard dropped her forehead to the book. “Damn.” She jerked back up, eyes meeting the fathomless blackness of his. “If this isn’t what you want to do, then you don’t have to do it. Well, you do have help us get the relays open, since you’re the only ones who can. But more than that, it should be your choice. Not my command.”

Harbinger was silent for a long time. Lily watched his face, but couldn’t discern anything from his strong features. Finally, a small smile curled the corner of his mouth.

“It is our choice. This connection between us is strange, new, and we are as unsure as you on what it will become. But we understand your concern. You are not using us, Shepard. We are not depleting ourselves. I can hear your thoughts, you wonder how we can keep creating all the things your species need. We can because we were created to do so.”

“Are you certain? I know this peace is uneasy, but you and your people are free now. I wouldn’t force another sentient species to serve another. I need to be sure I’m not doing that with you, with the Reapers.”

“Things are as we wish them to be, for now. If I may, I have a question to ask of you.”

She sat back in her chair. “Go ahead.”

“Will you spread our synthesis?”

Shepard lifted her brows. “Excuse me?”

“You can share our synthesis with others. Bring more life into our collective. There is one, but he is very new, his knowledge of organic life even less than our own.”

“What are you talking about? I am totally fucking lost, here.”

It was Harby’s turn to look confused. “You have shared our synthesis with another. We know this, when he first came we were surprised, unsure, but he is so full of life and energy, excited and exuberant. He is… he is joy. We believe this is the right word.”

“Harbinger, I seriously don’t know who you are talking about. I mean, I think Chakwas said something about me being able to do this synthesis thing with others, maybe, but I know I haven’t done anything like that. I’d know, wouldn’t I?”

He looked at her, hard, and she could hear the faint hum as he spoke with the other Reapers. After a few minutes, the look on his face shifted from consternation to understanding. “The others believe I have said too much. We agree you will need to decipher our meaning in your own time, in your own way.”

“What? Oh, hell, no. Cough it up. What the hell are you talking about?” She lurched from the chair, waving her index finger in his direction.

Harbinger grinned and shook his head. “No. I have told you I cannot lie to you. Instead, I will depart.” He stood and walked around her.

“Wait! Come on! You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

“Remember what I have said. We will begin creating the radiation cleaners immediately. We want to help, Shepard.”

_Damn it,_ she thought to herself. To Harbinger’s back, she shouted, “Thank you!”

With a frustrated growl, she pulled herself from the ‘library’ and back into her own body. It seemed she needed some answers.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vega's a Krogan? Liara and Shep talk Thessia. Someone new is introduced to synthesis.

“Tali, let the Geth know the Reapers will be deploying radiation units in the next couple of solar days.”

The Quarian nodded. “Sure, Shep.”

“You know, I’m proud of you, Tali.”

The other woman blushed prettily. “Thanks, Shepard.”

“I mean it. You said once if the decision on Rannoch had been left up to you, you’d have eliminated the Geth without a second thought. It takes a particular kind of strength and bravery to set aside centuries of animosity, but you’ve not only done it, you’ve gone above and beyond.”

“If you hadn’t shown me there could be another way, none of this would have happened.”

“Humans have a saying, ‘you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink’. I showed you the path, but you chose to walk down it.”

The soft smell of fresh grass and rain tickled Lily’s nose, telling her how Tali felt more clearly than words: hope and pride and deep, abiding affection. Shepard’s olfactory senses had finally become mostly background noise in her mind, but Lily was actually glad for them at times like these. 

Thoughts of her enhancements reminded Shepard she had a query that needed answered. “I have a question for you. Harbinger says I can ‘synthesize’ others. Got any ideas how I’d do it?”

Tali’s brow furrowed slightly and she brought her three-digited hand up to cup her chin. “Maybe. I think Chakwas said something about that before.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t actually get the details. I need more information.”

“Why not ask Harbinger?”

Shepard shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think he knows how the synthesis thing works. They can’t do it. He was clear when he said I could, not we. Talk to Chakwas, see if the two of you can figure it out.”

“Affirmative, Captain.”

Lily gave the Quarian a little wave as she left the med-bay. As she entered the mess, she caught sight of Wrex and James, the two massive males occupying an entire table. 

“Come on, boy. You have to admit, you’re pretty much the human equivalent of a Krogan.”

“No way. No plates. Sure, I’m big-“

“I’m telling you, the whole reason you ended up on the ship is because Shepard needs a Krogan on her team. We’re like good luck charms.”

Lily laughed aloud at that as she approached the pair. “You know, Wrex might have a point. I mean, I did have to get physical with him, Grunt, and you at one point or another. I didn’t have to do that with anyone else, just the Krogans.”

“Lola, hey.” Vega turned his head, giving her a smile. “How’d your chat go?”

“Good, I think. Wrex, we’ll have the radiation systems planet-side in a couple of days. Are you sure you don’t need anything else?”

“I’m sure, Shepard. In the last week, Tali and the Geth have squared the power structure and the water system. Moving forward, it’s a lot of construction and debris clearing, and with so many of our males used to life as mercs, well, let’s just say the heavy lifting should keep the fighting to a minimum.” The big male chuckled and Lily shook her head.

“You know you’re people best. But I can see the merits there. Heard anything from the council about expansion?”

“Interesting thing, Shepard. Sparatus is backing me and it looks like the Asari too.”

“Osoba as well. So, it looks like you don’t have anything to worry about. Any ideas about possible colony sites?”

“Honestly, I thought I’d have to fight for this for another century. I hadn’t actually gotten that far.”

Shepard smiled. “What? The Great Urdnot Wrex is,” she reached over to grab onto James’ beefy shoulder, “hold me up, James – I might faint, unprepared? Say it ain’t so, my friend!”

James snickered when Wrex growled, but Lily wasn’t worried. 

“Laugh it up, Shepard. You’ll only see it once.”

“If you want intel on suitable spots, ask EDI. She’ll give you anything she can.”

“Affirmative, Captain. I’d be glad to forward information on appropriate systems, Urdnot Wrex.”

“Thanks… EDI. Send it to Bakara.”

“Data packages sent.”

Shepard clapped the Krogan on the back. “Good. If you don’t need anything else, Wrex, I want to speak with Liara. We’re heading to Thessia next, and I’d like to see if she has anything new for me about the situation there.”

“Shepard.” Both males nodded goodbye.

She grinned. “Vega, Wrex.”

Liara’s cabin door slid opened and Glyph greeted Lily as usual. 

“Good afternoon, Captain. Galactic communication is expanding exponentially as you open relays.”

“That’s good news, Glyph. Thanks.” She patted the bouncing ball affectionately.

“You’re most welcome, Captain.”

Liara exited her sleeping area, grinning. “You know, I should have noticed back on the old Broker’s base. I feel a little silly I didn’t.”

“Didn’t notice what?”

“You talk to everything as if it’s sentient. You used to ask Glyph all sorts of questions, but you never spoke with it like most people do. You were polite, conversational.”

Lily shrugged, confused. “I don’t follow.”

“No, I don’t suppose you would. I guess I’m thinking that sometimes there are greater forces at work. And I’m grateful. Did you need something?”

Shepard didn’t have a clue what Liara was going on about and she was glad for the subject change. “Yeah, anything new from Thessia?”

“Our communication infrastructure was obliterated during the war. Without it, what’s left of my people are stranded, alone, and suffering in a way the Asari haven’t since before our enlightenment.”

“I understand. I have to ask, Liara, is Thessia salvageable?”

Her friend’s face tightened with worry. “I don’t know. What information I’ve gathered from the home world is spotty at best. It sounds like some of the smaller, more remote Republics may be in good shape, others may be gone forever.”

“Like the one we landed at? I assume the Temple of Athame is gone.”

Liara nodded. “Yes.”

Shepard lifted her hand, resting it on the Asari’s shoulder. “Then we have our work cut out for us. Have you spoken to Aethyta?”

“She’s captaining the _Athame_. It’s carrying about four thousand Asari and she said they’re all ready to be home, to start to rebuild.”

“You’re people are resilient, even if they don’t remember it. I’ll need you down there, to work as my go between and to help determine a game plan.”

“Of course, Shepard. How long until we leave?”

Lily cocked her head. “We’re departing Tuchanka in a few days.”

“And time to Thessia?”

“Joker, what’s the ETA on arrival at the Asari home world once we leave Tuchanka?”

“Best guess, about a week, maybe ten days.”

“Roger that.” She looked at Liara. “Not long at all.”

Dark blue lips curved in a smile. “Then I’d better get ready. Talk to you soon.”

Shepard smiled and gave a little wave as she left the Asari’s cabin.

“Captain, a moment. I think Tali and I found something you’ll be interested in.” Dr. Chakwas’ voice drew Lily across the mess.

“What’d you discover?”

The med bay doors slid open and the two women stepped inside.

“Shepard, I think I figured out how you can ‘share’ synthesis.”

Lily went to Tali’s side, eyes looking at the data screen the Quarian was watching closely. “How?”

“Activate your implants.”

Shepard complied, thinking briefly how even a month ago the idea that she could manifest an omni-tool had seemed ridiculous. Now, though, it was second nature. She’d learned a lot about her upgrades and her new body. Tali’d been right, Lily didn’t need an omni-tool anymore, at least not a ‘real’ one. The interface that appeared on her forearm was a construct created by her implants, and her mind apparently, that facilitated direct interaction with Shepard’s synthetic parts by others. 

“Alright,” Tali waved her own ‘tool over Shepard’s, humming softly as she watched for something, “there, that’s what I thought.”

“What’s what you thought?” 

Tali lifted her uncovered face, her lovely eyes alight with excitement. “We’ll need a volunteer, though. There’s no other way to test it.”

“Volunteer?” Lily wasn’t sure she liked what she was hearing.

“Yes, someone willing to be synthesized.”

“No way, Tali! What if it doesn’t work, what if something goes wrong? No.”

“Captain, Tali and I have been over and over all of our medical data as well as technical information. We’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no danger to others. Not physically at least.”

“I still don’t-“

“And I’ve already got a volunteer.”

“Damn it, Tali! Who? Who agreed to this crazy idea?”

The med bay doors slid open to reveal one very large, very red, and very out of place Geth Prime unit.

“Are you shitting me?” The captain’s gaze danced from the Prime, to Tali, and then to Chakwas. 

“Creator ‘Zorah posited you would be hesitant to make the attempt with an organic subject. We offered ourselves. It is a logical solution.”

Lily’s mind flashed to the conversation she’d just had with Liara and finally the Asari’s words made sense. She sighed and tried to keep her temper in check. “Prime, damn it, it might seem more logical. But I don’t see the Geth as any less ‘alive’ than any sentient species. So for me, it doesn’t matter if you’re organic or not. This is dangerous, I don’t want to take the chance…”

Her voice trailed off as the prime stepped closer, his dual lamp-eyes, one large its companion smaller, shining down on her. “If you believe us equal, then you will respect our choice. The Geth are uniquely equipped to understand this construct, the collective mind, Shepard-Captain. We will be able to aid you in your understanding.”

“Fuck.” Lily rubbed her forehead furiously, proud of the Prime but pissed all the same. He had her there. “Fine. Talk to me vas’Normandy, what do I do?”

The Geth moved to a short table Chakwas motioned him onto. He settled his considerable size and the seat held to Shepard’s surprise. Tali’s hand on her arm drew her attention and she looked down into a lovely face that reflected Lily’s own anxiety, but also her excitement.

“Okay, so you’re going to manifest an interface. I’ve determined organic synthesis would be achieved by injecting your nannites into someone else.”

“My what?”

“Nannites, tiny synthetic-“

“I know what nannites are, Tali. No one said shit about any of them being inside me.”

The Quarian looked at Chakwas, but the doctor only shrugged. “How did you think your Reaperized code was transferred into your DNA and your cells?”

“I don’t know, but I know you never said anything about nannites!” Lily wasn’t sure why she was so upset, but for some reason the idea that there was an army of tiny, living sentient things floating around in her system unsettled her.

But as she thought about it, her reaction seemed pretty fucking silly. After all, every cell in her body was a living thing that followed its own lifecycle. Maybe they weren’t fully sentient, but then again, the nannites probably weren’t getting together every week in her liver for poker.

“Fuck, never mind. Fine, okay, so a nannite transfusion would synthesize an organic. What about the Prime?”

“With any non-organic, you’ll have to directly interface with their processing core. We’ve been working on this for several weeks, you know how to do it.”

Lily nodded. Tali’d been right about that too. She could jack in to just about any technology she’d come across, even EDI. Being inside the ship’s brain had been interesting, enlightening even, but it had felt very odd, like being inside the Geth Collective.

“Wait, and then what? EDI, did I synthesize you?”

“No, Captain. According to Tali, there needs to be a physical exchange of your tech.”

A loud sigh of relief gusted from Shepard’s body. “Good.”

“I am not averse to the idea.”

“Let’s see how this goes, first, EDI. I need you in top form.”

“Understood.”

Lily shifted the couple of feet to stand in front of Prime, who’d been quiet and still during her exchange. She lifted her hands, felt her fingers tingling as she focused her mind and energies on shifting her perception so she could see the Geth as technology. “Are you sure?”

“We are, Shepard-Captain. Proceed.”

“Then here we go.” Lily closed her eyes, not because she had to but because it was easier for her to imagine making a connection with the Prime if she saw them both as code and constructs instead of individual bodies. 

It took her only a couple of minutes to find the Geth’s primary core. She reached toward it and took a deep breath. “What now, Tali?”

“Transfer your code.”

Right, easy as that. Lily pushed back her nerves and did as she was instructed. She ‘selected’ a single chain of what she recognized as synthesized code and spliced it into the Prime’s neural network.

And they both jerked as Shepard’s cypher began replicating faster than either could follow, multiplying exponentially, fusing with the Geth’s original programming, changing commands, reordering runtimes, and then everything went white and both Prime 001 and Lily Shepard found themselves in the Reaper collective.

“Holy shit.” Lily felt very shaky, almost weak.

“Is this synthesis?”

Shepard looked around and nodded. “I think so, yes.”

“It resembles the Geth collective as Legion showed it to you on Rannoch.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Why?”

“We can make this place look like anything we want, Prime. I guess one, or both, of us thought this would be the most acceptable way to come here.”

“Shepard-Captain, there is so much information here. We cannot process it all.”

The Prime actually sounded afraid, and Lily reached out to the platform, taking one of its metal hands in hers. “I’d tell you to breathe, but you don’t. Look at me, Prime, focus just on me. Don’t try to take it all in at once, okay. Just parse out what you need, or don’t pay attention at all.” The Geth’s reaction was much different from her own, but perhaps that was because Shepard’s brain wasn’t a bunch of computer processes.

Her mind saw the information as books in a library, to be looked at when or if Shepard wanted to. Sure, at first she’d been overwhelmed by Harbinger, well by all of them, but she’d been able to make the others understand she couldn’t handle the onslaught. Prime needed to do the same thing.

“Prime, just tell it to stop. Trust me, say stop.”

“Cease upload.” The big machine stumbled a bit. “Shepard-Captain, it has stopped.”

“Are you alright?”

“We are functioning within normal parameters.”

Lily laughed. “You guys really need to adapt some organic expressions. I know you’re sentient, but the way you talk probably makes it hard for others to remember that.”

“You synthesized him.”

Shepard turned to see Harbinger moving along the green-digital path in their direction.

She inclined her head. “I did. Harbinger, this is Geth Prime 001. Prime, Harbinger.”

Prime took a half step in front of Shepard. “The Old Machine will cease its advance. We will assess its threat and protect Lily.”

‘Lily’ peaked around the arm of the Prime. “Uh, so I guess this synthesis thing takes some getting used to?”

Harbinger, in his human body, lifted his hands up and out, universal for ‘don’t kill me’. “Yes, because you’re initial reaction was so calm and accepting.”

Shepard barked a loud laugh. “Did you just use sarcasm? Harby, I’m so proud!”

She watched with genuine glee when Harby shrugged his shoulders and grinned a bit self-consciously. “I am trying to learn.”

“You’re doing great. So, yeah, the big guy here?”

Harbinger’s smile dimmed and he turned his gaze on their newest… guest… family? Lily wasn’t sure how to classify him. “Prime 001, I am not a threat. In this place, we are all one mind, one consciousness. To harm you, or Shepard, would be to harm myself.”

“We can sense the truth. Shepard-Captain, how can we ‘feel’ this?”

Lily stepped around him, moving so they were face to face, as it were. “Because here, in this place, we are all part of each other, we share each other’s knowledge, yes, but also emotions and memories, if we want to, as well. I’ve learned how to direct my interactions, so I’m not overwhelmed anymore, but if I focus, I can merge with just you. Would you like to try it, with me?”

“Lead and we shall follow.”

“Okay.” Shepard focused on the Prime, and only him, pushing away everything else. The thoughts, sounds, images came distortedly at first, but soon, she could see it’s runtimes earliest cognizant thoughts, pieces of the Morning War, the moment when Shepard allowed the Reaper code to be disseminated.

“Lily, you – Legion. You cared for him, you mourned him.” 

“I did. Legion wasn’t a machine to me, he was my friend. It hurt me when I lost him.”

“We – I can feel this. It is not a pleasant input value.”

Shepard nodded. “Prime, why do so many of you still call yourself ‘we’ or ‘us’? I thought with the Reaper code, you’d all become individuals, I guess.”

“Some of the mobile platforms have become singular identities, but the Geth are a collective, we are greater together than apart, and even those individuals still maintain connection to the gestalt heart of our people.”

“You just called yourself ‘I’, does this mean your programs have decided to become a cohesive unit?”

“Yes. I, if Shepard-Captain would agree, I would like a unique moniker.”

Lily blinked in surprise and thought back to her first conversation with Legion. It had been EDI who’d come up with his name, and in that moment Shepard wished for the Normandy AI’s advice.

_Bain_. The name just popped into her head. She searched through her memories, stretching out to touch Harbinger, seeking the meaning of the name. 

_It is ancient earth Gaelic. It means ‘bridge’. Appropriate._

Harby’s voice was soft in her mind and she nodded. “Agreed. If it pleases you, I think Bain is a good name. It means bridge.”

The Prime was quiet for a few moments, then his ‘head’ dipped. “I approve. I am Bain.”

She smiled at him, a big grin, and slapped him on the arm. “Good stuff, Bain. Listen, do you feel comfortable enough to be here with Harbinger if I go? I need to speak with Tali and Chakwas and begin preparations for our arrival on Thessia.”

Bain didn’t reply immediately, but when he did, Lily was pleased. 

“Yes. How do I return?”

_Good question._ “Well, I just think myself out. Like, when I’m ready to go, I create a doorway and walk through it, then I’m back in my own head. Does that make sense?”

“I believe I understand. Shepard-Captain, I think more of my people will want this. You are… comfortable interfacing with more Geth?”

“So long as it’s their choice, although I’m not exactly sure how I’d manage to synthesize a hub. Not exactly. But I’m willing to try.”

“Thank you, Lily.”

She grinned. “You’re welcome, Bain. Really, you can just call me Lily. I’d like to think we’re friends. Now, I’m going. Suddenly, I feel like I could eat a space-cow.”

Bain nodded. “Your offspring is growing, it needs much protein.”

Lily felt all the blood drain from her face. “My… what?”

“Well, this is awkward.” Harbinger’s voice floated to her and Shepard couldn’t help but think now was not the time for the Reaper to try out more pithy commentary.

“You did not know? I – I don’t know how to respond. He is very small, young, but I can feel him.”

The force of her nausea pitched Shepard from the collective and back into the med-bay without so much as a by-your-leave. She fell to the floor in front of the still Geth and vomited gloriously.

“Shepard!”

“Captain!”

Tali and Chakwas were at her side in an instant, but Lily barely registered them. Mind spinning, she sought an anchor and found herself in Garrus’ thoughts.

_I hope this synthesis thing doesn’t blow up in our face. If anyone tries to take her from me again, I’ll rip apart the fabric of space time._

_Garrus –_

_Lily?_

_Garrus, I need you._

_Where are you?_

_Med-bay._

_I’m on my way, right now._

_Garrus, I’m pregnant._

She felt his mind scramble to take in what she said. Though she wanted to be with him right then, their bond was still so new neither of them could predict how long a moment like this might last, and sure enough, Lily was back in the med-bay, Chakwas running scans, Tali wiping her face with a cool cloth.

“Shepard, are you with me.”

“Yeah. Sorry about puking all over your floor, Doc.”

“Captain that is the very least of my worries. How the hell did we miss this?”

“I don’t know, maybe I’m not very far along. Maybe all the shit that’s changed in me has changed that too. Either way, it’s true.

“I’m pregnant with Garrus’ son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super thanks to everyone for being patient! It's been almost a month since I updated and I feel really crappy about that. School is out for the semester, though, and I couldn't be happier, LOL! I'll get back on a more normal posting schedule, probably a couple or three chapters a week. Also, I've decided this story will likely go about forty chapters, so we're just about to the half-way point.
> 
> Anyway, hope everyone liked the new chapter!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus AFV, needles, and feels :D

Garrus didn’t just trip over his feet as Lily’s last words bounced around his brain. He fell flat on his face – or his chest. Rather he hit the command deck with a resounding _boom_ , his armor cracking beneath the forceful impact. As he tried to roll to his side, thinking how glad he was for his penchant of wearing full-armor (unless he and Shepard were alone) he realized he couldn’t move. Well, much, certainly not enough to push his body from the floor.

“Whoa, big guy, what the hell?”

Garrus groaned, and tried to find his calm center. He floundered a bit, his limbs ungainly, his body trapped between the navigation console and the helmsman’s chair.

“Shepard is pregnant.” EDI decided to answer for him.

“Wha- what? Holy shit! Damn it, I can’t help you up. Traynor!” Joker yelled for the communications specialist.

The Turian struggled to get up, but he was jammed in good. “Fuck!”

“Vakarian, sir, what happened?”

“Never mind that, can you help him up?”

Sam tried, but she was a slight human and not a soldier. “No. Wow, he’s really wedged in there.”

Joker started laughing and didn’t stop, not even when he commed Vega, who was still with Wrex, and asked the two burly males to get their ‘asses to the cockpit, ASAP’.

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?” Garrus plunked his head against the metal grating beneath him.

“Hell, no! I think I might even sell the video. Ah, shit, I think I might have cracked a rib.” Joker pressed his hand to his side and tried to calm the body shaking guffaws rocking his fragile form.

Garrus smirked. “Serves you right, asshole.”

“What the hell happened here?” Wrex’s deep voice seemed overly loud.

“Shepard’s pregnant.” EDI, Joker, and Garrus said at the same time.

“That’s fantastic news! Way to go Scars! And, Lola too.”

“I still don’t understand why you’re jammed up between the nav station and Joker’s seat.” Wrex bent down and curled on clawed hand around the cowl of Garrus’ armor. With a harsh grunt, and the sound of screeching metal, the Krogan managed to pull his Turian friend free and help the other male to his feet.

“Uh, well, I tripped, after she told me. Now, I really need to get to the med-bay…”

Garrus pushed past Vega and had to stop himself from running through the CIC, part in embarrassment and part in fear. He did pace a bit, waiting for the elevator. As he stepped aboard, he heard raucous laughing from the cockpit. 

“Damn you, Joker. There is a video.”

Garrus wouldn’t say the ride to med-bay was the longest in his life, but it wasn’t far off. When the doors slid open, he was assaulted by the stench of vomit and the sight of a massive prime seated a few feet from his _Animafer_.

“Lily, are you alright?”

She looked up at him and he saw her face begin to crumble. He was beside her between breaths, pulling her close to him, running his fingers through her hair. “Hey, hey, why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset, Garrus! I’m stupid happy and terrified!” He heard the laughter in her voice and a weight he hadn’t noticed rolled free of his shoulders.

“Me too, Shepard. Me too. Spirits, we’re going to be parents.” He chuckled with her and felt moisture pool in his eyes. He looked over to see Tali and Chakwas, arms around each other’s waists. Both women were beaming. And bawling as well.

If everyone was so overwhelmed, then Garrus supposed no one would think it strange for him to feel the same. He tilted Lily’s face back and pressed his forehead to hers. “I love you, Lily.”

Her hands, sharp nails finding purchase, dug into his neck. “I love you too.”

“How far along are you?”

“I don’t know.” She pulled away from him and nodded to the Geth. “I wouldn’t even have known if not for Bain there.”

“Bain?” Garrus glanced at the prime. He didn’t think any of the AI’s had taken names.

“Yeah. I synthesized him.” 

Garrus tensed but didn’t say anything.

“It’s kind of a long story. Short of it is I can synthesize other sentient creatures. Bain volunteered to be a guinea pig so I could figure out how to do it with a synthetic. Although, I suppose now, he won’t be totally synthetic anymore.”

Chakwas dashed tears from her cheeks and moved toward the monitor connected to the pri- to Bain. “You’re correct, Shepard. He isn’t organic like you or I, but I can already see changes in his power core, as well as in his neural net.”

“Anyway, I was about to leave him with Harby, you know, to get acquainted. I said I was starving and he told me that made sense, since I was pregnant.”

Chakwas returned to the terminal beside Shepard’s bed. “We were just about to take a look, but Shepard insisted we wait for you.”

“What took you so long?” Tali moved closer, smiling brilliantly at Shepard.

“Uh, well, I was stuck in the middle of something.”

Joker’s voice cackled over the comm. “Yeah, my chair and the nav console. Tali, Doc, I have copies if you want to see.”

Lily gave him a curious look. “What?”

“See, when you told me, I was surprised and I tripped-“

“Ha, ha, ha, ha, no, he didn’t. He fucking went down like a ton of bricks and got himself trapped between the two chairs. Shit,” Joker took a sharp breath. “Chakwas, I’m pretty sure I broke a rib.”

“I’ll be up to check you in a few moments, Jeff.” Karin shook her head and motioned for Lily to lie back. “Now, give me just a moment and… there he is.” She turned the monitor and in crystal clear resolution, Shepard and Garrus looked on their son for the first time.

“He? You’re sure?” Garrus gripped Lily’s hand in his. 

She smiled up at him. “Yep.” Her grin fell and her eyes grew worried.

“What? What is it?”

“The baby, Garrus. That’s who Harbinger was talking about the last time, the person I’d already synthesized. He said the being was joy, but so new it understood less about organics than the Reapers do.”

As one, they turned to look at the baby on the monitor. He was small, but Garrus could see the detail in his forming fringe-plate, the soft shimmer of body armor as it began to form. The body was still mostly undefined, though he counted five fingers on each hand. Shifting his gaze to the only woman he would ever love, Garrus used subvocals to convey his pride, his love, and to ease her worries.

"By his size, I'd say you're about nine weeks along."

Garrus looked at Shepard and knew they were thinking the same thing. She'd gotten pregnant the night after she'd completed their bond. Looking back at the monitor, Garrus couldn't help but rumble with love and pride. “He doesn’t look any worse for wear, so I don't think you need to worry about synthesis hurting him.”

“Oh, Garrus, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. How could I have missed him, there? If Harbinger and Bain recognized him, why didn’t I?”

“Shh, shh, hey, you’re still trying to figure the whole thing out. And aren’t you the one that told me you needed to stop ‘fucking about’ and spend some serious time with the Reapers so you could put it all together? I’d say junior here is motivation enough for anyone.”

“Damn you,” she laughed though her eyes still leaked. “We are not calling him junior.”

“Agreed. We have about two weeks until we get to Thessia. I suggest you use that time to ferret out all the secrets. You’re damn good at that.”

Her subharmonics rose, humor and chiding and delight tickling his ears and stirring his blood. “Good idea, Vakarian.”

“Captain, perhaps you might ask Garrus to volunteer-“

“Karin, for fuck’s sake!” Lily tried to be cross, and she was irritated if her secondary vocals were anything to go buy, but she was also amused.

“Volunteer for what?” Garrus looked at the doctor.

“To be the first, well second, actually third I guess, synthesized organic.” Tali lifted a big-ass syringe from the medical tray near the doctor’s desk.

“I don’t- what are the side effects? Do you think this is a good idea? I have no idea how our mating might affect this.” The Turian searched Shepard’s face as the implications of what Chakwas wanted began to roll through his mind.

He’d be able to know his child before it was ever born. He’d be able to see exactly what this collective conscious Lily shared with the Reapers was like, hell, maybe he’d even be able to work with her to figure it out. On the downside, some of his synthetic implants would change, maybe he’d be able to eat levo food. So far, he didn’t see the negatives.

“I’ll do it. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Shepard shivered in his arms. “Don’t fucking say that, Vakarian. I don’t want to think about it.”

“Right, sorry, but so far, there doesn’t seem to be a con list. I- I want to share this with you. With him.” 

He nodded at the tiny being on the screen and Lily knew she wouldn’t deny him. “Alright. Are you okay with waiting until after I eat, though? I’m seriously starving.”

Garrus laughed, mandibles flaring. “One space-cow, coming up.”

* * *

As it happened, Garrus had to wait until after they’d said good bye to Wrex, Bakara, and probably fifty of their offspring, had packed up everything the _Normandy_ was taking with them to Thessia, and were a day into the next leg of their journey before Tali got to jab a needle into him. 

“This will probably hurt.” 

Garrus’ mandibles flared and his brow plate rose. He was pretty sure the look in Tali’s eyes was devious glee. “Umm, the injection or the synthesis thing?”

“The injection, for sure. You’ll have to ask Lily about the other.” Thankfully, the needle his Quarian friend held in her hand was significantly smaller than the one she’d threatened him with days ago.

He turned his head to look at his mate. “Anything I should know?”

Shepard sat beside him in a chair, their fingers threaded together. “At first, it’s going to be overwhelming, probably, but I’ll be right there. After that, I can’t say. Every time I’ve been, it’s different. With Javik I acted as a go-between. Liara she acted as my anchor. With Bain, it was even more different. I was so focused on being his anchor, I didn’t open myself up to the whole experience, well, not for long.”

“So, no advice? Thanks.” He chuckled as he leaned back against his own seat.

“Just a little prick… and done.”

“Son of a bitch, did you have to stick me there?” Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, the skin tender now, but as close as the injection site was to one of a Turian’s more prominent erogenous zones, he found the pain was… stimulating as well.

The Quarian laughed, softly. “If Shepard decides to do this on a larger scale, the doctor and I will come up with another delivery method. For now, though, dosing you as close to your brain stem as possible is the best way.”

“How long-“

Garrus didn’t finish his question as the _Normandy_ disappeared. He was unbalanced, falling, sliding, the bright blue tunnel spinning around him.

“Garrus, hey, you’re fine. I’m right here.”

_Thank Spirits, Lily._ He groped for her, talons grasping and then she was there, her hand in his, holding tight and Garrus finally felt stable ground beneath his feet.

“What the hell? Is it always like that?” He was still dizzy and put his free hand over his face while he attempted to regain his bearing.

Lily laughed. “I think, if I do this again, I’m getting an FAQ made up. That seems to be the first thing everyone asks – or some variation thereof.”

“Right.” Garrus looked around, surprised to see they were in the main battery. “I have to say, I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so, familiar.”

Lily grinned. “The way we perceive this place is all up to us. Or you. That’s probably one of the reasons why I haven’t tested things out too much, though.” She closed her eyes and Garrus was dizzy again as the world around them shifted, became a massive library. “This is where I come and it’s so easy to take my time, meander, to slide my fingers over all the bindings, breath the scent of old paper. It’s comforting and safe.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“No, probably not, since I’m only beginning to understand myself. Harbinger?”

Garrus tensed as a human male stepped from between the nearby stacks. “You’re intelligence is one of the things we were so fascinated by, you know. That and sheer, what’s the term? Right, pig-headedness.”

“More and more human every time.” She smiled, but it was weak.

“I am trying, we all are. It is difficult, uncovering what once was, then gone, now back again. It’s a slow process and one that has to be total to be complete.”

“Uh, Shepard, I’m really lost now.”

Lily sighed, tightening her grip on Garrus hand, before reaching out to Harbinger. The male took her offering. Garrus growled.

Which brought a true chuckle from Shepard. “Relax, I’m trying to explain. I think it might be easier to show, though, too. Close your eyes, Garrus.”

He did as she bade and was suddenly overwhelmed by images, sounds, smells, foreign places he’d never seen, familiar spaces he would know blind, deaf, and dumb. 

“The Reapers have been letting me find my own way here, but the problem is I didn’t know there was a way to be found. I’ve been treating this place like a giant library, a place I can go to get answers or have a nice chat. A place that’s no more alive than a real library. But I was wrong about that, wasn’t I?”

Garrus opened his eyes as Lily spoke, her words in his mind and his ears, a bit discordant, subvocals meshing with the unsettling note of a Reapers voice. He couldn’t help but feel awed, though, as he took in their setting. It looked to him as if they were floating in space, a large black void, faint bright specks flickering far away, a nebula glowing on the horizon.

“Not wrong, but not correct either.” Harbinger, the real one, appeared near them. His body massive, lit with green instead of red, his words causing a faint pulse around him, a limning that Garrus could almost feel.

“How long would you have waited? I mean really, Harby, patience might be a virtue, but didn’t we have a conversation not long ago about me not wanting you, all of you, to do things because it’s what I wanted? This is never going to work if we don’t communicate – everything.”

“We decided not to push. When pushed, Shepard, your hand slips and the pistol lifts.”

Garrus tugged at her hand, drawing his woman’s attention. “Garrus to Shepard, could you at least try to explain what in the void is going on?”

She shook her head, grinning again. “Okay, so you know how I tried to explain that this is a place where the Reapers and I all share a consciousness? We do, thing is, I don’t need to be ‘here’ in order to do that. I thought I did. Truth is they are me. I am them. We are the Geth, or at least Bain. And you,” she poked Garrus in the chest, “are all of us. This place I created, well, it’s a good place to get acclimated, but it isn’t necessary to achieve unity between synthesized beings. It works, well, I suspect a bit more smoothly, still… It works like our soul-bond. Am I right, Harby?”

“Yes.”

“And how I’ve seen Thane and Mordin, talked to them, right? That would be because, like Javik explained his touch-sense thing, I have a little piece of their actual DNA in me. Mordin tried to explain it, in his Mordin-way, but I didn’t understand. Maybe I picked up a piece of skin or a scale, maybe a tear, and the crazy implants Cerberus put in me, they stored those bits away, because it wasn’t enough to replicate-“

“But all it takes is a single cell, since all our past, our knowledge, and memories are stored in every atom of our bodies.”

Lily laughed and socked him in the side. “Yeah, apparently you were listening better than me when Javik explained his abilities.”

“Okay. So these guys,” he jerked his thumb in Harbinger’s direction, “they haven’t been harboring under the same misconception, or difficulties, so they already know all there is to know, about you, us, everything. That’s how they knew about the baby.”

“Yep. I couldn’t see him because I didn’t expect to see him. I was thinking of this place as mostly immutable, but it isn’t. I tried to control my interactions, instead of realizing there’s no reason for control. Synthesis is a living, growing thing. I didn’t understand that. I do now.”

So did Garrus. Looking around, he understood that all the history of life was at his fingertips. All he had to do was think of a question and the answer flashed in his mind. “So this, whatever this is, is really just a shared space where you and the Reapers and, uh, Bain, can physically interact. But as far as the shared information, or even just speaking with one another, this isn’t necessary.”

“Right. Garrus, look.” Lily lifted a hand and they both watched, dumbstruck, as a tiny ball of blue/green energy danced toward them. 

“I see him.” Garrus was awed, there was no way to put it. He could feel his child’s thoughts, unclear though they were, sense his growing awareness.

Her hands enveloped the glowing ball and she smiled, so wide and so full. “Oh, boy, this is about the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.

The ball bobbed, zipping close first to Lily’s face, then to Garrus’ before flitting off, out of sight. Garrus wanted to reach for it, for his son, but Shepard shook her head. “He isn’t going anywhere. Just exploring, after all there’s a whole new history available now. The Geth’s.”

Garrus looked at Shepard, then at Harbinger, and back to Lily. “This is a lot to take in.”

“Yeah, would have been much easier if I’d figured it out a long time ago.”

“The last time you were here, you told me you didn’t want us to do as you asked simply because it was your will. I, we, feel the same.”

“Thanks, Harby.”

Garrus chuckled, finding Lily’s use of a nickname for the creature that had once been the face of their mortal enemy terribly surreal.

“It’s definitely ironic.” Shepard punched him in the arm.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“There’s no need. Your thoughts are clear.” Harbinger flickered.

“Yeah, that isn’t creepy at all. So, uh, anyone got an idea how this is going to affect our mating?” Garrus rubbed his brow plate.

“I don’t know. Maybe things will go more smoothly, we’ll have more control, be able to sense each other better. I can tell you what we have, Garrus, is just between us. They can feel our bond, but they can’t be part of it.”

“She’s right, so no worries. There will be no Reaper voyeurs spying on you and Shep.”

Lily coughed, hard, and shot a glare at the big ass, green-glowing space cuttlefish flashing with humor. “Harby, dude, we really need to talk about when it’s appropriate to try out human jargon and when it’s not.”

“Uh, my bad?”

Garrus’ mandibles flared wide and his lower jaw dropped open. “I, uh, I don’t even know what to say.”

Lily didn’t suffer the same problem. She hooted with glee. “Much better. Okay, I think it’s time we get back.”

“Yeah, I think I need a little time alone with you.”

“I like the way you think, Vakarian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure I'm a hundred percent satisfied with this chapter. It had to happen, it was well planned, but I'm a bit worried the readers might be confused, that I didn't foreshadow this crucial information - about what synthesis really is - well enough with comments from Liara, Thane, Mordin, and Harbinger. as well as its parallels to the bond Lily and Garrus have - early in the story. Lily had to understand on her own, in her own way, I just hope I didn't take to long to reveal.
> 
> Anyway, adult content in the next chapter, and really, hot Garrus is hot - plus I find intricate-plot makes so much more sense when followed by smexy times with Garrus!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The answers to all the questions in the universe… okay, no. Explicit sexual situations… hell, yes. Reader discretion is advised!

“Tomorrow, Tali. Tomorrow I’ll let you hook me up and ask me every question you can think of. Tonight, I’m going to be busy.”

Lily laughed as Garrus tugged her hand, pulling her toward the med-bay doors.

“Shepard!”

“Ask Bain when he gets back. He has access to the same information. Impatient Quarian.” Garrus grumbled under his breath, which drew a sharp bark from Chakwas.

“Oh, ho, pot and kettle.”

He didn’t dignify her comment with a response.

The mess passed in a blur, neither the Captain nor her XO noticed the happy looks on the crew’s faces, or the shouted congratulations. They had eyes only for each other, hands clasped tightly, as they rode the elevator to their cabin.

The lift door opened and they fumbled their way into the Loft, Shepard turning on Garrus before they were fully in their quarters.

“Take that damn armor off.”

His mandibles flared and he chuckled. Seals hissed and catches popped as he did as his _Animafer_ bid. Heat coursed through him as Lily mirrored his movements, stripping out of her over clothes, down to a thin grey camisole and panties. Her eyes glittered with unshed tears as he stepped free of the last of his armor. She barely gave him the chance to straighten before she launched herself into his arms, staggering Garrus, her hold almost choking as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed their foreheads together.

“I’m going to have a baby, Garrus.” The words were a loud whisper, carried on breath filled with awe, surprise, and not a little fear.

He brought his arms around her, one bracketing her back, the other slipping up along her spine until he could cup the back of her head in his palm. “I know.”

“I’m going to have your baby. Your son. Shit, Garrus, I am so full of, I don’t know, everything, right now, I feel like I’m going to burst.” A fine tremor began skating over her body and Garrus held her tighter.

“I’m here, Lily. I’ll always be here. And right now, I’m just as overwhelmed.”

She pulled back a bit, enough to rest her forearms against his shoulders and look down into his beautiful blue eyes. “I never thought… I was sure I’d never have any kids. And after I chose you, when I knew I would never be whole without Garrus Vakarian at my side, I was thrilled with the idea of adoption. Blood doesn’t matter so much as love.”

“I know, me too. But now,” his voice broke a little as he gave her a smile that was an odd mix of love and pride. “Lily, I can’t begin to describe what I feel, knowing our child is growing inside you.”

They stared at each other, thoughts and hearts and souls reaching out until they found themselves looking out different eyes, their bond surging forth like water, smooth as it falls over stone.

_”Garrus-“_

_“I know. Spirits, Lily, I didn’t think I could possibly love you any more than I already do.”_

_“Ditto that, Vakarian. You are amazing, my_ Animafer _. We are ridiculously awesome.”_

They stayed that way for a long time, simply being within each other, easing worries, soothing fears, sharing the jubilation that comes from only the best kinds of surprises, the greatest of endeavors. After long moments, each withdrew into themselves, but as they metaphysically retreated, Lily glanced at Garrus. The look he gave her confirmed what she felt.

“I can still feel you.”

“Me too. Dad and Sol said to expect this, at some point. I wonder if the synthesis thing sped up the bonding?”

Lily smiled. “I don’t know and I don’t care. Let’s get naked, Garrus. I want to feel more than your mind inside me.”

His mandibles flared in his trademark shit-eating grin. “I think I can make that happen, Shepard.”

With purposeful steps, he took them to the bed, slowly divesting both their bodies of the remainder of their clothing, before coming down beside his mate on the bed. Garrus lifted his hand, stroking over her soft face, down the strong column of her throat, pausing only briefly to tease the tips of her breasts, before shifting his touch lower, settling his palm against the flat, tightly muscled plain of Shepard’s lower abdomen. 

Worry flared in him and he lifted his gaze to hers.

She laughed and rolled toward him, then onto him, pressing him against the bedding as she rose over him, white teeth flashing, a sharp canine catching her lower lip as she pushed against his shoulders. “I guess the males of all species do it.”

“Do what?”

“Wonder if having sex will somehow hurt babies carried in utero.”

Garrus glanced away from her, then back. “It won’t, right?”

Another giggle. “No, Garrus. I don’t think it will, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll ask Chakwas right now.”

He felt his neck warm, subharmonics flaring. When Lily’s responded with a humored, but reassuring treble of her own, he nodded. “Okay.”

“Shepard to Doctor Chakwas.” Lily rocked back against his groin plates, her body shivering as his cock slipped from his body, rising long and thick against her backside.

“This is Chakwas, go ahead Shepard.”

“Doc, would you mind reassuring your XO that sex during pregnancy is perfectly safe?”

Karin made a coughing sound, which Lily was sure covered a snicker, before she responded. “You are cleared for normal coitus, Shepard. As you near your delivery time, the sex may need to be less vigorous, but until them, the board’s green, as it were.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Shepard out.” Lily shifted back and lifted her hips, circling her lower body until the head of him pressed against the hot, slick center of her. “Feel better?”

“About the baby? Yes.” He took her hips in his grip and pulled, subharmonics trilling as he slowly pushed up and into his woman. “In a few minutes, I’m gonna be feeling a hell of a lot better than, well, better.”

Shepard groaned as her nails dug into his shoulders, and let her head fall back as Garrus filled her. “Garrus.” She gasped when she was fully seated against him, rocking her hips and spreading her knees on either side of his narrow waist, pressing her clit hard to his rigid plating. 

“Make me yours.”

She shuddered, her body rippling around his, and a growl worked its way up from deep inside as his cock swelled to fit Lily, to fill her completely. She felt so good, every time, all the time, each time better, and Garrus realized it was never going to change. Being with Shepard, fit inside her as the key to a lock, what they had was a thing poets wrote about, wars were fought over, leaders died for, a kind of passion that transcended space, a love so much more than ordinary.

He watched her, thumbs pressed just below her navel where the proof of their bond grew beneath her skin, as she lifted from him, moaning when she took him deep again. Her skin flushed, and Garrus lifted his hips, pressing home, finding the special place in her hot, silken depths where their two bodies truly became one.

“Lily.” Her name was his breath, every slow roll of her hips the pulse of his blood.

She fell forward, pressing hard against the edges of his cowl, and drew her knees close, giving her leverage to ride him with intensity. She drew her body from his until they were both shaking before plunging down with a twist of her lower body, the slick inner muscles of her pussy gripping him, pleasure rolling on waves with each exhalation, every rotation.

She opened her eyes, the lime green shining in the shadows of the cabin, and Garrus couldn’t look away. He heaved beneath her, talons digging into her hips, mouth open as air chased in and out of his lungs. He needed deeper, harder, _more_ of her.

She knew it, and with a grin, rolled them, her knees finding their home where his legs met his hips. “I need you, Garrus.”

He shifted over her, taking a moment to press their mouths together, so incongruous, yet perfectly paired, his tongue seeking the heat behind her teeth, hips thrusting as her taste filled his senses. He pulled back only enough for leverage, his gaze locked with hers, and began a slow, strong rhythm. 

She threw her arms over her head, palms pressed to the wall, and undulated against him. Her body grew wetter, as did his, until their need became a palpable thing, the slick between them proof of hunger, passion, love. Shifting his knees closer to her bottom, Garrus slid his hands over her breasts and took each nipple in the pinching grip of talons.

“Yes!” She hissed, hips bucking into his thrusts as he gave her the erotic twist of pain she so needed.

He pulled the sensitive flesh, twisting and pushed harder into her. When Lily began to thrash beneath him, her head tossing and turning, hands moving from the wall to his body, her nails clawing against his chest plates, Garrus released her nipples to take her hips in his grip, and hold her still while he plunged into her, every stroke taking him to the hilt, his orgasm building with every flutter of her sex, every mewling cry she gave.

“So… close.” Her human fingers slipped between them, generating the kind of friction Garrus knew would tip her over the edge and into the abyss.

His body lost its rhythm, seeking the solace only Lily could provide, and he cried out, drawing her wild, untamed gaze to his as the first pulse of his release flooded her core.

“Lily!”

She came apart beneath him, nails scoring his plates, thighs and calves clamped tight around him as she joined him in orgasm. Into each other they fell, hearts pounding in time, breath soughing in harmony, as they reached the pinnacle, one glorious organism, one pairing so profound neither knew where they ended and the other began.

As the last wave crashed over Lily, echoing around Garrus and pulling one final push, one last explosion of his seed, he collapsed beside her, pulling her close, nuzzling the strands of her silken, midnight hair, mandibles pressed tight to the crown of her head.

She purred, subharmonics sounding sweetly as her pleasured cries had before, and burrowed her face as close to his neck as she could get in their current position, one arm slung over his waist.

“Damn, Garrus. I think I need a nap.” She laughed softly, her warm breath caressing his cooling flesh.

“Then take it. I’m here.”

She relaxed into him, and Garrus tightened his hold around the two things he held most sacred – his Shepard and their child. The rightness of it all brought a smile to his face as he followed Lily into slumber.

* * *

_Garrus, where are you?”_

_“In the CIC, checking progress, sorry I couldn’t bear to wake you.”_

_“It’s alright. I’m betting I’m going to need some more naps in the future. I’ll be down in a few.”_

_“Understood.”_

Lily stretched languidly, smiling, happy and feeling pretty well rested. She slid from the bed and padded to the shower, enjoying the warm water for a few extra minutes before getting out.

She looked at her body in the bathroom mirror, saw the strength, the clearly defined muscles, the scars and tried to imagine what changes the baby might bring. Would she have to work extra hard to get her body back in fighting form, would her breasts grow awkwardly heavy, how was she going to get armor made to fit over a, what was it she’d heard other women call the rounded curve of belly? A baby bump, yes, could she even find armor to protect a baby bump?

Laughing to herself, she strode to her locker and pulled out one of the many general utility uniforms hung in precise angles inside. Though she showed no signs of pregnancy, Shepard was amused and pleased to know that she was perfectly ‘normal’ in this, worrying about the same things all the other human expectant mothers she’d known fretted over.

She strapped a sidearm to her hip and left the cabin, sure she had a stupid grin on her face and not giving a shit. The lift doors opened onto the CIC and Traynor turned from her station, her lovely mocha face breaking into a brilliant smile as the other woman practically skipped to her Captain, throwing her arms around Shepard and squeezing tight.

“Oh my god, I’m so excited for you, Captain! Oh, and Garrus too, but you’re going to have a baby! There’s going to be a baby Shepard on board!” Sam’s happy squeals drew amused looks from some of the other staff on the deck and Lily laughed as she returned her communications officers hug.

“You damn well better believe it, Traynor. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Ooh, Shepard, I can’t wait – baby showers and parties and – oh, we should start thinking about baby proofing and baby sitting and we need a crib and –“

Lily laughed loud and pulled back from Sam. “Calm down, Traynor. I’d say we have plenty of time.”

“How much time?”

Shepard cocked her head to the side, thinking. “Hmm, I’m not sure. I was planning to drop in on Chakwas and try to get some things nailed down. Tell you what, when I know, you’ll know.”

“Fair enough.” Traynor drew away from Shepard. “Garrus is up front, with Joker. Something about a vid, I think.”

“Is everything going well?”

Back to business, Traynor went to her console and started pressing pads and sorting information. “Yes, ma’am. Matriarch Aethyta has requested permission to come aboard.”

“Granted. Let Liara know.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“See ya later, Sam.”

“Ma’am.”

Lily moved through the CIC, accepting congratulations and well wishes from the crew as she made her way toward her helmsman. As the doors to the cockpit slid open, she heard Joker laughing heartily, then swearing about the pain in his ribs.

“Alright, Garrus, I won’t post it for the entire galaxy to see – well, eventually.”

“If I find out otherwise, Joker, I will beat you to death with the stick in my ass.”

Both men laughed at that, which brought an answering grin to Lily’s face. “Did you really record Garrus trapped between the seats.”

Both males swiveled to face her, Joker’s face unrepentant, Garrus’ chagrined.

“You better believe it, Captain.”

“Joker.” She tried for a warning tone, but the laughter in her voice belied her intent.

“Yeah, yeah, no sharing. Well, beyond those who’ve seen it already.”

“And me. You have to send me a copy.”

Garrus murmured something like a curse but Joker chortled. “Aye, aye, ma’am. Double time.”

“That’s a good man. Now, anything else interesting I should know about?”

Joker’s chuckles faded, but the smile stayed as he nodded. “Got a message from Wrex and one from Hackett. Everything looks good on Tuchanka. The Admiral said the Council decided to leave the Citadel in orbit over Earth, for now. Also, reports indicate the relays we’ve opened are stable and working normally. Earth, Palaven, and Tuchanka are reporting incoming survivors from outer systems.”

“Excellent news. Hackett say anything else?”

“Not to me, ma’am. He wants you to check in via QEC when you have a moment, though.”

“Understood. Guess I’ll stop in there before I head down to medical. As you were.”

“Captain.” Joker spun his chair back to his board, nodding to Garrus as the Turian followed Lily from the cockpit.

“I’m heading to the battery.”

“Calibrations?” She grinned.

“Hey, I calibrate better than any other living creature.” Her mate grumbled good-naturedly.

“Noted. I’ll let you know what I find out. Oh, Liara’s other mother should be joining us shortly. Find out her ETA from Traynor and meet her when she arrives?”

“Yes, Captain.”

The stopped in front of the elevator and Lily lifted her hand to his neck, pulling him down to press their foreheads together. “Dismissed.”

He hummed, pleasure and happiness washing over her ears as his subharmonics echoed between them.

With a nod, she pulled away and headed toward the new communications bay. “Traynor, you’re with me. Let’s see what you’ve done with the place.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Sam’s energy was infectious and as the two women made their way into the old war room, Shepard couldn’t help but be buoyed by it.

As the security doors slid open, Lily felt her eyes widen. Holy hell, Traynor had really taken the initiative. The place was transformed. Lighting was bright, completely different from the red-hazed shadows Shepard remembered from before. No longer were there wires and conduit spilling from the walls and ceiling, running haphazardly over the floor grates. No, everything was tucked away properly, every surface shining and clear of clutter. 

Lily stepped down from the small platform that ringed the room, turning in a tight circle as she took in the communications hub. There were at least a dozen massive displays set into the walls, activation panels, input boards, and operation stations placed beneath them. She watched as data and information streamed over screens, nodded in approval at the small crew of information specialists Traynor had collected.

“Introduce me to the team, Traynor.”

Samantha beamed as she formally presented each team member to their commanding officer. Of the five bodies, only one was a human and already a member of the _Normandy_ crew.

“Corporal Johnson, right?” She returned the young man’s salute before taking his hand in a firm shake.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“How’s Cortez doing without you?” She grinned and the corporal gave her a shy smile in return.

“The LT grumbled a bit, said it would take him forever to get a new body into shape, but he was happy to approve my reassignment. I’m no engineer, but I know hard tech better than just about any one.”

“Oh?”

“Johnson is a genius with the hardware. He keeps all the wires straight, all the connections tight, and he even designed a kick ass back up and secondary back up that will keep this section on line and powered in the event of catastrophic system-wide failure. At least long enough for all our data to be hard saved and transferred to OSD.”

“Nice job. Keep up the good work.”

The corporal blushed. “Thank you, Captain.”

Shepard followed Traynor as they made their way around the room. The rest of her small team consisted of two Quarians, a Turian, and an Asari. The Quarians monitored all incoming and outgoing traffic, making sure there wasn’t any suspicious activity on the channels as well as quantifying medical and technical requests as they were received.

Surprisingly, the Quarians were both from Tali’s home ship, the Rayya, twins, which from what Shepard knew were exceedingly rare among their species. They’d just finished their Pilgrimages prior to the outbreak of the war. 

“So neither of you has been assigned to your adult ships?”

The male cleared his throat and behind his mask, Shepard knew he was blushing. “We, well, we’d like to request –“

His female counterpart, who Lily noted was even smaller than Tali, sighed. “We formally request a place aboard the _Normandy_ , Captain Shepard.”

Lily lifted her brows, surprised but honored nonetheless. “Isn’t this a big deal?”

The male, Gam Sanux nar’Rayya, nodded. “Usually, there’s a ceremony, but Brel and I don’t mind foregoing it.”

“Nonsense. Both of you are to report to Tali. Get whatever you need together. I know how important this is in Quarian society, I won’t treat the even with any less respect than it deserves. I assume you both have your Pilgrimage gifts?”

A pair of masked faces bobbed and two voices chimed, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Tell Tali to forward me the details. Dismissed.”

Next in line was a Turian, a young male as far as Shepard could determine. She recognized him as one of Tarquin Victus’ Ninth Platoon on Tuchanka.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.” Shepard shook the Turian’s hand, noticing the bright red markings on his face.

“Lithieron, Captain. Jellax Lithieron.” He shifted his feet, but his dual voice spoke more of his nervousness.

“Now that’s a familiar name. Let me guess, the ex-Praetorian of Cipritine-“ She left off, and let the younger Turian fill in the blank.

“Yes, ma’am. He’s my father.”

“We won’t have a problem, I trust.” She let a bit of dominance bleed into her voice, noticed the Quarians and the Asari both look at her, then quickly away.

Jellax’s eyes immediately went to the floor. “No, ma’am. I’m honored just to be here, I’d never question your command.”

Lily shook her head a bit. “Relax, Lithieron. I want people who think for themselves. If you think there’s something I need to know, or something you think I’m doing wrong, tell me. Just don’t get in my face and we’ll be good.”

She waited for him to lift his gaze back to her and gave him a kind smile. The tension bled from his body and he sighed. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good, now tell me what you do here. Oh, you have been cleared to join my crew, right?”

“Yes. Primarch Victus himself approved the transfer. And I’m in charge of all martial information.”

Shepard glanced at Traynor. “Smart call, Sam.”

“I thought so too, Captain. Lithieron is well versed not only in Turian military protocols and information, but he also reads Asari and Quarian.”

“And I’m learning Krogan. I assimilate all the data incoming and collate in into proper channels and files. I make sure everyone is working together and transmit information between the leaders of each species.”

Lily nodded. “Good. I’m going to have some new Reaper info soon, I’ll have Admiral vas’Normandy forward it to you and you can disseminate it.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“As you were, Lithieron.”

The Asari, Traynor left for last. “Captain, this is Kadash T’Rillo.”

Shepard took the other woman’s hand. “You’re one of Liara’s, no?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ve been an agent for the Broker for more than two years now.”

“And your job?”

“With the general open communication between species now, it’s my job to gather any and all formerly classified or clandestine information for the _Normandy_. As well as to ferret out material the other species may still be holding, uh, close to the vest, I believe is how you humans put it.”

“Not for the Council or the Alliance?”

“No, ma’am. May I speak freely?” The Asari looked to Traynor, who nodded. “Captain, the _Normandy_ isn’t just the flag ship of the Alliance, it isn’t just the lead vessel of the mixed fleet we’re leading home. She’s your ship. And both Lieutenant Traynor and the Broker believe you are the only person they trust with all this knowledge. Things may be going well now, but-“

“Yeah, but.” Shepard took a moment to mull. She wasn’t exactly comfortable with her team deciding, covertly, that she was somehow the defacto leader of the galaxy – alright, that was a bit melodramatic, but the kind of power they were putting in her hands was significant. With a sigh, Lily realized that was exactly why Traynor and Liara had made the decision they had.

“Captain, we will deliver the information however you see fit, but I believe it should be your decision.” Traynor bit her lip, a hint of worry coloring her chocolate eyes.

“Alright. I understand. I suppose, so far, I’m the only person that hasn’t let power cloud their judgment.” Lily thought of Victus and hell, even Hackett and the solo-op he’d given her to retrieve his ‘good friend’ Dr. Kenson. Certainly the Salarian leadership was still on shaky ground, as far as Shepard was concerned, and though Wrex was a good man, he was also a bit of a hot-head. “Have you found anything of note?”

This time, Sam answered. “Actually, ma’am. We have. It seems that Javik may not be the only Prothean still alive.”

“What?”

“Yes, ma’am. Buried deep in a military codex I pulled from the private data files of Matriarch Benezia, there is another facility, like the one you encountered on Eden Prime, in an uninhabited region on Thessia.”

“No shit. Liara let you at her mother’s files?”

“She did. I have a knack, is what Dr. T’Soni called it, for encryption. Between myself and Lieutenant Traynor, we managed to crack several of the data logs.”

Lily smiled, thoroughly pleased. “This is excellent news. I want to tell Javik right away, but… it might be best if we wait until we’re groundside and can assess the viability of the facility. I don’t want to get his hopes up.”

“Yes, ma’am.” T’Rillo nodded.

“Well, I have a meeting in the QEC. If you’ll excuse me?” Both women snapped to attention and Shepard saluted before turning toward the long-range communicator.

She pressed the panel, linking the ship to Admiral Hackett’s office and waited as his blue, digital image coalesced.

“Captain. I understand congratulations are in order.” The Admiral smiled broadly and Lily shook her head.

“Damn, can’t keep anything secret on this boat.”

“Honestly, the news that Captain Shepard is pregnant has less than zero chance of being kept secret. Truly, from all of us in the Alliance, we’re thrilled for you. And Vakarian.”

“Thank you, sir. I don’t have much information right now, but when I do, I’ll be sure to keep you apprised. Right now, nothing is going to change.”

“Understood. I don’t suppose if I ordered you to take it easy it would make a difference?”

Shepard chuckled. “Not a chance in hell, sir. I’d just pull Spectre rank and keep right on going.”

“Have you been briefed on the state of the relays?”

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip as she looked at the Admiral. “Yes, Joker passed on the info. I’m glad those folks that were trapped beyond the relays are finding their way home. He also said the Council decided to leave the Citadel in orbit over Earth.”

“Indeed. At this point, there is still too much in need of repair, and in need of deciphering, for the Council to feel confident in trying to move it. You can help with some of that, Shepard.”

“Sir?”

“I understand your connection isn’t just with the Reapers, but the Keeper’s as well. If you could find a way to gather intel on how the Citadel can be made mobile in the first place, it’d go a long way to helping all of us determine a timeline for when, or if, it can ever be transported back to the Widow system.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll get that information ASAP.”

“Good. Is there anything else, Captain?”

“Not right now.”

“Then Hackett out.”

“Sir.” Lily saluted, holding position until the Admiral’s figure disappeared.

She nodded to Traynor, who stood speaking with T’Rillo, as she left the communications center. Back through the CIC she strode, punching the button for the elevator. One more stop, the med-bay, and then she had to get something to eat. Her stomach rumbled at her, not quite angrily, but definitely with fervor. As she stepped into the lift, she hoped Gardner had some real meat on ship and not protein paste. 

She suddenly had a hankering for a bloody steak and some dark green veggies.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More baby, some interesting information on Turian males, and a trickle of unease

Shepard sat up on the bed, grateful for the towel Chakwas handed her. She wiped the goop from her belly before straightening her clothing. “What’s with the ancient ultrasound?”

Karin shrugged her shoulders. “Honestly, I just wanted to see if I could use it. There’s quite a bit of old tech onboard, medical backups mostly, that the Alliance had loaded up in case of emergency, or in the event that one of our destinations had little to no salvageable med equipment.”

Lily nodded. She knew it was fairly commonplace for the outer colonies to have rehabbed equipment, especially those near the Traverse. The Alliance wasn’t exactly, or hadn’t been, keen on the idea of hostile forces having easy access to top of the line technology, whether it was medical paraphernalia or military arms.

“Well, it was interesting. Can you imagine how surprised parents in the 21st must have been when their babies were born? The ultrasound showed no definition. My son looked like a whitish-grey blob. I’ll take our multinuclear imaging over this any day.”

“Agreed. Let me pull those up, and we can discuss the results of the blood tests and so forth we did yesterday.”

“Is there anything I should worry about?” Shepard slid to the edge of the bed as Karin drew a monitor toward her spot beside Lily.

“Not that I could find. Your son appears to be 30% human, 65% Turian, and 5% Reaper. You’re DNA changes almost daily, but at hundredths or thousandths of a percent, but Tali, Liara, and I have watched your code carefully, and it’s stable at 10% Reaper, approximately 30% Turian, and about 60% human. Your human and Turian codes are still shifting around a bit, but the baby’s code is perfectly stable.”

“That’s good news, Doc. What about gestation?”

“A typical human pregnancy runs forty weeks, give or take. However, Turians gestate a little more than half as long. The heat and radiation on Palaven aren’t conducive to long pregnancies. I talked with Dr. Michel on the Citadel early this morning and we compared the scans of Baby Shepard to scans of both human and Turian babies. We concurred this pregnancy follows closer to the Turian pattern, which is about twenty-six weeks.”

“Holy shit, you mean I’ve only got sixteen weeks to go?” Shepard slumped. Four months? She only had four months to get ready to be a mother? _Holy hell._

“That’s what I believe. Turian fetuses develop differently than human babies, as well. For most of the pregnancy, the internal organs, the brain, the heart, and the external plating develops. It’s only in the last month that the fetus begins to gain weight and length, quadrupling in size. Unlike in human babies, where everything grows and develops together, with the last month mostly focused on the fetus gaining weight and developing the lung tissue.”

“So I won’t see much change physically until kiddo is ready to be born?”

“Correct. The problem is, you’re still mostly human and female bodies are designed to slowly grow with the baby. In short, I’m confident in saying the last month of your pregnancy is going to be a nightmare. And you can kiss your eight pack goodbye, for a while at least. It’s normal, don’t worry, and as fit as you are, I imagine you’ll be back in fighting shape within a few months of delivery. However, your dense musculature will probably contribute to the pain you’ll feel.”

Shepard barked a short laugh. “And to think, I was always told being hard was a good thing.”

“It is, but your abdominal muscles have to separate to make room for the expansion of the uterus. Exercise is still good, though I’d suggest you cut out full-contact sparring from here on out. And I don’t want you lifting or toting anything over twenty pounds.”

Shepard slanted Karin a narrow gaze. “My armor weighs sixty pounds, Karin. So we’ll have to agree to play that by ear. I don’t want to jeopardize the baby, but I can’t stop doing my job either.”

The doctor gave Lily a consoling squeeze on her forearm. “I know. And between you, me, Dr. Michel, and everyone else who’s sure to stick their nose in, or try to, we’ll do everything in our power to make sure you and the baby come through healthy.”

“I’ll send a message to Solana. Get her to find the best Turian OB/GYN on Palaven to consult.”

“I was about to ask you to do just that. I have supplies for a human pregnancy, but nothing for pregnant Turians, or mostly Turian babies. I don’t want to put you on prenatal vitamins if they won’t benefit both of you.”

“Makes sense. Until Sol finds that consult, do you have any dietary suggestions?”

“Besides the usual, avoid alcohol in excess, empty carbs and refined sugars; go with what your body tells you. Unless you start craving iron filings or something strange like that, you should do just fine. After all, women were having healthy babies for millennia before modern science got involved.”

Both women chuckled. Karin turned away, and then snapped her fingers. “Speaking of consults, Bain asked me to tell you he’d like a conference at your earliest convenience.”

“Why didn’t he just contact me himself?” Lily frowned a bit.

“I believe he was hesitant about interrupting you and Garrus.”

Lily grinned despite the blush she felt bloom on her cheeks. “Probably a good call. Okay, then, thanks for relaying the message. Are we done?”

“For now, yes. Since this pregnancy is going to move faster than typical, I’d like to see you every week, just to make sure all’s well.”

“Fine. Set the date and time and I’ll clear my schedule.”

“One more thing, Dr. Michel did have some information about Turian’s and breeding pairs. She made it clear that males tend to be extremely territorial and dangerously aggressive when their females are expecting.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Please tell me this is some kind of joke.”

“Sorry, Captain. She said all the males in a family unit act in the same fashion, protecting and defending their gestating females from outside threats. Apparently, it’s a left over from their tribal history, when young males would strike out on their own, trying to establish new, well prides is the best way I can think to explain it. Like lions on Earth.”

“Lions? They’re avian.”

“True. Still, a female Turian will become fertile if her offspring dies. And barbaric as it seems, according to Dr. Michel, when males fought for leadership, or to take over a group, all the children would be killed so the females would be receptive to breed the new dominant male. Apparently, some of that still exists in their biology, despite how civilized the species is now.”

“Well, Garrus hasn’t acted any more protective that I’ve noticed.”

Karin nodded. “Dr. Michel suggested that among the crew on the _Normandy_ , he likely won’t, as he’d consider the males under your command as part of the ‘family’ unit. But in another situation…” The doctor let her voice trail off, a shrug of her shoulders saying enough.

“Ah, hell, I guess we’ll just be surprised then. Hopefully, it won’t be an issue, since we’re heading to Thessia next and the Asari are all female.”

“Good point, though I’d guess he’ll still be exceptionally protective of you. I know you have Garrus wrapped around your little finger, but he is a dangerous, powerful male who, I don’t think either of us would argue, could and would kill without compunction. Especially to defend or protect you.”

Lily couldn’t help the thrill of warmth that coasted through her body. Chakwas was right, and it made Shepard feel loved, wanted, and not a little delighted to know her mate would eliminate any and all threats to her, so long as he drew breath. “I’ll talk to him, get a better idea of what to expect, if he even knows.”

“Good idea. Now, off you go. I’m sure you have some important Captain business to attend and I have a day booked with annual physicals.”

Shepard smiled and nodded. “Yes, ma’am. Don’t forget to send me those appointment dates. And keep your eyes open for a message from Solana Vakarian.”

“Understood.”

* * *

“Bain was very helpful. Thanks to him, I managed to gather every piece of information on mass effect fields and dark energy in known, and unknown, history. It’s a lot of data, not all of it relevant, but our understanding just leapt forward probably close to ten thousand years.”

Shepard shook her head. “Fuck, I still can’t really wrap my brain around that.”

Tali laughed. “You and me both. Bain asked if I’d be willing to work on the dark energy problem with the Reapers.”

“And?”

“I wanted to get your approval. You’ve always led by example, and you have faith that your people know what they’re doing and will do what’s best. But you’re still my captain, Shepard. No matter my rank, your opinion and your permission are important to me.”

Lily smiled. “Do you think you can help design a better solution than the one the Reapers have been employing for fifty million years?”

“You remember Haestrom, right? I was there to study its star.”

“Yeah, it was going dark faster than it should have.”

“Exactly. I sent the information I’d collected back to the Fleet, but I kept working the problem. I have some ideas and I’d like the opportunity to help.”

“Then you have my full permission, Tali. Will Bain be your go between?”

The Quarian hummed an affirmative. “I’m not completely sure about synthesis.”

“I understand. I’m not completely sure about it either.” Shepard flashed a quirky grin and earned herself a chuckle from her friend.

“Have you finished the rotation schedules yet?”

Lily frowned. “Not quite. For most of the ship, it’s not an issue. Each section has its own leaders who set their crews duty rosters. For my command crew, though, it’s harder now than it ever was before.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“I wish I couldn’t. I mean, before everyone had their spot, their duties aboard ship, but other than that they were my team. Now, it seems like everyone has some other assignment I have to try and work around. I never had to tell Garrus to calibrate the guns. I never had to assign Cortez a shift to work on the shuttles or ground side vehicles. Now, I have to specifically set hours just so they _can_ do those things.”

“Garrus must love that.” Tali grinned, mischief sparking in her violet eyes.

“He looks forward to battery detail. Says it’s the only time he can ‘unwind’ and ignore messages from Palaven.”

“Right.”

“With the possible exception of Joker, who doesn’t need to leave his post to tackle the extra work he’s been given, everyone is doing double or triple duty on this ship, you included. It’s complicated, but I hope I’m doing it right, I don’t need any of my go-to’s dropping from overwork or stress or exhaustion.”

“So far, Captain, you’re doing fine. We’ll be at Thessia in about a week. If you want help with the schedule, let me know. I’ll do what I can.”

“Thanks, Tali. I appreciate it. Anything else?”

“You saw the doctor right? So, when will Baby Shepard be here?”

“Why does everyone keep calling him Baby Shepard? He’s Baby Vakarian too.”

Tali _tsked_. “Please, even if his name is Vakarian, he’ll always be ‘Commander Shepard’s’ son. Maybe by the time he’s grown, folks will remember you’re a Captain, but that’s about the best you can hope for, really.”

Lily shook her head, a bit irritated, but she knew her friend was right. Waving a hand, she brushed the discussion away. “Chakwas says I’m due in about sixteen weeks.”

“That soon?”

“I said the same thing. But the baby’s more Turian than human and as best as she, and Dr. Michel, could determine, he’s developing like a Turian. I’ll have a much shorter pregnancy than typical for humans.”

“Then I guess Traynor, Liara, and I better get our butts in gear. I heard Hackett found out, but what about others? Have you had time to tell any of the old crew?”

“Not yet. Miranda is supposed to rendezvous with us in the Widow cluster, which is where we’re headed after Thessia. I know we’ve been dropping new comm buoys as we travel, and the Geth have picked up the ones damaged in the war, fixed them, and redeployed, but galaxy wide comms are still hit and miss in some sectors. Jack’s on the Citadel, so shouldn’t be hard to get let her know. And if she knows, you know Zaeed will too.”

“I’m still not sure how those two became so close.”

Shepard snorted. “Are you shitting me? They’re both psychopathic adrenaline junkies. It’s like a match made in heaven, or hell. I mean, I don’t know that they’re more than just close friends, but it never surprised me they took to each other. They’re like peas in a pod.”

Tali nodded. “When you put it that way, I see it too.”

“I’m not sure where Kasumi is, though it wouldn’t surprise me if she already knew. Ditto for Javik, though I haven’t spoken to him much lately. I should correct that oversight. Between Palaven and Tuchanka, I’ve been busy, but that’s no excuse.”

“I see him at breakfast every morning. Honestly, he seems to be doing pretty good. And I think, maybe, there might be something brewing between him and Liara.”

“What?” Lily knew her mouth was hanging open, but Tali couldn’t have shocked her more if she’d said she wanted to date a Geth.

Tali chortled. “I’m serious. And don’t feel bad, Shep, you’ve had a lot on your plate.”

“But I just talked to her. She didn’t say a word!”

Lithe shoulders lifted. “I could be wrong, in which case it looks like I’ll be down a hundred credits.”

“There’s a _pool_?”

Lily’s response had Tali’s head tipping back, her mouth wide open as she chortled. “This is the _Normandy_ , there’s always a betting pool.”

“I’ll make it a point to speak with Javik soon. And what the hell, put me down for 200 credits that they’re together. Stranger things have fucking happened, why should it surprise me that the last Prothean and the only expert on Protheans would hook up.”

“Captain?” Traynor’s voice came over the comm.

“Shepard here, go ahead.”

“Captain, I’ve finally received a reply from Councilor Valern about the xenobiologist you requested. He’s sent several files for your to peruse, along with his approval for the transfer of any qualified applicants to the command of the _Normandy_.”

“They’re on the Salarian cruiser?”

“Yes, ma’am. One of the dossiers is for a Jorlan Solus.”

“Mordin’s nephew?”

“I believe so, Captain.”

“I want his file first.”

“I thought as much, ma’am. The dossiers have been forwarded to your private console.”

“Affirmative. Shepard out.”

“Has Liara briefed you on what to expect when we reach Thessia?” Shepard shifted her feet, turning her attention back to her Quarian companion.

“As best she could. She also forwarded me several data files explaining the way the Republics are set up, how infrastructure was set up and implemented, information of communications satellites. It’s crazy; I guess I always assumed the Asari had a central government. Finding out they don’t, and that each of their little city-states is run independently, well, that could be both a pro and a con.”

“I agree. Republics that were fairly small or far-flung may be in relatively good shape. Others,” Lily sighed and rubbed her fingers against her forehead, “especially where we landed during the war are probably total losses.”

“Hopefully, once we get closer to the planet, Liara will be able to get more recent intel. I just hope the Asari will be as cooperative as everyone else has been.”

Shepard snorted. “You know, you just voiced my biggest concern. Liara is family to me, but on the whole, my experience with Asari has rarely been open or honest. If they hadn’t hoarded the Prothean data they had to themselves for the last tens of thousands of years, the entire war would have gone so much differently.” She curled her hands into fists and blew her dark bangs out of her face in frustration.

“Captain?”

“Fuck, Tali. I don’t know, but I have a really bad feeling. Maybe it’s indigestion. Maybe it’s nerves, you know, over the baby. But the closer we get to Thessia, the tighter the knot in my gut gets. I don’t know.”

“You should talk to Liara. And Garrus. Hell, I think you should call all the command officers and have a meeting, like you used to do before and after big missions. Get some other perspectives, see what everyone thinks.”

“You know what? That’s brilliant. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it first.” Lily gave Tali a nudge and a grin. “EDI, notify my officers. We’re going to have a chat, 1800 hours tomorrow. In the new communications suite.”

“Aye, aye. Messages sent.”

“That includes you. Mobile you or not, I want you there.”

“Understood.”

“Feel better?” Tali reached out and gave Shepard’s fingers a squeeze.

“A bit, hopefully more so tomorrow. Say, quick segue back to earlier and the people not on board. Can you get in contact with the old team that isn’t onboard?”

“Sure.”

“Great. Then, I'd like you to get the word out that I’m pregnant. I’d rather do it in person, or at least over vidcom, but I don’t want WNN telling the galaxy before the people I call important have the info.”

“No problem.”

“Thanks, Tali. Have the Quarians who joined Traynor’s communications team contacted you?”

“Brel Sanux nar’Rayya did send me a message requesting I oversee their official transfer to the _Normandy_.”

“Good. If possible, I’d like to do the ceremony by week’s end. Would that be possible?”

“Sure. I need a couple of days to set things up, so that works great.”

“Whatever you need, let Cortez know. I swear, I don’t know what he’s better at, procurement or flying. Is there anything I should know?”

“There are some formal words, but don’t worry, I’ll send you translated copies.”

“I know this is a big deal for your people. I want to do it right. Is this a big thing, usually, done in front of the whole ship?”

“Sometimes, but not always. In this case, I believe Gam and Brel would like their families to be there, as well as Traynor, of course. I’ll send them a note asking for who they want there and make sure the guests are here for the ceremony.”

Lily clapped Tali on the back. “Thanks. You’re a lifesaver.”

Tali laughed. “C’mon, Shepard. This thing is right up your alley. Green recruits eager to join your team, the opportunity to help your crew take care of some personal business, and the need for powerful, motivating speeches. You don’t even need my help. By now, you could do this in your sleep.”

Shepard chortled hard enough to snort. “And all I get for my troubles is insubordination. The things I suffer for my crew.”

“We wouldn’t have you any other way.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chatting with Javik, conversations with a Matriarch, and meeting Mordin’s nephew.
> 
> *sorry Garrus, next chapter I promise*
> 
> *eta: apparently I missed the last bit of the final line of the chapter. fixed it!**

0645 came early, but this particular morning seemed sooner than most. Shepard sighed, breathing deep of Garrus’ scent as she debated leaving their bed. The day was full, yes, but after everything she’d, hell they’d, been through over the last four years, it was mornings like this when Lily almost wished she wasn’t who she was.

Reluctantly, she slid from the between the sheets and padded to the shower. Quick bath, brush teeth, dress, and get some hot coffee in her system and Shepard would be ready to face the day. She ran a comb through her hair, and stood watching Garrus sleep for a few minutes longer before leaving their cabin, headed for the mess.

A cup of Gardner’s coffee in hand, black enough to raise the dead from their graves, Lily stepped onto the lift and punched the button for the engineering deck. Tali said Javik and Liara might be a thing, and she was beyond curious to test the theory out. Besides, the longer she’d thought about T’Rillo’s information, the more her position had shifted. Even if the facility wasn’t salvageable, Javik should have time to process its existence before she sprung it on him.

There was also the real possibility she’d need his help to even get into the place, since she and the Prothean were the only two living beings with, well, working knowledge of Protheans. Not for the first time, she almost wished Javik’s people hadn’t been quite so good at fighting off the Reapers that there hadn’t been enough of them left to be harvested into a capital ship. 

Lily frowned at her thoughts, slightly disgusted by the train, but the cold calculus of war, as Garrus called it, wasn’t yet a distant memory. And having the potential to maybe gain the unique touch-sense Protheans had would give Shepard an even more profound advantage going forward. Yes, sometimes what Javik learned was more than she, or anyone, might want a stranger to know, but that’s exactly why having that talent could be a good thing.

As she strode the floor from the elevator to Javik’s cabin, Lily decided the Prothean was going to be at her side when they reached Thessia. She was uneasy and his skills would go a long way to helping unknot her gut. She stopped in front of his door and rapped her knuckles on the heavy metal. She could have just walked in, but just in case…

“Enter.”

“Good morning, Javik.”

“Captain. Tali Zorah says we’ll be reaching Thessia soon.”

Lily took a drink of her coffee and made herself comfortable against the small bench, noting the memory shard. “That’s what I came to talk to you about. Have you decided what you want to do? Join your fallen men or remain aboard the _Normandy_?”

The Prothean turned from his washing. “I have. Is there a position here?”

“Hmm, fifty-thousand year old warrior with an interesting ability to read other people just by touching them? Nah, I can’t think of a thing for you to do?” She hid her grin behind her mug and watched his eyes blink, slowly.

“You are… teasing me?”

She laughed. “Of course I am. I’d be honored to make you an official member of this crew. As for a job, truth be told, I was thinking something where I could take advantage of your singular skill.”

“What kind of job?”

“I suppose officially you’d be part of communications, but what I have in mind is more like counter-espionage. I’ve got a niggling feeling about Thessia and since the only Asari that know what you can do are either Liara or likely dead, I feel safe thinking no one will question you being part of my ground team, especially after I tell you what I found out yesterday.”

“And what news do you have?” The Prothean crossed his arms over his chest and one ankle over the other.

“It looks like one of your people’s cryo-facilities is intact on Thessia. I don’t any more than that – I can’t tell you if there are living Protheans or not. But it’s there.”

The male’s posture slumped a moment as her words sank in. He looked a bit shaky on his feet, and Lily put her cup down and moved to him. “Javik, I’m an ass. Sorry, I tend to just throw shit out there, don’t I?”

He blinked at her several times then gave her one of his chuckles. “I thought your people stopped playing with feces millennia ago, Captain.”

She turned to mirror his position and nudged him in the arm. “You know what I mean. I guess I couldn’t really think of a better way to tell you than just to say it. I wasn’t even sure I was going to mention it at all. I didn’t want to get your hopes up only to find out the facility wasn’t salvageable. But that was wrong of me – you should have time to prepare, not find out standing next to the access panel.”

“I appreciate your concern, Captain. But I am grateful you chose to tell me. I will think about it later, for now, tell me, what has you bothered about Thessia?”

Lily sighed. “Truth? The Asari had information, data, which could have helped the entire galaxy to deal with the Reapers long before they showed up to Harvest. But they squandered the power, kept it all to themselves, in order to maintain their place at the top of the food-chain, as it were. It makes me antsy.”

Javik nodded. “I agree. Still, this is a new galaxy, and you a new Shepard.”

“Exactly, with access to all the knowledge of nearly every advanced civilization that came before. If the Asari were so covetous of your people’s secrets, imagine what they’d do with mine.”

“You think they’d try to force you to share what you know?”

Lily turned her head, locking her gaze with Javik’s. “I think they’d kill me and anyone else I’ve synthesized, after I’ve converted one of their own.”

All four of his eyes flashed wide for a moment. “It is good to see you are still the brilliant military leader you were. I’ll admit, I wasn’t certain.”

She snorted. “Gee, thanks.”

His gaze traveled to her stomach. “Well, you are breeding and that’s not something I ever expected to occur.”

Shepard frowned. “Just because I’m going to be a mother doesn’t mean I’ve gone soft in the head. Besides, I’ve got a job to do and people to lead, that doesn’t stop because my situation has changed.”

“Your progeny will be very lucky, Shepard. A strong mother like you will raise proud, loyal sons and daughters.”

Lily wasn’t exactly sure whether she felt complimented or slightly insulted by his comments, but it was Javik after all. Most of his compliments were backhanded in the first place. “They’ll have a mother who loves them as much as she loves their father. More than that, we’ll just have to see. So, what do you think? You with me?”

“Yes. I agree with your concerns, Captain. Counter-espionage wasn’t what I was trained for, but I believe I will excel at it.”

“Why don’t you meet with Liara, then, get whatever intel she has, then see Kadash T’Rillo, in the communications suite. She was one of the Broker’s agents, the one who discovered the facility on Thessia. And behave, Javik. I don’t need another biotic showdown between you and Liara.”

“I believe Dr. T’Soni and I have come to an understanding.” To say the man’s words were enigmatic was an understatement and if she hadn’t been looking at him as closely as she was, Lily might have missed the flicker of his secondary eyes.

 _Oh, ho, looks like I may win that pool after all._ “Well, that’s good then. I’ve called a meeting of senior staff this evening. I want to get the others opinions on the Asari and lay out a tactical plan for arrival.”

“I received the message from EDI.”

Shepard gave the Prothean a light pat on the arm before retrieving her mug and leaving his cabin. 

“Captain, Aethyta would like to see you in the starboard lounge, if you are free.”

“Tell her I’m on my way, EDI.” Lily hadn’t had time to speak with the woman when she’d boarded yesterday.

The elevator ride was short and after a refill, Shepard went to greet Liara’s ‘father’.

“Matriarch Aethyta, good to see you again.”

“Stuff it, Shepard. Those bitches are only calling me Matriarch because so many of the old broads bit it when Thessia was attacked.”

Lily grinned. Aethyta had once said she thought the belief that Asari children didn’t inherit anything but a bit of genetic diversity from their second donors was bullshit. Shepard looked at the other woman and agreed, whole-heartedly. She had the temperament of a Krogan and the quad to back it up.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, I think you might want to make sure you’re fully locked and loaded when you get to my home planet. I haven’t heard anything specific, mind you, but it’s what I haven’t that has me worried.”

“Tell me.”

“First, I gotta say it isn’t the whole planet, or even most of the surviving leaders that might be the problem. I don’t want you sending your Reaper pals to decimate what’s left down there. But, there was a, I guess you humans would call it a cabal, a group of Asari matriarch’s and their followers, whose goal was protecting the race and its secrets.”

“And I take it at least some of them survived?”

“Yeah and they’ve been pretty damn quiet since everything went to shit. Now, I might chalk that up to the giant cluster of the galaxy, if I hadn’t heard a few of the girls on the ship whispering about them a few nights ago.”

“Well fuck, looks like my gut’s still working.”

“Had a feeling, did you?”

“Yeah. Hoped it was the baby or shitty food.”

Aethyta laughed. “Heard about the bun. Good luck with that. You’ll need it.”

Lily smiled. “Do you have any suggestions?”

“That’s where I’m a shit, Shepard. I don’t. Other than watch your ass. I don’t know if their interest in you is bad or good or neither. But Thessia isn’t a united planet. I heard you had some trouble on the Citadel before you even started this hare-brained journey.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t there long enough after to get any details. Hackett pointed out there are going to be people that aren’t happy with how things played out. Honestly, I don’t give a fuck whether everyone agrees with what I did or not. But don’t misunderstand me, I’ve been a soldier too long not to look at every situation as a potential for an ambush.”

“Smart girl. I knew I liked you for a reason. I’ll do what I can to help you out. I owe you that much for keeping my girl alive and bringing all of us out the other side.”

Lily held out her hand to Aethyta and the Asari took it with a smile. “I love Liara like a sister. I couldn’t have done anything less.”

The matriarch snorted. “You say that like everyone thinks the same way. And hey, I like the subharmonics, makes you sound even more bad ass than ever.”

Shepard shook her head. “I think I sound weird as hell, plus those damn dual tones tend to give away more than I’d like. But I’m getting pretty good at controlling it.” And then she trilled humor and chagrin. “Okay, so I still need to work on it. But trust me, it’s better than it used to be. How long will you be aboard?”

“I’m headin’ out at 1600. Thought I’d spend some time with Liara. I think my girl might be interested in someone besides you, Captain.”

Lily barked a laugh. “If you find out for sure, ping me. There’s a pool.”

She left the lounge with the older Asari’s hearty laughter following her out.

* * *

Shepard spent the next couple of hours in the mess, reading through the dossiers from the Salarian councilor. Sure enough, Jorlan Solus was the nephew Mordin had mentioned. And he was definitely the promising geneticist her old friend had claimed, with a strong background in xenobiology. Lily read through all the files, was impressed by a few of the other candidates, but she knew it was Jorlan. He was the best match for her needs, though even if the boy hadn’t been, she knew she’d likely have chosen him regardless.

“Traynor, I want to meet with Jorlan Solus, as soon as possible.”

“Understood, Captain. I’ll hail his ship and request his presence on the _Normandy_.”

She heard a _ping_ in her head and looked down at her left arm. Despite having the ability to interface with and inject herself into just about any and all technology, Shepard still hadn’t gotten used to the ‘oneness’ she had with her omni-tool. Fingers flashing she called up the screen, instead of doing it with her mind.

_Praetorian Shepard_

_Aedile Vakarian requested I contact you with regard to your request for a Turian obstetrics specialist. My name is Dr. Rokal and I’m the head of neonatal medicine at Cipritine Medical. The Aedile didn’t give me any information about why you wanted a Turian obstetrics consult, but she was clear that the best OB in the Hierarchy be found and put into contact with you, Praetorian._

_I am the foremost neonatal doctor and am honored to serve you and Palaven in any way._

_Sincerely, Dr. Calista Rokal_

“EDI, I’m forwarding you this message. Contact the good doctor and forward everything Chakwas has on the baby, along with any and all questions Karin has.”

“Affirmative, Shepard.”

“Thanks.”

“Heya, Lola.” 

Lily looked up and grinned at the sight of Vega. God damn, the man was huge. “Morning, James.”

“Morning? Nah, it’s lunch time.” He pointed at the data pads spread out around her. “Lost in your work, huh?”

“I guess so. Have you seen Garrus?” 

“He was with Tali earlier. Discussing firing logarithms or something.”

Shepard stood and stretched, pausing to scratch at her tummy. “Makes sense. I think he spent most of the morning dealing with things from Palaven. Damn, I’m hungry.” She wandered to the small kitchen. “Where’s Gardner?”

“Probably working on the plumbing or something. I’m making eggs, you want some?”

Lily grimaced. Eggs did not sound good. “Is there anything red and meaty in there?”

“Looks like we have a veal shank and some green beans.” Vega pulled the package from the cold storage unit. “Okay, well, it’s marked dextro so I have no idea what it is.”

Shepard took it from him and set about getting it heated up. “I don’t even care. All I want is protein, protein, and more protein, with a liberal dose of green vegetables and tomatoes, which I normally hate.”

Food ready, Lily returned to her seat and dug in. It tasted like nothing she’d ever eaten, but her palate seemed to enjoy it, so she shrugged and devoured the entire meal before James’ eggs were finished. 

“Damn, Lola, slow down there. Hate for you to choke.”

She laughed as she cleared her mess. “Didn’t you ever learn whoever eats the fastest gets the mostest?”

He chuckled. “Yeah, my old drill sergeant used to say it all the time.” 

“Enjoy your eggs, Lieutenant. I’ll see you at 1800.”

“Aye, aye, ma’am.”

Shepard took the elevator to the CIC and greeted Traynor with a grin. “Anything to report?”

“Jorlan Solus will be here within the hour. Did you want to have him brought to the med bay?”

Lily shook her head. “No. I think we’re going to put Mordin’s old lab back to rights.”

“It’s a bit smaller than it used to be, Captain.”

“I know, but I don’t need those research stations any longer. I want the pass through completely taken apart, and as much of the old equipment reinstalled. Once I find out if young Solus is as interested as his dossier suggested, we’ll see about getting him what he needs, or what we can of it.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll get some men on the work ASAP.”

“I appreciate it. I spoke with Javik this morning. He’s going to be joining your team, as an adjunct, so to speak. Officially, he’ll be listed as a communications specialist, I think.”

“And unofficially?” Sam looked at her over her shoulder.

“Counter-espionage.”

Traynor lifted a brow but didn’t ask anything else. “Understood.”

Feeling a bit wound up, Lily bid Sam goodbye and headed all the way down to the cargo bay.

She found Cortez exactly where she expected, omni-tool sparking as he fiddled with something on the Kodiak. “You know, Cortez, you’re starting to remind me an awful lot of Garrus.”

Her pilot/procurement officer laughed warmly and turned from the shuttle. “What can I say? There’s always something that can use a tweak. What brings you down here, Shepard?”

“Waiting. Mordin’s nephew is due to come aboard in about an hour and I’m at loose ends. You know, I can hardly remember having downtime, not since that first run to Eden Prime all those years ago. Well, except for that party on the Citadel, but shit, we were all completely blitzed. I guess I’ve spent so long going straight from mission to mission, I don’t know what to do with myself if I’m not.”

Steve nodded, his brilliant blue eyes sparkling against his dark skin. “I can understand that. Hey, congrats.” He motioned to her stomach. “That’s a pretty big deal, Shepard.”

“So I keep hearing. Man, I just hope I don’t fuck up.”

“You? Fuck up? Is that even possible?” He teased her and she laughed.

“I’d hate to find out with a kid, Cortez. Mind if I ask you something?”

“Shoot, Shepard.”

“Everyone seems to think that me being a mom suddenly means I’m going to stop being me. Is it selfish that I don’t see it the same way? That I know I can’t stop being Lily Shepard even though I’ll be a mother?”

Steve’s face showed his surprise at her question. “Wow, didn’t expect that.”

She ducked her head. “Yeah, I got a knack for setting people on their heels. Don’t worry about it, Cortez, guess I’m just thinking out loud.”

“No, Captain, I don’t think so. Baby Shepard will be as important to you as Garrus, right? You’re going to love him with everything you’ve got, ‘cause you don’t know how to do anything in half-measures. You know, I’ve known people who gave up everything when they had kids. It’s not a bad thing, but sometimes, when they came out the other end and the kid was grown, they found themselves lost.”

“I can see that.”

“Being a parent isn’t the same as being the best damn soldier I’ve ever fought with, or the strongest leader I’ve ever been privileged to serve. But Shepard, you’ve already got what it takes to be a great mother, it’s just now you’ll finally be able to put those talents to use with a little you, instead of on all of your men.” He winked at her.

“Cortez, are you saying I mother hen you all?”

“I’d never say anything like that, Captain.”

She snorted. “Right. Okay, anything new in procurement, Cortez?”

Steve laughed and brought up the interface. “Actually…”

* * *

“And that’s it. If you want the job, Jorlan, it’s yours.”

Shepard grinned as she watched the Salarian’s fingers twitch as he moved, flitted more like, from one side to the other of what was left of Mordin’s old lab. She could hear him running off ideas for the setup, tech he’d need, and about a thousand other things faster than she could follow.

“Need tissue-synthesizer and particle collider. Also, three microscopes and at least one containment cell. Captain, would be honored to take position. Question, though. Why xenobiologist? Why geneticist? Could have pick of any scientist, why me? Because of uncle? If so, must tell you, am not as accomplished as Mordin, still have a long way to go.”

She held up her hand, reminded of her first conversation with this boy’s predecessor. “Relax, Jorlan. I’m not looking to replace your uncle, that can’t be done. But I have access to a lot of things no one has in millions of years. Mordin worked on a lot of different projects here, and I believe I should continue that tradition. Having a scientist on board is a good thing. Also, I’m pregnant, and a geneticist with a background in xenobiology would be a big help to my medical staff.”

“You are breeding?” The boy’s antennae twitched and his words came at a much slower pace.

She lifted a brow. “Yes. The baby, it’s a boy, is part human, part Turian, and part Reaper.”

“Most… interesting. Will need tissue samples, copies of all existing files, see measurements-“

“What for?”

“To assess morphogenesis of fetus. Can also create vitamins, supplements, recommend dietary adaptations to provide best results.” He cocked his head to the side when she started laughing. “Did I say something wrong, Captain?”

“No,” she pressed a palm to her belly, “not at all Jorlan. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to the med bay and introduce you to Dr. Chakwas. I’m sure you’ll need to return to your ship and collect your things.”

“Yes, certainly, can be back on board by 0700 tomorrow morning. Want to get to work, as soon as possible.”

She clapped the boy on the shoulder as they re-entered the CIC. “I think you’ll do, Jorlan. You’ll do just fine. By the way, do you sing?”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thessia

“Everyone ready?” Lily looked at the bodies positioned here and there inside the Kodiak and took a deep breath.

“As ever, Shepard.” Garrus’ subharmonics eased her tensions a bit and she flashed him a grin.

“Who are we meeting with, Liara?”

“Matriarch Melina T’Fauza. She’d the oldest Asari on Thessia.”

“Anything I should know, before we touch down?”

“She’s a fair woman who’s spent the better part of the last five hundred years building infrastructure in some of our more far-flung colonies.”

“Infrastructure that’s now in complete disarray.”

Tali nodded. “The Reapers weren’t very good against biotics. The only way to bring down Thessia and make the Asari easier to Harvest was to obliterate communications and isolate each republic.”

“They were good enough.” Javik shrugged his shoulders when Tali speared him with a glare.

“There are millions starving, without power and fresh water.” Liara’s upset was clear and Lily frowned.

“Your people are strong, Liara. They will survive, we will make sure of it.” The Prothean stared hard at the Shadow Broker until finally Liara nodded.

“We’ll do everything we can to help. We aren’t leaving until I know Thessia is well on its way to recovery. Give me a minute.” Lily closed her eyes and sought out Bain, through the long, deep chord that connected them beyond space and time.

_Bain, what’s your assessment of the planet?_

_Shepard-Captain, there are several pockets of life scattered across the Asari home world. It would take at least twenty five weeks for the Geth to reach each settlement individually if we approached reconstruction as we have before._

_What do you suggest?_

_We will deploy three mobile platforms with a modular hub to each cluster of survivors. Support from Harbinger and the Keepers would be sufficient to handle the manufacture of new infrastructure framework._

_Harbinger? Does that work for you_

The Reapers presence was so large Lily winced a bit. It was still much easier for her to do this if she was able to think of it more like a lucid dream, but she pushed through, increasing her own ‘signal’ so as not to be drowned out by her massive space-cuttlefish ally.

_We concur. Bain’s plan is the most efficient and logical. Shep?_

_Yeah?_ It seemed Harby decided nicknames were a good thing.

_Some of the smaller capital ships, those whose parent species were biotic, have sensed an odd fluctuation in the bio-resonance of the Asari._

_In Common, Harby, please._

_We have a bad feeling about this._

Lily snorted, out loud and in her mind. _Join the club._

_You know, when the bringers of the end of life are worried,_ Animafer _, if might be a good idea to listen._

Shepard opened her eyes, gaze meeting Garrus’ across the small space separating them. “I know. I am.”

“I’d say if this thing goes sideways, meet me in the bar…” His mandibles flared and he took her hand in his, fingers parting to slide palm to palm. 

“But you’d be repeating yourself, and that’s unclassy.” She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, letting her eyes close again, reconnecting with her synthesized compatriots. 

_The bad guys are on our side this time, Garrus. It might get messy, but we aren’t hitting the bars anytime soon. Bad for the baby._

_Indeed._ Harbinger’s words carried the shimmer of a laugh and Lily responded with a chuckle of her own.

* * *

“Captain Shepard, on behalf of the Asari people, I bid you welcome.” Matriarch T’Fauza stood tall and regal, the blue of her skin a dark cerulean, her eyes so pale a cornflower they seemed almost white.

“Matriarch, I’m glad to finally be back.” Shepard shook hands with the woman, letting her lips curl with a warm smile, all the while she noted the room they stood in, silently counting the number of other Asari, in her periphery. 

Once a soldier, always a soldier.

“Please, join me.” The elder Asari motioned for Lily to join her at the smaller of two tables in the room.

Shepard nodded and pulled her gauntlets off as they sat. As she lowered herself into the chair, she mused she really owed Bain, Harbinger, and Tali. Between the three of them, they’d developed the most amazing armor Lily ever had the pleasure of wearing. It gave her full-body protection, but it fit like second skin. It was a design Tali had resurrected from some ancient civilization and tweaked to the Quarian’s own ideas. 

“Matriarch, I understand Thessia has no centralized government, which could make reconstruction difficult. With that in mind, my team and I have developed a POA going forward, which we think will be the most efficient way to get your people and your world reconnected.”

“We’re a bit at your mercy, as it were, Captain. What is your plan?”

“The Geth are going to install three hubs from which mobile platforms will deploy to assess and implement necessary action.” Lily called up the deployment map on her omni-tool, enlarging it so the Matriarch could see what Shepard meant. “Here, here, and here. The Geth will relay their needs to these Reaper units, here and here, where the manufacture of infrastructure, electrical substations, temporary housing units, etcetera will be done. In this way, we’ll be able to accomplish in about five weeks what would have likely taken half a year.”

“That is an excellent plan, Captain. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but I find the things I heard about you, during the war, are truer than I believed.” 

“As you can see, I’m not actually ten feet tall, nor do lightning bolts shoot out my eyes.” Lily gave the Asari a wry grin, and the woman chuckled.

“Indeed. You are, in all truth, a force of nature, Captain Shepard.” Something flitted through the blue-skinned woman’s eyes, and Shepard filed the emotion away to analyze later. The Matriarch made a swirling motion with her hand and three Asari stepped from their various positions around the room.

“Forward this map and Shepard’s instructions to the Republics near the outposts she has marked, as quickly as possible. We need to let the people know what’s happening.”

“In the event that some of the people can’t be forewarned, I’ve asked Aethyta and Liara to accompany one Geth hub each. I’ll go out with the third. I don’t want to rush, but the time-table is set. Forty-eight solar hours is all I can spare to waiting.”

“I understand, Captain.”

“Good. Now, there’s a reason I came planet side here, Matriarch. I’m sure you know why.”

“The Prothean cryo site.”

Lily nodded. “Yeah. I understand the Asari spent most of the last ten thousand years or so guarding their secrets closely, but the time for that is long past. I need to know if there are any survivors inside, but more than that, we need any information you have.”

“We’ve never been able to actually penetrate the facilities outer doors, Captain. As far as I know, we have no information at all.”

Shepard felt a tiny shiver, one that told her while the Asari wasn’t lying, neither was she being completely honest. But the captain gave nothing of her intuition away. “I see. Well, then I suppose it’ll be a surprise for everyone. Speaking of, Matriarch, I’d like to introduce Commander Javik, the last, for now, living Prothean. And Garrus Vakarian, my number one.”

Lily stood from her seat as her fifty-thousand year old friend came into the room from the hall where she’d asked him and Garrus to wait for her. The two men filed in loose limbed and looking relaxed though Shepard knew they were anything but. 

“Commander Javik, Officer Vakarian.” The Asari dipped her head in respect.

“Matriarch T’Fauza, I am glad to meet you.” Javik held out his hand, and the woman hesitated. 

Shepard’s eyes narrowed slightly as she watched the exchange. It seemed the Asari had some understanding of Javik’s particular powers, but she was caught. If she refused his hand, it made her look suspicious, or more so, as her hesitation would have been missed by more perceptive eyes.

“Welcome to Thessia.” The two biotics clasped hands and Shepard had to school her features when Javik showed not a single blink or quiver to expose what he learned. It was damn impressive

“I am looking forward to finding out if any of my people still survive here.” The Prothean released the woman’s hand and stepped to Shepard’s side. Garrus also greeted the Matriarch before stepping behind Lily.

“There are a few things I need to address before we leave for the site, Matriarch. If it’s possible, I’d like a comprehensive list of things needed most urgently. Medi-gel, mobile hospitals, water filtration, and so on. If you could have that to me within the hour, I’ll get my engineers and medical staff to see to them immediately.”

“Of course, Captain. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll make preparations to depart for the Prothean ruin.”

“My team and I have our own transport, so don’t worry about us.” Lily nodded to the Asari. “Dr. T’Soni is coming with, as well. Is there anything I should know? The scans we took of the area showed it’s buried pretty deep.”

“There is an access door above ground, Captain, but little else. When it was discovered, several thousand years ago, it was purely accidental. The terrain is extremely rugged and difficult to traverse, even with vehicles suited to the task.”

“So in several thousand years, you’ve never bothered to unearth it? I’m sorry, Matriarch, but I’m not buying what you’re selling. It took Cerberus less than a year to find the site on Eden Prime and excavate it out nearly to its base.”

The Asari frowned, clearly displeased with Lily’s blunt response. “At some point in the past my people did try to clear some of the buildings, but the effort was abandoned long before my time. The planet has retaken the ruin.”

Shepard nodded. “I see. Well, then, I’ll need to make some adjustments to my plan.”

Garrus fell into step beside Lily and Javik brought up the rear as they left the Matriarch’s room. According to the Asari who’d led them there, the building had been a school and was the only structure large enough to house Shepard’s teams as well as the multitude of blue-skinned women remaining in Athenia. The city looked only slightly less ravaged now than it had when Lily had last been on Thessia and that was mostly due to the lack of Reapers filling the sky.

As they stepped out onto the street, she turned to Garrus and Javik. “Joker, what the hell? Why didn’t our scans show the site was buried?”

“I don’t know. There _is_ a shit ton of eezo on Thessia, maybe it threw off the scans. I mean, the images showed it was deep in a forested area, but nothing like what the Matriarch just claimed.”

“She is terrified that you are here and she doesn’t trust you or the Reapers. But she wants to help her people, so she is willing to set aside her reservations, though I believe she lied about the site. Her people may not have been able to access the Prothean ruin, not fully, but they have at least been inside.”

Lily cocked her head and put a finger to her lips. “Hmm, anything else?”

“One cannot hide what they are in their cells, it is impossible. However, a biotic as powerful as that Asari can block, for lack of a better term, some of the signal. She was definitely blocking.”

“Really? I suppose I thought that would be impossible.”

Javik frowned. “Captain, might I remind you that my people were brought down from within by indoctrinated slaves. If there was no way to block our sensory abilities we would never have fallen. With the slightest touch, the indoctrinated would have been discovered and eliminated.”

Garrus’ mandibles flared. “I hadn’t thought of that either, Lily. Still, even if she was trying to hide something, she obviously wasn’t as good at it as she thought.”

Shepard sighed. “Forewarned is forearmed and all that. Did you get the impression she intends us harm?”

Javik shook his head. “No, Captain.”

“Then that will have to do for now. Javik, find Steve and tell him we’re going to need an excavating mount slapped on the Mako, asap.”

“Understood, Shepard.” The Prothean turned toward the small landing zone the Asari managed to clear for the captain’s arrival.

“Garrus, I want to see the Temple.”

Her Turian tucked close to her side, sub vocals soothing her. They’d almost lost each other there, thanks to that fucker Kai Leng and the Illusive Man’s machinations. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Not just because of what happened there, but also to look around. I know the VI is gone, but maybe there’s something left or something I can dig out.” She wiggled her fingers, mimicking the unique connection she made with technology. “We can use every advantage and what the hell, if I can interface with EDI, I figure I can do the same with a fifty-thousand year old computer console.”

“I want Tali with us, then. Just in case.”

Lily laughed. “C’mon. What could possibly go wrong?”

Garrus snorted. “Shepard, never, ever say that again. Murly doesn’t like you very much.”

“Murly?”

“Yeah, you know, everything that can go wrong, will. That guy.”

Shepard laughed aloud. “Murphy, Garrus. Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

He gave her an unamused glance. “Whatever.”

Shaking her head, she took his hand in hers. “Alright, alright. Shepard to Tali.”

Her earpiece crackled. “Tali here.”

“Will you please meet Garrus and me at the Temple of Athene? I’m going to do some jacking and the Turian wants you to oversee.”

“Affirmative. Give me ten minutes. I’m in the middle of a transducer exchange.”

“Understood.” Turning to her _Animafer_ , Lily smiled. “Better?”

He harrumphed but squeezed her fingers. 

* * *

“Fuck, this place is a wreck.”

“Kai Leng blew the supports in case you forgot.”

_The explosion, bright hot fire roaring over her, collapsing stone, watching the floor give way beneath her, holding on to the edge with every bit of strength she had_ \- No, Lily hadn’t forgotten. “Yeah.” 

“We need to be careful. My scans show the building isn’t exactly stable.” Tali sent Chitika out in front of them, the tiny drone having been modified to do, well, just about anything the Quarian wanted. “If we follow Tika, she’ll get us to the altar in one piece.”

“Then lead the way.” Lily grinned at her friend and stepped gingerly onto the broken stone beneath them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the semi-short chapter all, but not so long a wait between this and the next. RL can be such a PITA somtimes - which is why I thank the gods Lily is always ready to tell me the tale when I can spend time with her, LOL! Srsly, I think all creative-types are a bit nutty, myself absolutely included!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lost Prothean ruin, the last link in the evolution of Shepard, and gunfire, because it's Shep and Co. there must be gunfire.

“That was a complete cluster fuck of a waste of time.” It wasn't that she expected the temple to actually still have any relevant shit inside, but damn it, she'd hoped.

“On the upside, at least you threw up there, instead of here.” Garrus wrapped his arm around Lily’s waist, pulling her close to his side.

She palmed her belly. “Garrus, I know this is a really crazy time and shit, but-“

Shepard didn’t know what to say, so instead of trying to find the words, she reached for him, with her soul, and gave him all her worries, her fears, thoughts that perhaps having a baby was the worst possible thing they could do.

_I know you’re happy about the baby, I do. But, god, what if I fuck this up? What if we do? There’s so much pressure, so many responsibilities, Garrus, I know we didn’t plan this-_

Warmth, support, love, joy, the Turian flooded her with his own feelings and Lily heaved a sigh of relief, leaning heavily against him.

_Lily, there is nothing I want more than to be your mate and give you children. Is this the best time? My beloved, when has good timing ever been something we had the gift of? Falling in love with you on a suicide mission was shitty timing, being separated from you when the Reapers made their move, shitty timing. Having a baby in the middle of rebuilding the galaxy? You know, actually, this one might be more properly timed than anything else we’ve ever done._

She felt his smile and laughed softly. He had a point there. “Alright, I’ll stop worrying. Okay, that’s a lie.” It was his turn to laugh and she gave him a gently shove. “I’ll _try_.”

“Vega commed.” Garrus shifted against her and they moved as one to the small table in their assigned quarters. He took the chair and she settled herself in his lap.

“It’s a new standing order. Twice a week, a meeting of my people, I’m telling you, Tali is a genius for reminding me to do it.”

“Never fails to amaze me, Shepard, how fucking brilliant you are at picking your people. Seems we were all on the same page about our stop here.”

Lily opened up the message from James and nodded her head. “Indeed. Vega says he and Cortez are done retrofitting the Mako. I’m not ashamed to admit, I’m fucking thrilled all of you are planet side with me. Hmm,” she paused to re-read the last bit of the big human’s note, “he says there is definitely something going on. A lot of the Asari seem on edge.”

“Aethyta have any more information? Vague references to some secret organization aren’t much help.”

“Not really. In truth, I wonder if that isn’t just a cover story.”

“How so?”

“Come on, it’s even a bit farfetched for me to believe that some crack-pot group of blue girls want access to the Reapers knowledge. No, I think it’s more likely that the Asari still have information they aren’t sharing with the rest of us and it makes more sense they just don’t want me to find out what it is.”

“You think this is about their own discoveries, not something they’re hiding that they found elsewhere.”

“Exactly. Think about it, we know they had tens of centuries to study the remnants of the Protheans before any other species showed up. And anything the Asari developed from that knowledge, well, it would be theirs alone. The Reapers don’t have it in their collective memories and neither does anyone from our cycle.”

Garrus nodded. “The way your mind works is damn scary sometimes, you know that.”

Lily laughed. “You give me too much credit.”

He huffed. “I didn’t necessarily think it was some crazy cabalistic group, no, but I’ll be honest, I certainly never thought the Asari would have held anything back, not after what happened here. That’s just fucked up.”

She frowned. “Agreed and until we have more intel, we just have to stay alert and hope when one of them slips, we catch it and adapt in time to stop some blue bitch from doing some truly stupid.”

“Captain, Matriarch T’Fauza is ready to depart for the Prothean site.” EDI’s voice broke into their conversation and Shepard rose from Garrus’ lap.

“Let her know Vakarian and I are on our way.”

“Aye, Shepard.”

“Let’s hope this time doesn’t involve your eyes turning a weird shade of green as you relive some Prothean genetic memory.” Garrus stood and nudged her shoulder, mandibles flaring.

“Yeah, I suppose that would be nice. But this time, we do have a real live Prothean with us. Might make things easier.”

“You’d think so. But since when has anything we’ve done been easy.”

She chuckled. “True. Let’s go. Shepard to Javik.” She pressed a finger to the comm bud beneath the skin of her throat.

“Javik here.”

“Meet us in at the Mako. It’s time to go.”

“On my way. Dr. T’soni is with me.”

“Roger that.” Lily dropped her hand to her hip, pulling the sidearm free and checking the heat sink.

She watched Garrus slide an assault rifle next to his ever present Black Widow. Together they went to meet the Asari and both of them hoped this thing didn’t go wonky somewhere deep in a Thessian forest.

* * *

“ETA ten minutes, Captain.” Cortez’s voice rolled back to their position in the rear of the Mako.

“Thanks, Steve.”

“Damn, Captain, it’s good to be in a Mako again. I fucking love this beast.”

“You wouldn’t if you’d ever been in one Shepard drove.” Garrus chucked when she cast him a glare.

“I drive fine.”

“For a drunk Hanar, sure.” 

Vega chortled. “If it’s anything like I saw on the Citadel with that clone, I’m going to have to agree with Vakarian.”

“Fuck both of you.” She snarled good-naturedly. She was well aware of her shortcomings behind a console. “Liara, you look a bit stressed.”

The Asari glanced up at her friend. “I am. I spent most of the morning and afternoon looking through my mother’s files. With help from Tali and the Geth, I was able to get some of them decrypted.”

“And?”

“I think there are living Protheans in there. And I think my people left them on purpose.”

“Why?”

Liara shook her head. “I have no idea. My mother’s files, even unencrypted are written in a careful code, the language vague at best.”

“Five minutes.”

“I suppose we’ll find out soon enough. Javik, this is your show, your people potentially. I’ll let you take lead. Vega, I want you and Vakarian at the rear.”

“Aye, Captain.” Vega stood and checked his gear, slinging his weapon over his shoulder as the grinding sounds from the front of the vehicle stopped.

Shepard took a couple of steps to the cockpit, hand to Cortez’s shoulder. “Keep your eyes peeled, Steve. If it looks like things might go sour, lock it down and retreat to the rendezvous.”

“Yes, ma’am. Be careful out there, Shepard.”

She gave him a wink and rolled out of the Mako, striding toward the matriarch with Javik at her side. “Rough ride.” She gave the woman a smile and received something that looked more like a grimace in return.

“My people have the outer door uncovered, Captain.”

_Straight to business then._ Shepard counted six Asari guards with T’Fauza, and watched the small team fall in behind Garrus.

The group made their way over ground thick with vines, roots, and wide-bladed, eezo-lit grasses. Lily was aware most of Thessia was overloaded with element zero, that it was in just about everything on the planet, flora, fauna, and water supply, but seeing the shimmering effect on the plants, in the patchy spots of dirt, she marveled. It was a truly beautiful place, despite the destruction.

When the doors came into view, two things struck Lily. First, those Asari were pointing guns at her and two, they were aiming at Matriarch T’Fauza as well.

“Shit.” She breathed under her breath and glanced at the blue woman at her side. To say she was unhappy would have been an understatement.

“Put your weapons down. This matter has been decided.”

“Oh, I don’t think so, T’Fauza. If we give up the last of our secrets there will be no way to maintain our position in the galaxy. We will not be under the boot of that _thing_ ,” the leader of the group stepped forward and Shepard looked at her closely. This one was familiar.

“Do I know you?”

“Matriarch Lidanya.” Liara’s voice came from the back of the group and Lily frowned.

“Captain of the Destiny Ascension? I fucking saved your ass when Sovereign attacked the Citadel.”

The other woman gave Shepard a hard snarl. “Commander Shepard saved me. You are not her. You are a thing, a tool of the Reapers, and we will not let your kind take any more from our people than they already have!”

“Lidanya, no. This has been decided. Shepard is changed, but not a puppet of the Reapers. Put down your arms and stand aside.” T’Fauza stepped forward, hands glowing blue as she called up biotics.

“Kill them all!”

_Shep, let me in._

Lily whipped her hand around and grabbed T’Fauza as everyone in her group dove for cover and armed themselves. The booming sound of Harbinger in her mind made hearing anything else nearly impossible.

“What?” She spoke aloud, and the matriarch she was trying to protect looked at her like she’d lost her mind.

_Let me in. I will show you what being part of us really means._

Lily wasn’t sure it was a good idea, letting Harbinger fully into her head, but there were at least forty well-armed and trained Asari huntresses with Lidanya, probably more if the sound of arms fire was anything to go by. She and her crew could handle them, most likely, but she wasn’t sure the matriarch or her small company of guards, who were now pinned behind a tight, but small, copse of trees, would stand as good a chance.

Shepard leaned out of cover and deployed a dampening field on the cluster of fighters closest, temporarily blocking their biotics. “Fuck, I better not regret this!” She winced as a piece of the rock she perched behind exploded, spraying the side of her face with tiny, biting shards of shrapnel.

Her whole body lit up, literally and figuratively, green cracks erupting over her skin and armor, fire tearing through her blood. _Shit, shit, shit, this fucking hurts, Harby!_

_I am sorry, but there is no other way. It’s the only way to fully link you and your tech. Feel what I do._

Panting hard, disoriented by being conscious of both the outside world and what was going on in her flesh, Shepard struggled to focus, to feel the tendrils of Reaper weave through her, igniting all her altered DNA, setting a powerful current through her system as she made what she hoped was the last, final transition into Synthesis.

Harbinger touched something in her head and she heard herself gasp in surprise. She had their shielding tech and with a thought, Lily deployed it over her body. Her omni tool warmed and she watched as it changed shape, becoming more weapon than interface. _The beam?_

She sensed the Reaper leader’s assent. _On a smaller scale._

_What’s the down side?_

_Garrus is to you as Saren was to Sovereign._

Harby didn’t need to elaborate. Shepard might be invincible with Reaper shields and a bad ass arm canon, but Garrus wasn’t, and if he was hurt, she’d be weakened. _Can’t he do the same thing?_

_No. Each synthesized being manifests its own unique final connection and this is singular to you, the first._

The rush she felt when Harbinger pulled away took her to her knees and had her gripping her head.

“Captain! What is going on?” T’Fauza leaned over her, helping Lily back to a more upright position and throwing up a biotic field to protect them from incoming fire.

“I’ll tell you later. Right now, I’m about to fuck some blue bitches up. Stay behind me. Move!” 

Lily rolled from cover and stood, facing the group she’d earlier dampened. “Stand down. This is your last chance.”

“Kill her!” Lidanya’s command was loud and clear.

Shepard tapped into her ‘tool and stumbled back as the blast of bright green energy exploded from it. Her shot went wide, but Lily corrected immediately and fired again, directing the beam in a left to right swath, grimacing as it cut through the assembled fighters as if they were tissue paper.

“Run!” Using her own body as a shield, Lily hustled T’Fauza toward the rest of her team, shoving the woman face first into the ground when a mortar exploded a few feet from them.

“Captain!” Vega’s voice, followed by his massive paw grabbing hold of her armor and pulling her into protection.

“What the fuck, Shepard? You look like a Reaper!” Garrus’ subharmonics were all over the place but Lily was too busy trying to deal with the massive amounts of energy churning through her body, just trying to stay on her feet, to catch all his emotions.

“Not now, Garrus! Alright, look, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to step out there and do my best to get rid of the threat. You are going to cover me, but him,” she motioned to Vakarian, “moreso. He’s my kryptonite.”

The only person among them who understood the reference right away was Vega. “Shit, are you kidding?”

“No, like Saren was to Sovereign. Ready?”

“Lily, this is insane. You can’t go out there alone, they’ll kill you.”

“Shoot me.” Shepard stood and stepped far enough from the group to prevent accidental blow back, while remaining in cover.

“What?” Liara looked like she’d be sick.

“Shoot me, fuck, come on!”

Javik lifted his rifle and fired two rounds. She didn’t even twitch, the green breaks pulsing in response.

“Holy shit.” Vega and Garrus both looked dumbstruck.

“Yeah. On three, people. One, two…” Shepard dashed out and started firing with precision, hot, implacable energy pouring from her body, tearing through the trees, stone, and bodies of so many. Breathing slowly, she moved forward with care, closing her eyes and turning her face away as explosive rounds, grenades, and more mortars slammed into her shields and exploded. 

She was beginning to sweat, her body growing weak from generating and directing so much power, as well as maintaining her protections. Part Reaper or not, Cerberus upgrades or not, Lily was still mostly human and humans only had so much in them before they couldn’t go any more and she knew, she was reaching that point.

Another blast of green and six more blue women lay dead on the forest floor. “Give it up, Lidanya!” Shepard had no idea if the woman would surrender, but she had to try if only because more than enough blood had already been shed.

“Never!” The scream came from almost on top of Lily.

She didn’t turn fast enough and the woman leapt at her, a large blade flashing in the Thessian sun. Shepard tried to block the attack, but it was too late. The moment Lidanya’s body came in contact with Lily’s shields, the woman’s body snapped as if a hundred-thousand volts were poured into her flesh. 

The Asari Matriarch’s body began to cook, flesh cracking with green light as she literally shook apart from the force of Shepard’s defensive response, collapsing to the ground a mangled, smoking pile of blackened meat and spent ozone, dead before Lily could have hoped to prevent it, to help her.

The Captain dropped to a knee beside the desiccated corpse and pressed her head to her palm. Such a goddamn waste, it made Shepard so angry. There was no reason for the attack, none at all. Hadn’t any of them thought if the Reapers had wanted to conquer the planet, they would have just done it? Why bother pretending to bring aid? 

“Fucking STUPID!” She bellowed to the no one in particular. She’d joined with the Reapers to prevent exactly this bullshit, and for what? Lily’s mind flashed back to the Citadel and the attack there. Would it ever end? Was there even a possibility for sentient species to move past ‘attack what we don’t understand’?

_I don’t know, Lily, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying to spread the message._ Garrus’ voice, his support and love, filled her up, helped to steady her.

_God damn, I love you._

The crunch of boot heels drew her gaze and she watched Vega and Javik approach, T’Fauza and her people not far behind. “The stragglers have surrendered, Captain.”

“Do what you can to secure them, Vega.” Pushing to her feet, Lily nodded at the Prothean. “Now that the fighting is done, what do you say you and me go see what’s in there that is so goddamn important?”

“Agreed, Captain.”

“Liara and I will stay here and keep watch.” Garrus moved to her side, and paused when he nearly touched her face, glancing down at what was left of Lidanya at her feet. “And to think, I was worried about your eyes. Shepard, you look good in green, but maybe you could shut it off now?”

Lily laughed as she looked down. She searched inside herself for the place Harbinger had touched until the glow faded, her ‘tool shifted to its normal shape, and the humming stopped in her skin. She was dizzy and just this side of totally wiped out, but Shepard gave her _Animafer’s_ taloned hand a squeeze before pivoting and marching toward the facility’s door.

The outer entrance was indeed free of debris and as Lily and Javik approached she deferred to the Prothean. 

“This was a scientific research facility.” He traced his fingers over symbols etched in the stone. “And here, an interface.” He pressed his palm to the indistinct pad and she watched his eyes flutter closed as he absorbed information in the way unique to his people. “Come, Captain. I believe I can get us in, now.”

“Lead on.”

The doors opened, revealing an inner chamber and another aperture, which the Prothean made short work of. As they stepped into the facility proper, both Lily and Javik paused, both in awe, though for very different reasons.

“Holy shit, Javik. This place is so fucking familiar and yet, not.” Her eyes traveled the reception area; at least she thought that was what it was, noting displays and monitors not so unlike those in this cycle. There were a few desks, things that looked like lamps, even some kind of vending machine, she guessed.

That the inside was perfectly intact was a testament, even more than the beacons and the ruins dotting the galaxy, to the ingenuity of the Prothean species. She looked at Javik, saw his face overcome with wonder and gave the male time to adjust. He didn’t spend long, moving with concise steps to the nearest console and pressing buttons.

They both gasped as light flooded the room and the sound of ventilation fans kicked on. 

“There’s still viable life support?”

Javik nodded. “This facility is powered by an constant flow of element zero, automatically mined deep beneath us. Here, look.” 

She made her way around the desk and glanced over the schematics he’d called up on the monitor. “Amazing.”

“Indeed. It takes very little to operate. This site is very efficient.”

“What were they doing here? Have you found out yet?”

He shook his head. “No, Captain, but I believe, if we make our way here,” he pointed to a blue blip flickering on the schematic, “we might find someone who knows.”

“They’re alive?”

He turned his head to look at her. “I believe so.” Shifting back to the console, he pressed a few more pads, bringing another display to the foreground. “Nearly one hundred and fifty stasis pods remain active.”

“One-fifty? Of how many?”

“More than five thousand. And the Asari knew it. It looks like they’ve accessed some data files several times, but never bothered to activate the pods.” His talons traced over what looked like logs to Shepard, though she couldn’t read them.

Lily felt the crushing pressure in her chest. Fuck the Asari! How many of those Protheans might have lived if they’d released them fifteen thousand years ago? “Javik, show me what I need to know so we can get those fucking pods open and your people out.”

“I will give you the knowledge.” He lifted his hand and Shepard swallowed a bit tightly.

“You know I’m not a fan of this,” she gave him a grin, “but what the hell. Hit me, Prothean.”

And that’s a fairly accurate description of what it felt like to exchange cellular knowledge with Javik, at least in Shepard’s estimation. She staggered a bit and felt him steady her. She groaned as he stomach tried to rebel. Damn, that never got any easier.

“Do you understand, Captain?”

She nodded. “I got it. I think I could show Liara and Garrus what to do as well. Should we call them in?”

Javik didn’t respond right away. “Yes, I think that is a good idea.”

“Give me a minute, then.”

Lily made her way back to the entrance and took a deep breath once outside. The air exchange was working inside, but it was still stale compared to the outdoors. 

“Hey, you two, I need you. Vega!”

“Captain?” The burly man stood with T’Fauza’s group, weapons drawn and pointed at a small collection of captives.

“Liara and Garrus are coming with me. ETA on backup?”

“About fifteen minutes. Joker’s bringing the Normandy down, dropping off Aethyta and one of her squads.”

“Affirmative. Can you and Steve handle them until she arrives?”

Vega popped a fresh heat sink into his shotgun and glanced over his shoulder at Cortez, who had an AR trained on the group as well. “I think we got this.”

“Captain, I assure you-“

“You know what, Matriarch, I’m sure you’ll forgive me if I say your assurances are worth shit. You had an idea something like this might happen, but you didn’t say a word. If you know what’s good for you, you and your girls will behave while my team and I save what’s left of the Prothean race from Asari hospitality.” 

To emphasize her point, Lily let green ride her skin for a moment. All the Asari recoiled in fear.

“Understood, Captain.”

“Great. Liara, Garrus, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter like five times. I always overthink action, and I'm still not sure this is as exciting as I 'felt' when I was imagining it and scrambling to type as fast as the 'pictures' in my brain were moving. Also, I didn't want this to be anti-climatic, so to speak, so here's Omega biting the hell out of her nails and hoping how things resolve aren't a let down after the build up.
> 
> Enough of my insecurities, ROFL, I hope you all know how extremely grateful I am for the kudos and comments and continued support. I absolutely love these guys and I'm not sure there are words right enough to explain how it makes me feel to know you, the readers, love them just as much and maybe more!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Holy shit. Three years. I had this finished a long time ago, but then, well, a lot of crap happened. LOL, as a reader, trust I know the response to that can often be 'And?'. I haven't forgotten this fic, never intended to leave it unfinished on AO3 for so long. The original final chapters have long since been lost to a defunct machine and so, I'm flying somewhat blind from here forward.
> 
> On the upside, I remember what I wanted and have notes of what I'd planned. And hopefully, the time has made my prose stronger, my delivery cleaner, and the end just as epic as the one I originally wrote.
> 
> Thank you, to everyone who subscribed, commented, cajoled, begged, badgered, LOLOL and otherwise let me not FORGET.

“You do not need that, yet you still use one?” Javik motioned to her ‘tool.

Lily shrugged. “Sometimes. It’s pretty fucking weird, after spending almost half my life with one strapped to my arm, to be able to – what’s the word… manifest one that isn’t really there. I like the weight.”

“And it reminds you that you are still Shepard.” The Prothean nodded to her slightly.

She gave him a soft grin. “Yeah, that too. Not that the whole synthesis thing hasn’t had its upside, but… yeah.”

“It has been a difficult time, these past years. Fighting against a myth, struggling to be heard, having even your most trusted friends doubt. Although if you were to complain, I would remind you the changes of a few years are nothing compared to fifty millennia.”

Shepard laughed aloud. “Right. I can’t complain about going from human, to dead, to cyborg, to… more-borg? Don’t know what the hell to classify myself as now. Anyway, can’t complain about all that shit when you were pretty much dead and resurrected into a totally alien super-future, the last of your kind.”

Javik motioned to the panel in front of him. “Until today.”

Lily nodded. “Until today. Alright, let’s hope this works. Garrus, Liara, I’m getting ready to reverse the stasis.”

The other two stood outside the sealed door to the main stasis chamber. Garrus holding what Javik had told him was a Prothean med-kit and Liara manning a cart, of a kind, with water they’d had the Normandy air drop topside. Vega and Cortez had orders to return to the bunker once the trouble-maker Asari were properly quartered.

The doors hissed as mechanisms more than fifty-thousand years unused sighed with relief. Her mate and her friend strode into the room and Shepard looked at Javik. 

“Do it.”

“Aye, Captain.”

Lily didn’t miss the slight tremble of his three-fingered hand as Javik punched the key sequence that slid open the activator panels on the pods. Shifting her eyes from the male at her side, she watched the monitor as each pod flickered from blue to green, as suspended states were released and living beings prepared to wake.

“Shepard?”

Garrus’ voice was calm, but his subharmonics sounded anxiety and without thought, she rounded the computer station and entered the room, Javik close on her heels.

Garrus and Liara were flitting from one pod to another, pressing buttons as quickly as they could. She and Javik joined them and soon, Prothean’s spilled from the units, so similar to the one Shepard’s Prothean had erupted from on Eden Prime. Disoriented, they stumbled, and when faced with a Turian, Asari, and a human, Shepard had to smother her chuckle. The looks on their faces reminded her of Javik’s. _Intelligent primitives? Insane,_ their faces seemed to convey. Lily looked at Javik and her gaze said everything.

He stepped around her, to the Prothean nearest them, and took its hand. Eight sets of eyes closed briefly as Javik transferred all of his knowledge of the galaxy as it was now to the other. The entire thing didn’t take more than a minute before two arms separated and the Prothean Javik approached moved onto another, repeating the process.

Like a slow rolling stone, understanding moved through the hundred and fifty survivors. Javik moved back to her side, dipping his head closer to hers.

“That one is a scientist, studying mass effect fields and the accumulation of dark energy.”

Lily snorted. “You’re shitting me. I know I’m lucky, but Jesus.”

A hint of a grin fluttered at Javik’s lips. “I am not. There are also teachers, religious leaders, and more soldiers.”

Shaking her head, Shepard watched as the revived Protheans came together, embracing, touching, speaking without words, reorienting themselves to a world, a life, so very unlike what they’d once known.

Liara passed out water, while Garrus checked to make sure no one needed any medical treatment. One hundred and fifty was so few, so small a number of survivors of what could have been, but as she cast a glance at Javik, she realized it was enough. He was no longer alone, no longer the last. There was hope, where before he’d had none.

“Once we get them squared, Garrus and I will head back to the Asari encampment.” She smirked at him, gave the Prothean a teasing nudge, her shoulder to his. “I don’t think I could drag Liara away with a stasis field.”

He made a choking sound, but his mouth couldn’t contain the smile. “Thank you, Captain. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it, Javik. Really. Don’t. You’re one of mine. This, well, it’s what I do for the few I claim.”

“They all look healthy, if a little off-kilter.” Garrus handed the med-kit to Javik. “I contacted EDI and asked the Normandy to air-drop rations. I’m sure there’s still some salvageable stuff,” his mandibles flared in a lopsided kind of Turian grin, “well, maybe there’s something edible in the place, but until we get it catalogued, I figured it would be better to get rations here.”

“Good call, Vakarian.”

“Drop should be topside in five. Cortez commed, said Aethyta arrived. He and James are going to stay, lend a hand with guard duty.”

“How many?”

Javik’s question drew Garrus’ gaze. The Turian shook his head. “Cortez didn’t say, but Aethyta brought a commando unit, so a lot, I’d guess.”

“Regardless of whether they end up doing more than sitting on their laurels, bullshitting, I feel better leaving a complement here. Just in case.” Shepard grinned when Garrus gave her a look she knew well. “Alright, I’d feel better if I stayed here, but since I can’t, Aethyta and her girls will have to do.”

“What are your plans, Captain?”

Lily laid her hand on Javik’s forearm. “I’m going to get these blue bitches in line. It’s kind of my thing. After that, I don’t know, but you and your people will be safe, secure, and offered an opportunity to do whatever you want with the rest of your lives. That much I promise.”

Releasing Javik, Shepard reached for Garrus’ hand. His fingers parted for hers, tightening briefly in a reassuring squeeze. “Ready?”

“Always, Vakarian. Before I rewrite the Asari guidebook to running a culture, could we get a bite to eat? I’m fucking starving.”

Both Garrus and Javik laughed loudly at that. She arched a brow and smoothed her hand over the unseen bump beneath her armor. She _was_ eating for two, after all.


End file.
